You're Smart, Mark

For years, I would hope for the day when someone would compliment with the words of ‘Mark, you’re smart!” After such a long time, someone actually complimented me by those kind words. I was kind of shocked too especially considering who it came. But nevertheless, it made my day into such a joyful one on Friday.

I guess this goes a few years back into the history of my life. As those whom I’ve shared before, I used to be in a state of not being able to forgive myself for entering into ITE. This continued even after I entered Temasek Poly. I couldn’t come to terms to forgiving myself as it really brought me down to a level where I felt that I was really so stupid. And there were so many times when I complained to God on why I was like this. And I just used to hate myself for entering ITE. To make things worse, the people I met everyday in Church were people who were so intelligent and smart studying in JCs or Polys. I guess after awhile it got a little bit intimidating. But these thoughts weren’t like everyday & every second kind of stuff. These were just thoughts that I chose to leave at the back of my mind so that it wouldn’t be such a struggle in ministry. But it was one of those struggles which will come back to haunt you time and again until you actually choose to deal with the issue or struggle. So throughout my time in poly during my 1st year, I would really struggle at times with this.

But then it was last year when the whole load of struggles I was trying to carry on my back by myself became too heavy for me that God needed to do special to get my attention and be curious.

Well, I was in the adoration room around last year June. Then God did something to make me really curious to find out what happened. So I met up with Sury, Becks & later Pris Tan came by too. And as I talked with them, they felt that it were huge burdens I were carry. And then they went on to pray for me and told me to place all of it at the feet of Jesus. And as they were praying, God reminded me deep within my heart of how I had not forgiven myself for entering ITE. And then I shared that when them, together with God and them, I started to realize how my entry into ITE was part of the plan of God for me in my life. After the deep realization, I forgave myself and started to love the person I was and also to start allowing God to mould me into the person he wants me to be!

A year later which is now, I reflect and wonder how precious that night was to me as I forgave myself and allowed God to come in. And just last night, I was reflecting on how I got smarter as the year had progressed and I came to only 1 conclusion, “I have only god to thank for this as I didn’t do anything to become smarter except drawing close to Jesus!”

And to actually explain how God has made me smarter would be a total mystery even for me. Its one of those instances where it’s explainable but I only can praise God for this!

May you be able to draw close to God and experience the joy of being in his presence and allowing him to mould you into the person he wants you to be. His 1st plan for you is really amazing and so unreal!

So I praise you O God from the heavens for making me smart! I am in total awe of your grace & goodness! Thanks you Lord! Amen!

Clinging onto the Cross

What does it mean to cling onto the cross of Jesus? Does it just mean to leave all our struggles and worries at the foot of the Cross or do we have to literally cling onto the cross of Jesus in times of struggle?

As Jesus himself says it in the bible, “If you remain in me, then I will remain in you.”





Since my recent increasing desire for prayer, I have been facing quite a few fears and struggles. Firstly, the fears I’ve been facing have been like fears of whether I will be able to constantly be in the state of prayer and still have conviction in God. The main fear has basically been whether my faith will be alive. I was so afraid of being the ordinary catholic praying fervently and not being alive & joyful in faith. But every time, I talk to God about this fear, he always reassures me that he knows what I need to be sustained in my prayer life and ensured that he’ll provide for me. Another fear has been whether I’ll be able to leave everything and start this new life of prayer. I guess it’s the title of ‘living a life of prayer’ which really started to scare me quite a bit, then God just kept reminding me about how simple he has put praying to him is for me and that I should start making my own way of this life of prayer and not try to forced into this life of prayer.

Now, in terms of struggles, I’ve been really struggling through these past 2 days of trials that I’ve been facing. I guess, I’m not used to going through trials for a whole and what more 2 whole days. It kind of shows how dependent I am on the grace of God to get me through these trials and tribulations. As I continued to think about this, I realized how much conviction I had in God but not much faith & trust in God when it came to facing trials in my spiritual journey. Maybe this is the result of living very comfortably in the presence of God. I guess I keep forgetting that you will still face trial & tribulations despite your answer to the Call of God. In some sense, I’m just very used to being happy everyday and when suddenly I face some difficult situation especially in my journey with God, I start t lose faith & trust in God and start to doubt whether God is really there.

