The lingering reflection

In the last 3 years of walking with Jesus with this immense level of intimacy, from time to time, I would have to say that there have been very few people that I have come encounter in my life that has been given the title of 'Blessedness'. In their very nature, there is nothing very fantastic about these people as individuals. But when the very essence of this beautiful Jesus comes into contact with these individuals, they become an icon for Jesus. They rise to such great heights that people who have come to experience their presence would just be in total awe. And when others who truely seek the will of God in their lives, come into contact with these individual, they just know that God has set apart these individuals for a very great reason. They just know that there is something very very special about these individuals.

Now these individuals haven't done anything to deserve such a calling to greatness. But rather, it is this amazing God that has called and chosen them to be set apart for him. These individuals are set apart for a reason that is not of this world, but rather they are set apart to bring change into this world. But one fact about these individuals is that they experience God at a level that is so immense that it becomes so revelational for them. But the twist is that this immense 'greatness' given unto them by God will be stripped away from them the moment they decide to not walk the path God has set before them. But the call of God is for these individuals to trust their entire lives in the hands of God and know that God is the one that will plan everything for them. The very interesting fact is that these individuals are only great because of Jesus! For without Jesus, they are absolutely nothing!

And for me, in the last 3 years of my life, I have seen a few of such individuals. And each time I come into contact with them, I live in that immense awe of how beautiful god is. For me, their entire being exclaims the beauty of God. I believe that God set them apart so that the world will see who God really is and know that God does exist. And of the many such individuals I've experienced, it becomes a very sad truth that some of them leave due to the intensity of God that they experience. But there have been some that walk the journey all the way and they showcase the very beauty of God through the lives that God has planned out for them. These unique people that have been set apart by God struggle with this constant dichotomy of which live to lead. There is a choice of a difficult path with God, filled with great levels of intensity and the other path which is much less in terms of intensity with God! The very question that runs through their minds always, is whether its going to be worth it.

And over the past 3 weeks, in the midst of serving my National Service, this has been the very question that's been running through my mind, "Is it worth fighting for?" For me, its coming very near to a stage where a decision has to be made. I know that within me, God has definitely set me apart for him. But I am not sure if I fall into the category of one of those individuals that I talked about earlier. Anyway its not really important if I fall into that category.

Each time, I pray in the morning and night, I am reminded of this call to not give in to the temptations of this world. But in my mind, this question never leaves. At this juncture of my life, I stand desiring for God more than ever. But there is this very evident tussle over me between world and God. The temptation of the world is to walk the path of God still, but not in the way that God has created me to be. On the other side, the call of God is a difficult one and I'm absolutely sure that its a path I will definitely choose over anything else. And in my heart this call is extremely evident each time I pray, but in my mind the other call of the world is evident.

Now the struggle is whether this call within my heart absolutely from God. And yes, this has everything to do with my discernment. This is intensified with the very fact that it is soon coming to an end and a decision must be made soon. But in the meantime, I stand here leaning towards this call of God. I know that God will be standing right beside me in this decision, especially if its a decision that he desires for me to fulfill. There lies deep within me alot of fear as to whether this call is from him. But with each time I ask for proof, there lies 7 months worth of proof that this is from God. And the very essence of God is found in the very reality of how much growth there has been.

Lord Jesus, I am awe of how much you have set me apart. And I praise for this wonder within me. Lord Jesus, lead me to do your will. May I be that extraordinary man for you. May I be courageous to do your will & desire for me, no matter what it is and what it takes! Take all of me, for I am absolutely nothing without you!