The reality of suffering

Everyone would totally agree that suffering is really something so real & true but also something so difficult to bear. And I think in so many different ways, I also desire to escape it. But I think the phase of suffering I’ve been through has been a real difficult experience. It been one of those experiences where we wonder how did we ever survive.

But yes, over the past 3 months, there’s been immense suffering mostly deep within the depths of my heart. And I think that what has made the last 3 months so difficult has been the 1 reason of how I wasn’t able to conclude on what I was going through. And for me, being in a situation where I didn’t know what was happening or where the whole experience was leading me to brought great amounts of frustration.

For me, it was something that I never saw coming and would never have been the way I would plan my 2008 year to end. During the built-up towards Christmas, I only felt the Christmas feeling on the 24th of December. There just seemed to be so much of struggle that I just really couldn’t see how I would be able to rejoice in this time. Even in such a devastating experience, I still couldn’t conclude on what was happening or where this was heading towards.

But in the midst of this difficult experience, God was in suffering with me too. And what brings much sadness is how unfair & cruel I was to God. I kept shouting at God and demanded explanations on what was happening to me. This experience really brought out so much anger & frustration from me. And although I felt abandoned by everyone, in my heart I knew God would do anything to save me from such a devastating situation but then I wouldn’t learn anything from this experience.

Hence, I think one of the most awesome fruits I take from this ongoing experience, is how I’ve learnt to have more patience with God and to wait upon God. Another fruit is how I’ve learnt that Suffering is part our walks with God. It’s something that I can’t keep running away from. I still think that this experience is ongoing but I’ve learnt to accept this time of suffering.

Many would think and ask what is the suffering actually? In so many ways, it just feels like there’s so much pain in my heart. But I think its just the difficulty in accepting that my walk with God will not always be joy and also in accepting the will of God for the plan he has for me in my life, together with my demands for an explanation for all that’s happened.

But still in all things, I wanna praise God still for carrying me in his arms and ensuring that I’m still taken care of. I praise God for the special graces of leading his people in my parish of SFX. I am so sure that the Holy Spirit has been guiding me as I guide the youths of the Parish!

PS: To my dearest cell group, I want you to know that I miss every single one of you. All of you have been so instrumental in my walk with God. I hope all of you had an excellent Christmas & New Year. I hope to see all of you soon. Love all of you loads!