There is no blemish in God's Plan

This has been a phrase that's been in my mind & heart for quite awhile now. Its been a message from God that been repeatedly being proclaimed to me at mass as well as my times of silent prayer in the adoration room of late. But just recently, this phrase has been made perfect with the addition with a few more words by our Awesome God!

"There is no blemish at all in God's plan for us if we are always earnestly seeking to do the will of God from our hearts!"

Of late, so much has been happening in my life and I'd say that many of those events & experiences have been really painful ones within my heart. Due to these experiences, I've been on a search to connect the dots of these experiences and make sense out of each experience. After which, I hope to be able to see the direction that my God is taking me! But maybe after our search for answers & explanations, we still are left in no man's land! Maybe God is trying to tell us something in that search! Maybe he's telling us to have the patience to wait upon him and have faith that it'll all make sense one day but in his time.

At that point, it becomes so difficult to understand and accept that there is no blemish in God's plan for us! We start to ask ourselves then, "Haven't we been spending so much time in prayer with God to seek to do the will of God?" But maybe we are on the right track! All we need is to continue to spend time in prayer to seek to do the will of God! And that the present experience you are struggling with, is just something that MUST happen for you to enter into a better place with God which probably what we really desire & want in our hearts!

For the ones that seek God always, there is 1 fact that remains true.

"There is no blemish in God's plan for you if you are always earnestly seeking to do the will of God in your life!"

Some experiences and events must happen! And the more we try to suppress or escape from it, the more we are telling God we don't want to do his will in our lives! For us, we (including myself) always forget that God doesn't look at the world or its events & experiences the way humans and the world looks at it. God knows what the final outcome would be like. Hence, God wouldn't panic because God himself knows that he is in control of everything! In moments like these, where no matter how much we fight, we are called to just let go and have faith that God is in control.

And no matter how young or old, inexperienced or experienced, spiritual or not-so-spiritual, we will still go through such experiences where we must faith to believe that, "There is no blemish in God's plan for you if you are always earnestly seeking to do God's will from your hearts!"

For those in really confused or devastating situation, both in your life and/or spiritual journey with God, pray for faith & patience! I've been through such moments and I'm still going through such moments where there doesn't seem to be the light of Jesus in your tunnel of darkness! But there is! Its just that you can't see it yet! But just cling onto the cross of jesus and unite your struggles & sufferings with Jesus!

Its gets better when we claim in the faith we have in Jesus that,

"There is no blemish in God's plan for you if you are always earnestly seeking to do the will of God in your life!"

Unconditional Love

What is the true meaning of Unconditional Love? We constantly read in the Word of God of how Jesus always talks about the unconditional love that our Father in Heaven lavishes out unto us. Jesus not only talks about this love but he proclaims it and really lives it out in the way he shows his love to the outcast of the world. Jesus comforted people that the world provoked. They were the prostitutes, leapers, beggars, the poor & so many more people. There were so many instances when he went out of his way to show his love for them.

But we also bear in mind that Jesus too had a reputation to upkeep. He went around the villages to heal many people. Surely the world would expect him to keep to the norms of society. And we all know that back then, people connected with God lived by the law. But Jesus came to change everything about how the world was functioning. Jesus came because of Love and because he wanted everyone to live in love.

But as I reflect on the way the world is today, Love is so absent in this world today. The very defining fact is how we'd rather choose to use our minds more than our hearts. Even in places where God should be most present, mainly in Church, I see & witness this to be so evident. It becomes an extremely sad truth. And we can see the very heart & love of Jesus when we decided who would be the Rock of His Church! He chose someone that I'd say was the closest human being to him in his life here on earth. But even this person, Simon Peter, failed him when he denied Jesus at a point when Jesus needed Peter the most. We also recall Peter promising Jesus that He loved him 3 times. And we also recall Peter denying Jesus 3 times. But Jesus forgave in love and chose Peter as his chosen one to start his Church in Love.

Isn't this unconditional love? We can learn so much from our Saviour, Jesus Christ, where we look past the faults of every child of God and love them in spite of their faults. Recently, I've been struggling with the amount of Politics that happens in our Church today. And as I reflect upon this, it becomes more and more evident that the true Love of Christ is missing so much! The unconditional Love that we receive from Christ as his gift to us can be so rarely found in so many of us.

But for me, where does this all lead to. It leads to call of Christ to bring forth unconditional love in Church for starters. We are called to go back into the very time when Peter built the Church of Jesus! We called to seriously question how much of the true Love of Jesus is within us, within our very hearts! Do we even realise how much Jesus loves us? And how are we being that love of Christ to others? Or has the ways of this judgmental world taken place in us? If this judgmental world has taken root in us rather than the Unconditional Love of Christ, then I think shouldn't deserve to call ourselves Servants for Christ!

It becomes an extremely sad truth that we are serving Jesus without having the very essence of Jesus in us, having the very essence of Jesus' Unconditional Love in us! For me, I too realise that I make mistakes, but I think the Love of Christ becomes ever so radiant when we are able to pick ourselves up and admit that we are weak and have fallen. Simply, we radiate the Love of Christ the most when we ourselves become vulnerable to this world. Christ becomes so visible in us when we are humble enough to ask for help for the people of God.

And this is something I've learnt over the past 2 months. And i'm so glad that my pride hasn't been big enough to stop me from asking for help for help from 2 people in my life that I love so much and hold extremely close to my heart, Estelle & Stephen. And I really praise God for this grace. God tore down every essence of strength He built in me over this year and the purpose of this, was how He wanted to test how big my pride was.

And this is why I still am so in love with this awesome Jesus! He never ever bores me out as I walk with him. And I think this past 2 months, serves to be a testimony for me that God is ever so much in control of my life. He is totally in control of my joys, pains & strength because he is the very source of it!

Unconditional Love can only happen when we go beyond ourselves & beyond our ability to love. Let's work together to stop the ways of the world to take root in our Lives and in the Bride of Christ, his church. Love will conquer everything especially the ways of the world!

Praise god for Unconditional Love! Let it reign in our hearts & this world!

What has God done in me!

I ask myself this question and there just seems to be this disbelief of the person that God has formed me to be! And in my heart, my answer is one that just becomes an impulse to give the ultimate glory & praise to the king of kings without an ounce of hesitation!

And it has been the Confirmation badge of 2009 that just reinstates the great wonder of "What has God done in me!" And for me, the great revelation of who I used to be 6 years will never ever grow old in my heart! Everyday, I am constantly amazed at what God has done and what God is constantly doing in my life.

I will recall being a extremely outcast & lonely 15-year-old boy. Back then, life just seemed to be the cruelest & excruciating experience anyone could ever go through! And to quite a large extent, I felt like living in hell would be much better than allowing this extremely painful experience on earth continues. For me, the world became so cruel. I constantly felt like God made me with 1 purpose in life, "To be the ultimate failure"! And there were even times when I felt that it would be better for me to be a refugee than to deal with the pain in my heart and going through it alone felt so much more worst! And after awhile, I just became immune to such feelings of loneliness, failure & intense pain in my heart, which just lead to give up on Mark Abraham due to the fact that "Mark Abraham was a hopeless case and just wasn't the effort. He was doomed to fail all his life!" But please don't think for a second that I'm over-exaggerating.

But on the 1st of November 2003, I now become aware of this question that God posed to me on the day of my Sacrament of Confirmation,

"Will you give me a chance, my Son? Let me make you new! Let me make the new 'Mark Sebastian Abraham! You shall be a New Creation in the Name of Jesus Christ!"

And when I was sealed with Holy Spirit using Holy Chrism by Archbishop Nicholas Chia on the 1st of November 2003, I was saying my 'YES' to this question from God!

And step by step, God moulded me into someone he had always planned for this world to experience. And God knew that the one thing I still struggled with as a teenager was 'My Studies'. And slowly, God instill in me a strength to never give up in my studies as I went from being in Normal Technical at St. Gabriel's Secondary, to taking my 'N' Levels, to doing very well at ITE in Precision Engineering (Aerospace) but not without struggle, to taking my dream of 'O' Levels for English, E-Maths & Pure Physics in Year 2 of my ITE studies, to my Diploma studies in Mechatronics at Temasek Polytechnic (which ends in 4 months). And constantly, I see how God uses me in this world to prove the fact that "God is one that makes the Impossible become so Real & Possible!"

I do not boast of myself but I boast of the one living in me, that is Christ Jesus! God has transformed me in a way that I would have never ever imagined! This journey with Jesus has become one where God is so available & tangible for us to delight in! God is infinite in every way possible but he chooses to give so much of his Love & himself to the most finite of his creation that is we, his dearest children!

And its been 2 years of existence for this blog already! And over this time, many have come to aid from my reflections, my intense pain, my Joys & Delight in God and My Journey with Jesus! If we decide that everyday, we really desire for God in our hearts and constantly being open to what God wills for us. Then we will see God face-to-face in our hearts. We will experience a transformation of our lives that we would never ever imagine. This is something that is really PRICELESS! Its something no amount of money we can ever buy!

All we need is to really use our hearts to walk with Jesus! I've been reading about how many of us wish to go much deeper with Jesus! But as I reflect of the way my life turned out to be and continue to unfold, all we need is "Fall in Love with this great man of Jesus Christ" and also never stop and think that you have reached a limit of falling in love with Jesus! But always allow your feelings within your heart for Jesus be expressed on your face, body and actions! If you think for a second that God will stop surprising you, then just take it from me that God loves you so so much and he continues to surprise you everyday but you must learn to not conform to the ways & pressures of this world!

Always believe with your heart! I've got this far only because I kept believing in this heart within me. This heart that will fight against this cruel world for the Love that God lavishes on us! This heart will keep fighting no matter what struggle comes my way! That's how you go deeper!

Praise you God for who you've moulded & continue to mould me to be in this world! My prayer for all in this world is to keep following their hearts and allow God to fill whatever the many voids they may be feeling!

Lord, use me in this world to prove how real you are in this world! May I, your very unworthy servant of the Lord, be your Living Testimony! I am just so much in Love with You, Christ Jesus!

The Perfect Decision

The 7th of November 2009 has been a day I've been awaiting for the whole year. It was a day where throughout the course of this year, I soon found that I had 3 equally important major events happening on that very night. And its one of those times times there lies a clear distinction between what God wants for you to do and what you'd want to do.

These were the 3 events that happened on the 7th of November 2009:

• Gavin & Jane's Beautiful Wedding (Wedding Mass @9am & Wedding Dinner @7pm)
• My Parish's Sacrament Confirmation Mass @ 6pm
• My Uncle's 1st year Death Anniversary Mass & Dinner @ 6pm

And this realisation came to mind only around July. There was no event that was more important than the other for me. And in the depths of my heart, I only wanted to go for all 3 events, if it was possible. I just felt like duplicating myself into 3 and then making it possible to make it for all 3 events.

Starting off with Gavin & Jane's wedding, they are just so extremely important to me. I was blest to even have the chance to hear about how Gav proposed to Jane. And that is a truely classic of what kind of love they have for each other. Impressively, they had a disagreement before he proposed but our Lord's ways will never be our ways. And his ways are always the best for us whether we can see it or not. Gavin & Jane will be people I hold so so close to my heart. They, together with my cell, taught me what Love really is and that the perfect love of God is possible to be manifested amongst us humans! And when I came to know about the date of their wedding and also how that there are 2 other events happening that same night, I was totally shocked and this is what I said to God, "You've gotta be kidding me, God!"

And next was my dearest Uncle Simon's 1st year death anniversary mass & dinner. This uncle of mine was the dearest & closest uncle to me. And it was so devastating for me when he passed on last year. And I will never forget that many people couldn't understand the purpose & reason for my trip to Perth but he understood without me even explaining it to him. And he was an uncle that stood out for me. As in all families, there lies alot of politics. But this uncle of mine never ran away from it but he embraced it and dealt with it rooted in the Love of God. And in many ways, he unconsciously taught me how to deal with difficult people in life especially in Church. He taught me how to deal with something so real in the Church, The Politics of the Church! And he always inspired me to believe that anything is possible in the name of Jesus!

Finally, we have my parish's Sacrament of Confirmation mass. I'd say that this year's confirmation badge really stands out for me after serving for 6 years at the camps & retreats! This badge seems to be more God-seeking people. They remind me so much about how I struggled so much when I was a teenager, trying to find meaning in life and finding God in my life. There seemed to be so much desire in their hearts to get to God! And I guess this badge is one I hold really close to my heart as I am able to relate to so many of them in the way they wanna believe in the reality of God in their lives as well as in this cruel world of lies! And as they search for God, God tells me to show them the path I have taken and surely found God and his amazing Love he has lavished on us. And when I mentioned to a few of them about how I had to make a decision on this, and that I would not be able to make it for their confirmation, I saw their eyes just filled with disappointment. And I could tell that my presence with them on their really special day was so important to them. And it made sense as I was journeying with alot of them and I too felt really special in their presence and that made me really want to be there with them.

Then, when late August came around, I knew that this was a decision i had to make really soon. So I analyzed and came to a conclusion to go for the wedding mass in the morning, then go for my dearest uncle's 1st year death anniversary mass & dinner followed by Gavin & Jane's wedding dinner after. And as the decision settled in my heart, it didn't feel right. It felt that like God wanted me to change my decision and it felt like god wanted me to make it for the Confimation Mass. And so I started to lift it up and surrender that entire day's plans into God's hands and allowed my decision to be his desire for me.

This was the final decision:

• Go for Gavin & Jane's wedding in the morning @9am
• Go for the Confirmation Mass at my parish @6pm
• Head for my uncle's 1st year death anniversary dinner @8pm

When the day came to a close, I knew this was the perfect decision. This only happened because God made the decision for me! I was so happy that I made it for all 3 events. The highlight of the day was how God was involved in every moment of that day, from the celebration of Holy Matrimony to the celebration of the Sacrament of Confirmation and finally to the celebration of my uncle's life!

And at the end of that day, I said to God,

"What a day, God! I praise you O Lord for your ways are the best!"

The Holy Spirit sweeps through SFX youths

What an amazing weekend I will say! I will have to admit that this retreat has been by far the best ever camp/retreat I have ever been ever since I answered my 'YES' to the Lord! Its been 6 years serving in the youth ministry for me but this retreat really stood out for me. And what is so intensively amazing, was that it lasted for only 1 & 1/2 days! I have had many experiences of the way the Spirit of the Lord has moved at camps/retreats/rallies, but this made it so special for me as God made use of me as his instrument in every way!

It had all started from friday night, which was the Spiritual Preparation for the confirmants before their retreat started on Saturday. God really blest me to lead them into worship and God really brought us to a level of worship which was so intense and really immerse into the presence of God! I had so much fun leading them into worship. And I could see the power of God moving so incredibly as I saw hearts of stone entering worship but God transformed then into open hearts to receive the love of God! I thought that the worship was too intense and too spiritual for them as they hadn't even started the retreat and so much had happened in their hearts. But God assured me that much more lay ahead at the retreat! And God was so right!

The retreat started and alot of them were so hyper-active and I felt God constantly telling me within my heart, "My son, Mark, they are in for a surprise! Be ready to see hearts falling in love with the Redeemer!" And although there was so little time, the teens were ready to receive God's love but even they weren't aware of that readiness within them! And as we began the worship for the Night session, the teens kept opening their hearts to the Love of God.

And I remember the message that God revealed before the night session started, "Believe it that I am here in this place (parish hall)! I am here, my people! If you doubt, then call upon the name of the Holy Spirit to help you have faith to believe! So believe it that I am here!" And after the worship, we enter into the Praying-over and I constantly felt the Holy Spirit just sweeping through the Parish hall as we went around to pray-over the teens. There was just so much of healing taking place and God was just empowering his beloved children! There were so many people being rested in the Spirit of the Lord! And what was amazing was that the teens that started their retreat at the spiritual preparation on friday night, were really swept off their feet by the Holy Spirit! I was just so delighted in the Holy Spirit and soaked in his presence as God used me as his instrument of prayer!

And I won't mention their names, but there are these 2 teens with whom I have been journeying with really closely and guiding them as they seek to find to God in their lives! They had spent alot of time in prayer in the last 2 weeks and they were on a spiritual high even before the camp. And I know they entered the retreat feeling like what else the Lord could do for them, as they had already experienced so much already. And as I observed then at the retreat, they were really joyful and happy before the night and in so many ways, they were so spiritually high before the night session began. And as I observed them, I felt within the depths of my heart that God was constantly telling, "These 2 children of mine are going to be blown away by my love and be totally surprised!" But I just invited them to calm down a notch. For these are 2 children of God that have experienced a level of the love of God that is so intense and would natural think that it would be the highest God would grant them! And as promised, God swept them of their feet so much that it would leave a mark in their hearts that they would never ever under-estimate the love of God! And through their experience, I was reminded that God's love really has no limits or conditions or end! God used me so many ways as a musician, a facilitator, a messenger, a brother in Christ to his people and someone to comfort his people!

What has made this retreat so amazing, has been how God has truely blest me in a really God 2 week preparation for this retreat! And that its not about preparing for a retreat and to prepare every single day for the Lord & his people! For we will never know when God will decide to call us to our eternal home! Holiness is what I seek everyday in my life and God will use me as long as I give of myself to the people of God that struggle to find God in their own lives!

God will never ever abandon us but you have to trust that he knows best! If you do that, you shall be set free. God has set me free from the clutches of this world! For those who experienced nothing at the retreat, I was in the exact same position 6 years ago at my confirmation camp but God knows our personalities more than we do. And its not that God doesn't love you that he lett you experience what you felt. It is actually because he loves you so much that he let you experience what you felt! Just persevere and have faith! Because 6 years after serving God, I declare that I'm just so in Love with this man Jesus!


And if you still struggle to find God, pray this prayer that has helped me in so many ways. Then just have faith!

"Holy Spirit be in front of me to lead the way for me!

Holy Spirit be behind me to suppport me!

Holy Spirit be on my right & left to hold my hand as I walk with you!

Holy Spirit be in my heart to prompt me, comfort me and love me!"

The Mysterious Weekend (Part II)

The retreat experience was so prayfully amazing! On the 2nd & 3rd days of the retreat, we all had spent a total of 3 hours (an hour separately) of silent time each day. And the most awesome thing was how I never got tired of silent time with the Lord! I always had that desire to come back for more and more each time! And it was in that silence with the Lord where I just constantly felt so joyfully rejoicing in the presence of the Lord! I used to struggle so much to even be silent for 10 minutes!

But this retreat also taught me of the true power of the Holy Spirit. For so many of us, we take our prayers to the Holy Spirit so so lightly especially for me. And we pray it for the sake of praying it but never really believing that the Holy Spirit will come! We may have a little faith but even in that faith, we will think that it'll be a miracle for the Holy spirit to be with our presence! We hope that the Holy Spirit will be with us but never ever believe and claim in faith that the Holy Spirit WILL be with us! But I recall a moment of prayer where I forgot to call upon the name of the Holy Spirit and found it so so difficult to be silent and to wait upon the Lord. But as soon as I prayed & called upon the Holy Spirit to be with me, I felt it so easy to be Silent, Calm & to have patience to wait upon the Lord!

Throughout my prayer time using the Ignatian Contemplation, I found it so difficult to enter into the scene of the Gospel passages I was reading. But in those times, I had visions of other thing God was trying to tell me. But I struggled with the fact that I couldn't enter the scene. And as I was sharing with Novice Lance, he shared with me to trust God was in control of that time of contemplation. Even if I didn't enter into the scene, to not lose faith but know that God is totally in control! And in may of the visions I had, it was God always showing me alot of his creation, mainly trees, birds, the sky, the sun and his most valuable creation, his children. God explained to me of how God is in every single of his creation even the gangsters & prostitutes around the world! He lives in every single one of us, not forgetting the people we think are evil and that nothing good can come from their hearts! And this revelation was so appropriate for me as I've been struggling with the confusions in my mind to see God in everything! And yet again, in another vision, God reassured me to be his light for those who find it hard to find Jesus in their darkness!

But the final message for me from God was "Not to ever over-react in any circumstance but to stop and be still to hear the true voice of the Lord! Whenever I feel too deep in temptation, to just stop and find out why in that moment I feel tempted. Because as always we fall into sin, because we over-react in those times of temptation no matter what the sin may be! Even if its sexual sin, I should just stop and think why at that moment I feel tempted to commit that sin even before I commit sin"

The overall revelation was, "To look at the world through the most loving eyes of Jesus! Look at everything you feel is bad & wrong through Jesus' eyes!" And with regards to my Vocation, I rejoice in the Lord for giving me strength to take that step to discern. God has reminded me time and again vocation is based on both of God's will for me and also the God-given desires within the depths of our hearts!

Finally what I think what was so amazing after the retreat, was how after my semi-silent retreat, I suddenly lost my voice when I woke up on Monday morning! Its still healing slowly though! But I've had the experience of being someone who wants to tell the world about how happy & in love with Jesus I am but yet I am a mute for awhile! There have been times when I got really angry & frustrated & sad but I submit unto the plan of God for I am so sure that he always has my interest at heart. He will never stop loving you & me! We just gotta have a little faith that God knows what he is doing with his precious Children!

Praise you O Lord in the Heavens! You make all of us look good in this passing world! I delight in you, O my God!

May you use me as your signpost of love in the midst of anyone's darkness more & more each day!

The Mysterious Weekend (Part I)

It has been one of those weekends where you know you had a life-changing experience with this Awesome God! And I am so sure that in a couple of years, I'd look back at this weekend so proclaim from the heavens that started that deepening of 'My Journey with Jesus'.

Just because of the weekend that just passed, I had to tell so many white lies as I was just so fearful and wasn't ready to tell anyone where I was going. But after the retreat, God has really instilled in me the confidence that, "I should be afraid but to just have a little faith in God! For God always knows!" And so over this weekend, I was at the 'Jesuits Vocation Retreat'. And for many people, this may seem like something really simple or even easy to tell people. But for me, I just felt like I didn't want anyone to know about this. I just was so fearful of telling people about this!

But after the retreat, God made me feel so special and really gave me the confidence to go public with the fact that I will be taking the next 12 months to discern my Vocation!

The weekend was really amazing for me in so many ways. It was a time where God yet again introduced me to the Ignatian Contemplation where we would use our imagination to allow God to speak to us through the passage we will read before entering the time of imagination and silence! As I entered the retreat on Friday night, I was really so excited and I just was so aware that God would surprise in ways I could never imagine! God was about to really intensify my walk with him!

But even before I reached the retreat venue, there was intense excitement. I was on the way there on the bus. And ever since I came back from my aussie trip in Perth, I picked up a really lovely habit to always greet and thank the bus driver whenever I boarded/alighted the bus. And I really praise God for this grace he has blest me with! And as soon as I alighted the bus, I realised that I have left my mobile phone in the bus. And as I started to panic, God quickly prompted me to flag for a cab and chase the bus. Within seconds I boarded the cab and was on a chase for the 1st time in my life! Although I was so doubtful that I could still get my mobile phone back, the cab driver reassured not to worry! We got in front of the bus at a traffic light junction. And I started to wave to the Bus driver and praise God that he remembered me. I then got out of the cab and boarded the bus in the middle of a busy road. Thank God I found my phone. Then I dropped off at the next bus-stop and headed to the retreat place! What a experience even before the retreat begun!

Stay tuned for my intensified silent prayer experience in Part II!


Praise you O GOD!

The Holier, The Gentler

"God wants us to become active as flames of Love by which his Spirit transforms us!"

