In the last 3 years of walking with Jesus with this immense level of intimacy, from time to time, I would have to say that there have been very few people that I have come encounter in my life that has been given the title of 'Blessedness'. In their very nature, there is nothing very fantastic about these people as individuals. But when the very essence of this beautiful Jesus comes into contact with these individuals, they become an icon for Jesus. They rise to such great heights that people who have come to experience their presence would just be in total awe. And when others who truely seek the will of God in their lives, come into contact with these individual, they just know that God has set apart these individuals for a very great reason. They just know that there is something very very special about these individuals.
Now these individuals haven't done anything to deserve such a calling to greatness. But rather, it is this amazing God that has called and chosen them to be set apart for him. These individuals are set apart for a reason that is not of this world, but rather they are set apart to bring change into this world. But one fact about these individuals is that they experience God at a level that is so immense that it becomes so revelational for them. But the twist is that this immense 'greatness' given unto them by God will be stripped away from them the moment they decide to not walk the path God has set before them. But the call of God is for these individuals to trust their entire lives in the hands of God and know that God is the one that will plan everything for them. The very interesting fact is that these individuals are only great because of Jesus! For without Jesus, they are absolutely nothing!
And for me, in the last 3 years of my life, I have seen a few of such individuals. And each time I come into contact with them, I live in that immense awe of how beautiful god is. For me, their entire being exclaims the beauty of God. I believe that God set them apart so that the world will see who God really is and know that God does exist. And of the many such individuals I've experienced, it becomes a very sad truth that some of them leave due to the intensity of God that they experience. But there have been some that walk the journey all the way and they showcase the very beauty of God through the lives that God has planned out for them. These unique people that have been set apart by God struggle with this constant dichotomy of which live to lead. There is a choice of a difficult path with God, filled with great levels of intensity and the other path which is much less in terms of intensity with God! The very question that runs through their minds always, is whether its going to be worth it.
And over the past 3 weeks, in the midst of serving my National Service, this has been the very question that's been running through my mind, "Is it worth fighting for?" For me, its coming very near to a stage where a decision has to be made. I know that within me, God has definitely set me apart for him. But I am not sure if I fall into the category of one of those individuals that I talked about earlier. Anyway its not really important if I fall into that category.
Each time, I pray in the morning and night, I am reminded of this call to not give in to the temptations of this world. But in my mind, this question never leaves. At this juncture of my life, I stand desiring for God more than ever. But there is this very evident tussle over me between world and God. The temptation of the world is to walk the path of God still, but not in the way that God has created me to be. On the other side, the call of God is a difficult one and I'm absolutely sure that its a path I will definitely choose over anything else. And in my heart this call is extremely evident each time I pray, but in my mind the other call of the world is evident.
Now the struggle is whether this call within my heart absolutely from God. And yes, this has everything to do with my discernment. This is intensified with the very fact that it is soon coming to an end and a decision must be made soon. But in the meantime, I stand here leaning towards this call of God. I know that God will be standing right beside me in this decision, especially if its a decision that he desires for me to fulfill. There lies deep within me alot of fear as to whether this call is from him. But with each time I ask for proof, there lies 7 months worth of proof that this is from God. And the very essence of God is found in the very reality of how much growth there has been.
Lord Jesus, I am awe of how much you have set me apart. And I praise for this wonder within me. Lord Jesus, lead me to do your will. May I be that extraordinary man for you. May I be courageous to do your will & desire for me, no matter what it is and what it takes! Take all of me, for I am absolutely nothing without you!
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Monday, August 9, 2010
Dependence on God
There have been many emotions within me throughout the process of my 1st week at the Police Force serving my NS. In the week, I had to go through alot of physical training, marching, alot of yelling from the instructors and ect. But in just so many ways, I feel so blest. Through each day, there was constantly this immense grace within the very depths of my heart to be totally dependent on my Mighty Lord Jesus.
On the very 1st day, quite amazingly, I was a little traumatized. It was really a culture shock for me, as I witnessed how human beings were degraded to an extremely low level. But throughout that day, God reveal in the midst of the intensity of everything about how there are so many people in the world that could only learn in a tough way like this. In the midst of my many struggles in understanding the reasons for the way the instructors used to speak to the trainees, God slowly revealed to me the reasons. Through each revelation from, it slowly became much better for me.
Quite incredibly, I actually slowly embraced the very essence of the yelling form the instructors. This process of embracing it, led me to really give the respect that the instructors truely deserved. The revelation that actually helped the most was when God said, "My son, they deserve your respect. After all, each one of them had gone through the exact same thing that you are going through at this moment!" From that instant of that revelation, with the pure grace of God, I just embraced the whole process of National Service. This is a grace that is totally from God and really nothing of me. For me, its really a testimony that when we desire to be dependent on God, everything is made to become so much easier & bearable.
Now, the blessings from God have been countless. I just have so much to praise God! I start off by really being thankful that my brother, James is so well known in the Police Force. In the simplest ways, that has been a blessing for me. Then comes the numerous times where I really couldn't endure the Physical training, but at every moment of such struggles, there is this amazingly distinct voice within my heart constantly cheering me on to not give up. Another very surprising blessing is how the grace of God had really led me to see God in each one of his creations, no matter what race or religion they may be, especially the muslims. It may be a sharing that many may dispute and disagree but I see so much of Jesus in them, especially our muslim brothers. For me, I have come to that understanding that none of us are perfect but there is always that essence of God in each of us because he created each of us. And when we make that effort to look beyond the faults of anyone (no matter what race or religion they may be), the grace of God to love them as a fellow creation of God is made easier and much more enjoyable.
