2009 Recollection

This would probably be the first time I'll be doing a personal recollection on my blog, of the way my life has progressed in a year! Most of the time, we all lean towards the very traditional & effective way of coming up with a 'New year's resolution'! But as I was reflecting in the ever-so-present adoration room, I decided to just reflect on how I have grown with God through the numerous experiences that God has blest me with this 2009, whether positive or negative, good or bad!

For me, this year has been the toughest year for me especially with the many feelings that lay within my heart that I've had to embrace over the course of this year! It really starts to make so much sense when its dawns upon me that this was the year when I lived as a 21-year-old man! For many years, I awaited to turn 21 as I always had this picture of how much fun I'd have when I turned 21! But this year has been fun in terms of journeying with the Almighty Father! Its been a year where my love & faithfulness has truely been put to the test! And in many ways, I praise God for granting me the grace to stick with him! I can now acclaim that a true follower of Christ is one that sticks with Christ when all goes sour in his/her life! But this person sticks because he/she really loves God! He/she knows that God is in control!

And I'd say that my 2009 started in November 2008. That's when a whole load of extreme painful struggle came by! That's also when I started my discernment on something that God invited me to think about. That is also the same time when my most beloved uncle passed on! That is also the time when God brought me through a 3 month spell (Nov-Jan) of dryness in the desert where God seemed to be so absent in my heart & soul! And in that time, I too had never seen myself struggle till that extent. But quite incredibly, in a moment when I needed to help, there was no one by my side to guide me! From what I remember, I know there was only a knowledge that God loved me and that God was in control. But my heart didn't believe in this as my heart felt so lost in the desert!

But that's when God invitation to depend and trust in him came! At that moment, my life was in shatters! At that point, I didn't feel the need to carry on in this life! I never felt more lost & confused ever! And the best part, was that I felt so helpless and in the end, there was nobody to help me through this! But this had to happen! But somehow, surely the grace of God led me to give my life to God!

And throughout the year of 2009, everything has been about God first! All my decisions were based on whether God himself approves of what is to be done, no matter how small the decision is! Sometimes, its as small as changing 1 worship song! But at the end of it, I know that the Will of God was Done! The will of God has been a priority for me and will continue to be!

And what stands out for me in 2009? There can only and will always be 1 thing! Its none other than 'My Aussie trip'! This trip became the 1st time I decided to invest in something/someone! But this investment was a huge financial risk for me! And for many people, this trip seemed to be something small or just a holiday! But in my heart, I am so aware that it was alot more than a break from everything, or a holiday, or a chance to be alone! This trip was all about God! This trip was to allow myself to be that Joyful person in God! To ensure that no one could ever stand in the way of the person God desired myself to be! And this was due to the many people who kept telling me to not be so joyful and be a good example to the youths! But in aussie, I never felt so free in my life! And I know that the main reason for this, was just because that I made this trip not foe myself but it was rather a trip to make God even more part of my life!

The aussie trip costs about 2.5k and I spent 5 weeks in Perth, Australia! And its a trip I'll always hold so close to my heart and will never ever forget! So Lord Jesus, I praise you for making this trip possible! And we had so much fun dancing in the beauty of your nature! Praise God!

After this trip, the rest of the year started to be one where more and more struggles started to unfold in my life! But alot of the struggles were the immense pain I constantly felt in my heart! I felt like I had to battle & suffer in my heart for the sake of my love to Christ! But this serves to be true! That as we decide to make that bold decision to walk with Christ, we must be aware that we will suffer both in this world as well as in the depths of our hearts! I feel that the pain within the heart of Jesus was much more immense that the physical pain he experienced on his road to Calvary! And it serves to be the same for us! If have yet to suffer in our heart for the love we have for Christ, which may be in the form of dryness, then I don't think we can honestly say that we are in love with Christ!

But as the final quarter of the year unfolded for me, I started to see what God has been working in me over the rest of the year! At that point, all the suffering started to make so much sense for me! It was truely God proving to me that I loved God more than I thought! And this is a great revelation on its own! So many times, we think we have to prove something to God. But actually, its God trying to prove to us why we do what we do! We all don't realise how great we have become because of Christ, although we never did anything to deserve this! But God has to prove this greatness that lies within us time and time again! And so for 3/4 of this 2009, God was proving to me about the love & faithfulness had in God, because I was so aware of the Love that God had for me!

