YV Retreat 2010

This becomes one of those moments where you just become so in awe of God and just how perfect his plan is for us as his children! The YV retreat is one that I'll always hold so close to my heart and its not just the retreat but the Youth Vineyard community in particular. But with everything that we hold close to our hearts, there lies a history and behind that history, there lies a LOVE!

Just 2 and a 1/2 years ago, in June 2007, YV had our very 1st retreat and it was in a time when I came back to church after being MIA (missing in action) for 6 months. But it was at that very retreat when God himself called me back into his loving arms. And I will hold that retreat and YV extremely close to my heart because God used them & the retreat to pave the way for me to come back. And I remember everything about the retreat. I especially remember the very first time that I felt so incredibly wholesome when the Love of God entered my heart. And as I tell everyone, that was the defining moment that changed my life!

But this time, at our YV retreat in 2010, its so funny how God makes his plan so perfect, although we think we have screwed up his plan with our mistakes. I am still in awe and humbled by the very fact that I was part of the planning team for this YV retreat. And as promised, I knew that this retreat would be one of great intensity. For me, as I planned the retreat together with the core, my aim was to really intensify our journey with God. I felt that the one element we all lacked the most, was having intimacy with God. And so this YV retreat was aimed to facilitate that process. And as the retreat drew near, God placed an real excitement in my heart! It felt so awesome as it was like something huge was going to happen!

And of course, God kept his promise! At the retreat, there was the really immense desire for God that was within the hearts of all the YV memebers that were at the retreat! And then I just said to God, "Oh boy, they are in for a surprise if they desire for God this much!"

Throughout the retreat, I have a real beautiful opportunity to really see teh fruits of God's promise to me 2 years ago. For the 1st time, YV was a God-desiring community! In my heart, I just rejoiced and delighted in this fact! And my sharing group of Justin, Julia, Oliver & Estelle were so inspiring. Each one of them just amazed me so much. And it wasn't just what they shared that really amazed me, but it was rather, the genuinity of their hearts that was so evident in their sharing. And it was just so God-centered!

As the retreat progress towards its climax, at the night session, where my beloved YAM so generously came to do the session for us. And we shall not forget that they travelled from the east to the west to reach the retreat place. They are just so selfless, just like Jesus! But the night session was really amazing for me! And sury also mentioned to me about the hunger & desire for God that he felt among everyone. But I believe that those who were really open to what God had planned for them that night, had a real surprise from God and the immense Love of God too!

For me, as Sury & Eugene prayed over me, God's message to me was,

"None of the trials which have come upon you is more than a human being can stand. You can trust that God will not let you be put to the test beyond your strength, but with any trial will also provide a way out by enabling you to put up with it."

1 Corinthians 10:13

And this passage was just exactly what I needed to hear because I went into the retreat needing an assurance that I was on the right track with God! And when I received it, I felt very much at peace and I guess it was the simplicity of the message that made it so amazing! And after that, came a very defining moment for me as I took the courage to wash the feet of Estelle. And that for me was so important, after all that had happened between us. But it was a really special moment and there was this real anointing that was so evidently present. And that night really defined how perfect God's plan is for us.

And when I though it ended, my group had yet another amazing sharing and after the sharing, God prompted me to enter into a time of prayer to pray for each other. And my oh my, we spent a whole hour in prayer and it was just so amazing and beautiful. After which, we spent time to pray for healing for a person in our group. And it was so wonderful for that person too. The person was really healed of all the person had gone through in the past. And night ended with our group just having a crazy supper by ourselves!

The next day started with morning mass @ St. Mary of the Angels Church. After which, I started to get very nervous about leading in worship. But the worship was so so beautiful. The intensity of worship was really brought to another level for YV. Especially in the song of which I'd say is the most anointed P&W song for me ever, 'How great is our God'! At that song, the whole community raised our hands in worship and it was a sight that would surely bring dancing in the heavens!After our lunch, Estelle & I planned to pray with Stephen and yet again it was such a beautiful time of prayer. And finally the retreat ended with a very touching time of community sharing and not forgetting the community praying for one another.

