Even before I got attached, I knew that God didn't want me to get attached with this girl. He told me about 2 weeks before we got attached. Basically what happened was that, I asked God whether this relationship was part of his #1 plan for me. I was at mass on a Sunday at that time when I asked him. And after a few minutes, God answered me and said that it wasn't part of his #1 plan for me. And then I got so confused and kept questioning myself whether this really was from God. But the more I questioned, the more God affirmed me that it was the Lord God Almighty. So I concluded that it was God and then started to ask him why it couldn’t be part of his #1 plan for me. I continued to tell him that all the physical signs pointed to fact that I should get attached. But after awhile, I knew that I needed to come to a conclusion. And after weighing all options, I concluded that I needed to go with God's #2 plan for me. And as I told God that, I knew in my heart that I would still be blessed with the love of God but I wouldn't be able to really fell that eternal happiness with God here on earth.
And as soon as I got attached, I began to feel the greater challenge to seek God and found it tougher. But I was still able to feel the presence & love of God but the void was the joy & delight that I had in God, especially the joy expressed through my Friday morning messages. That was something I missed so much during my 3 weeks of being attached. But things got a bit more confusing from there, as the word about me being attached spread so fast through my cell group and my parish. All thanks to Facebook. Haha! But the main issue was that so many of them were extremely happy for me. Everyone was telling me how happy they were for me. BUT only the person himself, who was receiving it, wasn't entirely happy. I was happy but also unhappy not being able to achieve that eternal joy with God! But don't get me wrong. I was happy to get attached but it was just that void of fulfillment which was left half full.
And so, I started to pray to God that he'll help me in this situation. I prayed that I'll be happy with whatever solution he had in mind. And all the time, God was still with me, telling me not to keep looking back on the choosing his #2 plan for me. But God kept reassuring me of his plan for me and kept reminding me to just look forward and stop looking back.
And then as 2 weeks into the relationship passed, I asked God once more, "Lord what do I do now? How Lord?" Then just kept telling me to wait and pray for the relationship and especially for her well being. And that was what I kept doing basically!
Then on Thursday night (26/6/2008), my girlfriend messaged me that she thought that it would be better to remain as good friends. Now at this point, I didn't know what to feel. I asked myself whether I should be sad or happy? I really didn't know because I was happy that God helped me but also sad cause I've been trying to adjust to this sort of life. But of course I was a little more happy than sad. Anyway the next day, I was quite joyful as I could feel that joy and fulfillment in God again. Anyway, we talked about it and now we are going to be good friends once again.
But it took awhile for me to really digest everything but now I am in total joy of God allowing me to come back to his #1 plan for me. And Boy am I lovin it! All praise be to God!
But I have learnt alot from this relationship. I realised how much I loved God and desired to live out his #1 for me. I also learnt to trust God more and more and of course to listen to God when tells me that it isn't part of his plan and not try to think that I know better cause I don't!
So my lovely people, I'm single once again and I wanna remain in this state unless getting attached is part of God's #1 plan for me! Praise God!
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