But rounding up the whole year, I am so glad that I didn't run away from all the struggles! I praise god for granting me courage, strength & perseverance to face & embrace every struggle! If there was a time to suffer, I am thankful that I suffered! If there was a time to be joyful, I am thankful that I was Joyful! If there was a time to analysis & reflect, I am thankful that I made time for it! I praise God for teaching me to embrace all fears & struggles!

This has truely been a year of great testing and also been one where I've been to extreme end of joy as well as suffering! But the greatest fact is that it was all with the God I love, adore, worship & delight in!

Lord Jesus, this year has been so tough for me! But your grace has seen me through and it will continue to see me through! I pray for all suffering in their hearts for you! I pray that they believe that God is in total control! I praise you, O lord in the heavens for 2009! I praise you for moulding me to be alot more closer to your heart as well as alot stronger through the extreme sufferings of pain! I will never regret any experience that you've brought me through!

And at the end of everything that is tough, we will experience the fruits of the patience & trust we've placed in God! As we've experienced the magnitude of pain in our hearts, we will experience the magnitude of joy in our hearts too! Invest in Jesus!

For you, O God always think in the best interest of your beloved children that you created in the likeness of your own image!

And last but surely not the least, I praise God for the 2 new people that he's blest me with and has entrust unto my care! I am so unworthy to be with them and have done nothing to deserve such a gift. But as always Lord Jesus, you are so generous in the love within your heart! I pray that I will grow with them as I have done in you! And may I bring them to greater heights to be with you! So that the 3 of us can dance in your presence! May you bless us in your purity & love! Praise you O Lord in the heaven for these 2 people I love so so much! Thanks God!

Christmas 2009

This Christmas becomes of great joy for me! And as well my joy starts from the immense joy within my heart! This joy is one that truely does come from within my heart! But its a joy not just of Christmas, but rather its one that speaks about the whole of 2009 for me!

Christmas preparations were yet another one of intensive baking of my cookies! Other than that, it was one where my shopping was devoted to 2 people whom I'd say I hold the closest to my heart now! And I am sure they know who they are! And its for them to be aware of the immense love I have for them! And its not a love like the love from this world! Its a love that's from heaven!

Last year, I did alot of baking also but it was quite spread out as I gave 3 cookies each to about 40-50 people. But this year, I listened to my heart again! My heart desired to go all out for these 2 people that I loved ever so much! I loved them not just because of what they did, but it was more of how uniquely my heart loved them so much. It was how my heart just kept feeling for them and thinking about them ever so much! And also the way, God instilled in me this desire to love them more & more each day! And God always told me to never give up on them. And I love them both so much! And in many ways, my love for them is like the love that God has for me! It was an every second thing where my heart kept going out to them. And in such feelings, that's when I started to sacrifice more of myself and the things I have. This Christmas, due to the way my heart was feeling for these 2 people, I decided to splurge out for these 2 people!

Hence, I baked a total of 80 cookies each for these 2 people that I loved so much! And also bought them each a present! It became very exciting for me as my heart kept thumping from how I was attending to the desires of my heart! But in the midst of this great joy i was feeling within my heart, I never did expect anything from them in return, not even a Christmas card! And I think that becomes a true amazement when we love & give from our hearts! We give without any expectations and never expecting any recognition for the love we show! And for me, this was my gift to Jesus this Christmas, the response to the love I had in my heart! This is what made christmas for me! But of course it doesn't end there for me!

Christmas day midnight mass @ SFX was so amazing for me! My entire preparations and the mass reflections were focused on the Joyful victory of the battles of this 2009 year! This whole year was the most difficult & painful year for me! It was a year where the will of God became more & ore harder as each day of this year passed on before me! God really brought me through the most painful times this year! But in all of those times, there was 1 thing that never left me, and that was God being by my side! God never left me no matter what I was going through. And many of those painful experiences was to do with the will of God for my life and the majority of the pain took place within my heart! And that was difficult for me as I questioned god so many times, "Why is there so much pain when I didn't do anything wrong?" But in all of it, God allowed his presence to weather each storm he sent me! This proved to be a year of whether my love for God was really true & faithful!