St John of the Cross

This post has actually been a really long delayed one as its been a reflection based on the September issue of Word Among Us. That issue was very much focused on the Life of St. John of the Cross. And for me, I never really read about the life of St. John of the Cross and had the idea that he was a man of God that really follow all the rules of the Catholic Faith and that his Spirituality was one that was really strict! So whenever his name came to mind, I'd many a time, just switch of because my spirituality wasn't one of following the rules and one that was really strict!

But when I receive that issue, I decided to give St. John of the Cross a chance and I was so happy and blest to have do that! And this saint's spirituality is simply so amazing and exciting! His spirituality was very much like St. Teresa of Avila and also that the both of them were really so close as friends! His spirituality was based on the numerous intimate experiences of God! And as you would already know by now, that my Spirituality is very much based on that too!

But as I was reading about him, what struck me the most was how gentle as a Man of God he was! As I continued to read, I was really amazed by his genuineness and how gentle he was! And in so many ways, he was so much Jesus. Even when he was thrown into solitary, he embraced that alone time with God. And I embrace every struggle without complaining.

And as I reflect, I find myself caught at the crossroad where I question my own gentleness. And I think that gentleness is really one of the trustworthy gauges to see if we really are becoming holier! So many times we acclaim to everyone that we are walking with God but so many of us miss out on this mark of the gentleness we have in our hearts and in the way we carry ourselves in the midst of people of God! We may seem like walking with God, but are our words & actions really showcasing the Love that Jesus gave to us or is it a love that we feel should be showcased! We would only be deceiving ourselves then!

And its so evident that this is what God is really calling me to at this moment in my walk with my Lord! I want be just like St. John of the Cross, to be gentle, meek & humble in every single thing I do whether for God or anyone else. I want to watchful of the words I speak and the action I do. I pray & earnestly desire to be alot more gentler in my ways everyone I meet each day especially the people I find hard be the person that my heart desires to be!

Lord Jesus, I desire to be holier and in turn much more gentle & humble! I pray that your Spirit will prompt me and hold my tongue when I'm about to make a comment that doesn't glorify your name or build someone up! I ask you Lord Jesus to purify my Heart! Guide me as I desire this to be more real in my life!

Praise God!

God knows

In the midst of the busy lives that we live, as people walking with God, we all have had our moments when we wonder if our God in the heavens actually knows what we're going through here on earth! These moments become even more intense when we hurt so much deep within our hearts! We would go to great lengths to stop the intense pain in our hearts!

Then we are left wondering, "Does God really care about me? God said that He'll never ever abandon me! But I feel so abandoned by God and so alone! Why wouldn't God help me?"

Whether we are a student or a working adult, I'm sure we've had our fair share of intense pain in our hearts. And as always, the thoughts of whether its really worth to walk this path with God! For some of us, the pain becomes so painful, that we even have thoughts of whether its worth to be alive. But is God really with us in those times? Does he even care?

And as I reflect abit more upon this, I am so sure that God is much much more sadder to see us feeling this way. God has done everything by always assuring us through his Word that he'll never abandon us! But in times of pain, we feel and sometimes conclude that God has abandoned us! In those times, I think God even cries to see us that way. I think God even wants to come right down from the heavens to wipe away the tears from our eyes and also take away the pain within our hearts! But God knows that when we get through the storms in our lives, we will be stronger in our faith! There will never be anyone walking with God that would declare that the storms in his/her life haven't made him/her stronger now! They would instead declare that, "It is because of the storm in his/her life that they are still walking with God!" They will declare 7 acclaim that they now see God so amazingly present in the midst of the storms! But God also know how much we can withstand in our storms and he knows what our limits are! When we reach our limits, God will never forget to send us people to help us along the way to find our feet again.

Even Jesus felt so abandoned on his road to Calvary. As he was carrying the cross, everyone insulted & spat on him. And when he fell from carry his cross, I'm sure he felt helpless, but then he saw his Mother, Mary. And just when Mary came to Jesus to wipe his face, jesus soon realised his purpose in suffering so that all may receive redemption from their sins! Through that and the many other people like Simon who carried Jesus' cross! For God knew Jesus limit too and came to his aid by sending people to remind him of God's presence!

God knows what we always go through in our lives. He knows all of intense moments of pain & hurts. He knows every time we cry and seek for help! He also knows what we need in those moments of pain. God always has our best interest at heart even when it doesn't seem like that at all. We are called to embrace those moments of intense pain and unite our sufferings with Jesus' wounds!

Romans 8:18

"I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us!"

Hebrews 4:16
"Let us then approach the Throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need"

My prayer at this moment for all suffering, is to recognize God in the midst of this difficult time of pain! Your call is to embrace this moment and have little faith that God knows what he is doing! Trust him for God Knows!

We are all broken people

Well during mass earlier today, this thought came to mind after a reflection on my recent experiences with God, "Are we all broken people living in this world?" And as mass when on, I went much deeper into this thought. And I think in many ways, my recent posts have brought upon this post. I guess that God always uses our various experiences to ultimately bring Glory to the name of Jesus!

And the recent experience of my struggles with accepting & loving the people I meet everyday, has also really brought me to think about my struggle of an invisible mask I wore at times without myself even realizing it. For me, as a Leader in my parish, this has been a real dilemma, I always have that mindset that although I am struggling in my own walk with God, I always am aware that, "At least I have had an experience with God. There are so many people that have yet to have that experience." And I guess in many ways that's the reason why I may have worn this invisible mask!

But as I continued to reflect upon this, the question of "What Jesus would do" came to mind! And if there was 1 thing Jesus wasn't at all, was being a proud man. And even when Jesus was struggling, He wouldn't deny his struggle and even embrace & accept his struggle. But most importantly, he would acclaim that it is by God's strength alone that will allow him to surpass this struggle. For me, that is what a humble man of God would do even when he has to carry a heavy struggle on his shoulders. And as my reflection continued, I felt that we must change the way we look at struggles.

For so many of us involved in ministry, we may see struggle as a weakness and also carry the perception that anyone struggling is either not close to God or something that is negative. And this is even worst for guys, simply because Guys have an image to upkeep. We always want to be seen as strong & mighty. At least this is the culture constantly being spread. So much so that when any teenage boy tears, another teenage boy will see it as extremely weird. I can relate in a way cause throughout my period of struggle, I felt scared to share with anyone my struggles due to my fear of being judged. I was so used to people seeing me as strong that I wouldn't know how they'd react when they saw/heard me struggling so much in my faith.

But after this experience of sharing my struggles with someone no one would expect I'd share with, I realize today at mass that, 'We are all broken people'! It doesn't matter at all how long you've been in ministry or even how long you've spent time in prayer! We are always broken in one way or another but we are always called to recognize, accept & embrace our brokenness and allow God to fix us all the time. But to also bear in mind that our prayer life makes the difference of how broken we are! And especially, as a guy, I fear telling others that I'm broken but today this revelation that 'We are all broken', speaks volumes of what kind of Men for God we are set out to be!

May we as people of God, never be afraid to embrace the brokenness in you! God will neverever want us to wear a mask to show people to show that we're alright when we are actually dying to seek for a listening ear and pour out our struggles in this demanding world!

Spread this culture of love & acceptance, People of God!

Praise God!

Learning from mistakes

Well over the last 2 posts, there's been alot of pain in the heart. As i read the post again and again, there just seems to be alot of thoughts of pain. And I've struggled to find where God's hand is in all of it! Time and again I wonder if this realizations have been part of God's plan because it seems to be hurting not only me the ones whom I struggle with.

Last night, I was feeling so frustrated and thankfully, God sent an angel (Estelle in this case) to bring my mind certain realizations of which she had made known to me. As I was chatting with her on MSN, i kept bring to the conversation the characteristics that I had developed over this of which I said I hated about myself at this present time. And in reply, she kept bringing to the conversation, the characteristics she saw in me. And after awhile I think it was God's way of telling me to really let go of the disappointments I was feeling about the person I had become. And Estelle just kept reminding me of who God formed me to be and to most importantly focus on that. And that really helped me calm down and allow all thoughts to just flow and let Jesus be in control.

But while spending some time in the adoration room earlier at night, I finally got a chance to sit down and take a look at everything that has been said and has happened. And the main conclusion, was that I felt really said that the things I used to love about myself haven't really been present over the course of this year. And in that sadness, I kept look at all the negatives of this year of which the Devil has always wanted but thankfully God sent me his angel. And as I reflected on the positives of this year, I realized that there was so much spiritual growth in me. And i maybe have yet to see the fruits of the spiritual growth from this year yet.

But the most captivating message from God during adoration was that it is a true fact that suffering is an ongoing process for us as we walk with Christ. Many a time, we need to be lost before we can find ourselves in God again. We need to be emptied before God can fill us again. If not what God has filled us with, wouldn't be purely from him, there would be a mixture of the good & bad. But its only when we empty ourselves where we will have 100% space for Jesus to fill us with his love & grace.

Looking ahead, God has invited me to try to bring the heavenly gifts I used to enjoy so much last year into the people I have been struggling with this year. This journey is always impossible but only my lovely God can make this possible.

Conclusion: Its always so easy for us to make mistakes but the heavenly call is the embrace the fact that we fell down and failed through our efforts. Then, we need to be humble enough to ask for guidance from God to teach us how to live again. And also recognise that it is only through God's strength that we can succeed.

Praise you God for this experience of learning from my mistakes! Teach me O Lord to live like you again!

Suffering for God's people

The weekend thats just passed has been one of intense pain in the heart. And as you would know from the previous post, "I'm losing my way", you would even wonder if things are getting better for me. In many ways, I'd say that things are getting harder to accept.

Yesterday, I had the opportunity to spend an hour in the Adoration Room before heading for evening mass at 5.30pm @ SFX. Actually I didn't plan for it at all. My initial plan was to go home after lunch with whomever and then head for mass from home. But God had other plans for me, although it may seems that we are in control of the way we live our lives. So lunch with Shaun, Estelle, Freeman & my God brother, Steven ended around 4pm. So since Estelle and myself intended to go for mass, we just ended up in church at 4.15pm and headed for an hour of silent time with God.

In the first 15 minutes in ado, I was just resting in the presence of God and not thinking too much, although there were a few instances when I almost dozed off. But after that I decided to start conversing with God without an agenda in mind. But as I conversed with God, a huge amount of sadness started to dawn upon me. This reflection took me even further and also started to become a really emotional time for me. I just started to feel extremely lost. Its constantly felt like I was on a Desert and I just had no clue where I was headed towards.

And soon my eyes started to filled with tears. I just keep thinking about the kind of person I used to be. I recalled the joy I had everytime I walked alone and for me that was a dance with the Lord. I knew that those were the times I really really treasured so much. And at this moment, I can't even recall the last time I felt that way. I also recalled how happy I was every single day of my life. In those times, I felt like I was already in Heaven with Christ Jesus, dancing and be ever joyful in God's presence. The most amazing character of the person I was, was how I had always followed my heart. And it was constantly, King David that I'd strive to be like, "A Man after God's own heart!" And as I continued to recall these moments, I just started to cry gently in the adoration room.

As I started to reflect on the person I was now, the sadness started to be too heavy for me to bear. And in the midst of this immense sadness, God kept gentle whispering in my ear & heart, "I know, my Child. I know." And I think it might have been quite surprising for Estelle (who is a 15-year-old confirmand) sitting beside me and witnessing my outward expressions of being lost. I was then reminded of how much support I had from my Cell, Amplify & YAM.

But as I started to settle down and allow God that chance to speak to me, He reminded me of How much joy I had last year when I wasn't "LOST". He showed me how easy it was to see him in the joys but then explained to me how difficult its was to see him in the struggles.

And then the revelation came by,

He said,

"You used to be rich in my joy, peace, love & grace but you knew that you're place to be of service to others would be with the youths of St. Francis Xavier church. So in this knowledge you became much poorer in my joy, peace, love & grace, so that the youths of St. Francis Xavier church could be rich in my joy, peace, love & grace. In summary, Mark Sebastian Abraham, my child, you gave of your richness in me to be poor so that others will become rich in me! You became lost so that others can find their way in me as their God"

And after this revelation from God, it started make sense for me. Although it still is so hard to accept. But I think the struggle is to be found in Jesus again so that I can dance in God's presence again. Thank you Jesus for this ongoing time of suffering. For I know I will surely growing in this time of suffering. But grant me the grace and strength to embrace my crosses just like you, Lord Jesus Christ.

Praise you, O Lord in the heavens for you make all things new!

I'm losing my way

Its been a few months already that I've been in this state! I'm even not sure what this state is! Prayer life has been really mundane for me. I recall the Mark I used to be where I used to be a source of immense joy to all whom I meet in my daily life. Nowadays, life seems extremely mundane. And in a million ways, I feel so sad when I start to reflect on this. And I've been really try to not admit this for the past few weeks but as I was reading a friend's blog, I realised how exciting that person's spiritual life was so exciting and it just kept reminding of the person I used to be. The most frightening thought/reflection was that in so many ways I've stopping believing in & following my heart. And I'm not too sure about how or what has led me to this state of dismay & saddness. And even as I type this post, there is an immense saddness that overwhelms me.

As I start to reflect on this, I am sure that the work of ministry hasn't been the source of blame but I think it's more of the culture of ministry at my parish that has been a decent amount that has caused this. I recall how I keep trying to influence everyone to keep walking with God by following their hearts.

And I keep reflecting on my walk with Jesus too. Over the past few months, I haven't really felt that joy in the Lord. I also start to recall that instant joy I used to have every single day especially on friday mornings. In the midst of all this, I am very aware that Sin has also been the cause my conclusions on the state that I'm in now. These feelings are so difficult to express in words but there just seems to be this immense void in my heart!

Lord Jesus I just feel so lost and extremely far from the person that I love and look up to when your love formed me. And my identity was "The Man who followed his heart!" I pray from the depths of my heart for you to restore me! I miss that Mark Sebastian Abraham so so much! The man that is inspired by your Love!

The Call of Greatness

In my life, I encounter so many people walking with Jesus from their hearts. And I'm talking about the people in this world who can really make a difference. These are the kind of people that serve & love our dearest God from their hearts. And when you get a chance to witness them serving in Ministry, you really do see the real person of Jesus in them. And if you get a chance to hear their sharings, you are just so sure that there is something so special about them. And you know that these are the kind of people that God has set out to achieve Greatness in this world because of our Lord Jesus! You know that it is solely because of Jesus that these people are set apart from everyone else to be great in this world. But nevertheless, these people go through the same kind of struggles as each and every one of us. They are surely not spared of the pains of walking with God!

But the question I think many of us might ask, "Does that mean we are not meant to be great in this world just ike them?" But I think we are always called to be great and God always gives us that opportunity to embrace that calling, but I guess as all of us still do belong to this world for now, we don't live up to that Calling of being great. But the 'Special Ones' answer & embraces that opportunity to be Great in this world.

An example would be how John the Baptist is set apart because he chose to make way for Jesus to take his role as the Saviour of the world. I could only imagine the amount of work John the Baptist had done before Jesus came in. But John the Baptist knew that his calling for Greatness had came to a close when Jesus came into the Picture!

But although I meet so many people of God who have that ability to be great, there are so few people that actually make it to the end. And as I was reflecting on this, I realised how sad God would be. He provides for all of us to be Great, but in the end so few of us make it to complete our Journey towards Greatness with God in this world. And the 2 names that come to my mind on the people that lasted through their Journey towards Greatness with God in this world is our Late Pope John Paul II as well as Blessed Mother Theresa. And it would probably make you a canonised Saint if you actually last that Journey to Greatness with God in this world!

May we look to them and our Lord Jesus to be Great in this world! Then others will know that We are Great because of Jesus! Jesus always makes us look Good!

Praise God!

Nature of our Hearts

How do we treat our hearts? Its a question that not many of us would want to think about, because in many ways it'll whole load of reflection and time. But have you ever wondered how your heart feels about the way you're living your life? Or have you reached a state where you always become resistant towards the feelings that come from our hearts due to the ways & influences of the world. The culture & people from this world always teaches us to always use your head more than the heart. But yet again, I'll say that I'm an extremely firm believer of the heart. For me, talking from experience, I believe that it is at your precious heart where the Most high, our Lord Jesus dwells in.

Just think about it, remember the time when you had your first crush, your heart went right out for that person. And if those feeling went any deeper, you'd find yourself falling in love with that person. And i strongly will confirm that it was your heart and not your mind that was falling in love. And even in Spirituality, remember that 1st time when you were at a worship session and was so immense touched by the love of God. It was surely your dearest heart which made the presence of God so strongly & deepely felt. And I'd say that it is true that the Word of God should penetrate your hearts not your minds right.

So the question is, What is the nature of your heart? What kind of state is your heart in? Or have we just given up on all hope that our hearts gives us the true answer in all our doubts with regards to the ministry we serve in, career decision, our vocation and even a girl/guy we have fallen for. The mind comes in to make awareness of the facts involved in that situation.

And Jesus would be such an excellant example for us when we recall the amount of Love he had for his people. Try remembering the number of times when it was said in the gospels when Jesus' heart went out to his people when he saw how much they were in need of a Shepherd. For me, an analysis of what my heart is feeling is a constant practice for me. The way I feel in my heart is so so important for me. It is always the case where my heart moves me to behave the way I do towards everyone. And what has always been refreshing, has been God's afirmation of the way my heart moves for him through his love. Another affirmtion for me, is how God always reminds me to constantly ground my heart in his Love.

God's love is always the foundation of my heart. And then all other kinds of love will follow and fit in its perfect place in my heart. May you allow yourself time to look at the nature your heart today? I'm sure by you reading this post,it may be God's invitation or reminder to look at the state of your heart! Don't let your heart become a heart of stone!

Ezekiel 36:26

I shall give you a new heart; and put a new spirit in you; I shall remove your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.

Trusting despite the unknowns

Trusting in God is a call that many of us are always called to do in our walks with the Lord! Its something we as children of God will eventually have to go through. Its also an experience which will bring out the best & worst in us. It brings out the worst in us cause it may lead us into a state of argument with God. It may also bring out the best in us cause we all know that God is right and always does everything that would be the best for us. But at the end of the day, we know that for us to move forward, we are surely called to trust in God's plan for us!

But is it easier to trust in God when we know what situation we are getting ourselves into? In many ways, I think this becomes so difficult for people who haven't really made that step to trust in God. But I think for those who have constantly made steps to place their life in God's hands, it would be a little bit easier as we have had the experience of reaping the benefits of trusting in God's plan for us in our lives.

But what happens when God invites you to trust him even when you are not even sure of what would or could happen? That's an invitation of trusting despite having so many unknowns in your mind & heart! Would we still trust in God with the same faith God has blest us with, being so aware of the many unknowns that accompany us? I think this would lead us into serious contemplation whether trusting in God is the right way to go! I sure that those who have walked the journey, would have surely encountered such experience with our precious Lord Jesus! But if you reflect a bit deeper on the word of God, we are affirmed by the many stories of how God called his servants to trust despite the awareness of the numerous unknowns.

I'd obviously start with the famous Abraham who was called to trust in God when God called him to sacrifice his first-born and only Son, Isaac. If we look at it, it would the most ridiculous thing to do. Just imagine, Abraham & his wife had been waiting for years & years to be bear a child and when God had finally blest them with a Son, God asked Abraham to kill their only Son. I'm sure Abraham was so confused about why God wanted this of him. But nevertheless, Abraham trusted in God but as we know the story, God stopped Abraham just before he was about to sacrifice his Son. And that was God test for Abraham.

And the next experience would be Jesus called out to Simon Peter from the boat to walk on water with him. This defies all logic, but nevertheless, Peter trusted in Jesus' call to him. But as we also know, he started to realise that he was defying human limitations and soon started to freak out and soon started to sink. But Jesus still saved him when he lacked faith!

From this, we can be convinced that even our lack of faith & trust in God's plan for us, we know that Jesus will be holding our hands as we make that leap of faith to trust in God even if there are huge amounts of doubts and unknowns in our minds & hearts.

The question is: Will you walk into the deep with God and trust him wholeheartedly even if it makes no logical sense at all?

Have a little faith! Make that leap of Faith!

Praise God! God Bless!

Confirmation Camp 2009

This is firstly one of God's most surprising presents from him to me.

At this year's confirmation camp'09 from 12-15 June'09, God gave me the role of being the Music IC at the camp. When I reflect upon this, I wonder every single time why God who had chosen me when he has blest so many others who are so much more talented than me in the area of Music!

And boy, was this role a challenge for me. But it was so amazing at the same time for me! God chose me and used me for his glory to bring others closer to him through the muscial talents he has blest me with. And till this very day, 20 months after learning to play the guitar, I still don't know how I got to this stage as a musician. I still see myself as a less than ordinary guitarist. And I think the whole experience of being the Music IC, has really humbled me as a musician. I felt like a different person during the camp! The music wasn't fantastic but it was good and there were so many times when I really couldn't believe that I was playing the guitar together with the team.

And for me, I had so much fun being a musician & a worship leader at the same time! I recall the worship session where I led & played the guitar, I could feel the immense presence & intimacy of God! It was truely like being in heaven with everyone! The feeling & experience was so intense & heavenly!



God truely uses his children and raises them to heights never imagined! I truely praise God for all that his has blessed me with and also the amazing music team he blessed me to work with!



Thank you my God! Thank you for your favour upon me!

The Gift of Prayer

Wow its has surely been amazingly long since my last post. But my life has really seen & lived out the truth of Jesus being my saviour! And keep a constant prayer life has been the foundations of the life in the Spirit for me!


About 2 weeks ago, I felt like the little distance I felt between God & me had been becoming bigger & bigger. And I knew God was making me realise this before my spiritual life enetered a stage where the distance would be too emotionally difficult for me to bear. But then, I started to reflect on why there was even a distance to start with. After much analysis & reflection, I realised that I am person that loves to live in the Spirit of God and sometimes allows my business to replace prayer but I still want that joyful life in the spirit of God! I guess it was something that was never a problem when I was in lovely Perth! But this time my business was due not to church but rather to my Final project in school where my hours in school is like working-life (9-5.30pm) everyday. So I guess I still hadn't adjust to the lifestyle of working hard to sustain my prayer life!


So once this realisation was brought to mind, I started placing the priority of my sleep behind the priority of prayer! And the wonders it has done for me, has truely been a blessing and at many times, Prayer makes me feel like I'm living "Heaven on Earth!"

For me, Prayer brings that the presence of my experience of the intimacy I have with my dearest God. It brings about that union Jesus had promised us before he died for us! One of the most awesome graces that Prayer also does for me is granting Wisdom & Humility unto me. And the more I pray, I've come to the realisation that I able to see the world & people through the eyes of Jesus! And I testify that I am who I am because of Prayer!


Its a heavenly gift that many of us don't really grasp and understand. But trust me when I say this Prayer is what brings you to an experience of 'Living Heaven on Earth'! And the adoration room & the Eucharist is the best place to start!


Praise God!

Post - Perth

Wow its been more 6 weeks since I came back from Perth and also since I last posted anything on my blog. Although many might have thought that Mark Sebastian's blog is dead, I'm here to try prove you wrong. Haha! Life has been so good ever since i came back from. And the awesome lies mostly in my spiritual life.

Here's an analogy of what my life has been like! You know when we make investments in something or someone we really believe in. And maybe months or years after the benefits of your investments in the person pays off in the end. You start to believe that it was truely the right decision in investing in that person! Well for me, its the same. Before I left for Perth, I felt that if I was to progress further in my Spiritual Life, I needed to invest in God! I needed to make Jesus the 100% rock in my own life. And for me, in my situation, it was a difficult thing to do, my finances weren't as good even before I left for Perth. But in the depths of my heart, I knew that it was the right decision to make.