But in all of this, after spending quiet time with God in the adoration room earlier, God revealed to me that it was a transition period into another level of my spiritual journey for me. As he revealed that to me, I started to see how God was still active in my life even as I started to doubt his presence. For those who have got the latest August issue of the ‘Word among us’, the theme for this issue was about faith. It talks about how much faith we have in God and then what faith does for us. So actually God was working still in me but I was blinded by my worries about his absence. Its kind of funny also when you think about it. Haha!

Anyway, I have truly learnt what it means to cling onto the Cross of Jesus. It means that although at that point in time, it may seem as the most ridiculous thing to be trusting in God but when we speak to God, we will be feeling a sense of growth in ourselves that we still trusted in God despite the evil one trying to mess with and disrupt our close & loving relationship with God! So praise God for the gift of faith as it allows us to grow in Christ!

Awesome Sunday & Powerful homily by Pope Benedict XVI

My Sunday really started early around 6 am when I got up to make it for Sunday morning 7am mass as a few youths were screening the finale mass of the World Youth Day ’08 live from Sydney! I had slept for about 5 hours only and was extremely tired as I woke up but I kept the thought of listening to the homily of Pope Benedict XVI in mind and basically that was my source of motivation.

At mass, although I was quite sleepy, I was really able to feel the grace of God at mass as Rev. Father Anthony Ho gave his homily on how forgiving & loving our God is and that he loves us all so much. He mentioned also how we were created for heaven and also that heaven is first looked at as the immense love God has for us and only secondly, heaven is looked at a place where we’ll be in paradise with Jesus! But the highlight of the mass wasn’t just the message of the Gospel, rather, it was how God brought me to break down and actually cry.

Well over recent weeks, I’ve really drifted away from God mainly because of sin. And yesterday I realized how far I drifted away from my God. As I was listening to how someone felt so close to God, I was reminded of how much I miss God and its not like he isn’t there but that I have been in a state of sin and running away from God. I felt so sad to have lost that connection and closeness with God though not totally lost. But the thought just brought me to sadness. So during mass today, as I was preparing for communion, I was feeling so sad about drifting away and also so sorrowful for my sins. But as I received Jesus in communion, God poured out his love upon me in true abundance. And as I knelt and listened to God, I was brought to a state of totally wonder and awe of how amazing, loving & forgiving God was to me. I was so touched to the depths of my heart of how God never judged me but actually just totally poured out his love upon me. That brought me to tears and I was just in a state of being totally loved by my Saviour!

But there was more planned by God! I was so excited to hear the homily of Pope Benedict XVI from the finale mass at World Youth day live from Sydney! I am a huge admirer of the all the Popes! I see the pope as some really called and chosen by God himself to be a Shepherd to the whole world! I just find all popes so wise and their messages are truly revelations from God! And their messages are just so inspiring and encouraging!

So in his homily, he said about powerful the youths of this day are and how the Holy Spirit is so powerful within the Church today. And as said last year from somewhere, the Pope mentioned about the “Upper Room”, on how we are called to gather up at the upper room and pray for a special outpouring of the Holy Spirit! He especially mentioned how we are called to be fearless when saying a ‘Yes’ to Christ! It was just so inspiring! It really made me so happy to seek God and bring the knowledge of the Love of God to more people both within the Church and outside of it!

So Lord I truly praise you for such and amazing Sunday! Praise you O God for Pope Benedict XVI! Amen!

Desire for Prayer (Part II)

I have many times entered into the thought of finding the actual reasons for 'Prayer', I kept coming to a state where I've found not much reason for prayer maybe because of myself being someone that doesn't like being forced into doing something. In this post, I'll be sharing about my experience of prayer and what it does for me.

So what really is prayer for you? I think that our own personal definition of prayer is just so important and hopefully our definition has some similarities with Catholic Church. The worst thing would be for us to heading in separate direction from Catholic Church and then claiming that we know God. For a sure fact, we know that it was Jesus himself who decided to build Church and hence, it is so essential to be in line with the Church and her teachings.

For me, my definition is prayer is speaking to God and being in God’s presence. And as years have passed, I’ve come to realize how difficult it can be to pray faithful without truly knowing the true person of God! But as I drew closer to God, I’ve come to really enjoy prayer, the Eucharist, silent time and set prayers like the divine office & other kinds of prayers.

