Over the course of this week, there have been much intense reflections that I've been in. The underlining reasons for these reflections have been majorly centered around this new invitation that God had expressed unto me. This was God's invitation to me at the end of the YMC retreat. This invitation came the night after God ministered to me directly. It was at the worship session on Sunday morning when God spoke out unto me,
"I want absolute surrender from you! I want everything of you! I want your life completely in my hands!"
I was actually quite shocked when I received this invitation from God. I had actually thought that I had already surrendered my life unto the safe hands of our Lord. Nevertheless, in that very moment of intimacy with God, I responded unto God's invitation,
"I am yours my Lord! I belong to me alone. Do unto me what you have planned! I give you my absolute surrender!"
In that very moment of my response, an immense union of God entered my heart. In that very moment, I knew that what lay ahead for me would be alot more intense & difficult. I just knew that within me, there would be a great deal of suffering and sacrifice that awaited me. As I embraced what lay ahead, as well as this absolute surrender, God's joy at my response just flowed like a river deep within my heart. This joy wasn't mine, but it was rather the Joy of God!
As worship was still on, the song 'Forever' was played and that's when the Joy of God was made aware unto everyone. I started to dance in the presence of God as this song was played. I had never ever seen myself worship God in this way. I was dancing & jumping in absolute joy! It was one of those experiences where you know it isn't you, but it was the Spirit of the Lord within me. So those who did see me, that was only a fraction of God's joy!! Hahaha!!!
Moving on, I had spent Sunday night reflecting upon this invitation of 'Absolute Surrender'. Initially, I thought that God was talking about my vocation of Marriage, but he wasn't. He was actually talking about my life after being married. He really wanted to stretch me so much more in marriage. Its the kind of Invitation that was extremely serious. But it was an invitation to be Christ's Love to this world. Over these past few days, God has also given me small opportunities to see if i still really wanted to give 'Absolute Surrender' unto God.
Praise God that I have managed to respond to the promptings of the Holy Spirit. But it really hasn't been easy for me. Each day continues to become more & more difficult but there is one thing that has kept me going. There is still this immense union I have constantly experienced within me. Since this week has started, I have been having alot more promptings from the Holy Spirit and they have been getting to be more stronger.
As I conclude this post, I praise God for this invitation because I know that the crosses that I have faced, am facing and am about to face becomes the measure of my love for my Lord Jesus. As you continue to prepare yourself for the Death & Resurrection of our Lord Jesus, take every cross as God's gift unto you. He gives you this cross because he knows how much stronger & wiser you will become from this cross. There will surely be pain & suffering. But in all moments of suffering & pain, unite yourself with Christ on his road to Calvary. Then you too, will rise with Jesus at Easter!
Lord Jesus, I give you Absolute Surrender! I am yours!
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Monday, March 29, 2010
YMC Retreat
This retreat becomes one of those retreats when God reveals his underlining purpose unto me for the past weeks' struggles and also explains himself not allowing these struggles to happen. It has been a retreat that I would have to admit that it has been the best SFX retreat I have ever attended. This has been the best SFX retreat in terms of receiving God and not in terms of serving God. It was a retreat where I really dreaded going for, but I went in obedience. This is a fact within the depths of my heart that no one knew of. And in many ways, I have given everyone a reason to believe that I was looking forward to this YMC retreat.
Throughout the whole process of the build-up to this retreat, I knew that God had just wanted me to get the youths excited because God promised that he would show up at the retreat and would grant the desires that lay within the hearts of the youths attending the retreat. Hence, I decided to do my part to facilitate an expectation to well up within the hearts of the youths. I really thank God for using me in this area before the start of the retreat.
But at the very start of the retreat, I just felt so extremely exhausted in my heart. It felt like there was nothing within my heart and also a cry to receive God lay deep within me too. Then I just told God a few moments before mass, "Lord, I'm tired". Thankfully, as the retreat started with evening mass, I just surrendered my physical & emotional tiredness unto God and asked God to use me as he pleased, as well as a request to be even more selfless to all those God would want me to minister to. After mass, I just felt a little bit better and I guess I just chose to neglect all forms of tiredness within my heart & body.