At the moment, there seems to be alot of goodness from my NS experience. My prayer is that I continue to be totally dependent on God because I am just totally convince that it has been God that has carried me through and I know that it is that same God that will continue to carry me through this ongoing experience. At the moment, I will admit that although my life is very different, I am enjoy every second of it. I see that this process accompanied with the many challenges can only make me a better person.
With regards to my discernment, I still continue to listen to that very gentle voice of God as he leads me through this process. I also remember how the intense thoughts of the discernment were brought to light in my heart on my way walking home yesterday. At moment, I feel excited at where my whole life is headed because there is this very evident call to higher level of greatness from God. And that just brings about alot of excitement & joy. In many ways, the many tests of perseverance for my discernment in the earlier months, has made the process of NS alot easier. Thank you to everyone of your countless prayers too! I am so appreciative of it!
So Lord Jesus, I just praise you with all I have for the uncountless blessings you continue to pour out in my life. You alone deserve all praise. I am absolutely nothing without you. For you alone suffice.
Preparation takes you only so far, after that you have got to take a leap of faith!
On the very 1st day, quite amazingly, I was a little traumatized. It was really a culture shock for me, as I witnessed how human beings were degraded to an extremely low level. But throughout that day, God reveal in the midst of the intensity of everything about how there are so many people in the world that could only learn in a tough way like this. In the midst of my many struggles in understanding the reasons for the way the instructors used to speak to the trainees, God slowly revealed to me the reasons. Through each revelation from, it slowly became much better for me.
Quite incredibly, I actually slowly embraced the very essence of the yelling form the instructors. This process of embracing it, led me to really give the respect that the instructors truely deserved. The revelation that actually helped the most was when God said, "My son, they deserve your respect. After all, each one of them had gone through the exact same thing that you are going through at this moment!" From that instant of that revelation, with the pure grace of God, I just embraced the whole process of National Service. This is a grace that is totally from God and really nothing of me. For me, its really a testimony that when we desire to be dependent on God, everything is made to become so much easier & bearable.
Now, the blessings from God have been countless. I just have so much to praise God! I start off by really being thankful that my brother, James is so well known in the Police Force. In the simplest ways, that has been a blessing for me. Then comes the numerous times where I really couldn't endure the Physical training, but at every moment of such struggles, there is this amazingly distinct voice within my heart constantly cheering me on to not give up. Another very surprising blessing is how the grace of God had really led me to see God in each one of his creations, no matter what race or religion they may be, especially the muslims. It may be a sharing that many may dispute and disagree but I see so much of Jesus in them, especially our muslim brothers. For me, I have come to that understanding that none of us are perfect but there is always that essence of God in each of us because he created each of us. And when we make that effort to look beyond the faults of anyone (no matter what race or religion they may be), the grace of God to love them as a fellow creation of God is made easier and much more enjoyable.
At the moment, there seems to be alot of goodness from my NS experience. My prayer is that I continue to be totally dependent on God because I am just totally convince that it has been God that has carried me through and I know that it is that same God that will continue to carry me through this ongoing experience. At the moment, I will admit that although my life is very different, I am enjoy every second of it. I see that this process accompanied with the many challenges can only make me a better person.
With regards to my discernment, I still continue to listen to that very gentle voice of God as he leads me through this process. I also remember how the intense thoughts of the discernment were brought to light in my heart on my way walking home yesterday. At moment, I feel excited at where my whole life is headed because there is this very evident call to higher level of greatness from God. And that just brings about alot of excitement & joy. In many ways, the many tests of perseverance for my discernment in the earlier months, has made the process of NS alot easier. Thank you to everyone of your countless prayers too! I am so appreciative of it!
So Lord Jesus, I just praise you with all I have for the uncountless blessings you continue to pour out in my life. You alone deserve all praise. I am absolutely nothing without you. For you alone suffice.
Preparation takes you only so far, after that you have got to take a leap of faith!
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
New Phase begins
Well today morning, I embark on this new phase of life as I begin my National Service (NS) at the Police Force. For many others, this would be a moment of the floodgates of struggles to start pouring out. But for me, at least for now, there is the immense excitement. The excitement lies in the very essence of the fact that here lies a huge challenge for me to really see God in the activities and the various kinds of people.
I know that alot awaits me and many people are worried for me. And I am hoping that I will be able to still have this sort of attitude throughout this next 2 years. And only time will tell. But on a brighter note, there is just so much to praise god for! I start by praising God for paving the way for me to serve at the Police force. And next, I really praise god for how blest I have been in just so many ways. And finally, I am just so touched & thankful for how many farewells I have had. And if I forgot to tell each one of you, I love you so much and feel so blest to have you as a friend.
But all in all, I see this phase as God's way of making me even better. But the biggest fear I have is with regards to my discernment. But I am sure that God will take care of everything. So please keep me in your prayers as I do the same for you!
Praise God and God Bless!
I know that alot awaits me and many people are worried for me. And I am hoping that I will be able to still have this sort of attitude throughout this next 2 years. And only time will tell. But on a brighter note, there is just so much to praise god for! I start by praising God for paving the way for me to serve at the Police force. And next, I really praise god for how blest I have been in just so many ways. And finally, I am just so touched & thankful for how many farewells I have had. And if I forgot to tell each one of you, I love you so much and feel so blest to have you as a friend.
But all in all, I see this phase as God's way of making me even better. But the biggest fear I have is with regards to my discernment. But I am sure that God will take care of everything. So please keep me in your prayers as I do the same for you!
Praise God and God Bless!
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