And in the 6 weeks, I've witnessed the fruits of my investments in God. I've seen & experienced so many fruits from the time I've spent with God in Perth! Nowadays, Prayer has become a Joy and most importantly, its become a desire for me too. And I think through this time, I drawn so much closer to God.

And as God reminded me before I left Perth,

"Now that you have seen my Light again, I want you, Mark to be my Light in the Darkness for me and to also pave the way for the Lost!"

True enough, I've had the awesome opportunity of being a Light for Christ. I've also grown constantly with God as I continue to see situations & people through the loving eyes of Jesus! And may you also invest in God and allow him to bless you with fruit that will last!

The Departure of Perth

Tonight I'll be leaving fo Singapore. And yes I changed my flight to experience the holy week in SFX instead. And what an experience it has been here at perth for the last 5 weeks.

When I started my journey in Perth, my desire was to be with God in his presence and delight in it as much as possible. And boy, its been so refreshing and awesome. I feel like God has truely renewed me and allowed my mind to be opened to the revelations of the Almighty One! Its about viewing things and people through the eyes of our compassionate & loving Jesus!

And Perth has truely been really good to me. The views here have been really awesome & indescribable. It has taught me how to be really patient and calm all the time as well as learning to appreciate the little things we are blessed with in life like giving our appreciation to the people who serve us like the Bus drivers and customer service personnal. But what excites me the most is what God has in store for me as soon as I get back. I'm really sure that God has alot of ministry planned for me when I get back. But it may all be as simple as allowing my joyful self to bring joy and hope to everyone I meet throughout my days in my life!

So I await my return after an amazing experience here in Perth. Its an experience that is truely priceless! Praise God! Amen!

Following our Hearts

For those who are really close to me who know as someone who is in full support of trusting our hearts as we walk with our lovely Lord! For me, as I’ve said or blogged about many times, “The heart is the greatest gift that God has ever given because its only at our hearts where we feel the love that Go has poured out so amazingly upon us and its also at the heart where we truly are able to recognize and meet the love which Jesus himself poured out upon us through the death of his cross.

I guess its also why I always love walking upon God. Its just mainly because God embraces & respects that I need my heart whenever I walk with the Lord! Its only at our awesome hearts where God speaks to us and allows his grace to flow. And I am sure that its at our hearts where we feel the grace of God flowing in us, not even brilliant our minds are able to feel the grace & love of God. And of course using our hearts is something that this world of ours will never approve of.

As many guys would say that using our hearts is for girls but here comes a revelation from the heavens:

“It takes more courage to follow your heart that not to follow your heart because when you follow your heart, you will enter into a state where you will be left venerable and a feeling of unknowns of what would happen. It’ll lead you to a place where you could easily be abandoned but could also lead you to a place that's closest to heaven.”

It really does take true courage to follow your heart and the sad thing today is that even people in our parishes of our ministries don’t follow their hearts due to the influences of our seniors. But would following your heart lead to the evil one?

This is when the brilliant Spirit of God comes into place in our lives. If we are constantly indulging in things that are mastered by the evil one, then so too will our hearts be guided by the Spirit of the Evil one. This is what God himself did teach me whenever I followed my heart. For my heart to be seeking God, then it must be guided by the Spirit of God! But then I asked how? And that was when God revealed to me; ‘Prayer’ is the key for all of this to add up positively. Prayer is what keeps us constantly in the Spirit of God and allows our hearts to be molded by God & his Love.

So, following our hearts and always immersing ourselves in prayer is the key when we walk with God and know that along the way, God will always teach us the knowledge of God himself. Sin is what tries to separate us from God and steers our hearts towards the evil one. That’s when the true knowledge of God and his love is important. This knowledge would lead us back to God. And once we are the state of grace & love again, we will always be able to delight in God because our hearts always belong to him and he’ll be guiding us always.

Stay in tune with the Spirit of God and follow your hearts! Praise God!

What is Desire?

What is desire for you? And what is the strength of your desire? This has been the latest wondering thought and reflection in my mind of the past 2 days. I guess these have been due to the reason of questioning what I am doing here and also what i hope to achieve while I'm here. Its been a trip that I'd been planning for 8 months but here there is a questioning of what I'm doing now that I'm here.

There's been many feelings of frustration as I just waste these precious days but in the depths of my heart, I am so aware of the great desire I have for this quiet time with God. But I am sure that time and again, the evil one keeps drifting my desired attention from God to something to keep wasting the whole day. But in the midst of these frustrations, there is a immense desire to read the brilliant books I bought, spend time in prayer, do writing on my reflections and also just delighting in God with the lovely views. And none of these desires have been touched with real depth.

But today as I reflect on Desire, i realize that Desire is something that's deep within your heart. Desire has the ability to make someone great in the sight of God when its worked upon. Desire can either become a negative influence or positive influence. And as I go a little more into depth, I conclude that desires we have in our hearts have got to do with what is it that we are do with our lives.

If we find ourselves caught in sin all the time, then obviously, we keep realizing that our deepest desires within our hearts are negative influences for us. We keep finding ourselves coming back to the starting point where we think about what we are doing with our lives.

But then again, most of the time, if we find ourselves being contented all the time with what we have and are given, we'll find ourselves filled with grace and joy as we are constantly driven by the awesome god-given desires in our hearts. And as a result, its a huge reflection of how our desires serve us as amazingly positive influences.

And in the spirit of lent, what is your desire? And is that desire drawing you closer to God? And if it is, then pray to God for the grace cause he has placed it there for a reason. But don't let anyone stop or discourage you from achieving that God-given desire in the depths of your amazingly glorious heart!

Beautiful Beach Day

I must say that there's never been a more beautiful sight that I've seen with my own eyes and also be at the actual venue. I mean, I've have seen on the internet pictures of beautiful beaches but its a totally different story when you're actually there!

I know it looks so fake but its seriously real! Don't you just agree with me that its so beautiful?

And on top of the beautiful sight, I had such an excellent time with God at the beach. The beach made it so excellent for me to just soak in the presence of God and also got down to do some journaling as well. It was so easy to reflect in such a great beauty of God! And although it took me a week to settle down in Perth, the day at the beach was the best to really begin the joyful pilgrimage with God.

So Lord Jesus, I truly do praise and thank you O Lord for the beautiful sight which truly does underline you magnificence. Praise God!

Here some more pictures from Cottlesloe Beach on Perth. Enjoy!

The Arrival

The arrival to Perth has been made. Last night as I arrived, feelings of awaiting something so special overwhelmed me. I started to feel God, just awaiting for me to arrive and spend the next 6 weeks of my spiritual holiday with him.

The past 24 hours has been quite fast though, and I am fully aware that there are many people betting that I’ll end up after the 6 weeks, just hating Perth for the boredom it gives. But so far its been so great I must say. My Godfather’s place is really good to relax with God.

How can the sights below, not give you a expression of God?

And how awesome is God to have given me a really awesome room i my Godfather's house. It's been such a blessing to have my Godfather to help me out with full accomodations in Perth. But in all things, I guess I'm really just excited to start entering ino full gear for prayer and whatever God wants me to do.

In the meantime, I know God has alot planned for me in the days of Lent. And I'm sure he's got alot planned for each of his children too.

Also, for those who need to reach, you can sms or call me at my usual mobile, without the need of any additions of area codes. I will update you on revelations from God as soon as I start with prayer. Please keep me in prayers! Thanks!

Praise God!

The Australia Trip

Well its just 11 days away from my departure to Perth, Australia. So many people have been asking me why I’m actually going to Aussie. And of course, there’s been a series of guesses on my reasons for going to aussie. I’ve had guesses of an exchange trip, school attachment, mission trip, finding a girlfriend and the guesses and humor just keeps going on and on.

I am going to aussie to actually just really relax and do loads of reflections. The whole trip is basically for God alone and my desire to draw closer to him. And in many ways, its an investment in just giving 6 weeks of my time to God alone. This trip would also give me an opportunity to really experience that wholesome love of God even more. Its just like a holiday with God. And I think unknowingly, it underlines the importance of God to me.

So here’s the full details of my trip:

Venue: Perth, Australia

Duration: 5th March to 16 April (6 weeks)

Departure: 5th March – Budget Terminal @ 2.30pm

Arrival: 17th April - Budget Terminal @ 3.00am

Reason: GOD

The deep desire of Love

There lies in me a deep desire to search and execute the many beliefs and visions I have in my heart. And in many ways, these visions and beliefs are thoughts that we as people of God may have maybe just stopped believing in due to the attractions of the world & the pressures that life throws at you. I’m not sure if you may have felt this way before.

It could be that vision of infinite love that we would want to experience everyday. But then again, no one can ever give that sort of Love except God. And there have been a million instances when I question God if it’s possible for someone to exhibit that sort of love or even whether it can ever exist? But what then again, what is your perception of that infinite love.

Today, as I just have a look at where we are as children of God, an element of sadness dawns upon me, as everyday I encounter so many of us wearing mask or putting on fronts for the world so that we may not be judged for who we really are. And as there have been so many times when this reflection point comes to mind, I just start to wonder what a world of truth & love would be like. And every single time, the conclusion of how we are being resistant to our feelings, desires and visions. But have we become resistant because of the world and the need to conform to the ways of the world? Have we lost the desire to follow our hearts or have we conformed to the safer way to just follow what the world teaches & instructs us?

But quite amazingly, in this weekend’s gospel, Jesus himself becomes amazed at the faith & persistence of 4 guys to ensure their paralytic friend becomes healed by healer. The reflection of how the 4 guys just never gave in to their inability to enter the place through the front door. But instead went beyond all possibilities and climbed up to the roof to come into the building. This just brings my reflections how much we just lack faith and instead conform and give up after facing so many road blocks to execute our visions and beliefs. And the main vision for me is to bring to everyone the sort of love that God himself lavishes unto us freely.

So I praise God for these reflections because it’s taught me to strive to never give in to the ways of the world & pressures of this life. It becomes a crime unto God that we commit if we conform. I mean if God believes in us so much to be the best we can then, how can we not have faith in ourselves to be the best we can.

This weekend I have learnt once more that it takes effort to get what we truly belief in our hearts. So I pray that we will trust our hearts and be always guided by the Spirit of God! And may you portray the Love of God to one extra person as soon as you're read this post!

Praise God!

The big 21st B'day

What can I say about this whole day? I think in many ways, it kind of sums up my life and it all adds up for me. Its been a day that I’ve looking forward to for the longest time. And I think many of us look forward to our 21st birthday too. And at the start of this year, there were 2 events that I was looking forward to. And of course, my 21st was one of them and the second would be my trip to Aussie.

Today started with 9am mass and then the kind of a usual Sunday morning in church. But when I came home, a sense of weirdness and un-satisfaction came upon me. And from there, I started thinking about how the party at night would turn out for me. Then arose many thoughts of whether this night would really be a memorable one for me.

So I just carried on my day with my family and also helped the brilliant mother to clean the house for the party. And then the party came. I was quite amazed at how many people came. I think about 50 people in all came. It comes to me as a quite a shock that so many people would come to my 21st B’day celebration.

But when I round up the whole day, I would surely conclude that this day has been a simple one with its struggles and joys. But I especially take back with great memory in my heart, that I’ve been able to spend my 21st B’day with the ones I love dearly for the whole 24 hours. And the moment which took my breath away, was when I was cutting my 21st B’day cake. At that moment, there flashed the love of people before me and I was so nervous. But out of the whole 24 hours, that was the moment which really took my breath away.

And where is God in all of this, so you may ask? My answer is that God is in every split second of these last 24 hours. Throughout every moment of the day, I could see God hand’s in everything. And I know for sure too that that he is so happy that I had such an excellent & memorable 21st Birthday!

Lord Jesus, I thank you and praise you for such a simple but wonderful 21st Birthday! I love you O God so much. Thank you God for everything! And thank you to all who’ve sent me messages, wished me throughout the day, new confirmation group for remembering my birthday and lastly, thank you so much for all who came for my Birthday celebration at my house. Much love to all of you. Praise God!

PS: My post is in my favourite colour === RED! Of course I wore my favorite WYD red shirt. Pics should be out soon.

The reality of suffering

Everyone would totally agree that suffering is really something so real & true but also something so difficult to bear. And I think in so many different ways, I also desire to escape it. But I think the phase of suffering I’ve been through has been a real difficult experience. It been one of those experiences where we wonder how did we ever survive.

But yes, over the past 3 months, there’s been immense suffering mostly deep within the depths of my heart. And I think that what has made the last 3 months so difficult has been the 1 reason of how I wasn’t able to conclude on what I was going through. And for me, being in a situation where I didn’t know what was happening or where the whole experience was leading me to brought great amounts of frustration.

For me, it was something that I never saw coming and would never have been the way I would plan my 2008 year to end. During the built-up towards Christmas, I only felt the Christmas feeling on the 24th of December. There just seemed to be so much of struggle that I just really couldn’t see how I would be able to rejoice in this time. Even in such a devastating experience, I still couldn’t conclude on what was happening or where this was heading towards.

But in the midst of this difficult experience, God was in suffering with me too. And what brings much sadness is how unfair & cruel I was to God. I kept shouting at God and demanded explanations on what was happening to me. This experience really brought out so much anger & frustration from me. And although I felt abandoned by everyone, in my heart I knew God would do anything to save me from such a devastating situation but then I wouldn’t learn anything from this experience.

Hence, I think one of the most awesome fruits I take from this ongoing experience, is how I’ve learnt to have more patience with God and to wait upon God. Another fruit is how I’ve learnt that Suffering is part our walks with God. It’s something that I can’t keep running away from. I still think that this experience is ongoing but I’ve learnt to accept this time of suffering.

Many would think and ask what is the suffering actually? In so many ways, it just feels like there’s so much pain in my heart. But I think its just the difficulty in accepting that my walk with God will not always be joy and also in accepting the will of God for the plan he has for me in my life, together with my demands for an explanation for all that’s happened.

But still in all things, I wanna praise God still for carrying me in his arms and ensuring that I’m still taken care of. I praise God for the special graces of leading his people in my parish of SFX. I am so sure that the Holy Spirit has been guiding me as I guide the youths of the Parish!

PS: To my dearest cell group, I want you to know that I miss every single one of you. All of you have been so instrumental in my walk with God. I hope all of you had an excellent Christmas & New Year. I hope to see all of you soon. Love all of you loads!

The search for something more

Of late there’s been this sense of desire for my search of something that can’t really be put in words. I think that part of this is because, there is the constant yearning for something that is more holy, godly & extraordinary. Its really something so hard to describe.

But the past 2 months have really been the toughest for me, in the aspect where there have been many challenges from God. And many of these challenges have been about being more consistent in my prayer life. I think I’m also reaching a point in my spirituality where my life belongs to God. In the past, its about following but not really submitting totally to his plan for me. But of late, its really about surrendering my life to God and living out the plan he has for me.

Many of my close friends would have realized that there’s been a sense of dryness within me in the aspect of my outward joy. Yet at this point of time, I still am not able to explain why this has happened. But over this phase in my walk with God, I’ve come to trust more in God and be more dependent on God. Its been so tough still because many would know that I love being joyful but in this time, its really about trusting that God must have a reason for this. But its not been no joy at all. There has been joy, but in really short spell of joys. But still I praise God that despite the dryness in joy, I’ve still been growing and trusting God more with my life.

And I guess in many ways, this joy is what I’ve been yearning for and I am sure in God’s own time he will release this heavenly joy unto me. I await for this heavenly joy which my heart longs for day and night. And a deeper yearning in my heart is to live my life for God in a way where its never ordinary. Praise God!

The ongoing stint of extreme struggle

For those who have been in touch with me, you'll would know the many struggles I've had to go through of late. In all my life, I've never been faced with so much struggles at once. Its really been a time of a test of my faith in God and his plan for me. Praise God for at having time to think about all these thoughts & struggles I'm encountering in a phase of my life where there seems to be so much pain.

Basically of late, the struggles I've been facing are the problems with working with people and in that state of struggle, I've also been facing the struggle of whether the decisions I make constantly is part of the will of God. I keep asking myself and in quite a big way doubt myself of my abilities. Another struggle is accepting the will of God with a particular situation that God set for me as part of his plan for me in my life. This has been the main struggle and its been 3 weeks already. Another struggle has been the passing of the closest uncle to me 2 weeks ago. It was such a devastating moment for me as it seemed like I kept being pounced with struggle after struggle and nothing at all seem to come my way with any positives. On top of all this, there's been some difficulties at school with understanding my modules for this semester. I have no idea why all of this have come at once but I still believe there is a great reason for this stint of extreme struggle.

But in all my struggles, I still praise God so much for all of this. Despite the struggles, the marvelous thing about all this is that I've been able to really draw more closer to God and more importantly, really cling with all my life onto God and Jesus' Cross! It has really been through this process where God has revealed to me how much he loves me and how much he cares for me. This has been an experience & a testimony where I've been able to experience the fruits of my relationship with God.

So although the struggles still mount, my desire is to cling to God with all I have and I know his grace will be sufficient for me. I am aware that this phase isn't ending soon but I trust in God's plan for me. So to all those awaiting my joyful morning messages, keep me in your prayers. I miss the joyful Mark Sebastian Abraham too but I guess with every joy, comes suffering. So Praise God for my struggles and a new & ongoing experience. Amen!

Message for World Mission Sunday

As World Mission Sunday passed, I have had some time to think about the message Christ has given us. And for me, I can’t help but think how some many things just channel us to message of Mission. It’s like the perfect timing for all these to have happen.

I am quite sure you must be thinking what I’m referring to. Well I am referring to the timing of how the economy has been torn down & the timing of World Mission Sunday is both happening at the same time. When I read the papers about how so many people are wondering how much they’ve lost because of such a downfall in the economy, I start ponder on how sad these people are. But when I go for mass, I still see how happy our Priests are. This would truly be a question then of where does our treasure lie?

At almost every mass, the priests are never forgetting to pose this statement to us, “The economy downfall is a true testimony of how something like money is determined as strong by the world can just shatter so fast. This is a true lesson from Jesus, asking us who or what we are dependant on?”

This links so much with World Mission Sunday, as we are questioned on what is our mission here on earth. Even for myself, God questions us, whether our goal is to earn as much money as we can?

But as Friar Joseph said on Sunday, are we proclaiming to the world about this Gold of Jesus to the world? This Gold who will never ever be shattered! And in many ways, we are called to reflect on whether we are proclaiming to this shattered world about this ever-sustaining Gold!

So as Disciples of the Lord, may we as a Church proclaim to the world about the Gold in Jesus! And may our Lives reflect the reason why we should claim the Gold!

The Return

After going through something of which I would call a true physical struggle in finding time for God. In my time of working at OCBC Bank, I am truly thankful to God for the great and simple life he has given me. In my 6 weeks of working, it was truly a difficulty to find strength to spend time in prayer. Its was not just because of work but also because the many commitments I had at nights like tuitions, church meetings or planning for some church event or session. There was absolutely no time at all for rest of mind or prayer. It was like there was not enough time for anything at all. And I think it’s been the first time in my life when I’ve had to really plan out my day to the very hour. It was a mixture of both excitement & stress on my mind, but more on the stress.

But I am so happy with my vocation as a student. It has truly been a chance to appreciate people & time. And the even better news for me is that my school schedule is quite slack and also for the first time, it’s a 4-day week school schedule. Praise God! What a difference I must say in terms of free time.

But I will accept that the past 6 weeks have not been a waste of time but I have learnt how much less I want money and how much more I want God.

And there’s been so many times when I have asked myself this question,

“Mark, would you give up all that money that you’ve earned?”

And every single time, without hesitation, I am always answering a full YES! I guess maybe God has brought me through this experience to spread to the world that God is the only way to having a fulfilling life.

So to all hearts who feel like there’s no reason to hold, let go of whatever it is that you are holding onto and come to Jesus! Praise God!

PS: The joyful & happy Mark Sebastian Abraham is back. Thanks Lord Jesus!

Desire for Ministry to be alive everyday

From the time I answered the invitation to return to God last year, I made a promise and also request to God. This promise was sort of a stipulation I had placed before God as I return to doing the work of God again.

I told God,
“Lord Jesus, if I return to you to serve you in your vineyard, I have 1 request to ask of you. Lord, may the work I do for you in wherever you call me to serve ever become a job and so mundane that it becomes so ordinary and boring. But Lord, may you enlighten me always and make my journey & ministry become extraordinary, exciting & enjoyable.”

But lately, this has been the main struggle for me. Ever since I’ve started working in OCBC bank as my holiday job, I have been finding it so difficult to manage my time and also keep up in my spiritual life. Its been a real bothering thought for weeks as enter into somewhat a state that I have always disliked. It’s a state when ministry become so normal and also something I experienced some years back but whenever I talked to people about it the common answer I received was that it was all part of ministry. But as in many of the posts I’ve written, I have always diminished the thought of living a mundane life.

But despite this struggle, God has never once left me alone. It was always God who directed me especially in times of struggle and desperation for something special to happen. But I truly praise God for this realization of my life becoming too mundane. It has also been in this process of realization when God has shown me the difference in the power of God and the power of humans. As there’s been many times in the previous weeks where I have missed out on my prayer time, in those times, I have been facing the struggle of going beyond human limitations to reach somewhere I have been in the past. But this is a true testimony of how we can never be in the presence of God without the grace & strength given from God. And it is truly through our efforts of prayer where we receive this strength & grace.

But today God reminds me to come to the throne of grace to receive him as I am with all my struggles & limitations placed at the foot of the cross. And this is also a true fact that all the dreams & desire to more like Jesus and to never make life mundane is all from God as all these desires leads me closer to God! So Lord Jesus, I praise you for this important realization and I prayed that my spiritual walk with you will always be alive & active just like the Word of God!

Depending on God's Strength

Wow life has really been on the fast lane. These days, it feels like I am living life on a F1 race. But I’ve been receiving the grace to accept it and embrace it. And if you’re wondering why I haven’t been blogging, well its been my lack of time and there’s been so many things I’ve been desiring to blog on. So I am going to put in more effort.

Anyway, firstly, I wanna really praise God for really good results. Its really been a blessing I must confess as God has really just shown me the way and guided me all the way through. I got 3 Bs, 2 B+ and just 1 C. And for the C that I got, I actually had failed this module before the exam but due to really doing well for my main exam, I managed to get a C. It was the one module which I was struggling so much with until to a point of devastation. But God guided me and together with the prayers of the many lovely people from my cell & parish, God saved me. The is a really good lesson for me to continue believing that God will show his mighty power in the ones who are weak and are dependant on his grace & strength.

My present busy schedule has been caused by my acceptance to take a job for the holidays. I am currently working at OCBC Bank as a Telemarketer. Its also been sort of a dream to work in a bank. But I think, of late, my job has been so routine that I think I’ve really missed out the many positive graces I can receive from working at the Bank. But as all of you should know, that working in a bank comes with targets to be met. This has been the main struggle over these past 3-4 weeks. But yet again God reminds me to trust in his perfect plan for me. He reminds me that as I struggle to meet these targets, to really draw strength from God and he surely will provide. The example was shown today. Everyday, we have a target of 3 applications to be submitted. So yesterday, I only had 1 application and then I started to question God about his plan for me. But God kept reminding me to trust in his plan for me. And so I just trusted in him. The most amazing thing happened today then, I got 6 applications. This yet again illustrates how God works in those who think they are lousy and the worst. God just proves his power!



So I really praise God so much for using me to illustrate his power. Thank you Lord Jesus for using me! May all the Glory belong to you, Lord! Amen!

PS: Stay tuned for much more exciting & inspirational post! There are so many more posts in my heart waiting to exalt my Lord.

