What has God done in me!

I ask myself this question and there just seems to be this disbelief of the person that God has formed me to be! And in my heart, my answer is one that just becomes an impulse to give the ultimate glory & praise to the king of kings without an ounce of hesitation!

And it has been the Confirmation badge of 2009 that just reinstates the great wonder of "What has God done in me!" And for me, the great revelation of who I used to be 6 years will never ever grow old in my heart! Everyday, I am constantly amazed at what God has done and what God is constantly doing in my life.

I will recall being a extremely outcast & lonely 15-year-old boy. Back then, life just seemed to be the cruelest & excruciating experience anyone could ever go through! And to quite a large extent, I felt like living in hell would be much better than allowing this extremely painful experience on earth continues. For me, the world became so cruel. I constantly felt like God made me with 1 purpose in life, "To be the ultimate failure"! And there were even times when I felt that it would be better for me to be a refugee than to deal with the pain in my heart and going through it alone felt so much more worst! And after awhile, I just became immune to such feelings of loneliness, failure & intense pain in my heart, which just lead to give up on Mark Abraham due to the fact that "Mark Abraham was a hopeless case and just wasn't the effort. He was doomed to fail all his life!" But please don't think for a second that I'm over-exaggerating.

But on the 1st of November 2003, I now become aware of this question that God posed to me on the day of my Sacrament of Confirmation,

"Will you give me a chance, my Son? Let me make you new! Let me make the new 'Mark Sebastian Abraham! You shall be a New Creation in the Name of Jesus Christ!"

And when I was sealed with Holy Spirit using Holy Chrism by Archbishop Nicholas Chia on the 1st of November 2003, I was saying my 'YES' to this question from God!

And step by step, God moulded me into someone he had always planned for this world to experience. And God knew that the one thing I still struggled with as a teenager was 'My Studies'. And slowly, God instill in me a strength to never give up in my studies as I went from being in Normal Technical at St. Gabriel's Secondary, to taking my 'N' Levels, to doing very well at ITE in Precision Engineering (Aerospace) but not without struggle, to taking my dream of 'O' Levels for English, E-Maths & Pure Physics in Year 2 of my ITE studies, to my Diploma studies in Mechatronics at Temasek Polytechnic (which ends in 4 months). And constantly, I see how God uses me in this world to prove the fact that "God is one that makes the Impossible become so Real & Possible!"

I do not boast of myself but I boast of the one living in me, that is Christ Jesus! God has transformed me in a way that I would have never ever imagined! This journey with Jesus has become one where God is so available & tangible for us to delight in! God is infinite in every way possible but he chooses to give so much of his Love & himself to the most finite of his creation that is we, his dearest children!

And its been 2 years of existence for this blog already! And over this time, many have come to aid from my reflections, my intense pain, my Joys & Delight in God and My Journey with Jesus! If we decide that everyday, we really desire for God in our hearts and constantly being open to what God wills for us. Then we will see God face-to-face in our hearts. We will experience a transformation of our lives that we would never ever imagine. This is something that is really PRICELESS! Its something no amount of money we can ever buy!

All we need is to really use our hearts to walk with Jesus! I've been reading about how many of us wish to go much deeper with Jesus! But as I reflect of the way my life turned out to be and continue to unfold, all we need is "Fall in Love with this great man of Jesus Christ" and also never stop and think that you have reached a limit of falling in love with Jesus! But always allow your feelings within your heart for Jesus be expressed on your face, body and actions! If you think for a second that God will stop surprising you, then just take it from me that God loves you so so much and he continues to surprise you everyday but you must learn to not conform to the ways & pressures of this world!

Always believe with your heart! I've got this far only because I kept believing in this heart within me. This heart that will fight against this cruel world for the Love that God lavishes on us! This heart will keep fighting no matter what struggle comes my way! That's how you go deeper!

Praise you God for who you've moulded & continue to mould me to be in this world! My prayer for all in this world is to keep following their hearts and allow God to fill whatever the many voids they may be feeling!

Lord, use me in this world to prove how real you are in this world! May I, your very unworthy servant of the Lord, be your Living Testimony! I am just so much in Love with You, Christ Jesus!

