Well at first glance; this may be quite a immense shocker for many who read the title of this post! But yes it is true that I'm doing a post of CHIJ-Toa Payoh. For those who don't know, of which I really highly doubt, CHIJ-Toa Payoh Primary & Secondary is a Catholic School in Singapore, founded by Blessed Nicholas Barre. The school's name may seem to be quite normal but this school is in no way at all normal, of course I mean this in a very positive way. It may even seem so extremely shocking for a guy to even write a post on an all-girls school. Hahaha! But I really am.
Over the past 3 weeks, I've been at CHIJ-Toa Payoh doing school missions for the Sec 2s & Sec3s. Actually, I've been doing these CHIJ-Toa Payoh school missions since last year. And I've also had the opportunity to be able to do School Missions with CHIJ St. Nicholas Secondary & Holy Innocents' Secondary. Basically, School Missions is a half-day program where sessions are conducted for the teens to help bond them together and also help instill a sense of awareness of the needs & problems of the modern world we live in. And alot of these sessions are centered around God. But God is known to be the one common God we all believe, so there are times when we ask the teens to actually pray in their own way to the God that they worship. So this is basically what is done at the School Missions.
But when I go to CHIJ-Toa Payoh, there is this immense spirit that is never felt when I go for school missions to other schools. And its a spirit that is definitely bonded by God. You know, there is just this amazing feeling that you feel as you enter the school and be with the students. Its a feeling that is rooted in genuine love. Even when the school missions are done, there are students of different races & religions that are bonded in the Love of God! And even we as a Mission Team, feel so excited when we go to CHIJ-Toa Payoh to do the School Missions. I would go even as far to say that, "To be in the compound of CHIJ-Toa Payoh, is to be in the presence of the unified God!"
Other than the awesome God-filled Spirit of this school, the students just amaze you with this awesome welcome that they so amazingly do. The students are able to really put on that love of Christ that our Catholic Church teaches us to do in our own everyday lives. I am not driving the point that the students of CHIJ-Toa Payoh are perfect. But what this school does the most is to drive the point that Love is the Most Important Thing in life, not just our studies.
As I reflect deeper into this point, I see how I would have absolutely loved to be a school like CHIJ-Toa Payoh. In my teen days, the essence of Love was missed ever so much. And being in an all-boys school, there was this immense absence of God. I don't think I would have even considered spending time in prayer during my recess or even waking up extra early to attend the morning prayer in the Chapel. But in this school, there are a handful of teachers that are the source of encouragement to the students to live out a God-centered life. And its these same handful of teachers that helps the students get through each day with the essence of God in their hearts. These handful of teachers are the 'Jesus' to each student, cheering them on both in their studies & their walk with God. Our modern world today is just in a great need for love to be expressed more. And the girls from CHIJ-Toa Payoh will be that model of God to this very cruel world! I mean its just so saddening to see how the women of today are being treated as such subjects in our world today. And its really schools like CHIJ-Toa Payoh that really helps these girls to keep their dignity!
I'm not saying that this is absolutely missing in the others school, But rather I'm saying that the presence of God is greater felt at CHIJ-Toa Payoh. Even the ones,who have graduated from this school, continue to possess the very values that this school teaches, its values of Compassion, Empathy & Love. And you just know when you meet a girl from this school, their personality will be their greatest evidence. But one thing to take note of is that the girls from this school can get quite crazy, but even their craziness could be quite a blessing unto you. These girls just know how to enjoy life in the way of heaven, but also know how to work hard in life.
And since I am called to the Vocation of Marriage, I not only hope, but I desire for my daughter/s to be in this school. At least in future, I know that even if I have failed as a Dad, I will be rest assured that my daughter/s will have another place to receive that immense Love of God! But surely that's not the only reason, because this school is really a gift from heaven! I will know that my future daughter/s will be in a safe place rooted in the Love of God!
May we learn something special from this school, it is really a gift from heaven unto us. How apt that today is the school's Founder's Day! Praise God for CHIJ-Toa Payoh and their constant efforts to promote love & unity in the midst of attaining an education!
PS: I wrote this post on my own accord. There was no one who asked or forced me to write this post. I really do feel so inspiried by what CHIJ-Toa Payoh has done & continues to strongly do.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Pentecost Outpouring
Today has really be one of those really anointed days where the Sun seems to shine brighter than ever before and everyone around you seems to be angel sent from up above. As this Pentecost Sunday began, I absolutely no expectations from God. But within the very depths of my heart, there lay an immense knowing that God was really about to do something very very special, no just to me but also for YV. And true enough, this knowing became a reality.
The 9am mass was just so beautiful and so anointed. It really felt like the Spirit of God sweeping through the church as mass carried on. But it was at YV session where God just blew me away with his greatness. I was just so amazed at how God used each of the 5 worship songs to minister unto YV. Its really perfect when God plans it all out. And as I lead in worship, it really felt like the exact atmosphere more than 2000 years ago when the 1st Pentecost happened! After worship, we moved over to pray-over each other. I will really admit that there was just this immense power of the Holy Spirit. God had kept his promise to show up and to come in strength too. It was a session where even I too was ministered too, even as I was leading & playing for worship.