Lay Apostolate Sunday message

The message of Lay Apostolate Sunday, over the weekend that's just past has really been extremely amazing! There’s been so many times when we as humans jump to conclusions on interpreting the message of, “The harvest is plentiful but laborers are few.” So many have been culprits to jumping to conclusions especially myself about our priests giving a message that we should be answer the call to the priesthood & religious life. But this Sunday, the priests have brought out the message of the laity being called to serve in Church!

Well this Sunday, I had the chance to attend 2 masses, one of which was on Saturday at OLPS and the other of course, at my parish of SFX. Both priests gave the excellent but real message that there are numerous people out there in the world searching for a God and for love in their life. All of them are searching for something extra special that the world doesn’t provide and something that money can’t buy.

For those whom I’ve shared with, would know that I’m extremely happy and excited of the news of our new parish priest at SFX. Father John Bosco who arrived at my parish at the start of this month, has been really awesome so far. So you can see that I’m another fan of him. It’s really something I can’t put into words but I know that there’s something really special about him. Anyway, he gave the message of people needing something extra special in their own lives. But the focus wasn’t just on the need for the people who aren’t in ministry to start being part of one. That was only half of the message.

I would think that the encouragement God gives us in his word of how we are called everyday to spread the news of the Gospel in whatever situations we are in. The message that there is a need to come out of our comfort zones to spread the news about this amazing God that we have and also always draw strength from the source-giver, God himself through prayer! I was really struck by this message and it really affirmed & encourages me to do more to spread the love, peace & joy of Jesus Christ!

And I guess there’s been so many times when I myself have been afraid to go out of my way to be more evangelical to spread the news of God but I know that it is in God himself where I find the grace, courage & strength to be a disciple of Christ Jesus!

So with this in mind, may we always inspire everyone to be more loving & welcome to more & more people whoever they may be or wherever they may come from. Let us continue to seek this God and always be a beacon of Light for this world! Let us be this example of Love for Christ Jesus! Praise God!

God gives me a gift

God truly knows me so well. In actual fact, he knows me more than myself. He is really so sweet when he gives gifts. It really touched my heart so much. I knew that God & I have really great times during prayer when he moulds me and teaches me his ways, but never would I expect such a gift. I am so thankful to Aunty Corinne for being used by God and being extremely sweet to think of me and give me a gift.

Well I’m sure you’ll must be thinking, “Mark, isn’t about time you told us what the gift is?”

And Yes I'll tell you. After desiring so much to get a World Youth Day shirt for the longest time, Aunty Corinne & my Godpa & especially God has given me a WYD’08 shirt. When Aunty Corinne passed me the shirt this morning after mass, I was totally shocked and I wished I had taken the expression on my face because I was extremely happy! I really could remember the joy I had in my heart. I am still in quite a state joy of receiving the gift!

This gift is so simple but yet, it means the world to me that I received this gift. It’s been a desire that’s been in my heart for the longest time. After checking out the prices of the WYD’08 shirts online, I was totally in utter dismay of the prices of the shirts but then Sarah who’s in aussie studying had then offered to like get the shirt for me and would then pass it to me in a few months. But I never at all expected anyone to actually get me a gift of such. I am extremely happy and encouraged to seek God even more after receiving the WYD’08 shirt. I hope you can really feel the joy I feel. It’s so amazing.

And I guess why I’m so happy about this shirt is because I really wanted a piece something so special to the heart of God, The World Youth Day! During the WYD’08 when everyone else was there, I felt so sad that I wasn’t able to be there but I knew that God was preparing me so something more or maybe the next WYD in 2011 in Madrid. But even then God provides for me as the EWTN website had live coverage of the WYD’08. I guess another reason is that I’m a huge fan of the Pope. Actually I’m a fan of all Popes! So I really love to hear the sermons and messages the pope gives to the Universal Catholic Church. So thankfully, God provided a way for me to catch the finale mass of WYD’08 live.

Hope you can see my Joy! Haha!

Looks quite good on me or rather it makes me look good!

The shirt looks so very awesome!

I love it!

So Lord Jesus Christ, I give the utmost glory & praise for this gift and also for the gift of Aunty Corinne who’s more of a Godma to me & also to my Godpa. May you bless them always with your blessings and graces! Praise the name of Jesus!

The studying weekend

Well this weekend was really tough as God told me to obediently head to my books to study. When god told me this, I felt so sad and was totally not looking forward to the weekend. But as I realized how much I was struggling with my toughest module, Dynamics, I knew I really had to start studying.

So this weekend, from Friday evening onwards, it was really intense studying guided & comforted by god! The only sort of chilling out was, firstly, on Friday when I went for evening mass & later adoration. Secondly, was when I had supper with Jerome & Freeman for about 2 hours. And lastly, was Sunday, when I went for mass and then had the usual YV session.

But though it may seem like complaining, it’s actually not as I’m getting to the interesting part. As I was studying the stuff in the module started to get easier and the more I started to redo my tutorial questions, the more I started to understand. Another interesting point to note is that before this weekend started, I felt that I would be really bored to death studying and not being able to go out to enjoy with friends especially with my cell jave a great time at east coast. But actually, as I studied, God helped replaced that void with his presence. With the presence of God overflowing in my room, I started to enjoy it and especially my celebrations when I solved together with God the really tough problems.

So this weekend was one where I needed to actually listen to God and do what he told me to do obediently. It was something God wanted me to learn. It was really tough to just block off my whole weekend and just devote it to studying but it ended out to be a good decision! Before this weekend, I knew nothing about this module but now I know quite a bit. All thanks to the amazing God I have! Thank you Lord! You always plan my life so beautifully! Amen!

PS: I'm so happy that my cell has an awesome time at east coast on saturday. Thanks so much to Sury for calling and checking up to see how I was doing! Totally appreciate it. Thnaks also to all who were praying for me! Your prayers really sustained me!

Faith in Jesus

Well lately, this has been my new desire, FAITH! Over the week, I’ve has asking our Almighty God to increase my faith in him. I’ve really wanted to be able to have true faith in the Almighty God!

You know there have been so many stories & parables from Jesus, himself speaking about Faith. And there’s been so many times when the priests would give homilies on how much we lack faith in god and how when a storm comes by, we lose faith in god by the after struggle so much. After God comes into the situation to show us how real he is, we receive the revelation of the reality of the presence of God in earth as well as in our lives! This message would bring back to me many memories where I have both stuck with god & had faith in him as well as many times where I foolishly trust in the world rather than the Almighty God.

The most recent time I recall when I totally lost faith in God was when my classmate’s sister had passed after a car accident. Although, I still had faith in god to reaffirm & guide her, as she was in a state of shear desperation of something special revelation from God. But in throughout this experience, I kept think of death so much and I was just in a state where I was so down and out without any joy in God at all. My faith had really been shaken to its weak foundation I had. Suddenly, I started to think whether God was really real. It really took awhile for me get out such a state. But I think that it was then when God literally carried me on his back and really made sure I was able to carry on in ministry, school and life itself. I can’t actually remember how I managed to remove myself from such a state of negativity. I am sure God just carried me out of it.

Now on the lighter side, the most recent time I recalled when I had placed my faith in God fully, was during the confirmation camp ’08. I blogged about it too. It was when everyone in the service team was so afraid whether the confirmants were going to be touched by God. I was afraid too, but through the grace of god, I placed my faith & trust in God and was instructed by God to spread he faith to the service team. After the confirmants had all been touched by God, it was a sense of great joy for me and I praise for giving me the faith to trust in him. The feeling was so great and awesome to have trusted in God in a time of doubt.

Faith! It does wonders for us! It guides us especially in times of deep doubt & struggle. It is the foundation of our religion. It’s something that is given by God and also something that the world will disagree. It helps bring out the hope to see the best in people. And having faith in God also helps us have faith in people. I have realized that when I trust more in God, I start to have greater faith in people. There is a deep need for us to have faith in people because its gives others to shine as the children of God. And there’s been so many times when people serving in ministry are so critical. It was first Christ who had faith in us and we too must try to imitate Christ. There have been so many experiences I’ve had when I get a chance to see the joy in someone's face when the little chance is given. It’s just something so unreal yet unbelievable.

And so after praying and desiring so much for Faith this week, I have realized & discovered that God had granted my request, He really had instilled in me more faith in him. But I hope I will be able to put my full trust & faith in God. I will continue to seek faith as I grow deeper with God. May we desire for faith in God and also start to have faith in people and imitate Christ’s grace, faith and love more and more each day.

Praise you Almighty God! Amen!

You're Smart, Mark

For years, I would hope for the day when someone would compliment with the words of ‘Mark, you’re smart!” After such a long time, someone actually complimented me by those kind words. I was kind of shocked too especially considering who it came. But nevertheless, it made my day into such a joyful one on Friday.

I guess this goes a few years back into the history of my life. As those whom I’ve shared before, I used to be in a state of not being able to forgive myself for entering into ITE. This continued even after I entered Temasek Poly. I couldn’t come to terms to forgiving myself as it really brought me down to a level where I felt that I was really so stupid. And there were so many times when I complained to God on why I was like this. And I just used to hate myself for entering ITE. To make things worse, the people I met everyday in Church were people who were so intelligent and smart studying in JCs or Polys. I guess after awhile it got a little bit intimidating. But these thoughts weren’t like everyday & every second kind of stuff. These were just thoughts that I chose to leave at the back of my mind so that it wouldn’t be such a struggle in ministry. But it was one of those struggles which will come back to haunt you time and again until you actually choose to deal with the issue or struggle. So throughout my time in poly during my 1st year, I would really struggle at times with this.

But then it was last year when the whole load of struggles I was trying to carry on my back by myself became too heavy for me that God needed to do special to get my attention and be curious.

Well, I was in the adoration room around last year June. Then God did something to make me really curious to find out what happened. So I met up with Sury, Becks & later Pris Tan came by too. And as I talked with them, they felt that it were huge burdens I were carry. And then they went on to pray for me and told me to place all of it at the feet of Jesus. And as they were praying, God reminded me deep within my heart of how I had not forgiven myself for entering ITE. And then I shared that when them, together with God and them, I started to realize how my entry into ITE was part of the plan of God for me in my life. After the deep realization, I forgave myself and started to love the person I was and also to start allowing God to mould me into the person he wants me to be!

A year later which is now, I reflect and wonder how precious that night was to me as I forgave myself and allowed God to come in. And just last night, I was reflecting on how I got smarter as the year had progressed and I came to only 1 conclusion, “I have only god to thank for this as I didn’t do anything to become smarter except drawing close to Jesus!”

And to actually explain how God has made me smarter would be a total mystery even for me. Its one of those instances where it’s explainable but I only can praise God for this!

May you be able to draw close to God and experience the joy of being in his presence and allowing him to mould you into the person he wants you to be. His 1st plan for you is really amazing and so unreal!

So I praise you O God from the heavens for making me smart! I am in total awe of your grace & goodness! Thanks you Lord! Amen!

Clinging onto the Cross

What does it mean to cling onto the cross of Jesus? Does it just mean to leave all our struggles and worries at the foot of the Cross or do we have to literally cling onto the cross of Jesus in times of struggle?

As Jesus himself says it in the bible, “If you remain in me, then I will remain in you.”





Since my recent increasing desire for prayer, I have been facing quite a few fears and struggles. Firstly, the fears I’ve been facing have been like fears of whether I will be able to constantly be in the state of prayer and still have conviction in God. The main fear has basically been whether my faith will be alive. I was so afraid of being the ordinary catholic praying fervently and not being alive & joyful in faith. But every time, I talk to God about this fear, he always reassures me that he knows what I need to be sustained in my prayer life and ensured that he’ll provide for me. Another fear has been whether I’ll be able to leave everything and start this new life of prayer. I guess it’s the title of ‘living a life of prayer’ which really started to scare me quite a bit, then God just kept reminding me about how simple he has put praying to him is for me and that I should start making my own way of this life of prayer and not try to forced into this life of prayer.

Now, in terms of struggles, I’ve been really struggling through these past 2 days of trials that I’ve been facing. I guess, I’m not used to going through trials for a whole and what more 2 whole days. It kind of shows how dependent I am on the grace of God to get me through these trials and tribulations. As I continued to think about this, I realized how much conviction I had in God but not much faith & trust in God when it came to facing trials in my spiritual journey. Maybe this is the result of living very comfortably in the presence of God. I guess I keep forgetting that you will still face trial & tribulations despite your answer to the Call of God. In some sense, I’m just very used to being happy everyday and when suddenly I face some difficult situation especially in my journey with God, I start t lose faith & trust in God and start to doubt whether God is really there.

But in all of this, after spending quiet time with God in the adoration room earlier, God revealed to me that it was a transition period into another level of my spiritual journey for me. As he revealed that to me, I started to see how God was still active in my life even as I started to doubt his presence. For those who have got the latest August issue of the ‘Word among us’, the theme for this issue was about faith. It talks about how much faith we have in God and then what faith does for us. So actually God was working still in me but I was blinded by my worries about his absence. Its kind of funny also when you think about it. Haha!

Anyway, I have truly learnt what it means to cling onto the Cross of Jesus. It means that although at that point in time, it may seem as the most ridiculous thing to be trusting in God but when we speak to God, we will be feeling a sense of growth in ourselves that we still trusted in God despite the evil one trying to mess with and disrupt our close & loving relationship with God! So praise God for the gift of faith as it allows us to grow in Christ!

Awesome Sunday & Powerful homily by Pope Benedict XVI

My Sunday really started early around 6 am when I got up to make it for Sunday morning 7am mass as a few youths were screening the finale mass of the World Youth Day ’08 live from Sydney! I had slept for about 5 hours only and was extremely tired as I woke up but I kept the thought of listening to the homily of Pope Benedict XVI in mind and basically that was my source of motivation.

At mass, although I was quite sleepy, I was really able to feel the grace of God at mass as Rev. Father Anthony Ho gave his homily on how forgiving & loving our God is and that he loves us all so much. He mentioned also how we were created for heaven and also that heaven is first looked at as the immense love God has for us and only secondly, heaven is looked at a place where we’ll be in paradise with Jesus! But the highlight of the mass wasn’t just the message of the Gospel, rather, it was how God brought me to break down and actually cry.

Well over recent weeks, I’ve really drifted away from God mainly because of sin. And yesterday I realized how far I drifted away from my God. As I was listening to how someone felt so close to God, I was reminded of how much I miss God and its not like he isn’t there but that I have been in a state of sin and running away from God. I felt so sad to have lost that connection and closeness with God though not totally lost. But the thought just brought me to sadness. So during mass today, as I was preparing for communion, I was feeling so sad about drifting away and also so sorrowful for my sins. But as I received Jesus in communion, God poured out his love upon me in true abundance. And as I knelt and listened to God, I was brought to a state of totally wonder and awe of how amazing, loving & forgiving God was to me. I was so touched to the depths of my heart of how God never judged me but actually just totally poured out his love upon me. That brought me to tears and I was just in a state of being totally loved by my Saviour!

But there was more planned by God! I was so excited to hear the homily of Pope Benedict XVI from the finale mass at World Youth day live from Sydney! I am a huge admirer of the all the Popes! I see the pope as some really called and chosen by God himself to be a Shepherd to the whole world! I just find all popes so wise and their messages are truly revelations from God! And their messages are just so inspiring and encouraging!

So in his homily, he said about powerful the youths of this day are and how the Holy Spirit is so powerful within the Church today. And as said last year from somewhere, the Pope mentioned about the “Upper Room”, on how we are called to gather up at the upper room and pray for a special outpouring of the Holy Spirit! He especially mentioned how we are called to be fearless when saying a ‘Yes’ to Christ! It was just so inspiring! It really made me so happy to seek God and bring the knowledge of the Love of God to more people both within the Church and outside of it!

So Lord I truly praise you for such and amazing Sunday! Praise you O God for Pope Benedict XVI! Amen!

Desire for Prayer (Part II)

I have many times entered into the thought of finding the actual reasons for 'Prayer', I kept coming to a state where I've found not much reason for prayer maybe because of myself being someone that doesn't like being forced into doing something. In this post, I'll be sharing about my experience of prayer and what it does for me.

So what really is prayer for you? I think that our own personal definition of prayer is just so important and hopefully our definition has some similarities with Catholic Church. The worst thing would be for us to heading in separate direction from Catholic Church and then claiming that we know God. For a sure fact, we know that it was Jesus himself who decided to build Church and hence, it is so essential to be in line with the Church and her teachings.

For me, my definition is prayer is speaking to God and being in God’s presence. And as years have passed, I’ve come to realize how difficult it can be to pray faithful without truly knowing the true person of God! But as I drew closer to God, I’ve come to really enjoy prayer, the Eucharist, silent time and set prayers like the divine office & other kinds of prayers.

But what prayer truly does for me, is making me more humble and graceful. From what I perceived prayer as initially, you could say that God has really brought revelation to me for me to understand prayer. For this I praise God specially! And just being in the presence of God without speaking at all is so rewarding as it is. Everyday, as I pray in the morning, I really find it so important for me as I start as it starts my day with being filled with the grace & joy of the Lord! And I guess in many ways, its my source of joy in the Lord!

As I was think about this post, I think and feel that we as youths of the Church need to pray like how Jesus prayed where he’d take time off from all ministry to go up to the mountain to sit and pray. But of course our mountain can be in the adoration room or our own rooms or even anywhere away from all distractions. As I was just reflecting on the modern day youths who have chosen to say ‘Yes’ to Jesus, I came to the conclusion, that we can make so much time to ministry work but sometimes we miss out on the true crucial element of spending time with God in prayer.

And I have always been a person not liking prayer much but really, God has taught me what a gift prayer really is! It really is an avenue to receive grace and humility! And finally, prayer is where we will really be able to seek to do the true will of our Father in Heaven.

So this is my prayer for all of us especially the youths & young adults serving in Church. I pray that we youths will be a praying & discerning people filling the conviction & vibrancy of the Holy Spirit. I especially pray for all those who find prayer such a burden and a chore, I pray that they may experience God tangibly in their daily lives and find prayer a grace! Amen!

Desire for Prayer (Part I)

Well yes this has been my latest desire which came from God, "Prayer". In the past, I kinda disliked prayer so much because it was so quiet and so boring especially when I had to pray the rosary. But over recent weeks, I had the chance to come to know God much better, Prayer has been more of a chance to be in the presence of God and especially receiving grace & humility.

As I've been immersing myself as much as possible in prayer, I really have been able to received alot of strength to get through my days much better. And prayer has particularly been really helpful at times where I have been made fun of. In these times, I've been able to be more receptive to the promptings of the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit has really been guiding me so much especially in times when I feel like returning negetive comments at the people who make fun of me or those who keep irritating me. But what the Holy Spirit has done has really been amazing, where he has guided me to love them instead of hating them.

Now through the guidance of the Holy Spirit and praying the rosary, I have been able to not only to love the ones who keep disturbing me but also to very importantly pray for their well-being & safety. Its been quite weird I must say that, when I lift them up during my prayers but I affirmed at how praying for them makes me love them more and as well as learn to accept them for who they are. But though accepting them for who they are, God has guided me not to conform to their ways but to actually accept them and ensure to continuously live a life of holiness.

Although this will continue to remain to be a struggle, I am feeling much better these days and trying to get back to a Joyful Mark whom i miss dearly. But I praise God for giving me the desire for prayer as I seek him more and more each day! May you be able to experience the true grace and humility of Prayer!

Why can't we all love?

This has been one of our main struggles throughout the years serving in ministry! And there's been so many times that I've question God about this but I always come to a point of just accepting that its just meant to be that way. But I just always so troubled by the fact that there are so many people out there in search for that unconditional love.

So why can't we love unconditionally?

I guess this may appear as a plea as well. But I guess the first step is to get myself out of the self-denial period. Well, I do get quite affected when people make those racist remarks at me. And sometimes I just question God if there'd been anything I'd done to deserve such treatment. And there's been so many times when people have said that the ones being joked at don't get affected by the remarks we make. But if that were to be yourself in that position, wouldn't you be affected after a series of remarks. But as always I come back to the point that I should love them for who they are and not what they say.

But I guess I still just throw this question to everyone out there. How are people who are searching for God and his love, going to find it if we ourselves aren't instruments of that love? How are these poor people going to experience that love if we ourselves don't experience that within our brothers and sisters in Christ?

As I post this, my prayer is going out to both the guilty ones and the victims of this. I guess we may all be part of both groups at different times.

And this is my plea to everyone: LOVE! The world lacks so much love where there are people constantly dying without experiencing love throughout their whole life. So many times, we pray that for those who are so sick suffering from so many illnesses but the biggest illnesses we all have is the inability to love. So let this be our prayer! That there'll be more and more love being experienced everyday especially for those searching for love!

And may our lovely catholic church be the main source of love. And maybe this is the reason why youths are running away from our catholic church, as they don't find a sense of community and being loved. So let us love more and stop allowing people to joke and make fun of others at the expense of others. And let's so stop presuming that the ones we make fun of aren't affected by the remarks we make because at some point they surely will as we all have a heart and they'll feel hurt at some point!

LET US LOVE LIKE CHRIST DID! AMEN!

The Truth of it all

Well this is something that many people don't know. Some may know a part of it but I'm very thing nobody knows the whole truth and my feelings behind this except God of Course! Well its actually directly related with my relationship my girlfriend. First things first, we've broken up after 3 weeks of being together. I just really need to get that out before I start.

Even before I got attached, I knew that God didn't want me to get attached with this girl. He told me about 2 weeks before we got attached. Basically what happened was that, I asked God whether this relationship was part of his #1 plan for me. I was at mass on a Sunday at that time when I asked him. And after a few minutes, God answered me and said that it wasn't part of his #1 plan for me. And then I got so confused and kept questioning myself whether this really was from God. But the more I questioned, the more God affirmed me that it was the Lord God Almighty. So I concluded that it was God and then started to ask him why it couldn’t be part of his #1 plan for me. I continued to tell him that all the physical signs pointed to fact that I should get attached. But after awhile, I knew that I needed to come to a conclusion. And after weighing all options, I concluded that I needed to go with God's #2 plan for me. And as I told God that, I knew in my heart that I would still be blessed with the love of God but I wouldn't be able to really fell that eternal happiness with God here on earth.

And as soon as I got attached, I began to feel the greater challenge to seek God and found it tougher. But I was still able to feel the presence & love of God but the void was the joy & delight that I had in God, especially the joy expressed through my Friday morning messages. That was something I missed so much during my 3 weeks of being attached. But things got a bit more confusing from there, as the word about me being attached spread so fast through my cell group and my parish. All thanks to Facebook. Haha! But the main issue was that so many of them were extremely happy for me. Everyone was telling me how happy they were for me. BUT only the person himself, who was receiving it, wasn't entirely happy. I was happy but also unhappy not being able to achieve that eternal joy with God! But don't get me wrong. I was happy to get attached but it was just that void of fulfillment which was left half full.

And so, I started to pray to God that he'll help me in this situation. I prayed that I'll be happy with whatever solution he had in mind. And all the time, God was still with me, telling me not to keep looking back on the choosing his #2 plan for me. But God kept reassuring me of his plan for me and kept reminding me to just look forward and stop looking back.

And then as 2 weeks into the relationship passed, I asked God once more, "Lord what do I do now? How Lord?" Then just kept telling me to wait and pray for the relationship and especially for her well being. And that was what I kept doing basically!

Then on Thursday night (26/6/2008), my girlfriend messaged me that she thought that it would be better to remain as good friends. Now at this point, I didn't know what to feel. I asked myself whether I should be sad or happy? I really didn't know because I was happy that God helped me but also sad cause I've been trying to adjust to this sort of life. But of course I was a little more happy than sad. Anyway the next day, I was quite joyful as I could feel that joy and fulfillment in God again. Anyway, we talked about it and now we are going to be good friends once again.