For me, this retreat was one where God brought this community to another level of intimacy with him! But this happened because we had that desire for God! And what I learnt the most at this retreat is the real power of calling upon God & his Holy Spirit in prayer. At this retreat, I really learnt the power of prayer yet again and the authority we have when we come in the Name of Jesus! At this retreat, I really saw many crying like never before and many broken & wounded hearts being healed. But the outstanding revelation in truth was God bring the Youth Vineyard Community to another level and in many ways, this underlines how this community will enter the next 5 years as we celebrate our 5th year anniversary!

Praise be unto God alone and no one else!

The Great Testing

"The more you draw closer to God, the more the devil will attack you!"

This fact has served to be so true for me over the last 3 weeks. And throughout the process over this time, I just couldn't understand what God was trying to do. And in this time, I never became so angry with God. But in time, God revealed everything unto me. God explained every essence of suffering!

For my whole life, the 11th of January is one day in the year that I always look forward to and its a day that I probably hold the closest to my heart! Its a day my heart desires to really rejoice for this is the day that our great God breathed life into me! And it serves to be a day that I see as special for me and will continue to remain as special to me! And maybe to a certain extent, I'd say that its sacred to me! But as the years progressed on for me, God played a much bigger role for me in the events that happened throughout this very day! As the years progressed, my heart desired simplicity on this day! I desired to delight in the very simple things, like a meal & conversation with people I love! For me, I seemed to desire these things more than those fancy & extravagant meals!


But this 22nd birthday will serve to one immense pain for me! Its quite the story I'd say! For me, at a very human level, I'll conclude that it was a day which didn't meet my expectations except for 4 hours that God chose to bless with an angel I love! The angel knows who she is! As I reflect upon the happenings of that day, I'd say that it was filled with the very simple things with God always accompanying me. As I look deeper into the turning point for that day, I'd say that it was when I became selfish in my way, expecting too much! Everything turned so sour when I got angry over the ones I loved so much. And as I look back, I regret my selfish & inconsiderate actions so much. In those moments, I became someone that I too never what to become. But it was also a time that made me understand how much more awesome God's unconditional love is for us.

But the extremely brave angel of God never gave up on me. The angel did something no one on this would do. The angel took courage to bear and put up with all my crude comments, which I'd say was so much of the devil. And those moments, it was so evident that the devil was in me! But this angel sent by God alone, calmed me down after an hour of conversation. And just like Jesus, this angel became poor for my sake, so that I will be rich in grace & joy! For me, I conclude that on my 22nd Birthday, this angel saved my birthday and so much more.

But 6 days after this experience, my uncle had passed away after battling cancer for 5 years. Praise God that he finished the race to return to his home in heaven! But when this happened, it became to much for me to bear. At this point, I felt dead. My heart was dead for sure. It became an experience that I felt was just pushing me of the cliff! But it was so much the loss of my uncle that caused me to feel this way. It contributed to it though. I felt so much pain within my soul & heart over what was being placed before me!

At Justin's 21st birthday, when i heard the news about his passing in the midst of his party, I just went down alone. And in the middle of orchard road, I wept and cried so much as I found it too much to carry on! But after awhile, I just felt that I didn't want to spoil Justin's 21st birthday party celebrations. But throughout the party, I chose to be by myself as I really didn't want to tell anyone about the news so as to not spoil or dampen the moods.

The next day, Sunday was the final spiritual preparations for our YV retreat. During the 9am mass, I managed to hold myself together. But as soon as the mass ended and most of the people left the church, I cried like never before. It last for about 10 minutes and the pain just became too much for me. Soon after, I had to prepare for session. And yet another surprise happened. For the very first time in my life, during the YV session, I cried in front of people. And this really became the most sorrowful & painful experience for me! Praise God for Gabriel from YV who did the little things to assure me that I was not alone!

At this point, I didn't really know what to do, but somewhere in the very depths of my heart, I knew that God was in control and that as long as I don't try to run away from this, I will return to where God intends for me to be!

And over the next few day, I felt lost like never before. I felt like a infant. I felt so scared and afraid! But God instructed me to take very very small steps. All the wisdom that God blessed me with, became so absent. I couldn't help anyone because I couldn't even help myself. I really felt like a baby trying to walk again! But I really praise god still as a Spirit of Patience was bestowed upon me! And as the YV retreat drew nearer, I knew that God would explain in time!

The retreat was so amazing! It was the little things that made the difference! I would be doing another post on it! But it was during confessions that God explained everything for me!

God said this to me through the priest,

"The devil has attacked your relationship with God!"