And at the midnight mass, there was this immense feeling of victory in my heart! And from then on, there was a radiance on my face that showed it all! It was a joy that came directly from heaven! And I knew there was great rejoice & dancing in Heaven too! And this was what I needed after what this 2009 year has brought for me! I also recall how I had to put on fake smiles at the 2008 Christmas & New year celebrations, due to the immense pain I felt in my heart! But after my joy experiences at this year's Christmas midnight mass, I knew that everything was all worth it!

It like what I believe to be always true.

"The magnitude of the pain we experience, will be the same magnitude of great joy we will experience when its over!"

Christmas celebrations were so amazing with YV. As we went to a 24hr Carl's Jr place to eat, after which we headed to the ever beautiful Marina Barrage to just walk, take photos and enjoy the beauty of God! And for me, it spoke about the things i love the most about this year, its the simple things that have always been there that makes life so beautiful!

Christmas day was made perfect as I was out with my family the whole day, although I was sleepy the whole day as I reached home on Christmas morning at 7.30am after the beautiful time at Marina barrage with YV! I slept until 12noon and then headed to visit my relatives for the whole day. And the highlight of Christmas day was how happy my uncle was when my family came to see him on Christmas Day! He is someone suffering with liver cancer and we all knew that he didn't have much time to live his life here on earth and that this might be his last Chrismas with us! And that joy on his face just made me so touched and really felt like Jesus is always being made the most present in the simple things we choose to do from the love we have in our hearts!

And this Christmas really serves to be one of great joy! And I think the magnitude of suffering & pain I felt this 2009, will be equal to the magnitude of great Joy that will unfold for me at this Christmas! If we can take joy from God, then surely we can take suffering too!

I also do ask for your prayers on the 30th of december as I go for my heart check-up on that day with my cardiologist! And it looks like I'll be hospitalised for the new year! But I hope that in this time, I'll bring the joy I have in God, be spread to those that God sends me in the new year time!

To all faithful vistors of My Journey with Jesus blog, I praise God for each of you and may you have great joy this Christmas! This is my prayer for you from my heart! In the new year of 2010 ahead, I pray that you will follow your heart as you walk with Jesus on your journey! But may you also embrace the feelings within your heart, whether its a time of painful suffering or great joy! Embrace these moments with God! And for 2010, may you believe this phrase that has captivated me so much!

"There is no blemish at all in God's Plan for you if you are always earnestly seeking to do the will of God from your hearts!"

Always follow your heart! Your heart will lead you to God! It has for me thus far!

There is no blemish in God's Plan

This has been a phrase that's been in my mind & heart for quite awhile now. Its been a message from God that been repeatedly being proclaimed to me at mass as well as my times of silent prayer in the adoration room of late. But just recently, this phrase has been made perfect with the addition with a few more words by our Awesome God!

"There is no blemish at all in God's plan for us if we are always earnestly seeking to do the will of God from our hearts!"

Of late, so much has been happening in my life and I'd say that many of those events & experiences have been really painful ones within my heart. Due to these experiences, I've been on a search to connect the dots of these experiences and make sense out of each experience. After which, I hope to be able to see the direction that my God is taking me! But maybe after our search for answers & explanations, we still are left in no man's land! Maybe God is trying to tell us something in that search! Maybe he's telling us to have the patience to wait upon him and have faith that it'll all make sense one day but in his time.

At that point, it becomes so difficult to understand and accept that there is no blemish in God's plan for us! We start to ask ourselves then, "Haven't we been spending so much time in prayer with God to seek to do the will of God?" But maybe we are on the right track! All we need is to continue to spend time in prayer to seek to do the will of God! And that the present experience you are struggling with, is just something that MUST happen for you to enter into a better place with God which probably what we really desire & want in our hearts!

For the ones that seek God always, there is 1 fact that remains true.

"There is no blemish in God's plan for you if you are always earnestly seeking to do the will of God in your life!"

Some experiences and events must happen! And the more we try to suppress or escape from it, the more we are telling God we don't want to do his will in our lives! For us, we (including myself) always forget that God doesn't look at the world or its events & experiences the way humans and the world looks at it. God knows what the final outcome would be like. Hence, God wouldn't panic because God himself knows that he is in control of everything! In moments like these, where no matter how much we fight, we are called to just let go and have faith that God is in control.