But it took awhile for me to really digest everything but now I am in total joy of God allowing me to come back to his #1 plan for me. And Boy am I lovin it! All praise be to God!

But I have learnt alot from this relationship. I realised how much I loved God and desired to live out his #1 for me. I also learnt to trust God more and more and of course to listen to God when tells me that it isn't part of his plan and not try to think that I know better cause I don't!

So my lovely people, I'm single once again and I wanna remain in this state unless getting attached is part of God's #1 plan for me! Praise God!

God keeps his promise

You know how we sometimes like to doubt to god a little bit at times and think at that point that we might know better. Well that was what the service at SFX confirmation camp was thinking and we were pretty much doubting God.

The confirmation camp 2008 program was extremely different from the previous con camps we've had. It was a program which was vey much commented with lots of negative comments. Maybe its the culture of youths serving in God's kingdom who have very high expectations and also not being able to adapt to different situations. Even I found it really difficult to adapt the the new program but I am just so thankful to God for granting me te grace to being able to accept his plan for us all.

I felt really blessed throughout the camp as I was really feeling the graces of God poured out upon me and upon everyone . The graces I needed to wake up in the morning and be fresh & cheerful, the grace to be a light for Christ to the confirmants, the grace to believe that God will move within the confirmants and especially the grace to have faith.

And I'm just so affirmed by the way God touched the lives of the confirmants. For God knew the confirmants way better then us and he knew what would be the best way to touch their hearts. And so rightfully God did during the Parents night where the confirmants will read the letter from their parents and then moments later, meet them and reconcile with them. Though almost all of us predicted that it won't really touch the confirmants, God proved us to be so wrong when it happened. It was so touching that even the facilitators were in tears at such a sight of Love!

And for me, as all these moments of love were happening, I just looked at the cross where Jesus was and I thanked him and just smiled at him. It was just a moment of pure joy & delight to have put my faith in God! It was really beautiful Love!

And futhermore, I have never seen the Holy Spirit move like how it did during this con camp. Seriously! It was really amazing how the Holy Spirit was guiding every speaker, facilitator, musician, worship leader, priests and confirmant! It was so amazing! And of course the Holy spirit left Mark Sebastian Abraham in total wonder & awe of God as I was guided to initiate the unplanned morning service team prayers.

Thats another thing I learnt at this con camp. I learnt how powerful prayer can be, especially communal prayer. I received the gift of prayer! It was so amazing and so unplanned!

And basically this is what happened for SFX during the same weekend of YISS, St. Joseph Con Camp, OLPS youth retreat and many other camps held concurrently. I'm sure the Holy spirit moved so strongly in the other camps too!

Prasie be to GOD!

PS: Sorry for being so lazy to update my Blog! Will be trying to update it more now! Hehe!

New stuff thats happened

Hello everyone!

Wow its really been a long time since I last posted anything. But a lot has been happening me, both in terms of relationship with God, school and some new stuff.

Well the first thing is that I’m attached with a girl. But I must praise god for this. I’m not just praising God for getting attached but more on the process of the whole thing. God was like my love guru (actually he is). He was guiding me all the way and it all ended up well because of him only. He was there for me in times of desperation, joy and sadness.

The funny thing about all this was that, throughout the whole process of the planning and all, it was only when I was seeking the Kingdom of God first, that things with her went extremely well. But when I wanted to be with her more than with God, things went bad. And I guess, I knew that this relationship with her was purely a gift from God to his Child.

There were so many times when questioned God on why I deserved such a gift but it always ended with God just giving me the grace to rejoice, delight and accept the gift. This was something that I always wanted actually, which was to have a pure and god-centered relationship with someone. So now, just delight that God’s plan for me is this good. And I always thought that when I was to enter into a relationship with someone, that I would drift away from God but how can this happen when the relationship comes from God. Its actually the opposite, where I draw closer to God.

And I am just so amazed that throughout this process, I’ve experienced drawing closer and closer to God each day. But God has really been granting the graces for me and I can only delight in my creator, GOD!

And the other stuff which has been happening is that my term tests have just finished but I have about 4 projects to finish throughout these 2 weeks of holidays. And of course, my relationship with God has been become better and better each days. But I am still sinful in my own ways, so continue to keep me in your prayers.

I want to thanks all the many people who are happy and excited for me. A really special thanks to my magnificent cell group! You’ll know who you are! And I guess it shows how wonderful the plan God has for us. So let’s trust in this plan! Amen!

The new and true Mission

As an experience of grieving the loss of a child of God and also experiencing my Faith being shaken, it got me thinking as I was on my way home for the wake of Yuan Xiang. I started to think on, “How cruel this world can be?” As I recalled Chanel telling me that there was a few times when her sister who has passed on, complained about how she hated going to school because of how her classmates in school were talking behind each other’s back and just making fun of each other.

But I think that many people around the world are facing this problem of loneliness and being outcast and made fun of. And in many ways, I have been a victim of in the past during my school days. As many people in the world always pick on people in many areas like their race, colour, appearance, background, religion and ect.

And its really cruel as I reflect on this struggle of many others in the world as many people enjoy their time together at the expense of someone else. And being a follower of Jesus makes this all the more important to help the ones affected by these struggles. And so in the bus, on the way home, I felt that a new mission has arose for me and in many ways, I’d like to dedicate this to Kio Yuan Xiang.

Well the new mission is, “To protect, befriend and love the ones who are rejected by society, the ones who are being picked on so that others may enjoy their time better and the ones who feel like the better thing to do is to die as the world is just too cruel to them.” This is the new mission based on glorifying the name of Jesus! And this is my cry to all who feel that the world is too cruel to them, to allow Jesus to use me to help you because Jesus Loves You and I want to also! You can feel the joy of being truly loved in Jesus name!

So if you feel alone, then post a comment in this post so that we can feel loved together in Jesus name because life is short and we should feel loved! Amen!

The experience of grieving the loss of a Child of God

After such an enjoyable and exciting weekend, my week started a little bad with some unforeseen circumstances happening. All was good with the worship workshop by SACCRE at CAYC last weekend. I received many pointers on how to lead worship better and I was really humbled too by God’s anointing upon everyone. So ya, all went well.

But as I was getting ready for school on Monday morning around 11am, I received call from my classmate, Huda that our other classmate, Chanel, got into an accident in front of their HDB BLK at Tampines. I was in quite of a shock but luckily, I was ready to leave and caught a cab and went to school straight as the ambulance left the scene already. On my way there, Huda called me and told me that it was actually Chanel’s sister, Yuan Xiang who got into the accident as they both looked a lot alike. It brought a little relief but still it was totally horrible as she was only 17.

Soon after, I went for classes and met with Chanel and Huda. Chanel was in tears and then halfway through the day, she left for the hospital as the situation of her sister, got worse. After school around 4pm, Huda and myself left school for the hospital. The whole family was totally in great grief. As I visited her sister, I kept praying for God’s will to be done. When I left the hospital, I was really in a extremely solemn state as I was just thinking about everything that had happened.

The next day, I went for classes and went to the hospital. The strange thing was that when I was with Chanel, God kept me strong as I needed to be. But when I wasn’t at the hospital, there was a sense of great sadness within me. This feeling continued all the way. Then on Wednesday morning around 1.30am, Chanel messaged me and told me that her sister, Kio Yuan Xiang had passed on. That was tough to handle as I kept wondering how fast we can lose our life and also how young we can loose it. I was totally sad and upset at this news. It was so difficult to see God in all this.

And this was even harder to take as my Faith in God was shaken to the foundations. I just felt so worthless at that point because I was just in so much joy in the past week. It was just immensely difficult dealing with this. Another strange thing was that the girl that had passed on, was someone that I never met in my entire life, yet I was such a state of sadness. But I guess there was a reason for such a bonding.

So today as I went for mass for the feast of the Ascension of our Lord, I just lifted up all my sadness, my struggles and especially the people who were grieving for her loss and placed at the feet of Jesus. After mass, I just felt lifted and free.

I guess in many ways, this experience has taught me a lot. It’s made me realize that death is something real and true which we all have to face 1 day. But 1 of the major struggles I was facing was, “Whether I would be worthy to enter heaven when I pass from this world?” But I feel that God will take us up when God feels we are ready, which calls us to trust in God’s plan for us. This experience has also made me realize that my Faith was really shaken to its foundations and its called me to really seek more of Jesus! It showed me that I need to build my faith more on the rock of Jesus instead of building my faith on the sand of the world! May we all experience our hurdles to really come to realize how much we need Jesus, our Saviour!

PS: Please pray for the Soul of Kio Yuan Xiang to return to the Father in Heaven. Also pray for her family!

God uses St. Mark the Evangelist to give joy to me!

Well yesterday (Friday), I was so happy the whole day and its was happy than the usual happiness, it was much more. So in the morning I presumed that God was extra happy maybe! But what I didn’t was it was it was my feast day, where I was reminded by Sury, Kenny & Corrine. Praise God for these people who were used as God’s instruments to tell me this message of super great joy for me!

The whole day was good and all! Before mass, I really had an excellent 30 mins of silent time with God in the adoration room. Then I went for mass and really experienced the Eucharist in a really deep level with God! And as I received Jesus, there was a huge smile on my face which I just couldn’t remove. I have experienced this before but this time, it was extra special. But do remember that we all have a God who is full of surprises!

So after the choir sang the thanksgiving hymn, Father Anthony Ho stood and just said a few words as usual. And then I thought he was going to congratulate the choir for singing so beautifully, but then he said, “Everyone in the congregation looks very happy. But there is one person who is the happiest person here, and he is Mark Abraham! For today is his feast day!” After he said this, I felt so honored and also so much in awe of God!

This brought great joy for me and then the smile on my face just became bigger! I was just incredibly happy and joyful but most importantly, in awe of God! Father Brian then asked me why I kept smiling. This got me thinking and I came to a conclusion that its because I am in awe and in love with Jesus!

Praise you O God for St. Mark and the beautiful & joyful day yesterday! I just wanna ask all followers of this man, Jesus, to put on the face of Christ and smile more cause I’ve realized that through your smile, others will see Christ in you and they too will be able to experience the joy that Christ Gives!

SMILE everyone! Christ will surely smile! Amen!

Being in the Grace of God

Life is really sensational just living in the Grace of God and at times it’s really so hard to believe whether life can be this good! It’s really been something that I’ve been experiencing this week, despite this week being one of my busiest weeks ever. But I guess all credit goes to the Risen lord who has just granted me every grace I needed to grow deeper with him.

About 3 weeks ago, I felt the Lord calling me to go deeper into prayer with him. It was a called to start going into deeper prayer with him like the Lectio Divina and just more silent prayer. And my reply to him was, “Lord, you I am not the type of meditative type and all. But if this is what you want to do, then please grant me the graces cause without it I know for sure that I will never be able to do this.” So in the past 3 weeks, I been spending much more time in the adoration room and all I have to say is that the Lord provides yet again. It’s just been an amazing journey because I’ve been really enjoying my silent time with the Lord!

But some of you may ask, how does all this help in our growth of our spiritual journeys with the Lord! Well all this gives us spiritual energy and joy to serve better in our ministries and also all this gives us stamina to run the race. If we don’t have this, we find ourselves at times really weak to carry on this race! I will certainly testify to this, because there’s been so many times when I felt like giving up and falling into sin or the easier way out which is to be unlike Christ! But it’s been like the Sprit of God got stronger within me and always kept me restrained from giving up. It’s something that’s really hard to explain and I guess in many ways that this is sort of living in the grace of God. But despite all this, I still do make mistakes and fall again and again. But everytime and I fail once; I try to do better the next day. Yet again this is part of living in the grace of God!

Anyway this week, I started school again as I just started my 2nd year in Temasek Poly and yes, I am enjoying life in poly but its getting a lot tougher. It all falls in place cause before this semester started, I made a decision to study much harder compared to the previous year in poly. So I guess there was a reason for God to instill the idea to study harder this semester. I struggled quite a bit this week but I have just submitted to God all the struggles I’ll be facing! I just am so sure that God’s going to be there with me all the way. And I know that God will grant me the grace still to manage to ensure everything is well with my studies and my church work! So I have nothing to fear! How awesome is that!

And I am totally in awe of all this! I testify yet again that God’s plan for us is the BEST! But we must have an open-mind at all times! May you experience the joy I experience everyday! Seek it and you’ll find it! Amen!

I'm in love

Yes I'm in love! I bet the first thought that came to your mind was, "Hmmm, now who has stolen Mark's heart that's he's in love! Must be someone really special" Haha! No I haven't fallen for any girl or something! I’m so deeply in love with my Jesus!

It may seem so weird but its really true my friends! I'm in love with Jesus! Best part is that the love is not from this world but its given from above in the heavens by our loving Father!

This has happen because Jesus has created me anew and transformed me into a person for God! I am just so happy of recent because of Jesus! I praise god for giving me life and its really fulfilling when we are given life from up above!

And in this fulfilling life, God gives us really simple stuff. In this life, its not about money, appearance, how worthy we are but its just about being loved and comforted everyday! And God says this to us so many times in the Bible, that when we go to him, he will give us life! I finally believe it to be so so true! I am just so happy and in love with Jesus as he continues to amaze me! One of the really positive stuff about this, is that I'm really enjoying my prayer time and slowing spend more and more time in prayer!

Life seems to be getting better and better with Jesus in it! Anyway, I had cell on Saturday at SMU and I realized something at the stall Mr. Tea, the drinks there are really nice and also really cheap! There was this drink called "Chocolate Heaven" and its like really awesome and its only $1.80 and I always thought that its was like $3 plus and that was why I never bought it! Haha! But finally I bought after cell sharing. I shall start getting that more often if cell happens to be there next time! Anyway that wasn't the highlight of cell! Kinda amazing! I was so happy to see Pris Tan come back after such a long time! But nevertheless, there were a few of us only but what can I say! Boy the sharings were amazing! So I'm really glad and happy! I felt honored too that people were looking up to me in terms of closeness with God and all! So that felt really good!

I guess I am in a world of my own with god! Now to forget Sunday which is today. I gave my first talk ever and felt really good about it. I was so happy that the Holy Spirit was guiding me all the way man! So happy about that too!

I am happy all the way as long god is beside me and strengthening me! I'm so happy I suffered during Lent! I guess it proved to be really worth it! So I urge you to believe me when I say that God will give Life to you! Here's an invitation that Jesus is giving to us! And answer this call so that you too may join me delighting everyday! Amen to the Life that Jesus gives!

A revelation for the LOST

This is more of a revelation from God! So ya its to benefit others and will surely come in well for me when I drift from God! This will surely renew my desire for God!

Well I guess for those who are in the state of being distant from god, you must be wondering what god will do to be if I face him? I mean, I might have been faithful to him in the past which will make my confrontation with god extra difficult! Its like you were so close to your best friend (GOD) and the you betrayed him by running away from although he didn’t do anything wrong. All he did was love and care for you! And now I want to return and reconcile with this really good friend of mine who loves me!

Now if we look at this as the way the world will look at it, I’m quite sure that probably, this friend will ignore us and also talk behind our backs or something!

But here’s the good news that our Risen Jesus bring us! When Jesus came into this world, he didn’t just come to save us from our sins, more importantly, he came to show us what kind of god we have and also what kind of love he has for us! I would think, that it was because everyone saw god as ‘a fierce god’! What better way to resolve this by just sending my son!

So when you face your best friend (GOD), he is going to run to you and embrace you, kiss you, hug you and tell you that “There no need to explain anything because I don’t care what happened in the past. All I care is about is that you came back and that I love you so so much!”

And really, this is what God is going to do to you when you return to god! And if the thought of what people will think when you return, well you really don't have to worry about that because, even that your best friend, the Almighty God has taken care of!

So to end of this revelation from god, if you are lost and distant from god, fear no more because the first thing you're going to receive from God when you come to him is LOVE! You will receive LOVE! How amazing is that! Is there anyone else like our GOD?

After receiving the love of god, you will have life in JESUS CHRIST!

AMEN to that!

All is renewed with Christ's rising!

The joyful Mark Sebastian Abraham is back and renewed with greater strength given by the Risen Jesus! Yes all suffering is over and now is the time the be joyful and rejoice. It has truely been an amazing journey so far! Although Lent was really tough for me, I really appreciated as it took me through a time of true suffering with Christ Jesus. Not listening to P&W songs and being with Jesus in his sufferings were the experiences I had to go through!

But in the midst going through all these, he promised me something,

"Mark as you continue to walk this journey with me to Calvary, persevere in it. But when I am raised by the Almighty One, you will rise too from all your struggles and be free once again! I promise you this!"

Well all I have to say is that God kept his promise of course! Holy Week was really difficult especially my fasting. But I fell in my fasting. Well I started fasting from 9pm on Holy Thursday all the way until 12.30am on Holy Saturday. Then ate some fruits and bread and then continued to fast from 1am on Holy Saturday all the way to 11.30pm on Holy Saturday! I was actually to fast all the way like last year but sadly, I was a little sick and thus weak. But the fasting really took a toll on me but when I was at the Easter Vigil mass on Holy Saturday, it just felt that as Jesus was rising, he was taking me too with him. It was just so amazing and magical! The mass was just awesome and I could really feel God's presence overflowing throughout the whole mass!
I guess in many ways that this is exactly what I wanted, which was to really go through the whole experience of Lent and the death & resurrection of Christ Jesus! This was my heart's desire before Lent and I am totally in awe of God for granting me this experience! So we'll see what else will happen next Lent! Haha!

And for the many people that kept questioning me about the reason for the suffering that I wanted to go through, well this is the reason my dear brothers & sisters. This is the reason for all that! For God says this in the bible many times that there's a time for everything and before you enter into glory with god, you must enter into suffering first! And I guess in many ways, it'll make the time for the joy to be even greater!

I felt that this was also needed because of the grace and joy that god has so wonderfully given to me! All the continuous joy every time and Lent was the time to calm down and suffer!

But all that is done and now the Joy, Serving & Prayer all the way for me! God has truly renewed me through this long process! Now God has built an even more firm foundation of my Faith in the Almighty One!

For the ones who don't feel the stuff I'm feeling, I really urge you to ask god will all confidence for whatever you want and have faith & patience! I'll pray for you too! Just believe because if God has decided to me, a King of Failure, then I am sure he'll answer you with a Big "YES"!
Amen to that!

Suffering with Christ Jesus

“Lord if you would, allow me to suffer with you through the rest of lent until you rise from the dead!"


Well this is what I asked god on the 5th Sunday of lent! I don't know exactly why I asked god this but I guess I felt that I had failed god in the time of lent and I just wanted this lent to really be memorable for me. It was a desire in my heart actually to suffer with Christ through the last part of lent.

I mean there had been alot of joy throughout the latter part of 2007! But I don't know why but in many ways that 2008 hasn't really kicked off yet for me in terms of the everlasting joy part! I'm not denying at all the many joys I received through the Birthday celebrations, the SJS rally, the awesome revival within my ministry through our much improved sessions, god's hand working within me as I studied and good results of course. But there's always been this void within my heart and I guess in the time of lent, it was made really clear and the void became bigger and bigger as the days of 2008 progressed.

I guess the main reason was the lack of everlasting joy in my life. I'm not saying that there was no joy, because there was but it just kept decreasing and decreasing. It also didn't help that Lent came earlier this time in 2008. As joy kept decreasing, so did grace and likewise for my patience with people although some may say that its total rubbish that my patience for people decreased but it’s true. Last year, it was a complete joy for me to help blind people and also those people within our groups whom we always try to avoid talking to. But last year without fail, the first thing I would do was to be with the ones whom everyone makes an outcast but this year, I just haven't got the patience to listen to these people. Many times this year when I talk to people that are just going on and on about what people keep telling me to do, I would just get so frustrated and impatient with them. I don't even take the time to listen to them. Its part of the grace which has been missing this year, which is also part of the reason why I feel that I've failed to serve god this lent!

But I guess this happened for a reason. Nevertheless, I told god about how unworthy I am to be a servant of god! So I guess that’s the reason for me to desire to suffer with Christ Jesus for the rest of lent!

And suffering has been so difficult so far after only 1 week! But god came to rescue me yet again, through my wonderfully awesome cell who were there for me on Saturday when we had cell group sharing! And it was the simplest stuff of just listening to me being there for me. For me that meant so much! That has now given me the strength to go deeper into this time of suffering and spend more time in prayer to be with the lord especially for this holy week. As this week will be a very solemn week for me.

Although many may not understand why I need to go through but I request that you keep me in your prayers,

“For this week, my deepest heart’s desire is to suffer with Christ Jesus!”

Amen!

PS: Thanks so much to my cell for everything! Every single one of you has helped me so much!

Hang in there, Child

Its just been really extremingly tough in this lent. Although there have been some really joyful times like the rally! But on a personal note, Its just been so difficult.

Before lent came, I asked god to allow me to really experience Lent well and I guess in many ways to experience the journey Jesus had to go through. My gosh, did God answer my prayers or what. I have had to experience a journey where I've been pushing and fighting for god although I have fallen so many times. Its been even more difficult because of the lack of joy and happiness. It is only now that I realise how much I miss myself being joyful and happy. And many times in the past, I have asked myself if the joy is from god or from just me wanting to be happy always.

The answer is that its is 110% from god! I have experimented on this cause there've been morning where I have pushed to have joy by waking up early to pray and enjoy the sun (Please take note that its my holidays). But ultimately, I just haven't been able to feel the joy I experienced in the past especially on fridays. So sorry to the lovely people who haven't received any friday morning cheers for so long. There've been many times when I've wanted to sms joy msgs but there was no joy to share. And I miss sms-ing all of you so much. I really can't describe how much struggles and pain I've been through in the time of Lent! Futhermore, I have missed my cell people so much. But I guess that this is part of my journey of lent!

I'm also very dissapointed with myself for venting out my frustrations and anger at god for all the struggles, pains and voids left in my heart. There's been so many times when I got angry with god. And now thinking about it, its really unfair to god.

But I just have been assured by god that there is a need to go through this struggles in order to move onto the next stage of my journey with Jesus! With that, I am encouraged to hang in there and draw closer to god though there are many voids of happiness to be filled. Hang in there is the message!

With this message, I am sure that come Easter, there will be a big blast of celebrations and joy! I pray that we all hang in there and draw closer to god! Amen!

The Holy Spirit moves at SJS rally

Amazing and awesome are the words to describe the success of the SJS rally! I mean really, it was just so amazing especially the P&W! The Holy Spirit moved and never stopped as the youths at the rally opened up more and more as the rally progressed! God's hand was at work!

For me, it was the 1st time to lead a group of youths in such great numbers! I was just so nervous about how to start things off! Never did such a big crowd before! But god was my strength all the way! God said to me many many times before the rally, “Mark, I’ll be behind you all the way. Do not fear, but trust in me!” And basically this was what I’ve been cling onto all the way, I just went in faith without fear as I knew god was there!

As the time came for the rally to start, all the youths were really noisy and all, then I was thinking how would I be able to calm everyone down. Yes, god saved me again when he sent Father Brian to do it for me. Once he calmed everyone down, he gave me the microphone. Here was a 20 year old servant of God standing in front so many youths in the church. There were just so many youths and then, God said, “Mark, its time! Let’s go!”

So I started and all with my short sharing and prayer. Throughout the whole worship, I saw the expressions of so many youths forms of worshipping god change. At first, they were just singing, next some started to sing with real emotion and desire. Soon some even started to raise their hands as their worshipped god! That was when I knew that the Holy Spirit was moving within this amazing group of youths.