Throughout the whole retreat, there was this immense desire among the SFX youths to receive the Love of God and really experience a new level of intimacy with Jesus! The Holy Spirit just got stronger and stronger as the retreat progress. The worship was really so heavenly and in there was only 1 worship leader in all the worship sessions, 'The Holy Spirit'. At the second worship session, which was on Saturday morning, God revealed what was happening in the middle of that worship session. God revealed that hearts were rising up to the heavens towards God. And at that moment, I just knew that God had something special planned for all of these SFX youths. This was going to happen because they gave God the openness of their hearts and that was all God needed.
The night session was simply amazing. The Spirit was so strong and the river of God's unconditional Love was just waiting to be released unto these youths. The session was filled with hearts being touched & healed by the Love of God. As I was in a prayer team doing the praying-over, I too received God through the very witnessing of the conversion of the hearts I was praying over. And from each one, God captivated each heart with his love. Praise God.
And when my prayer team has finished with our last youth to be prayed-over, I thought that was how this night would end. But God had this amazing plan to minister to me. God had been waiting for this moment for 5 months. God knew the weight of the struggles that I was bearing. God knew that I had been doing many many things in the obedience of the Will of God. And as soon as my prayer team prayed-over the last youth, I went to a station where it was about the word 'Given'. As the rest of the youths were in the middle of worship, I just sat down at that station and about a min, I started to weep and cry. But I cuddled myself in a position where I lay head on my left knees. Hence, this made it difficult to see that I was weeping and crying.
In this moment, I explained to God about the immense pain I felt within my heart, as well as the difficulty of doing his will. I sat in that position for about 30 minutes. And for the 1st time in my life, God ministered to me directly. In this moment, there was no one else involved. It was a moment where God just embraced me in his arms and ministered to me. In many ways, the struggles had caused a need for my heart to be healed. And that was what God did for me in that moment, God healed me. This was a really intimate moment but I wouldn't say that it was a happy & joyful one. God just filled & healed me with his love again.
After this moment, I spent the next 40 minutes alone, walking in the silence of the night. I talked to God about everything and how I felt so unworthy of his plan for me. I also felt so weak. But God explained everything to me, accompanied with practical steps of what I would need to do. That moment when God ministered to me, God filled me with his love, of which would be sufficient to take me through all struggles. But God didn't take away the struggles. God made this fact very clear unto me during my walk with him. He said that he ministered to me because he knew that I needed to be ministered to, but he wasn't taking away the struggles, because those struggles are what I have to bear as the will of God unfolds unto my life. After all the alone time, I had a extremely long but beautiful conversation with Stephen until 4am. We had alot of fun with each other as we laughed and also shared about our experiences.
In conclusion, this retreat was one where it started of with my surrender unto God in obedience. But it ended with God ministering to me directly. Praise God for he has given me his love & strength to weather the upcoming storms. This retreat really just shows that God knows all that we are going through and he takes special notice of the things we do in obedience to his will. But in his time, he will feed us with his love & strength. We just got to have faith & trust that God knows what he is doing.
I will end of with a message that God has been reminding me of over the last 3 months,
"If I do my part and you do your part, then only will my plan for you reach its perfection!"
I Love you, my Jesus!!
Throughout the whole process of the build-up to this retreat, I knew that God had just wanted me to get the youths excited because God promised that he would show up at the retreat and would grant the desires that lay within the hearts of the youths attending the retreat. Hence, I decided to do my part to facilitate an expectation to well up within the hearts of the youths. I really thank God for using me in this area before the start of the retreat.
