You're Smart, Mark

For years, I would hope for the day when someone would compliment with the words of ‘Mark, you’re smart!” After such a long time, someone actually complimented me by those kind words. I was kind of shocked too especially considering who it came. But nevertheless, it made my day into such a joyful one on Friday.

I guess this goes a few years back into the history of my life. As those whom I’ve shared before, I used to be in a state of not being able to forgive myself for entering into ITE. This continued even after I entered Temasek Poly. I couldn’t come to terms to forgiving myself as it really brought me down to a level where I felt that I was really so stupid. And there were so many times when I complained to God on why I was like this. And I just used to hate myself for entering ITE. To make things worse, the people I met everyday in Church were people who were so intelligent and smart studying in JCs or Polys. I guess after awhile it got a little bit intimidating. But these thoughts weren’t like everyday & every second kind of stuff. These were just thoughts that I chose to leave at the back of my mind so that it wouldn’t be such a struggle in ministry. But it was one of those struggles which will come back to haunt you time and again until you actually choose to deal with the issue or struggle. So throughout my time in poly during my 1st year, I would really struggle at times with this.

But then it was last year when the whole load of struggles I was trying to carry on my back by myself became too heavy for me that God needed to do special to get my attention and be curious.

Well, I was in the adoration room around last year June. Then God did something to make me really curious to find out what happened. So I met up with Sury, Becks & later Pris Tan came by too. And as I talked with them, they felt that it were huge burdens I were carry. And then they went on to pray for me and told me to place all of it at the feet of Jesus. And as they were praying, God reminded me deep within my heart of how I had not forgiven myself for entering ITE. And then I shared that when them, together with God and them, I started to realize how my entry into ITE was part of the plan of God for me in my life. After the deep realization, I forgave myself and started to love the person I was and also to start allowing God to mould me into the person he wants me to be!

A year later which is now, I reflect and wonder how precious that night was to me as I forgave myself and allowed God to come in. And just last night, I was reflecting on how I got smarter as the year had progressed and I came to only 1 conclusion, “I have only god to thank for this as I didn’t do anything to become smarter except drawing close to Jesus!”

And to actually explain how God has made me smarter would be a total mystery even for me. Its one of those instances where it’s explainable but I only can praise God for this!

May you be able to draw close to God and experience the joy of being in his presence and allowing him to mould you into the person he wants you to be. His 1st plan for you is really amazing and so unreal!

So I praise you O God from the heavens for making me smart! I am in total awe of your grace & goodness! Thanks you Lord! Amen!