But the part that stood the most for me, was when I was prayed over by my community, led by Estelle. It was a moment where God had really just poured out his affirmations unto me. I was just so so humbled by what Estelle, Stephen, Clarice & the rest had to say. Its just one of those moments when all the affirmations came out at once. I personally felt very touched by what others thought of me and also how much people look up to me. Praise unto God.
I really praise for what this day has brought me. You made it possible! Can I call it a comeback? Well I will definitely call it that! Perfect Day for a comeback! I miss your sweet presence so much My Lord Jesus!
Affirmation that stood out: You are certainly a Man after God's own heart!
The 9am mass was just so beautiful and so anointed. It really felt like the Spirit of God sweeping through the church as mass carried on. But it was at YV session where God just blew me away with his greatness. I was just so amazed at how God used each of the 5 worship songs to minister unto YV. Its really perfect when God plans it all out. And as I lead in worship, it really felt like the exact atmosphere more than 2000 years ago when the 1st Pentecost happened! After worship, we moved over to pray-over each other. I will really admit that there was just this immense power of the Holy Spirit. God had kept his promise to show up and to come in strength too. It was a session where even I too was ministered too, even as I was leading & playing for worship.
But the part that stood the most for me, was when I was prayed over by my community, led by Estelle. It was a moment where God had really just poured out his affirmations unto me. I was just so so humbled by what Estelle, Stephen, Clarice & the rest had to say. Its just one of those moments when all the affirmations came out at once. I personally felt very touched by what others thought of me and also how much people look up to me. Praise unto God.
I really praise for what this day has brought me. You made it possible! Can I call it a comeback? Well I will definitely call it that! Perfect Day for a comeback! I miss your sweet presence so much My Lord Jesus!
Affirmation that stood out: You are certainly a Man after God's own heart!
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
The Absence
Its been a total of 49 days since my last blog post. The reason for this has been due to the lack & prayer & growth with God. In the past 49 days, I have been more free than ever to actually do many many blog posts. But every time I came close to blogging a post, I just couldn't come to express my current state of feelings into words. There just seemed to be so much regret, sadness & emptiness within me. This has been my current state over the last 49 days. For those who remember the post, "My Biggest Trial yet", well I am still in the midst of that trial. In my heart, it feels like a disease that seems incurable. Its like I am in a deep pit that I can't get out of.
As I compare & contrast between Lent & Easter, there seems to be an immense disappointment in me. I prayed everyday for the 40 days of Lent, but ever since Easter Sunday, I stopped praying every morning. It also feels like I've disappointed many many many people, as I could have been able to help them through many of their struggles, by leading them back to God or something. But in those moments, I couldn't even help myself to my feet, due to intensity of my struggles with my discernment. And the biggest regret is how much I've really disappointed God. I just come to the point where I've lost almost everything within my heart, especially the passion to be God's instrument.
There just seems like something has died within me. And that something is priceless and it can never be attained from this passing world. This something has everything to do with God and where he wants me to be. And to be very honest, I really don't know what God thinks of me at this moment, where I have not just fallen down but I've been such a disappointment to God. In my heart, there is just extreme emptiness and no love whatsoever. There just seems to be nothing good in my heart. There used to be so much love within me, but now there is just no love that exists within me. There are only memories of the good person that I used to be. There are only memories of how close I used to be with God!
It is only the faith that I still believe that tells me that God still loves me. But in my heart, I'm not sure if I still believe in that truth. Though this situation seems so devastating, the one good thing within my heart. My Desire to do the Will of God is even greater. Its greater like never before.
But as I reflect upon this good thing, I wonder if it is even a good thing, because if my life is in such shatters, doesn't it make sense that I'd want to do God's will? Lord I wish you would speak! I know you are here with me still. Although I know that I don't deserve to be in your presence! But I pray that you will speak!
Praise you O God still!
As I compare & contrast between Lent & Easter, there seems to be an immense disappointment in me. I prayed everyday for the 40 days of Lent, but ever since Easter Sunday, I stopped praying every morning. It also feels like I've disappointed many many many people, as I could have been able to help them through many of their struggles, by leading them back to God or something. But in those moments, I couldn't even help myself to my feet, due to intensity of my struggles with my discernment. And the biggest regret is how much I've really disappointed God. I just come to the point where I've lost almost everything within my heart, especially the passion to be God's instrument.
There just seems like something has died within me. And that something is priceless and it can never be attained from this passing world. This something has everything to do with God and where he wants me to be. And to be very honest, I really don't know what God thinks of me at this moment, where I have not just fallen down but I've been such a disappointment to God. In my heart, there is just extreme emptiness and no love whatsoever. There just seems to be nothing good in my heart. There used to be so much love within me, but now there is just no love that exists within me. There are only memories of the good person that I used to be. There are only memories of how close I used to be with God!
It is only the faith that I still believe that tells me that God still loves me. But in my heart, I'm not sure if I still believe in that truth. Though this situation seems so devastating, the one good thing within my heart. My Desire to do the Will of God is even greater. Its greater like never before.
But as I reflect upon this good thing, I wonder if it is even a good thing, because if my life is in such shatters, doesn't it make sense that I'd want to do God's will? Lord I wish you would speak! I know you are here with me still. Although I know that I don't deserve to be in your presence! But I pray that you will speak!
Praise you O God still!
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