This answered everything for me! And its so so true. The devil had been trying so hard to get to me! And before the last 3 weeks, everytime the devil tempted me, I'd so strongly say, "Be gone devil. You're not wanted here!" And then over the last 3 weeks, I am sure that the devil attacked the very source of who moulds me to be! The devil attacked my relationship with God! And then everything made so much sense! He knew that my birthday was the best way to begin this attack. The devil wanted to use the experiences from my birthday as well as my uncle's passing to blame it on the source of where my love exist! God! And it worked because I allowed it to work! But as I look back, I realise that those experiences have only made me stronger as I know that we should never underestimate the prowls of the devil!

But I ask myself this, where was God in all this? God was defending me, but it was I that chose the evil one! And Daddy God, I'm so sorry for doing such a thing! I praise you O God for forgiving me! And Lord Jesus, I thank you for really humbling me through these experiences to realise how I am nothing without you! Only you have made me into the person that people look up to! I am where I am because of you! I'm really nothing without you!

As I move forward in my journey with Jesus, I move into a step to be more immersed in consistent prayer!

As God said to me,

"I have allowed this to happen to you because I am now fine tuning you into a more loving son for this world to experience!

Thank you Estelle Marianne Bridgette Goh for being that brave angel of God to me! I really do admire the courage you have!

Job 2:10

If we take joy from God, can we not take suffering too?

The Fight

There lies in us a Greatness that we never really come to grasp and understand! But we never even come close to understand this if we aren't in that intimacy with God! That gift of the glorious relationship with God that will set us free! Over the year of 2009, I've seen & witnessed a great amount of youths that never really understand the meaning & value of the being in a intimate relationship with God! And over time, we conclude that the Walk with Christ Jesus, is one where it becomes too boring!

As i reflect on the reason for this, I start to see that many that walk with Jesus, fail to realise that as much and as powerful as the Holy Spirit is ever present in our hearts, we must also see that the Devil is lurking around, waiting to pounce on us like a roaring lion! We fail to see that when God created us, he created us not to be 'Robots' that just follow rules and walk with him as Zombies! We fail to realise that the closer we truely desire to be with God, the more devil would want to take us down with him!

I look to the ever-so-famous letters of St. Paul, where he talks about the fight for our faith in this world! St. Paul was one that found for him faith everyday! And its something that not many of us do! When we face struggles, time and again, I constantly witness how so many of us give in and allow the struggles to become much bigger than us! But of course we can't be bigger than the struggles with our strength! That's when, the mighty God comes in! All God asks is for you to the response to the desire he so beautifully placed in your heart! God's strength will be more than enough for you to become bigger than the struggles you are facing! But the great wonder of the ways of God is that, we are not called to kill the struggles! We are rather called to EMBRACE the struggles, just like how Jesus embraced and kissed his cross on his road to Calvary!

For me, I am certain that this is what causes so many of us to fall short of the Greatness that God intends for each and every one of us! There lies in us a great desire for each of us to fight for God! And i think that its not that God doesn't wish to grant us his grace and presence! I am sure that God only ask that we ask for it and fight for it! God asks of us to just put it that minimum effort to ask and surrender into the plans that God has for us!

And for me, in my own walk with Jesus, I see myself fighting everyday for God! This is my heart's desire!

Like i always tell God,

"Lord I won't stop fighting for you unless You ask me to stop!"

And can you imagine the great joy that God has when he sees his own & most beloved creation, his Children, fighting for him! I'm sure he'll be so happy and proud of you when he sees how much you desire and fight for an intimacy with him! And do you think God will not release his grace, strength & love upon us when we desire so much for it and we constantly show it through our actions! And I believe that its the simple actions that makes the biggest difference, like when we spend time in the adoration room as we try to find comfort, solace & direction for him or when we take that courage to open our hearts and be vulnerable to someone that could easily be God's instrument to help us through that difficult moment!

May you start fighting for God in your journey with God! May you fight for god until God himself tells you to stop! Start asking questions to God about the reasons for the different struggles you're facing! God is already waiting at the door of your heart! May you open this door in this year of 2010!

And for me, I am fighting for someone to rise & reach God! I am so sure and certain that this darling of God will rise above the struggles! And I am nowhere near giving up on this person! This is what lies ahead for me in 2010! I'm not giving up on you to rise and reach God! And you know who you are! You will rise!

Praise God!