The awesome YISS

What can I say about YISS? I went for YISS only looking for a tangible experience, I guess I didn't want to ask god for too much also. But at the back of my mind, I knew that one of my main fear was the outpouring session cause for this YISS outpouring session, it would be my 6th outpouring session and for every session, I'd ask god for the gift of tongues and every time, I wouldn't receive it. So I guess, I got tired and frustrated with god only in this aspect. For a very long time, I believed that god's saving power existed except for the Holy Spirit where for others are known as the most powerful area where god exists. I guess it's something, which I was too afraid of already at this state. So after awhile, I just concluded that god couldn't break through my defense of my inability to open up and also my too much thinking-mind. So as YISS started, all the participants received a very warm welcome for the service team. I guess that was a good start. The first day was good, quite normal, trying to be joyful about being here. But when the second day started, I felt a huge void in my heart and the worrying thing was that i didn't know why. So throughout the whole day, it was quite disturbing to be feeling this void. Then we had our silent time, but after trying to talk to god, I just gave up. After a while, I realized that it was my fear of not receiving god tangibly building up again. At that point, I just was very scared already. I ask god then, "Lord, what do you want me to feel now? Am I to be strong in this time of fear and struggle or do you just want me be weak and venerable in this time?”, then in my heart, I felt god telling me to just let go and talk to someone. Then I asked god, “Who lord, who will be able to help me? Nobody knows the fear I have? I been serving you for 4 years already in the youth ministry and its always about my faith and still I've not received you in a tangible way. So lord you tell me”. After that I saw Cassilda and I asked her if she was free to talk and then she said that she had to prepare for a session, so I just took it as the lord’s plan to be on my own now. Then after a few minutes, I saw Cassilda and Josey coming down the stairs as I was praying and talking to god at one of the silent time booths. As they walked down, I knew that they were coming to talk to me. As we talked, I just poured out everything about my fears of not receiving him tangibly. I was just telling them all the bad experiences I had for all my other 5 outpouring sessions.

After talking to them, I was feeling a little better, but my fears were still there. That night session was reconciliation and I didn't know how to prepare for it. After going for confession and all, there was a healing session where the service team would be praying over us. When they praying over me, I felt this huge and immense weight on my left calf and ankle & I felt god telling me that this was the weight that you are carrying and that's the weight of your burden. God asked me,” Will you let me bear it for you?" I just decided to sleep and end the day on a quite note.

As day 3 began, I started my day with an awesome bathe and went to a place where the sun was shining brightly and the trees were as green as ever. There I just talked to god and lifted up my whole day. As the day started, the Holy Spirit was the main focus, then yet again, the fear came back again and to make things worst, I felt god kept telling me that I'd receive the Gift of Tongues today. Although this was good news but my fear just kept growing. It was yet another disturbing day filled with fear. I went to talk to Cassilda and Josey where I like told them earlier in the day already so that there'd be no rush for things. I just kept telling them about how different I was throughout my life especially in the way that everyone receives the Gift of Tongues very fast but it's just been so long already for me. After about an hour plus had passed, both of them said that I'd receive the gift of tongues and they just kept saying that but I just couldn't believe them cause the mindset had built up that I was never going to receive the gift already.

Then I was silent for awhile, I had this picture, it was Jesus in the boat in a lake. I was on the shore and Jesus was a little far away from me. Then Jesus said, "Mark, will your take my hand?". But I told Jesus "No" cause I was just too fearful. Jesus kept asking me non-stop to take his hand and after 5 minutes, Cassilda told me,” Mark, what do you have to loose?", then after another 5 minutes, I said to Jesus I'll take his hand! After that both Cassilda and Josey said that I'll be receiving the gift of tongues NOW and they asked me if I wanted it? At that point, I was a little unsure. So we decided to flap our hands to relax and then pray. As I was praying, I felt a different experience. After praying, they told me that I received the gift and still I said that it can't be. So they decided to pray again but this they asked me to do the same thing I did previous which was actually praying in tongues. After praying, I finally believed that I had received THE GIFT OF TONGUES! The joy just kept overflowing after that! We then prayed again and then ended. All this happen before the outpouring session which made this even more awesome! So during the outpouring session, I was just praying in TONGUES and as I was prayed over, those praying over me kept saying that "The Joy of the lord that you have in your heart shall be your strength". I guess it was really confirming the joy and feeling I was having over the past few months and also confirming that it was the lord's hand in all of it.

So summing up everything, YISS was receiving the gift and also alot of affirmations of how I was living my life and god was telling me to continue desiring for him even more! Amen to that!



This is Josie(left) and Cassilda(right), the awesome leaders and followers of Jesus I met and are also the people whom god has blest me with as guided me through YISS. We actually met at the hospital while visiting Pris Tan. Really how wonderful is god!