And no matter how young or old, inexperienced or experienced, spiritual or not-so-spiritual, we will still go through such experiences where we must faith to believe that, "There is no blemish in God's plan for you if you are always earnestly seeking to do God's will from your hearts!"

For those in really confused or devastating situation, both in your life and/or spiritual journey with God, pray for faith & patience! I've been through such moments and I'm still going through such moments where there doesn't seem to be the light of Jesus in your tunnel of darkness! But there is! Its just that you can't see it yet! But just cling onto the cross of jesus and unite your struggles & sufferings with Jesus!

Its gets better when we claim in the faith we have in Jesus that,

"There is no blemish in God's plan for you if you are always earnestly seeking to do the will of God in your life!"

Unconditional Love

What is the true meaning of Unconditional Love? We constantly read in the Word of God of how Jesus always talks about the unconditional love that our Father in Heaven lavishes out unto us. Jesus not only talks about this love but he proclaims it and really lives it out in the way he shows his love to the outcast of the world. Jesus comforted people that the world provoked. They were the prostitutes, leapers, beggars, the poor & so many more people. There were so many instances when he went out of his way to show his love for them.

But we also bear in mind that Jesus too had a reputation to upkeep. He went around the villages to heal many people. Surely the world would expect him to keep to the norms of society. And we all know that back then, people connected with God lived by the law. But Jesus came to change everything about how the world was functioning. Jesus came because of Love and because he wanted everyone to live in love.

But as I reflect on the way the world is today, Love is so absent in this world today. The very defining fact is how we'd rather choose to use our minds more than our hearts. Even in places where God should be most present, mainly in Church, I see & witness this to be so evident. It becomes an extremely sad truth. And we can see the very heart & love of Jesus when we decided who would be the Rock of His Church! He chose someone that I'd say was the closest human being to him in his life here on earth. But even this person, Simon Peter, failed him when he denied Jesus at a point when Jesus needed Peter the most. We also recall Peter promising Jesus that He loved him 3 times. And we also recall Peter denying Jesus 3 times. But Jesus forgave in love and chose Peter as his chosen one to start his Church in Love.

Isn't this unconditional love? We can learn so much from our Saviour, Jesus Christ, where we look past the faults of every child of God and love them in spite of their faults. Recently, I've been struggling with the amount of Politics that happens in our Church today. And as I reflect upon this, it becomes more and more evident that the true Love of Christ is missing so much! The unconditional Love that we receive from Christ as his gift to us can be so rarely found in so many of us.

But for me, where does this all lead to. It leads to call of Christ to bring forth unconditional love in Church for starters. We are called to go back into the very time when Peter built the Church of Jesus! We called to seriously question how much of the true Love of Jesus is within us, within our very hearts! Do we even realise how much Jesus loves us? And how are we being that love of Christ to others? Or has the ways of this judgmental world taken place in us? If this judgmental world has taken root in us rather than the Unconditional Love of Christ, then I think shouldn't deserve to call ourselves Servants for Christ!

It becomes an extremely sad truth that we are serving Jesus without having the very essence of Jesus in us, having the very essence of Jesus' Unconditional Love in us! For me, I too realise that I make mistakes, but I think the Love of Christ becomes ever so radiant when we are able to pick ourselves up and admit that we are weak and have fallen. Simply, we radiate the Love of Christ the most when we ourselves become vulnerable to this world. Christ becomes so visible in us when we are humble enough to ask for help for the people of God.

And this is something I've learnt over the past 2 months. And i'm so glad that my pride hasn't been big enough to stop me from asking for help for help from 2 people in my life that I love so much and hold extremely close to my heart, Estelle & Stephen. And I really praise God for this grace. God tore down every essence of strength He built in me over this year and the purpose of this, was how He wanted to test how big my pride was.

And this is why I still am so in love with this awesome Jesus! He never ever bores me out as I walk with him. And I think this past 2 months, serves to be a testimony for me that God is ever so much in control of my life. He is totally in control of my joys, pains & strength because he is the very source of it!

Unconditional Love can only happen when we go beyond ourselves & beyond our ability to love. Let's work together to stop the ways of the world to take root in our Lives and in the Bride of Christ, his church. Love will conquer everything especially the ways of the world!

Praise god for Unconditional Love! Let it reign in our hearts & this world!