But what prayer truly does for me, is making me more humble and graceful. From what I perceived prayer as initially, you could say that God has really brought revelation to me for me to understand prayer. For this I praise God specially! And just being in the presence of God without speaking at all is so rewarding as it is. Everyday, as I pray in the morning, I really find it so important for me as I start as it starts my day with being filled with the grace & joy of the Lord! And I guess in many ways, its my source of joy in the Lord!

As I was think about this post, I think and feel that we as youths of the Church need to pray like how Jesus prayed where he’d take time off from all ministry to go up to the mountain to sit and pray. But of course our mountain can be in the adoration room or our own rooms or even anywhere away from all distractions. As I was just reflecting on the modern day youths who have chosen to say ‘Yes’ to Jesus, I came to the conclusion, that we can make so much time to ministry work but sometimes we miss out on the true crucial element of spending time with God in prayer.

And I have always been a person not liking prayer much but really, God has taught me what a gift prayer really is! It really is an avenue to receive grace and humility! And finally, prayer is where we will really be able to seek to do the true will of our Father in Heaven.

So this is my prayer for all of us especially the youths & young adults serving in Church. I pray that we youths will be a praying & discerning people filling the conviction & vibrancy of the Holy Spirit. I especially pray for all those who find prayer such a burden and a chore, I pray that they may experience God tangibly in their daily lives and find prayer a grace! Amen!

Desire for Prayer (Part I)

Well yes this has been my latest desire which came from God, "Prayer". In the past, I kinda disliked prayer so much because it was so quiet and so boring especially when I had to pray the rosary. But over recent weeks, I had the chance to come to know God much better, Prayer has been more of a chance to be in the presence of God and especially receiving grace & humility.

As I've been immersing myself as much as possible in prayer, I really have been able to received alot of strength to get through my days much better. And prayer has particularly been really helpful at times where I have been made fun of. In these times, I've been able to be more receptive to the promptings of the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit has really been guiding me so much especially in times when I feel like returning negetive comments at the people who make fun of me or those who keep irritating me. But what the Holy Spirit has done has really been amazing, where he has guided me to love them instead of hating them.

Now through the guidance of the Holy Spirit and praying the rosary, I have been able to not only to love the ones who keep disturbing me but also to very importantly pray for their well-being & safety. Its been quite weird I must say that, when I lift them up during my prayers but I affirmed at how praying for them makes me love them more and as well as learn to accept them for who they are. But though accepting them for who they are, God has guided me not to conform to their ways but to actually accept them and ensure to continuously live a life of holiness.

Although this will continue to remain to be a struggle, I am feeling much better these days and trying to get back to a Joyful Mark whom i miss dearly. But I praise God for giving me the desire for prayer as I seek him more and more each day! May you be able to experience the true grace and humility of Prayer!

Why can't we all love?

This has been one of our main struggles throughout the years serving in ministry! And there's been so many times that I've question God about this but I always come to a point of just accepting that its just meant to be that way. But I just always so troubled by the fact that there are so many people out there in search for that unconditional love.

So why can't we love unconditionally?

I guess this may appear as a plea as well. But I guess the first step is to get myself out of the self-denial period. Well, I do get quite affected when people make those racist remarks at me. And sometimes I just question God if there'd been anything I'd done to deserve such treatment. And there's been so many times when people have said that the ones being joked at don't get affected by the remarks we make. But if that were to be yourself in that position, wouldn't you be affected after a series of remarks. But as always I come back to the point that I should love them for who they are and not what they say.

But I guess I still just throw this question to everyone out there. How are people who are searching for God and his love, going to find it if we ourselves aren't instruments of that love? How are these poor people going to experience that love if we ourselves don't experience that within our brothers and sisters in Christ?

As I post this, my prayer is going out to both the guilty ones and the victims of this. I guess we may all be part of both groups at different times.

And this is my plea to everyone: LOVE! The world lacks so much love where there are people constantly dying without experiencing love throughout their whole life. So many times, we pray that for those who are so sick suffering from so many illnesses but the biggest illnesses we all have is the inability to love. So let this be our prayer! That there'll be more and more love being experienced everyday especially for those searching for love!

And may our lovely catholic church be the main source of love. And maybe this is the reason why youths are running away from our catholic church, as they don't find a sense of community and being loved. So let us love more and stop allowing people to joke and make fun of others at the expense of others. And let's so stop presuming that the ones we make fun of aren't affected by the remarks we make because at some point they surely will as we all have a heart and they'll feel hurt at some point!

LET US LOVE LIKE CHRIST DID! AMEN!