I really thought that I’d never see this day but, here I was leading youths in worship and they were all actually worshipping god! That itself was a testimony! But that’s not the end! The musicians were really awesome as they too moved in the spirit of worship! The musicians told me after the P&W that they too were touched by the spirit as they too were able to worship god through the music they played! And as worship continued, I really felt god touch the hearts of many of the youths out there especially when we sang the final song, “How great is our God”.

And you know in worship, if you feel the presence of god throughout the worship, after the worship ends, you just want to hug god and say thanks for being here with us. Well that was the exact feeling within the church among the youths when the worship ended. I could see and feel that we were all able to worship god and not just have a rally of singing P&W songs!

And this was the risk; I took when I was planning for the rally’s P&W. You know how in other rallies, worship leaders normally try and try to allow everyone to encounter entering worship. Well this was the aim from god given to me, and of course God succeeded! I just truly believe that everyone was touched by the Holy spirit at the rally!

Anyway moving on, after the P&W, the talk was given by Father Mike & Father JJ on “Being a catholic youth”. It all connected really well. After the talk, we had adoration where I lead everyone in preparation for the adoration done by Father Brian! It was amazing yet again I must say!

Finally we concluded the rally with 3 praise songs where the youths were just wildly praise god wholeheartedly! Everyone was so so happy!

After the end and all, I received many affirmations from many youths! It was so amazing and I just feel so blessed by god!

Thanks to everyone for your support and prayers! Amen!

PS: Pics from the rally will be updated later! Haven’t received it yet!

Revelation on Sexual Sin

This is a really awesome revelation despite the busy schedule where all credit is due to the Almighty One! It’s a revelation which is fitted so rightfully in this time of lent! It’s a revelation on the "Desire of Sexual sin". Well this comes from someone trying for numerous attempts of being pure! This revelation might be more for the guys but I hope it relates to the girls too! Well you how so many of us struggle with sexual sin.

For most of us:

• It’s the sin which prevents us from being in touch with god and also prevents us from being used by god as his instrument to the fullest potential!
• It’s the first sin we think about which makes us think about when the word "Unworthiness" is brought to our minds!
• It’s the sin which weighs our hearts down the most and also the sin which destroys our lovely souls the most.
• It’s the sin which many of us would blame for corrupting our minds.
• It’s the sin many of us would blame god for.
• It’s the sin where many of us would blame god for creating that part of our body used to commit that sin!
• It’s the sin where many of us would blame the computer for.
• It’s the sin which makes us cry so much deep within our hearts and which practically kills us sometimes!
• It’s the sin that many of us don't want to deal with and also the sin which we call undefeatable!

And time and again, we go to confession to confess the same sin and many a time we'd tend to think whether the same priest we go to for confession would judge us especially if we're leading a group or something. Many of us search for books to help educate and gives us revelations about our bodies to keep us free from this sin! We are all constantly searching and searching for way to defeat this sin! We are also constantly coming out with plans and strategies to defeat this sin! But almost every time we fail and we fail not-stop! And as we continue failing in this, we just give up after awhile and stop trying until the sin becomes a part of whom we are! After we just conclude that, "God, I love you and all but this sin is undefeatable. Sorry to tell you that, but god that’s the fact about it, but its true. I've tried and tried but I can't win and now I'm going to give up and accept it!" Many of us might be in this place and many of us might still be battling with this as we just try and try to draw close to god. Can this sin be defeated?

Well God is here to save you from wherever you are and from whatever state you are in! He is going to take you and free you and strengthen you! God calls us to be holy & pure and blameless before him! Now this is a fact and it’s true! It’s said in "1 Thessalonians 4:3-5". And we all know that closeness we all have with god when we remain free from this sin, we all know that it feels like heaven!

God has called us to go deeper into why we even commit and fall into this sexual sin. Why do we even fall into the trap of Satan of this sin? The word is desire! Many of us desire to have that sexual pleasure for that short period of time! And it’s the evil one who brings us into this trap! The answer to all this is, "TO LET GO". Yes this is what god calls us to do, we need to let go of this area of our life. You know how we all desire so much to see the face of God; well this is the same thing. We all desire for this sin and we don't want to let go of the short time of sexual pleasures we get from this sin. We just need to let go. That's all!

And for many us may be struggling to let go of this. But what do we desire more, GOD or Sexual sin? If we don't have strength for this, not to worry cause god is here yet again to help us through this! We all pray that god will take away this desire for sexual sin and increase our desire for god! Amen!

PS: As I was typing this, I was really shivering but I am so happy that god has revealed this. I feel so honored that god has revealed it to me! I really hope we benefit from this. Girls please pray for us guys and we too shall pray for you! Thanks! Praise be to god!

Amazing Grace

Amazing grace was what I've been experiencing over the past 2 weeks. Its been a really jammed packed 2 weeks with exams and all. But I must say that in these 2 weeks was the time when god was ever so present. Before the 2 weeks started, I talked to the Lord and was discussing with him what I need to do the most due to the busy schedule! After much talking and analysis, I concluded that the preparations for exams & the SJS rally I'm leading worship in. These were the 2 most important stuff at that point. I really haven't had much time to chill out and all but to really focus on this stuff. I think during this 2 weeks was really a test in include god in all of it and also make him control everything!

The preparations for the rally have been really good. We are all set for Saturday night at SVDP church. And spiritual preparations have been good but tough too. I've been struggling too with sin but god has been reminding me not that, "Mark, I've got your back!"

The exams side of stuff, I have got to say and testify that God works even as you're studying so hard. Some of you might think that it’s impossible, that god's work only comes in when you're done with the exams and just leaving god to do the rest, but it’s been different man! Throughout my studying for whatever module, there's been numerous times when I just got so angry and frustrated on not being able to find the answers of some really tough questions. At this point, I would be cursing and swearing at times. God would just say, "Calm down Mark, Take a breather & try again." I felt that throughout this process of studying, god was present so many times in so many areas. Like all the prayers that were said for me, was the reason which gave me the strength to study so hard. The perseverance that god provided for me lead me to get all my answers right. And lastly, my faithfulness to prayer, lead me to being close to god despite the business which was the most important!

There was 1 incident where I was studying for my final paper which was my 2nd toughest paper of all. I was studying for that after my Tuesday morning paper and I could do everything but I could do 3 things. So I went for mass and told god that I needed his help for these 3 things. So that night when I was studying, I still couldn't find the answer. After struggling and struggling, I just gave up and went to sleep! Then the next day in the afternoon, as I was studying, I still was struggling. Then god said to me, "Look closer into that chapter." I was thinking and telling god, "The page is almost in my face", but I listened to god. The problem was that I was studying on something called, "Moment of inertia", and there's a formula for this and it was something divide by 64. But In some other pages of the book, it would divide by 32, and I couldn't understand when to apply which one. But as god told me to look closer, I found out that to find "moment of inertia", you have to divide by 64 but for "polar moment of inertia"; you need to divide by 32. He lead me to realising the difference which was a hugh factor in doing well for this module!

And after this incident, I just knew that god was absolutely with me all the way! I praise god for everything especially for this amazing grace that he has when he does his wonder! Thanks to all the wonderfully awesome people praying for me throughout my exams. It helped sustain me! Amen!

Lent for me

Well things have been quite a rush as the exams approach as well as the SJS rally. Alot of good time management has been the key for everything to work out. As the aim has been to please everyone as much as possible also. But Lent is here!

Been thinking about lent quite abit and also what I want to do about it and also what to do. Everyone's giving up something to experience lent in a better way. I was reflecting about how unjoyous i have been always but during lent, because of my sacrifice of not listening to praise & worship songs for the time of lent, its been really hard to be joyful and all. And I guess in many ways that what god want me to do is to grow more joyful through him as in through prayer! So this lent is basically really growing much more deeper through prayer.

But knowing me, that normally isn't the only experience to go through during lent. Lent has also called for me to take a 2nd look at what I'm doing and also whether all my actions and words are reflecting who Jesus Christ really is. Although perfection can never be acheived, I'm also determined to improve the areas where I haven't given to Christ!

But besides all this reflective thoughts, things with ministry has been looking good and prospective. YV (Youth Vineyard) has been having much better sessions and also that our core team is becoming closer and plus, we are looking more and more of a ministry than a group. I really see god's hands working in all this. Its really been all his works. And of course he's moulding me still. God is really making me more understand and sensitive towards others feelings.

Finally really unknown exciting news. Well I just am so sure that in this time of lent, god is preparing a real big blasting thing as i prepare in this time of lent. I'm really clueless about this but its seems like something worth preparing for. Maybe its the SJS rally!

PS:Prayer request for my exams starting next friday,22nd February!

Set the Spirit of God ablaze!

This was the sight at the "Hearts on Fire" rally. During worship and basically throughout the whole time of the rally, the spirit of god was set ablaze throughout. And it was really a wonderful sight to see everyone really praising & worshipping this everlasting god! And it just felt like people from different ministries just coming together as a body of Christ to worship god!This links to what god said to me at the new year midnight mass after I received in communion,

"All ministries & communities shall come together to worship and praise me, your god! Especially in this year!"

This year is really looking very very bright filled with love and especially the holy spirit!

But the fun and joy didn't start at the rally, yes there was more joy before this! On saturday, cell group sharing and worship was simply excellent! After practicing the song "Everlasting God" for so long, God & myself have worked together to get it right, plus we had a ball of fun playing it for cell! Well becks lead in worship and I played the guitar. The other songs were ok but when the final song "Everlasting God" came, I just knew that god had sent the holy spirit in me to help me for the ending. And it was really amazing man, suddenly everything sounded so pleasing and all. I was just in total awe of god. At the ending of the song, God just said to me in great joy,"Yes man, we did it together!".

After all the wonderful saturday, I was just wondering what was installed for me on sunday. So my ministry session started with myself leading in worship and it was really wonderful yet again as the spirit of god was so present throughout and we all had a really good time of worship yet again! Then, Paul so kindly gave a talk on "Discovering ourselves" but yet again the holy spirit worked so wonderfully through him by diverting the talk to first discovering who our creator is first. It was all too good man! After that, we had 2 individual ministering and yes the holy spirit did wonders yet again. Amen to the holy spirit!

After all that, Paul and myself met sury, angele, van & becks for lunch, after which we went to CJC. We were all part of the ministering team for the rally. We had mass and all. When we entered the auditorium for the start of the rally, it was so special man with so many youths gathered! I just knew it would be a special night in the name of God! It was so special for all who came!

Finally to end of this post, "Friends now that we are set ablaze through the holy spirit, let's not live ordinary lives anymore but let's live for god and prove to the world that Jesus is alive in us and that He is the Lord of our life!" Pray for me too that I will be able to be a light of christ for everyone too! Amen Amen Amen in Lord Jesus name!

Back and renewed

Back & renewed is what is going through my mind through the Leadership Formation Module by SACCRE! It was simply amazing, but it might not be appealing to everyone. Its was something that I was really yearning for and so wonderfully did god's servant, Charles Whitehead who gave so many wonderful teachings for all the leaders who came! Its yet again a process of being renewed!

Actually when Sury invited me to go, I was really excited about all of it but at the same time, I wondering who Charles Whitehead was and like whether it was worth to go for this and also that I needed to fast abit to come out with the $15 registration fee. So I was there on Saturday at the start of the whole programme, I ask myself this, "Why am I here man? Like what can I possibly learn from this?" Then I spoke to god for a bit and then concluded that there's a reason that god brought me here, so I'll receive with an open heart and I'm sure god had a reason for instilling in me a heart of excitement when I heard this was organized. So ya from there, I just listened and received whatever god wanted to say through Charles Whitehead.

As the talks got on, the topics were what the Catholic Charismatic Renewal (CCR) was all about. And from there I was able to really learn more and more about the CCR. Then during a time of worship, I was just reminded by god on how the timing for myself to be receiving the gift of tongues was just all so perfect. The timing to receive it has been really so perfect! It was a also a reminder that god might be calling me to this area too and maybe in future to lead in this area too. I really learnt so much stuff and how real the Holy Spirit was in this world today and not only in the Catholic Church but also in the other churches in the world like the Anglican, Methodist & evangelical churches too! And slowly god was drawing me closer and more interested in this area too.

On Sunday, the talks were even more amazing as the topics were more on a deeper level of leadership and the part which I loved most was how the pope has been supporting the CCR and also how the CCR has proved to everyone that this is the new move of god working the universal church! And all this wasn't something entirely new as through the past few weeks, god has been preparing me for this although I didn't realize it at all! And as I listened more and more, I just felt that this was the mission god has set for me. He really wants everyone to be more filled and refilled with the Holy Spirit!

It all links with one of my main visions for the followers of JESUS which is that there is be a day when "Every knee will bow and every tongue confesses that Jesus is lord. Also that everyone will really worship god in their daily lives!" I'll have to blog on all the other stuff I learned during this amazing weekend! But for now let's work to towards this!

A leader and servant for Christ

This is want I want to do for this year! To be a leader and especially a servant for Christ! And I must say that the fruits of the plans of god are really surfacing already. Starting with my ministry in YV, we had our AGM last Saturday and it was by far the best one we've had in our 3 years of existence! I chaired the meeting and it was really awesome. I could really feel the desire in everyone to do something about their relationship with god and there were so many points brought up about deepening and growing in the walk with god. And I just am so sure that God has said this year to go out more to spread his love and word. He is continuously telling me that this year, we evangelize like never before and to not be afraid to proclaim of god's glory!

Its just something that has been the message for me, "This year, people are desiring for god more and so talk about me, your lord. For it'll be easier this year to bring more people closer to god!" And so I guess in many ways, it's also the perfect time for me to serve the people of god. In the past, I guess god has been forming me deep within and changing my character but I always thought that its all useless cause like nobody actually notices and affirms me but this year, its just been overflowing, with all the affirms and joy. Its just been great as long as I remain in God, which proves the verse from the bible, "Remain in me and I will remain in you!".

And before the year started, during my cell group, we had a time praying for each other and also asking god for a word for our partner. There was once when Gavin said that the last time I lead in worship for an event was REACH which was a small Praise & Worship mini rally thing where only 30+ people came and I was a tiny little disappointed about that. But now Gavin saw a vision that I was worship leading again but this time, there were much more people out there and they were all worshipping god in such a deep way. And yes this vision will come true on the 1st of March, when I worship lead at the Shine Jesus Shine rally at St. Vincent de Paul church at 7.30pm. And its something that I only realized recently. You know when Gavin told me that vision, I was thinking, "Oh man, there's going to be alot of planning and all!, but then I never realized that it would be at a district level cause I had the mindset that it would be just parish level!" So ya its really amazing and exciting although my poly exams are during the week before the Saturday when the rally will happen.

But here's the best part, I'm really not worried at all! In the past, I would be really scared and all of exams but ever since I entered poly, God has changed my mindset in the way that, "I'll just do my best and god will take care of the rest as long as I remain in him!" I will testify that this is really true cause last semester, I barely even studied and I did well. Another occasion was in December for my term tests when I was the busiest with all the planning for the youth camp as main IC and all. Even for this one I barely even studied and still god so wonderfully gave me good results! But at the same time, this doesn't mean that I don't have to study, but god always makes sure that I know what happening for all my modules but its really all god!

And so I truly want to be a leader and servant for Christ and my aim is to bring glory to his name and to bring people to him and be able to experience him intimately EVERYDAY! And its possible cause I experience him everyday intimately! Although many would say it’s impossible, the awesome thing about god is that for him nothing is impossible! So let's love more and give glory to god more!

So all of you must come for the rally!

Shine Jesus Shine Serangoon district rally

Date: 1st March, Saturday
Time: 7.30pm
Place: St. Vincent de Paul Church
Theme: Trust

The extremely blessed 20th birthday

God has been so generous and awesome throughout my birthday! I mean really awesome! When the new year started, I was wondering and talking to god on how my 20th birthday would be like. And i guess I thought to go into it with an open mind and not to expect anything at all. I just felt that it would be the best way to go into it as then there would be less dissapointment.

Throughout last week, my birthday celebrations started on tuesday with a dinner at "New York New York". Then on wednesday, it was with josie with a nice chat and pleasant suprise. This was more simplicity, so it was extra special. I guess the talking took alot of the highlights. Anyway when friday came, I was so suprise when my mum and sister came beside me and sat by my bedside to wake me up at 6.30am. Then they didn't say anything by just tapped me and showed me the bible I've been wanting to get for the longest time. Although it felt like a dream! I was so happy and what a way to start my 20th birthday! And then as usual, throughout the day I received SMSs from various people not forgetting lovely elaine's call right on time at 12 midnight which was such a suprise and it was a really sweet thing to do. Anyway the day went by with school and in the afternoon, I had to do a electronics project at home. What a time to be doing a project, which took about 3 hours. Anyway then I went for Amplify session at CSC. At that time, I was feeling a little stangnant due to the stress of the project caused earlier. So I boldly asked god to give me joy on my special day because I really wanted to be happy although I was feeling unworthy to ask him but nevertheless, god gave me grace to ask him boldly and yes of course, he gave me joy and happiness as soon as I reached CSC. And as soon as I saw Becks at CSC, she wished me and wonderfully told everyone its my birthday and yes they all sang a birthday song. Thanks becks, really appreciate it! The session by Dom on Worship was really good too. We had a good supper too after that to end 11 January!

On saturday, Jeanette treated me to a really awesome birthday lunch at Billy Bombers. The burgers were simply awesome! Then at YAM session in the evening, Angele & Elaine planned the whole suprise of the cake and all. Also take into consideration of the fact that I haven't been coming for YAM sessions recently too. So ya it was all really awesome from all the suprises everyone gave me. I was totally blown away so much. I really appreaciate them all so so much! Thank you daddy god for such beautiful suprises and experiences I received as I turned 20! Thanks to YV, Becks, Pris, YAM, my lovely family, all who messaged and wished me and especially Elaine and Angele! Love all of it loads!

The exciting 20th birthday

Well the big 20th birthday is just an hour away! Can't believe that it's just an hour to 11 January! And plus my birthday's on a friday! And I don’t know why but I just so excited to turn 20, really not sure why but just very excited and happy to turn 20! I also don’t know why but for the past few days, I just have been forgetting my birthday so much! It‘s like, I’ll plan my whole week and then ask myself, “Hey then what about Friday, what should I study on or like what time should I go to church? Then I’ll like tell myself, “Mark, It’s your Birthday man! Like did you forget?” And this has been happening for a few times man!

I guess it’s also because people have been celebrating my birthday for the past 3 days, like on Tuesday night, it was YV and then last night, it was Josie but don’t think for a second that I’m complaining cause I’m just so happy that I’m so loved and that people care for me and also remember my birthday! And all thanks to my lovely god! Thanks god!

Have a heart for my ministry!

Just yesterday, I had a meeting with Father Brian to discuss about the SFX youth ministry but it was more about my group, “The Youth Vineyard”. After all the issues and all, he kept saying that I should try to detach myself from my other stuff like my outside cell and maybe go less for the Amplify sessions, or maybe to go less for my outside cell and not detach all the way. After hearing this, I got a little upset and all because it was part of being faithful and obedient to my main ministry which was SFX! But I still knew that it was something that I need to do, although its really hard cause I guess to some extent, I love the people from my outside cell and Amplify more than the people from SFX! I feel that the reason is also cause you know I’m able to really share deep stuff with them but for SFX, it is more of try to understand their situation first and then advise them and also maybe cause I get less unpleasant remarks with the people from Amplify & my outside cell! So after all that Father Brian said, you know I just felt that I should be obedient and listen!

But as I was alone for a short while before I met Josie, I just talked to god and asked him whether this was what he really wanted me do or did I misinterpret his message for me? And I just continued to pray and then god replied and said,

“Mark, my message for you today wasn’t about obedience. Instead I want to have a heart for your ministry in St. Francis Xavier Church. Many leaders make the mistake of just doing their ministry and not having a heart of love for their ministry and people in it. But for you, I want to love everyone whom I send you to minister or serve. I know it’ll be hard but with my grace, you can do it! I don’t want you to just do and do but to actually first have a heart for all of them especially your main ministry, “The Youth Vineyard”. Love them the way you love your other brothers & sisters in Christ from Amplify & your outside cell. Once you do this continuously, all the rest will fall in place because you will put your main ministry above anything else!”

And after hearing this, I felt so good because god gave me a really good message it was really lovingly and gently put to me! And that is what so amazing for me! After all this awesome stuff, I met Josie at Bishan Coffee Bean where we met to talk. Yet again god another surprise when Josie decided to get a slice of cake since my Birthday was Friday! And we had such an awesome time just talk about all that had happened over the last few days and I just felt the Holy Spirit guiding our every word of conversation! Its all so awesome!

The true saving power of God!

Well just the other day, I was reflecting about the spiritual dryness that I just experienced. And then I was just asking myself this, “Like did you even experience the spiritual dryness because it was just too short to actually be considered one! Although it felt like one but still, it was really short and all. I mean there were other friends of mine who experienced it for a much longer period, something like 6 months.” After just questioning myself on that I just asked god, “God, was I even experiencing Spiritual dryness?”, although I didn’t hear him reply, but I felt him telling me that it was be cause I pleaded with him to save and despite not being able to feel him, I still pleaded in full faith and god knew this would happen so he gave me the grace, strength & perseverance to do it!

As I continued to reflect, I began to realize the true saving power of our awesome god. I was in such a state of awe when I soon discovered that god who is like the one who created this whole world, chose to actually listen to this small person and actually accept him plea to give me joy again. After just thinking about all of this, has just made me so so special & loved. And sometimes we might be really so dishearten by the stuff that people do to us or say to us but you there is one thing that we should know which is that our god loves us so much and that whatever situation you’re in, god will save you cause his saving power is real and powerful. It’s something that nobody can stand against especially the evil one! Amen!

The renewed desire for god

Well on this Monday morning, I started the week on a very troubling note with my heart troubled as I was still going through the period of spiritual dryness and it was causing alot of pain deep within my heart. But the funny thing about all of the struggles was that god still gave me the graces to ministry work on Sunday but the battle was really on Saturday and Sunday night and also during prayer when I really couldn't feel god's presence and because of that, I had been feeling huge amounts of pain in my heart. But last night, as I prayed, I pleaded with god to speak to me and also to allow me to come back to that heart of worship which was a place of joy & love and also the ability to feel god's presence all day! I also asked god to reveal his purpose for this spiritual dryness real soon. Lastly, I asked god to give me joy soon so I could enjoy my Birthday on Friday! After all these prayers, god just kept saying, "I am with you in your struggles." These have been the same words he's been telling over the weekend in all my struggles! Although these are really good assurances for me, I told god that this wasn't enough for me. And throughout this whole process, I wasn't alone as Pris Tan, Becks & Lydia were helping by talking and praying for me all the way!

Anyway this morning as I was struggling still especially on my way to school, I asked god to give the grace yet again to get through the day. But on the way to school, I felt that my spiritual dryness was decreasing really slowly but I didn't want conclude because this experience has really been fluctuating alot where sometimes it would be good but most of the times were times of struggle. Anyway I got through the day and had already planned to go the adoration room after school at about 8 to really just sit down and talk to god. At this point, I knew, I'd be much better after my silent time as that was sort of god's message throughout my day.

During my silent time, god reveal quite abit to me.

1) He said that I had to depend on him more and to just plan whatever and leave the outcome for god to take care.

2)Then he said that he wants me be to pave the way and to lead them to the path for him to work in the lives of those I meet everday, especially in my new cell and also in the Youth Vineyard & the youths in my parish. As he said this, he reminded me about my mission which "was to lead those in darkeness to light where the Light is Christ Jesus himself!"