The Perfect Decision

The 7th of November 2009 has been a day I've been awaiting for the whole year. It was a day where throughout the course of this year, I soon found that I had 3 equally important major events happening on that very night. And its one of those times times there lies a clear distinction between what God wants for you to do and what you'd want to do.

These were the 3 events that happened on the 7th of November 2009:

• Gavin & Jane's Beautiful Wedding (Wedding Mass @9am & Wedding Dinner @7pm)
• My Parish's Sacrament Confirmation Mass @ 6pm
• My Uncle's 1st year Death Anniversary Mass & Dinner @ 6pm

And this realisation came to mind only around July. There was no event that was more important than the other for me. And in the depths of my heart, I only wanted to go for all 3 events, if it was possible. I just felt like duplicating myself into 3 and then making it possible to make it for all 3 events.

Starting off with Gavin & Jane's wedding, they are just so extremely important to me. I was blest to even have the chance to hear about how Gav proposed to Jane. And that is a truely classic of what kind of love they have for each other. Impressively, they had a disagreement before he proposed but our Lord's ways will never be our ways. And his ways are always the best for us whether we can see it or not. Gavin & Jane will be people I hold so so close to my heart. They, together with my cell, taught me what Love really is and that the perfect love of God is possible to be manifested amongst us humans! And when I came to know about the date of their wedding and also how that there are 2 other events happening that same night, I was totally shocked and this is what I said to God, "You've gotta be kidding me, God!"

And next was my dearest Uncle Simon's 1st year death anniversary mass & dinner. This uncle of mine was the dearest & closest uncle to me. And it was so devastating for me when he passed on last year. And I will never forget that many people couldn't understand the purpose & reason for my trip to Perth but he understood without me even explaining it to him. And he was an uncle that stood out for me. As in all families, there lies alot of politics. But this uncle of mine never ran away from it but he embraced it and dealt with it rooted in the Love of God. And in many ways, he unconsciously taught me how to deal with difficult people in life especially in Church. He taught me how to deal with something so real in the Church, The Politics of the Church! And he always inspired me to believe that anything is possible in the name of Jesus!

Finally, we have my parish's Sacrament of Confirmation mass. I'd say that this year's confirmation badge really stands out for me after serving for 6 years at the camps & retreats! This badge seems to be more God-seeking people. They remind me so much about how I struggled so much when I was a teenager, trying to find meaning in life and finding God in my life. There seemed to be so much desire in their hearts to get to God! And I guess this badge is one I hold really close to my heart as I am able to relate to so many of them in the way they wanna believe in the reality of God in their lives as well as in this cruel world of lies! And as they search for God, God tells me to show them the path I have taken and surely found God and his amazing Love he has lavished on us. And when I mentioned to a few of them about how I had to make a decision on this, and that I would not be able to make it for their confirmation, I saw their eyes just filled with disappointment. And I could tell that my presence with them on their really special day was so important to them. And it made sense as I was journeying with alot of them and I too felt really special in their presence and that made me really want to be there with them.

Then, when late August came around, I knew that this was a decision i had to make really soon. So I analyzed and came to a conclusion to go for the wedding mass in the morning, then go for my dearest uncle's 1st year death anniversary mass & dinner followed by Gavin & Jane's wedding dinner after. And as the decision settled in my heart, it didn't feel right. It felt that like God wanted me to change my decision and it felt like god wanted me to make it for the Confimation Mass. And so I started to lift it up and surrender that entire day's plans into God's hands and allowed my decision to be his desire for me.

This was the final decision:

• Go for Gavin & Jane's wedding in the morning @9am
• Go for the Confirmation Mass at my parish @6pm
• Head for my uncle's 1st year death anniversary dinner @8pm

When the day came to a close, I knew this was the perfect decision. This only happened because God made the decision for me! I was so happy that I made it for all 3 events. The highlight of the day was how God was involved in every moment of that day, from the celebration of Holy Matrimony to the celebration of the Sacrament of Confirmation and finally to the celebration of my uncle's life!

And at the end of that day, I said to God,

"What a day, God! I praise you O Lord for your ways are the best!"

The Holy Spirit sweeps through SFX youths

What an amazing weekend I will say! I will have to admit that this retreat has been by far the best ever camp/retreat I have ever been ever since I answered my 'YES' to the Lord! Its been 6 years serving in the youth ministry for me but this retreat really stood out for me. And what is so intensively amazing, was that it lasted for only 1 & 1/2 days! I have had many experiences of the way the Spirit of the Lord has moved at camps/retreats/rallies, but this made it so special for me as God made use of me as his instrument in every way!

It had all started from friday night, which was the Spiritual Preparation for the confirmants before their retreat started on Saturday. God really blest me to lead them into worship and God really brought us to a level of worship which was so intense and really immerse into the presence of God! I had so much fun leading them into worship. And I could see the power of God moving so incredibly as I saw hearts of stone entering worship but God transformed then into open hearts to receive the love of God! I thought that the worship was too intense and too spiritual for them as they hadn't even started the retreat and so much had happened in their hearts. But God assured me that much more lay ahead at the retreat! And God was so right!

The retreat started and alot of them were so hyper-active and I felt God constantly telling me within my heart, "My son, Mark, they are in for a surprise! Be ready to see hearts falling in love with the Redeemer!" And although there was so little time, the teens were ready to receive God's love but even they weren't aware of that readiness within them! And as we began the worship for the Night session, the teens kept opening their hearts to the Love of God.

And I remember the message that God revealed before the night session started, "Believe it that I am here in this place (parish hall)! I am here, my people! If you doubt, then call upon the name of the Holy Spirit to help you have faith to believe! So believe it that I am here!" And after the worship, we enter into the Praying-over and I constantly felt the Holy Spirit just sweeping through the Parish hall as we went around to pray-over the teens. There was just so much of healing taking place and God was just empowering his beloved children! There were so many people being rested in the Spirit of the Lord! And what was amazing was that the teens that started their retreat at the spiritual preparation on friday night, were really swept off their feet by the Holy Spirit! I was just so delighted in the Holy Spirit and soaked in his presence as God used me as his instrument of prayer!

And I won't mention their names, but there are these 2 teens with whom I have been journeying with really closely and guiding them as they seek to find to God in their lives! They had spent alot of time in prayer in the last 2 weeks and they were on a spiritual high even before the camp. And I know they entered the retreat feeling like what else the Lord could do for them, as they had already experienced so much already. And as I observed then at the retreat, they were really joyful and happy before the night and in so many ways, they were so spiritually high before the night session began. And as I observed them, I felt within the depths of my heart that God was constantly telling, "These 2 children of mine are going to be blown away by my love and be totally surprised!" But I just invited them to calm down a notch. For these are 2 children of God that have experienced a level of the love of God that is so intense and would natural think that it would be the highest God would grant them! And as promised, God swept them of their feet so much that it would leave a mark in their hearts that they would never ever under-estimate the love of God! And through their experience, I was reminded that God's love really has no limits or conditions or end! God used me so many ways as a musician, a facilitator, a messenger, a brother in Christ to his people and someone to comfort his people!

What has made this retreat so amazing, has been how God has truely blest me in a really God 2 week preparation for this retreat! And that its not about preparing for a retreat and to prepare every single day for the Lord & his people! For we will never know when God will decide to call us to our eternal home! Holiness is what I seek everyday in my life and God will use me as long as I give of myself to the people of God that struggle to find God in their own lives!

God will never ever abandon us but you have to trust that he knows best! If you do that, you shall be set free. God has set me free from the clutches of this world! For those who experienced nothing at the retreat, I was in the exact same position 6 years ago at my confirmation camp but God knows our personalities more than we do. And its not that God doesn't love you that he lett you experience what you felt. It is actually because he loves you so much that he let you experience what you felt! Just persevere and have faith! Because 6 years after serving God, I declare that I'm just so in Love with this man Jesus!


And if you still struggle to find God, pray this prayer that has helped me in so many ways. Then just have faith!

"Holy Spirit be in front of me to lead the way for me!

Holy Spirit be behind me to suppport me!

Holy Spirit be on my right & left to hold my hand as I walk with you!

Holy Spirit be in my heart to prompt me, comfort me and love me!"