3) He continued to reveal that its was only through this time of spiritual dryness that he was able to increase and renew my desire for the joy I felt throughout the latter part of 2007 and that he didn't want me to take for granted this joy in the lord & to continue to spread this joy to all whom I meet! He said that "The joy I find in the Lord shall be my strength everyday!"

4) Finally he said that he wants me to continue to come and spend silent time more often in a week. That this is the year when he moulds me to be rooted in prayer as I continue serving his people even more this year!

I'm not really sure if the time of spiritual dryness is over but I know that I just have to cling on to god and remain faithful in prayer. Through this experience, god has taught me to throw away my pride and to never be afraid to be weak and appear struggling cause its ok!

Lastly, I really wanna thank all those who were praying so hard for me especially Pris Tan, Becks, Lydia & everyone else who prayed for me! Thank you so so much! I appreciate you’ll loads! Love ya'll! Continue to pray for me and I pray for everyone of you'll too! Praise you O God Almighty! Amen!

The tough start to the new year

Its been a very tough start to the new year as I've been experiencing spiritual dryness which has been happening for about 2 weeks already. And throughout the whole weekend, I had stuff planned and it was really difficult to enjoy the company of everyone but I just hung onto Jesus with all my strength and through his beautiful grace, I was able to manage to have a good time with my cell yesterday. So while enjoying the company of everyone, I managed to talk to Pris Tan, Becks & Sury at different times for a short while about my struggles and all the battles & confusions faced through this period of spiritual dryness, so I guess it help a little bit.

But as yesterday drew to a close, I felt that the battle would come around when I was alone and it would be really tough! And so when I was on my way home last night, I was really in a state of struggle and I just talked to god on how I can move on from this state, and I felt god just saying that I had to go through this experience to carry on in ministry and I guess in alot of ways, its a transition stage of growth from me. But last night was so difficult and painful as I went through the period of struggle. I kept talking to god but after awhile it was just too painful to bear and then I went to sleep.

In the morning as I was at mass, I lifted up the feelings I was feeling. But you see the whole difficulty about this ongoing experience was that I didn't know what was blocking. So i just lifting up whatever I thought would be a blockage for me, and I remembered that as I was talking to Pris tan last night, she said to learn to breathe more. And as I was thinking about that, I thought that maybe its all the coming hectic schedule and huge number of responsibilities that was the block and as I lifted that up at the Eucharistic celebration, I was complaining to god about who I'd be able to pass the burdens of these responsibilities cause nobody would take this load for me, then god just replied me and said, "Ok then give me this load, I'll take it for you. You just relax!". And throughout the whole of today, god just said for me to plan whatever for my new cell, the youth vineyard and also whatever i had to plan but at the end of it all, he told me not to worry about the outcome, which made me realise that I needed to entrust more to god! This helped a bit throughout the day as god lavished his grace upon me throughout the day, so that I could be able to have a good Sunday with my session and also the youth council meeting in the afternoon.

But as usual, when the day came to a close, I realized that there's still this battle of spiritual dryness that I was facing. Even to this point of typing out this post, I am still cling on to god as I'm struggling in this very difficult time. But I just know that I need to get through this. But I just don't know how long it'll be before I can feel the awesome joy again which is something that I'm really desiring for.

So please bear with me everyone as I struggle and also to those struggling, just cling onto god and talk to your close friends cause we need help and support during this tough time. Just thrown away the pride of what others would think of you. My dear friends, please pray for me as this week, there's alot happening like my first new cell meeting, district meetings yet again and also the beautiful birthday on Friday when I turn 20. I really wanna pray that I'll be able to enjoy my birthday at least so pray for me! Thanks so much!

Be patience for this year of Harvesting!

Well today I was reflecting in ado for the first time this year! But before that I was talking to father Brian about all my ideas for 2008 and then all of a sudden, I felt that you know my ideas were very large scale for our parish and that all the ideas I had were more for the District level! I felt abit irritated after that cause like I was quite excited about all the ideas I had! It was like, I was so sure that SFX could lead the way but I guess god had other plans. Then I started to think about the talk about this year being a great year and all but like this wasn't the response I needed!

So well, I went to ado to reflect on all the ideas and also on all that happened! As I was reflecting, I felt god telling me to be patient and do the work of god according to God's time not mine! After hearing that, I just sat and was silent and still as I wait on god to speak. Although it was a little difficult to concentrate at first but after awhile I just kept picturing a clear white sight. After being silent for about 10 minutes, God said to be patient for this year is a year of harvesting and that means to be lead the way to build up leaders for the future and also to guide the people who are new in this walk with the Lord! Then god went on to say that "In practical terms, my focus should be on the new cell group that I'm setting up in SFX and also to focus on my community, the Youth Vineyard as they all need guidance and that does't all mean to be planning big and huge events!" After that I realized that I wanted to fulfill my plans and not god's plan but thankfully, god redirected me to the path he has set for me at least for now!

As I continued to reflect, god continued to speak to me and he revealed that this is the year for us to prepare as more Leaders will rise up and also that more will start to follow Christ and that God wants me to guide them especially when they fall! After all these plans that had been set by god for me, god confirmed it with a sign which I have many a time used to confirm the revelation god reveals to me! And its working really fast because my first new cell meeting will be next Thursday and I'm just so excited! This new year is really starting reveal this exciting but simple stuff and the best part is that its only the 2nd day of the new year! We still have 363 day of exciting stuff still! Amen to that!

How do I know what god reveals to me?

Well for many years, I've always wondered how people find out what god reveals to them! Like does god really speak to them aloud or something and like what is the sound of his voice? And throughout my 4 years of youth ministry, I always wondered if god would ever speak to me on a regular basis, because there were like once or twice when he told me the name of my youth group, but I always want god to talk to me everyday!

But for god to talk you, you need alot of stuff. Firstly, you need the desire to really want to know god and be more like him. We also need to pray and be rooted in prayer. Next, we need to practice talking to god regularly like every minute. We also need to be able to figure out what our heart is telling us and what our mind is telling us, where normally our mind tells us what we want hear but our heart is gentle and tells us the truth which is from god! I feel that the best thing that god has given us is our hearts, because that’s where god really speaks to us! But the sound of god's voice for everyone is different and he speaks to us all differently!

At first, I was really unsure of whether it was really god speaking to me and that brings me to the finally thing we need, which is a sharing group or a cell group where I've received alot of affirmation of the revelations and for this I wanna thank my cell cause every single one of them have played a part in all my revelations from god! So ya we need the support of fellow believers of Christ, cause its there we will get alot of strength to carry on striving for god and constantly changing ourselves in character to seek god better!

And when I'm unsure about something that god has revealed to me, I just claim in faith about the message from god as much as possible, I lift it up at the mass. And god always confirms the message through affirmations or messages from other but we must be really sensitive to the promptings of the Holy Spirit! Also patience is really important because god works in his time not ours! But even I have my failures and weaknesses as god is still molding me! Yup!

I hope this answers you petrina! Let me know! Thanks!

The awesome 2008 ahead!

Wow god is really awesome man! My New Year celebrations were quite good! I went to the SACCRE youth New Year party at IHM! It was so amazing meeting so many new people and also getting to know more people desiring to follow Jesus! I had the countdown with mass at IHM! I feel it really speaks about how my 2008 is gonna be like!

And even before i decided to go for the SACCRE youth New Year party, I was thinking like what purpose it'll be to go for the party. But throughout the party, a few of the Zion's joy people were like telling me that they were happy to see someone from SFX! Also they truly believed that there was hope for the youth ministry in SFX! Upon hearing that, suddenly I felt so honored to be a major part of god plans for SFX! Although i realized this a long time ago, it was only yesterday when I felt so honored and happy that god chose me among so many others to lead his people! So ya its awesome man!

As 2008 dawns on us, feel that this is the year when we need to go even further from where we are to bring Christ to others! So let's approach 2008 with lots of fire in our hearts! And Yes there'll be much more revelations from god to me, so keep checking out for more post! Amen!

Finally the New Year's Resolution

The New Year is like just a few days away and I've been wondering what my new year resolution is. I know for sure that its something about god. I think one of my main struggles this year has been, that whenever I wasn't praying much and not being close to god, I would a person who'd be very frustrated easily, cranky and impatient alot. Although I'll be conscious about this, I can't control it and at the end of the day, I'd be really angry and upset with myself for being so un-catholic. That's when people would be getting the worse from me, which isn't something I like to show people. People always know me as a person who's understanding, sensitive to others' feelings and caring. But not being close to god not only affects be emotionally but it also affects me spiritually. For those who know me, would know that I always like to be strong in my walk with the lord but when I'm not close to god, I get very very weak spritually and easily fall into sin and many times this happens especially when I least expect it, like after all camps and retreats.



So my New Year's resolution is to be more devoted to god, to rise to a higher level of prayer, to be more close to god and to be more loving, caring, sensitive to others' feelings, understanding & especially patient! I also want god to slowly reveal more of his gifts and revelations to me as I grow on this walk with the lord as a little child of god! Amen!

The surprising Xmas

This Christmas has really been one where I've been blown away by god and his lovely people. Firstly this Christmas, I didn't really prepare much both spiritually and physically and I only really felt the Christmas spirit on 23rd December so ya, I know its abit late but better late than never.

Anyway this year, I didn't write much cards. Well normally in past years, when I wrote for other people, the thought of whether the person I was writing to would ever write one for me would always come to my mind. But this year as I was writing the cards for the people, the thought didn't come to my mind. I made this realization only after receiving so many gifts and cards from other people after the Xmas midnight mass which I totally didn't expect to receive. Even to the fact of that my pockets of my blazer were so full and fortunately, I managed to get a bag to put all the stuff. I really wanna praise god for this cause it really took me by surprise to receive so much. Actually, I wasn't expecting to receive anything at all from anyone. Ya so its really amazing how God has transformed me into a different person this year.

And for this Xmas, I just asked god for 1 thing which was to have a good time at whichever parties I was going to. And I had a blast of a time at both parties, where the 1st party was my communities' party and the next was the amplify party at Iggy's house. And I just enjoyed everyone's company this time which was sufficient for me to have an awesome Xmas this year!

And I want to testify to fact that when we put ourselves last and ensure that everyone before us is happy and doing well, God will ensure that you receive back whatever you've given 100 times more. So to everyone out there, just give and give non-stop cause god will repay you back a 100 times more for all the effort you've put in! Amen!

The challenges to be faced for the great 2008 have been revealed!

Yes after all that has happened, an awesome YISS and the wonderful SFX youth camp. God had been so great and generous with his gifts and love, which made this past week more difficult to handle.

Well, what happened was that I experienced extreme spiritual dryness which started on Monday. I'm not really sure if it’s ended but it’s much better so ya that's the brighter side of things. This week was a real test of how much I really believe in this god. For the whole week, I kept trying and trying to seek him and find joy in him. I tried listening to worship songs and then praise songs, then tried going for mass and also tried the morning joy practice. But still it was the same. After trying and trying non-stop, I got very tired and just waited for my parish's penitential service for Christmas, even confessions didn't help much. At this state, it got really tiring, then I just asked god, "What is happening Lord?" and I just felt god telling me to wait on him and be patient and also felt that he'd reveal real soon.

This was extra tough on me because I've always felt that Spiritual dryness was something that I didn't really believe in and now it was happening to me and I guess god wanted me to experience it so that I could help those in this state in future. It’s always been the case for my experiences. God always lets me experience all the tough times so that I can help those who'll be experiencing this too. I guess this happens because god made me in such a way that I've gotta be strong and just trust. That's part of his master plan for me i guess.

Anyway, Friday came and I was really looking forward to my first Amplify Ministries Friday session. So ya despite all the struggles, god instilled this excitement within my heart. And when I reached CSC, I was greeted with such comfort from the Amplify people. So ya it was nice. As we started the session, P&W was good as usual. During P&W, god revealed quite abit to me. God revealed that the battles I was facing, were going to be the kind of battles I would be facing in 2008. God also said that "YES, next year will be a big year for us but that doesn't mean that the battles would just disappear." God also revealed that the spiritual dryness would be some of the battles I would face again in 2008! God went on to say that "He has already built his house in my heart and its a strong & firm house! That from now on, I need not fear if God is really there and that I need not doubt whether its really the voice of God talking to me, and especially in times of struggle, to just talk to him and trust in him" So this helped me feel much better and I felt joy again!

Then after P&W, we had a time of testimony for all that god had done for us in 2007! And yes I testified of how great god has been to me and I also shared the new mission god set for me, also not forgetting the awesome gift of tongues! So ya I'm back to the good old joyful ways! And I'm finally feeling happy and excited about the coming of Jesus Christ, the awesome and wholesome King! So ya it looks really good! I also wanna thank all who were listening to the Joy and struggles I received throughout the year especially my awesome CELL! Praise God!

The mission God has given me

God has spoken and said the mission that he's set for me. There's been many times that I've doubted this message from god but time and again, he's been confirmed it especially through some leaders at YISS and also the many experiences at the SFX youth camp!

"You shall lead those in darkness to show them how to get to the light where you have seen glimpses of my light! And those you shall lead will be the youths you shall see everyday, especially the youths in SFX!"

Well this is the mission that god has set for me and I'm not going wory cause I'm not the only one. God has so wonderfully sent Father Brian D'Souza to be my guide! Really friends how amazing is god! I truly believe that god always sustains his faithful, for if we remain in him, then he too remains in us!

"And I am made glorious in the sight of the Lord and my God is now my Strength."
Isaiah 49:5

I am just so happy that God has called me back despite my weaknesses and failures and more so to lead his people, is the best gift of all to be receiving! I just want to show all of you especially those in darkness or struggle that there is a brighter place from where you are! Really! I've only seen so little of it and there's so much joy and peace already! God is there with you! Just ask god for patience and grace to wait for him and let him enter your life and make him the centre of your life! Let him control your life and just leave it in his beautiful hands! AMEN!

The wonderful SFX Youth Camp

There's just been so many awesome stuff happening at YISS! God just being so real to me!

But on 13th June 2007, at the end of my community retreat, I asked god to grant me the wish of being the main IC of my next community camp. Then the idea of having a parish youth camp came about. I was telling god that it would be really hard to juggle everything and even if we have it, there wouldn't be much people responding to it. Then we started to plan and for 3 months, the youth council of SFX planned it and god blest us with a good response for the youth camp! And to my amazement, I was made main IC for the youth camp and my co main IC was my own community member! Throughout the past 3 months, I've had a really rush cause like got alot of stuff to remember but god has been the guide all the way, helping me to remember everything!

Jumping all the way to the week after YISS. This was the week where there was a real rush for everything because I had to study for my term tests and also i had to finish up whatever was necessary for the youth camp. Everyday from Monday to Thursday was quite a rush but I knew that god's hand was in all of this and also that the Holy Spirit was in me working. I tried very hard to squeeze in silent time but it was really very hard but I just took faith in the lord!

On the night before the camp, I had a dream that on the 2nd night of the camp which was the outpouring session, everything screwed up, where martin and his team weren't there and only sury was there. Then I woke up, feeling a little weird and then realized that I woke up late. So rushing everywhere, I took a cab to first pick up an amplifier from friend and when i reached church, I got off the cab with everything except the amplifier. Then I started to panic a little and after awhile, I just concluded that I'll work next year to pay off my friend. Really what drama on the first day of the camp for me! Then I went to pray in a quite room alone before everyone came and then concluded that all will be ok cause whatever happen to me, I know that what I have is my god and I know he'll never abandon me! Then I ended prayer and took all in faith!

As we started the camp, god gave me great joy and I just shared the joy with everyone at the camp! It was so awesome and exciting standing in front of everyone and just speak to them, it was like a dream come true man! Then about 2 hours later, my friend carried the amplifier into the session room during a time of P&W and then I just started to praise god. I feel like its cheating lah, how can like everything go my way! So awesome!

So as the youth camp went on, there was a desire in my heart which was for everyone in the youth camp to experience god. At that moment, I wanted so much for all the participants to experience god! I guess at that point I was really falling in love with all the participants which is rooted in the love of god! The feeling is just so amazing! And my sharing group was just so awesome man. I always thought why I kept reading the old testament of the bible this year and this time god showed me what the reason was, because my group asked like alot on the history books of the bible, like the time on how Moses saved the Israelites when he brought them out of Egypt. My sharing group was very curious about how god worked in the world from the very beginning of creation.

The youth camp gave me a chance to be a leader of Christ and also to practice the fruits of the Holy Spirit and really god has granted me my hearts desire to lead the youths of SFX to the light of Christ! To all youths, we shall all march on to seek the glory and light of god! AMEN!

The awesome YISS

What can I say about YISS? I went for YISS only looking for a tangible experience, I guess I didn't want to ask god for too much also. But at the back of my mind, I knew that one of my main fear was the outpouring session cause for this YISS outpouring session, it would be my 6th outpouring session and for every session, I'd ask god for the gift of tongues and every time, I wouldn't receive it. So I guess, I got tired and frustrated with god only in this aspect. For a very long time, I believed that god's saving power existed except for the Holy Spirit where for others are known as the most powerful area where god exists. I guess it's something, which I was too afraid of already at this state. So after awhile, I just concluded that god couldn't break through my defense of my inability to open up and also my too much thinking-mind. So as YISS started, all the participants received a very warm welcome for the service team. I guess that was a good start. The first day was good, quite normal, trying to be joyful about being here. But when the second day started, I felt a huge void in my heart and the worrying thing was that i didn't know why. So throughout the whole day, it was quite disturbing to be feeling this void. Then we had our silent time, but after trying to talk to god, I just gave up. After a while, I realized that it was my fear of not receiving god tangibly building up again. At that point, I just was very scared already. I ask god then, "Lord, what do you want me to feel now? Am I to be strong in this time of fear and struggle or do you just want me be weak and venerable in this time?”, then in my heart, I felt god telling me to just let go and talk to someone. Then I asked god, “Who lord, who will be able to help me? Nobody knows the fear I have? I been serving you for 4 years already in the youth ministry and its always about my faith and still I've not received you in a tangible way. So lord you tell me”. After that I saw Cassilda and I asked her if she was free to talk and then she said that she had to prepare for a session, so I just took it as the lord’s plan to be on my own now. Then after a few minutes, I saw Cassilda and Josey coming down the stairs as I was praying and talking to god at one of the silent time booths. As they walked down, I knew that they were coming to talk to me. As we talked, I just poured out everything about my fears of not receiving him tangibly. I was just telling them all the bad experiences I had for all my other 5 outpouring sessions.

After talking to them, I was feeling a little better, but my fears were still there. That night session was reconciliation and I didn't know how to prepare for it. After going for confession and all, there was a healing session where the service team would be praying over us. When they praying over me, I felt this huge and immense weight on my left calf and ankle & I felt god telling me that this was the weight that you are carrying and that's the weight of your burden. God asked me,” Will you let me bear it for you?" I just decided to sleep and end the day on a quite note.

As day 3 began, I started my day with an awesome bathe and went to a place where the sun was shining brightly and the trees were as green as ever. There I just talked to god and lifted up my whole day. As the day started, the Holy Spirit was the main focus, then yet again, the fear came back again and to make things worst, I felt god kept telling me that I'd receive the Gift of Tongues today. Although this was good news but my fear just kept growing. It was yet another disturbing day filled with fear. I went to talk to Cassilda and Josey where I like told them earlier in the day already so that there'd be no rush for things. I just kept telling them about how different I was throughout my life especially in the way that everyone receives the Gift of Tongues very fast but it's just been so long already for me. After about an hour plus had passed, both of them said that I'd receive the gift of tongues and they just kept saying that but I just couldn't believe them cause the mindset had built up that I was never going to receive the gift already.

Then I was silent for awhile, I had this picture, it was Jesus in the boat in a lake. I was on the shore and Jesus was a little far away from me. Then Jesus said, "Mark, will your take my hand?". But I told Jesus "No" cause I was just too fearful. Jesus kept asking me non-stop to take his hand and after 5 minutes, Cassilda told me,” Mark, what do you have to loose?", then after another 5 minutes, I said to Jesus I'll take his hand! After that both Cassilda and Josey said that I'll be receiving the gift of tongues NOW and they asked me if I wanted it? At that point, I was a little unsure. So we decided to flap our hands to relax and then pray. As I was praying, I felt a different experience. After praying, they told me that I received the gift and still I said that it can't be. So they decided to pray again but this they asked me to do the same thing I did previous which was actually praying in tongues. After praying, I finally believed that I had received THE GIFT OF TONGUES! The joy just kept overflowing after that! We then prayed again and then ended. All this happen before the outpouring session which made this even more awesome! So during the outpouring session, I was just praying in TONGUES and as I was prayed over, those praying over me kept saying that "The Joy of the lord that you have in your heart shall be your strength". I guess it was really confirming the joy and feeling I was having over the past few months and also confirming that it was the lord's hand in all of it.

So summing up everything, YISS was receiving the gift and also alot of affirmations of how I was living my life and god was telling me to continue desiring for him even more! Amen to that!



This is Josie(left) and Cassilda(right), the awesome leaders and followers of Jesus I met and are also the people whom god has blest me with as guided me through YISS. We actually met at the hospital while visiting Pris Tan. Really how wonderful is god!

Pre-YISS confusions

So finally I'm gonna post the awesome events that happened over this month!

Many of my close friends would really know that YISS has been something that I've been really waiting and preparing for all very long time even though I was going as a participant. I guess its because of the fact that there's been many people I've met, who has had really awesome and tangible experiences of the holy spirit. So ya, that was something I was especially looking forward to, cause for many years its just been faith that has lead me on as a followeer of Jesus.

And as YISS drew even more closer, I started to ask god whether I was disobeying him by going for the YISS cause my term test was the day after YISS ended and like I had 4 term test which took place over 4 consecutive days. Then after I'd have the SFX youth camp. And before YISS, I was at a stage where I'd place my life in every aspect in the hands of the lord and felt very guilty when I disobeyed god. So I felt this huge amount guilt too cause there was so much to settle with regards to the SFX youth camp and also there was so much to study still. But on the other hand, maybe god was trying to tell me to let go and leave it in his hands. So I was in this state of confustion until the day before YISS and I shared with a few people about this and received different views about this. I started to have many different thoughts about this and I wasn't able to spend silent time with god to really discern about this.

Then finally on wednesday night, I just offered it up at mass and after mass I decided to just go with an open heart and not to worry about anything else.

Claim the Lord as your God

Well today as I was having silent time in ado. I was reflecting on the love of god! Cause unfortunately, I fell into sin yet again. I wasn't feeling so good but as I thinking of the many aspects of the love of god, I started to ask god,"Lord, How can you count us worthy of your love when we have so many times turned our back you through sin? I mean we are always accepted by you and your love. Don't you get upset or angry when we fall into and turn against you? It all seems too good to be true lord." Then after reflecting for abit, I received an answer which was that our god doesn't think like us humans. He doesn't get angry or upset like us and he doesn't love us like humans do. His love for us will somehow never end.
I guess I've been feeling this way cause I'm so afraid to face god when I sin. I mean he's god you know! So as I continued to talk to god, he revealed that when Jesus was sent into this world, God showed the world what kind of god he really and also what kind of love he gives to us abundantly. But after my silent time, I still was feeling that the little void in my heart was there but then god just said to claim in faith and that in time to come he will reveal why this keeps happening, this repeated phase of falling into sin and then try to come back to god. I claim in faith that there is true reason for this to happen. So I will just have to cling onto my saving God in faith! So hang in there for those in the darkness, for the light is extremely near! Just claim in faith in Jesus name!

The great month of December

It’s that time of the year again! A lot of Leaders have said that this year would be a great year for all followers of Jesus. A lot of us all are preparing. And as I was typing out this post, I was thinking “What are we preparing for? Not sure, but we’ll all just prepare!” We all must be ready when the Lord call us, so maybe it’s the Lord’s coming? Not sure myself!

But December is just awaiting to unfold. There’s just so much excitement.

6-9 December The most awesome and wonderful YISS (Only 10 days left)

14-16 December The wonderful SFX Youth Camp 2007

25 December This tops everything with the Birth of Our precious and awesome Lord Jesus Christ

Friends, there is just so much to be happy about!

Happy! Joy! Happy! Joy! Happy! Joy!

Praise God! Praise God! Praise God!

How to carry on living happy with God?

Well such a great weekend, yet again I'm in that place where I so happy and I just want to be with god. And so today asked God,” Lord, I'm feeling very happy now but Lord I always struggle on how to continue especially with school and all. Also now that I've to study more. So how Lord?" God then said "My child, what's most important that you will show them this light to the ones who are in darkness. For now you have to bring Jesus to everyone else you meet in your days. As you preserve in all this, stay faithful in prayer everyday. For I the Lord your god will sustain you!"

Well I think alot of us struggle in this but I think this may be an answer for alot of us as God's servants. We all need to continuously try our best to be faithful to god in prayer and to let there be a god who exist in us 24 hours a day, 7 days a week and 365 days a year. Not just having him in us when we are on a spiritual highness. For its all these camps and retreats which will set us on fire but we need to keep this fire hot and burning in us with prayer. So let's all encourage each other on this walk with our gracious Lord! Also let's try yet again to show this man Jesus to everyone we meet. Praise God!

God turns the worst weekend into the best weekend

The god is really awesome! Well it all started on Saturday when I had cell. I was very excited for cell but in my 1 hour wait in junction 8, there were alot of stuff which came up. Like all of a sudden, someone called and told me that my youth group were doing canteen on Sunday. Then I was thinking. "What is God trying to pull on me now?". Cause we actually will take at least 2 weeks to plan for our canteen duty. Now I had only a few hours to plan for one. So started to panic quite a bit cause we already were having a spiritual preparation for the Youth Camp and I was leading in worship. Then after thinking, I remember that another youth group were going to have a bake sale on Sunday. So after calling their representative, they agreed to have their bake sale in the canteen. I just am so sure that god was had this all wonderfully planned already. But at that moment, I was so tired already, still walking around aimlessly in Junction 8 with my guitar on my back. So I finally found Gavin, we headed off to Sury's house for Cell. Even when we reached there, I wasn't much in the mood to continue for cell but i just said a prayer and told god that I know all this has happened for a reason.

So we started with me playing the guitar for a short P&W session before our sharing started. We had a good P&W and surprisingly I had a good rhythm for all the songs which is definitely by god grace. Then I was so so touched by the cell when they all applauded me for some nice music. Although I appreciated alot, I was really in a state of exhaustion and tiredness. So as we carried on with our sharing, Paul gave his long a inspiring sharing, who I was seeing for the first time. He's actually is taking his degree in Australia. So for everyone, it was a real happy sight to have him back. Anyway he was sharing alot of stuff which had alot of relation to my thoughts over the past few weeks which I will reveal in future posts. So after everyone else shared, I shared the last. And I left Cell feel very very tired and disappointed cause normally after Cell I would be feeling very recharged.

Anyway it was Sunday and I was in church and feeling very uneasy still about my thoughts. So then I went for mass with becks and a few of the YISS people. And I just lifted up all my feelings and I just took in faith that god will revive me through the Eucharistic celebration which always happens. During mass, I was thinking what to prepare for the session later and God told to just specially talk about the wonders of god. And after mass, I was feeling much much better and happier. Well there still were more hiccups, cause the slides of the songs and all weren't in my thumb drive but somehow we just typed out and also we didn't have the promotion slide of the YISS and we needed it cause the YISS people were coming to publicize the YISS. Yet again god provided with Becks thumb drive. Then all of a sudden, the projector in the room wasn't working but yet again god provided with a backup. Then I was thinking that you know, the devil has been trying to destroy this whole weekend but I could really see that "God always wins". And we had a really good worship session and I could really feel the presence of God from the very start of the session. From then on it just got from good to awesome. After the YISS people talked about YISS and amplify, Becks gave a true testimony of the saving power of our great Lord! And I guess this weekend has taught me to always CLAIM the lord our king and saviour in faith! Praise God!

God will take care of Me!

Hello once again! Well over the past few weeks, one of my biggest worries has been my studies for this semester in poly. Although many times I've told people that poly is not so difficult. Well I've been really worried cause I was struggling in almost every module but I am to be blame for all this. Before I started school this semester, I was thinking to myself that maybe I should be even more slack in school and maybe concentrate more on church work. So from the start of the semester, I've been missing quite a few lectures but after doing this for 4 weeks, I really got worried. So this week I actually studied on a weeknight during a period where the exams are still far away. This may seem usual for many of you but not for me. Then I had this weird thought, "Would Jesus miss any Lectures?". I knew for a fact that he would never slack at all in school, no matter how busy he was healing people or spreading the word & love of god.

So this week, I've been studying more and also praying too. And while typing out this post, I could really feel the presence of god dwelling upon me. Its a feeling of reaffirming that it is the Lord who is here and confirming all this. So as this week of school has just ended, I am on a much better level of understanding for all my modules. But God has really given me grace to take courage to admit that I'm struggling in school and also to ask for help. Yet again, all this are from the works of God. I can never ever be smart but its really the Lord who make me smart! I am sure that this experience was a reminder that it has been God who's been helping in every aspect of my life especially my studies! Praise God!

God remembers his faithful

Well I fell into sin yet again and then the thoughts of whether I really want to follow this man, jesus and all his works. I started to think, "After all this, would God really want me back to continue building his kingdom?". Like there are so many more people who are more faithful than me. But on saturday at mass, I ask Jesus to guide me and i just offered up this intenion for mass. Then last sunday's gospel gives alot of encouragement to god's faithful, then to top things off, the sermon was even more excellent cause Father Gererd was talking about this movie that will come out soon. The name of the movie is "The Golden Compass". Its a movie about how there is no god and that all his people like the priest are fake and all. Then I thought that this is like so much more worst than the Da vinci code. I mean its so unreal cause if God isn't real than how can anyone explain how jesus who died on the cross and 3 days later rise from the dead! We catholics should show the world how real our god really is! Anyway Father continued to link it with the gospel because the gospel was about "Being ready for the Lord's coming!" and he also continued to say that no matter what God always Wins. After hearing those words, I was thinking that there was no clearer message from God to me and that He wants me to come back and to continue to desire for this living god!

But I really feel that this fall into sin has really strengthen me cause I want to serve Jesus even more this time. So I guess that this experience has really taught me to be open to what god has set before us especially temptation. But if we fall, we are always called to fall back on our saving God! For God has created the strong for a reason which always to strengthen the weak. So to all those who are weak at this moment, find grace,humility and openess to ask the people around you for strength! And please trust me, God is Real! Cause the posts in this blog are all fromour Almighty and ever living God! Praise god! God Bless!

We have a never-changing God

Well this revealation is really exciting! You know how as the years pass by things change,people change and basically everything changes! We as humans are very concern about what others think of us. Like we change things in ourselves because its the way this world would accept us. For example, many guys find that their not good looking enough to attract a certain girl so they change their appearance so as to gain some attention. Basically we care so much on how we'll be able to suit this world and not the other way around.

Well god has been talking to me about this. I've been asking god, "Lord, why has the world & its people change so much?" The god just said, "Child, the world always changes but the only one that doesn't change is me, your god. It is I, the same god who created Earth, who lead Moses and the Isralities out of egypt, who sent his son into earth to die on the cross for our sins, the same lord who called Peter & Paul to preach fearlessly about the god who saves!" We always try to ask god to suit our needs but when do we actually try to listen to god? I guess it was god way of telling me that he's always here for me and that his love will never alter as I take this step forward in faith!

Also in the past weeks I've been asking god to change me into the person he wants me to be. Well my cell would know that I'm sort of in a formation period in my walk with god. Well I've been asking for humility. Especially in this week, god has given me the grace to be really open to his teaching and also to his will. Like this morning as it was raining, I only had a bright pink umbrella, then I thought to myself, "What would everyone think when they see me with a pink umbrella?". Then God reminded me that it doesn't matter what anyone thinks of you but what is important is that you keep yourself dry. Although many of us would see this situation as something stupid or funny, it is actually in all these small things where we should change first before we can move on to change the more serious problems about myself. Praise God!

Fighting for our Faith

In the past week, there's this nun whose been staying with my family. She's actually been very close to my family for many years. She and my mum are the best of friends. And in the weeks before she came, I've been doubting god and his works quite alot. Time and again god reveals to me that its him who is here. It was just the perfect timing that the nun was here cause the doubts were all cleared and I think it was god's way of instilling conviction in my faith as I continue to grow with god. But this wasn't the end of our wonderful god and his suprises.

The nun actually brought this up. You know how alot of us are actually think about what people would think of ourselves by the things we do or say or even the things we believe in. Well the nun said, "Why do alot of Catholics fear making the sign of the cross so visibilly before we eat? or "why do so many Catholics fear having more conversations abt god and their walk with god?" And so after all these questions, I started to think to myself that actually I'm also very concern about what others think of me. But over the past week, the main msg has been about standing up in faith. Standing up for what we believe in and most of our teachings are in the bible. Actually this morning, while walking to the bus-stop, I was talking to god and then I was so happy with god that I started in some sense continue to reaffirm myself that it is god who is here. I guess alot of it was about not just praise god but doing it with real conviction! I personally believe conviction is so important in our journey cause it sustains us especially when we're down. Ultimately, today is about Standing up in faith and also guarding it! Praise god!

Simple Sunday

Sunday is the day when god said that it shall be day of rest! Ever since i've been in ministry, Sunday has been a day of going for mass and then going for session with my community. And for me since then, it was a day just devoted plainly to god alone. I don't know about everyone else but even if I was blind, I'd know when sunday comes around. It's just that feeling that the day of Lord is here. And when I go to church and see all my community people, its just a feeling of warmth that just goes through my heart!

So today, there was a birthday celebration so there wasn't any session as it was i suprise kinda thing. At first, I was a little upset but then my saving god came to save the day for me. God said " Child, Today shall be a day of simplicity!" So this sunday was really taking delight in the simple things especially mass and also the simple fellowship with my community as well as a simple sibling bonding as we had lunch together without the parents. So yup the message for the weekend has been about having a simple faith! Keep it simple god says! Praise god! There will be more posts in the week! So check it out!

The true voice of God

The start of this week has just been a really difficult day for me. For me, it felt like I was in a huge pit hole which is just too tall for me to even attempt to get out of this. It was so difficult to even hold myself together in school. I really had no idea at that point what has lead up to that mess.For the whole of monday, I'd been thinking about what I was even feeling at that moment. And at the end of it all, I couldn't even answer myself. The closest answer I got to maybe was then I'm too weak for such a spiritual formation. And I'm quite sure what his main message has been and its be patient. I guess its just taken a toll on me. But another thing that I had experienced was a not so good weekend cause the weekend has been one where I had to go to the cemetary so I missed my precious sunday. But then Throughout the whole week, I decided to not think too much about it. Not to forget about this mess but only to place very little thought about this.

So after thinking for awhile, I felt very confused about god. It was like I didn't know when he was talking to me. I experience extreme confusion on whether the devil was trying to tempting me to conclude that it wasn't god or was it god talking to me! It was a really tough time but then I took courage on tuesday to go for morning mass. But in the morning as I was saying my morning prayer, the message was "My Child, you know me & my works! So just take faith in that!". So when I went for mass, I just lifted up in prayer with faith the message, my feelings & my whole being. Then the gospel as well as the sermon all confirmed everything I lifted up at mass. After mass, I just felt so much at peace. But one of the amazing things was that this was the first time in like 2 years that I went for morning mass! And throughout the whole day, the message of "My Child, you know me & my works! So just take faith in that!"

And so there was a reason for me to fall so badly until this. The saying of "From every failure, comes success!" is just ever so true. But really god has given strength do be able to come out of this positively. For god is making himself more and more real in my life! Praise god!

Pick yourself up, my Child

In the evening when I went for mass, I was feeling really low and down. There was a huge lead up to all this actually cause throughout today I've been really frustrated that I didn't study and also not doing anything productive. Then as I went for mass, I started to lose my patience with everything starting from the state of mind I was in. Then throughout the whole mass god kept telling me to be patient and wait on him. Then I started to lose my patience with god as well and was starting to wonder why this was happening to me today. Then after complaining and complaining to god about this and that, he said to me very sternly, "Stop and listen! Now that you've fallen down, don't waste time complaining about the past but pick yourself up and try again not to make the same mistake". Then I felt so scared but was reaffirmed by his message and reminded myself that its all part of my formation cause my times I'll turn my friends, the environment or songs when I'm down but the one i should turn to first is god actually.

So I guess that today was a learning experience for me again. It also boils down to being humble and to accept that I've made mistake and not be silent about it and put on a front for everyone cause it does nothing good. Although god knows about our mistakes,he still wants us to admit that we've fallen. But ya its been a good experience today although many would say that it's too harsh but our god knows what he needs to do to make us come back. And I know for a fact that nobody has ever provided such perfect love like our god provides!

How much do we really trust God?

Well this thought came to my mind on Saturday. But how much of our precious lives, do we really trust god with? You know how when ever we struggling and our friends tell us that we should just trust in god. But I think we start to question ourselves and ask "How do we trust god?"

Well god asked me many times, "Do you ever think I'll abandon you or give you less than what you want?". There are many times when we're in this situation, like there was once I liked someone but god told me that she's not the one for you but actually I've reserved for you someone else. There's been many times I've questioned god and said "Why lord, why? and when is the time lord?", then he just says to me "Be patient, my child. For I am molding you until you are ready for the one I've chosen for you". And throughout this whole week, I've been doubting god's message and every time I ask him for a sign, he's given me one and then I'll just smile and laugh at god! I guess its all part of being patient and trusting our complete lives with him. And its not just relationships but also like our financial matters and our dreams, for he alone knows whats best for you.

Another situation in which I'm totally marveled at is that every month, I need at least $200 to survive but for past month and as well at the next 2 months, I'll have to survive on $50. Many of my friends have told me, "Are you insane trying to survive on $50?" and I'll tell them that "god will provide" and many of my friends tell me that there's a time to trust God and there's a time to be realistic but I think that this is the kind of faith we need to have in him all the time. And so far I've survived! Haha! Well what god has done for me is that he's sustained me not just in feelings but also financially and it all shows that he'll ensure we'll be happy and well if we trust him with our lives! For those who always think that I'm in pain and so sad because of my financial situation, well actually I've been feeling the total opposite, friends!

And yet again the message is "Be patient and trust in me & also expect more from your god, my child!"

Be patient and have faith

This week has just been absolutely awesome! Just feeling so happy & joyful everyday especially on Wednesday. Its been about take delight in everything! Also prayer has been the main reason for the joy this week. Its also been really tough just sit and be still in ado too. But its something that god has said that its all part of my formation this year. So for this week it was all great and joy but on Friday, I was really great joy in the morning but then in the afternoon I was feeling a little empty. Then when I went ado in the evening, I was praying and god said that this journey you are on with me is not only about feeling joy but to also have faith and trust in me. For when someone starts to question my faith in the lord, I can firmly be on the ground and proclaim with real conviction that the lord is real and he is not only a god who'll give you joy but he'll give you faith too.

But I think that god's way of working within us is really amazing. Cause on Friday morning, I started really the book of acts from the bible and then, I felt once again so proud to be a follower of Jesus! For in acts, all the followers of Jesus were so strong in their faith and proclaiming of lord not because of the feelings they felt but it was actually that in their true faith in the lord.
For example, Peter and Paul were people who just went around the town fearlessly talking about the wonders of god. Then I started to break down in tear a little cause of the fact that I felt so unworthy to be called by god but then again I was reaffirmed by this message, "He has not called the qualified but he qualifies the called".

Then after that I just praised god for the reassurance that he really is here!

Stop and come with me

Well last Saturday as I was sharing with my cell, pris talked about her vision was when she was praying with me and the rest too. It was a gift box from god. And inside the box was a stopwatch. When I heard that I was abit curious about why I got a stopwatch. Well obviously the first thought I had was that I was rushing to much in my day. i thought it was abit weird cause the pass few days I've been really free and joyful praise the lord especially on my way to school, which has been absolutely great! So during my day for today, I started to think on why I received a stopwatch from god?

As I was wondering about this, I realized that many times as I walked to the bus-stop on the way to school, I will be feeling full of joy as I passed the sun although you can see it from wherever you are. But I felt that I was praising god while I was doing something else. But I felt that actually of just walking continuously, I should have just stopped and exalt in the lord as I gazed upon the bright and shining sun.

Anyway as I was on my way to school this morning, I started to plan what I'm going to do after school all the way until night. So i decided to go home after school and then go ado. But when I reached home, I was quite tired and started to doze off. Then I felt god telling to rest first and at night to come away with him. So I just slept and then went to ado for an hour. And you know whenever I go to ado, I always have to bring my journal so that if I get restless, I can start writing instead of being still and quiet to listen to the voice of god. But when I went to ado earliar, I just sat down and talked to god for awhile and then I just was still and started to stop all thoughts coming to my mind and just dwell in the presence of the lord. It was so peaceful although it was a little difficult in the beginning but after awhile, it just felt like god was sitting beside me anmd whispering into my ear what he needed to tell me. The feeling was just so incredible!

So ultimately I understood why I receive a stopwatch from god, it was actually because he qwanted me to always stop and come waay with him more often and not just when I troubled. The stopwatch was given to me to prove that I'm in charge of what I do everyday and I'm in control of my time and I can choose whether I should come away with him. For many times, we say that we haven't had time to spend time with the lord but actually its because we're in such a hurry in this life that we fail to just some for moment.

But the main message from my silent time with god earlier was "To be Patient" in all I do especially the things I ask in prayer to. But I'm really happy with what god is teaching me! Praise God!

Joyful Monday

Wow this monday morning was so awesome and great! I've always hated my monday because its like the start of the week. But as I was praying this morning, I asked god to grant me grace and strength to to rejoice on this monday morning!So as I was walking to the bus-stop, as always I'll talk to god. So I tried to recall what I enjoyed most about my morning walks to the bus-stop in my previous semester. Then I remembered that it was the bright and shining sun in the morning which made my days so enjoyable.

Then I started to wonder why the sun made me so happy. I mean the sun make us so unhappy sometimes especially when we dress up so good looking and all and then this sun make us sweat. Sweat is something that alot of us hate especially the girls. Haha! Then after thinking for a while, the reason the sun makes me so happy is because it shows me how bright, radiant and how huge the love of god is! Then I guess I really just started to take delight and exault in the lord, our Creator! Then after that, in the bus, I was wondering whether I should sms my close friends on this great joy, then remembering what pris tan said about receiving more joyful morning messages from me. But then I said to myself, "With such great and awesome joy and delight like this, it'll be cruel to keep it to myself". So I just sms my close friends. From then on, my monday has been filled with joy and suprises from daddy god! But the real test will be on wednesday when I've school until 7pm! Haha!

Praise You O mighty God! Let's all yearn for the love of god!

Its ok to be Weak

Hello once again! Well you know how many of us like to put on a front to show that we're strong. Well this weekend has been a time to reflect on this mistake in which I'm a huge victim of.

Well it all started on Wednesday when I was so tired after a long day in school, then after going for meeting. After that I lost control of my calmness and just started bursting out in stress and anger. At that time luckily I was at Jalan Kayu having supper. But then after I went home, I ask god this question, "Lord is it ok for the strong to be weak sometimes?". At that point I was really hurting inside cause I was struggling so much with this.

So last night as I was sharing with some of my close friends, I realized that I had alot of stuff inside my heart which was covered with layers of putting on fronts of strength. Also I feel that many of us especially us guys are afraid to open up too. But I've gotta say that after i shared from my heart, I felt so happy and at peace.

Well I used to have this really stupid way of thinking that if I shared my deepest struggles, it'll seem that I'm weak. I guess it comes with my pride, but i feel that the moment i let jesus in and shared, my heart just felt so much lighter. But I really praise god for giving me grace and strength to admit my mistake. I really can never do it by my strength at all.

Then I realised that we are the little children of God & its ok to be weak sometimes! But now I'm really trying to be more humble and also to have grace to ask for help and guidance when I am struggling. So I think ultimately God's message for me this weekend is "To let more people into this Heart!"

Yup Praise You O God for this!

School again

Well I'm back to school. Actually I was so happy to hear when i first entered poly but this semester is such a put off. This week i started my semester 2 of my diploma course and I wan't really looking forward to start school again cause i finish school so late from monday to thursday. Also cause I've never been exposed to such a school schedule.

But then god told me told to actually take this semester as a challenge and also use the mid-day breaks as a time to study. So ya so ever since hearing that message, I've been really feeling the presence of god ever so strongly. You know its like so unbelievable. Many people always say that they don't feel the presence of god when they're down, but for me it was the total opposite, God's presence was even stronger this time.

But i think that it boils down to how we are to God cause the closer we are to god, the easier we can be sensitive to the promptings of the Holy Spirit. But its not easy though, it takes alot of effort!

What grace from god does

All my life I always wondered what the word Grace means? You know how we always feel so guilty whenever we are in prayer or P&W and we feel so unworthy to be a child of god. Well I am huge victim of that. Then like a couple of weeks ago, god taught me to take the effort to come back to him. He taught me to firstly, accept my mistake and secondly to try again to avoid sin again. So I tried it out and it was really amazing and magical. I could really feel the presence of god especially when I turn down the devil and decided to go with Jesus instaed. It really felt like all the angels in heaven were rejoicing and dancing for there was a child out there chose god instead of the Devil. And really its the feeling that everyone will get when they start to really live for God. As i started to really once again live out the day for god alone, i felt like i was just walking with Jesus along the beach and just chatting and hanging out with him! I guess that the reward. Its really the best feeling in the world.

You know how everyone says that there are seasons in our life, well I don't really believe in that cause i think we just need to have a little faith in god that he'll take care of us not just in good times but in bad times too. i guess we just need to put in a little effort on out part and god will do the rest. Its like, the door can only open if we decide to first walk up to the door and touch the knob of the door and god will give us the power to open the door. But at the same we need to constantly ask for strengh from god.

But I am really happy now cause I've fallen again to be madly in love with my daddy god yet again. Praise you oh mighty and lovely god!

My personal mission from God

The lord said that he'll reveal the most important to his little children. You know our parents tell us when we're young about how we should behave during mass & prayer. Well as we grow up, we learn to compromise with all of this, like instead of switching of our phones, messaging during mass or even talking during prayer and mass. For me, this was god message for me today. Its not about thinking to perfect the huge stuff in ministry but its actually about perfecting basic and most simple things in our faith. I think this really when God slowly reveals things to us. So from now on, I'm first gonna try to be a person to perfect the simple things in my faith and not attempting the perfection of the huge this in my faith! Praise God!

Welcome

Hello Everyone! Welcome to my blog. I am Mark Sebastian Abraham from St. Francis Xavier Church. I'm in the youth group there called Youth Vineyard. Anyway I'm currently studying in Temasek Poly. Actually over years, I didn't like the idea of a blog but after much thought, I feel that its important to share my personal revealations of my god! Hope you enjoy! God bless!