But at the very start of the retreat, I just felt so extremely exhausted in my heart. It felt like there was nothing within my heart and also a cry to receive God lay deep within me too. Then I just told God a few moments before mass, "Lord, I'm tired". Thankfully, as the retreat started with evening mass, I just surrendered my physical & emotional tiredness unto God and asked God to use me as he pleased, as well as a request to be even more selfless to all those God would want me to minister to. After mass, I just felt a little bit better and I guess I just chose to neglect all forms of tiredness within my heart & body.
Throughout the whole retreat, there was this immense desire among the SFX youths to receive the Love of God and really experience a new level of intimacy with Jesus! The Holy Spirit just got stronger and stronger as the retreat progress. The worship was really so heavenly and in there was only 1 worship leader in all the worship sessions, 'The Holy Spirit'. At the second worship session, which was on Saturday morning, God revealed what was happening in the middle of that worship session. God revealed that hearts were rising up to the heavens towards God. And at that moment, I just knew that God had something special planned for all of these SFX youths. This was going to happen because they gave God the openness of their hearts and that was all God needed.
The night session was simply amazing. The Spirit was so strong and the river of God's unconditional Love was just waiting to be released unto these youths. The session was filled with hearts being touched & healed by the Love of God. As I was in a prayer team doing the praying-over, I too received God through the very witnessing of the conversion of the hearts I was praying over. And from each one, God captivated each heart with his love. Praise God.
And when my prayer team has finished with our last youth to be prayed-over, I thought that was how this night would end. But God had this amazing plan to minister to me. God had been waiting for this moment for 5 months. God knew the weight of the struggles that I was bearing. God knew that I had been doing many many things in the obedience of the Will of God. And as soon as my prayer team prayed-over the last youth, I went to a station where it was about the word 'Given'. As the rest of the youths were in the middle of worship, I just sat down at that station and about a min, I started to weep and cry. But I cuddled myself in a position where I lay head on my left knees. Hence, this made it difficult to see that I was weeping and crying.
In this moment, I explained to God about the immense pain I felt within my heart, as well as the difficulty of doing his will. I sat in that position for about 30 minutes. And for the 1st time in my life, God ministered to me directly. In this moment, there was no one else involved. It was a moment where God just embraced me in his arms and ministered to me. In many ways, the struggles had caused a need for my heart to be healed. And that was what God did for me in that moment, God healed me. This was a really intimate moment but I wouldn't say that it was a happy & joyful one. God just filled & healed me with his love again.
After this moment, I spent the next 40 minutes alone, walking in the silence of the night. I talked to God about everything and how I felt so unworthy of his plan for me. I also felt so weak. But God explained everything to me, accompanied with practical steps of what I would need to do. That moment when God ministered to me, God filled me with his love, of which would be sufficient to take me through all struggles. But God didn't take away the struggles. God made this fact very clear unto me during my walk with him. He said that he ministered to me because he knew that I needed to be ministered to, but he wasn't taking away the struggles, because those struggles are what I have to bear as the will of God unfolds unto my life. After all the alone time, I had a extremely long but beautiful conversation with Stephen until 4am. We had alot of fun with each other as we laughed and also shared about our experiences.
In conclusion, this retreat was one where it started of with my surrender unto God in obedience. But it ended with God ministering to me directly. Praise God for he has given me his love & strength to weather the upcoming storms. This retreat really just shows that God knows all that we are going through and he takes special notice of the things we do in obedience to his will. But in his time, he will feed us with his love & strength. We just got to have faith & trust that God knows what he is doing.
I will end of with a message that God has been reminding me of over the last 3 months,
"If I do my part and you do your part, then only will my plan for you reach its perfection!"
I Love you, my Jesus!!
Monday, March 22, 2010
The Will of God
The Will of God has been one of the major reflections for me over the past 17 months. Its become a very real part of who I've become at the same time. But what is the will of God really? IS it something that is good? Is it something that brings joy into our hearts? Does the will of God for each of us really benefit us? Is the will of God good for each of us individually? What is the will of God?
For me, the discovery & execution of the will of God is the most painful process that any Child of God has to endure in this lifetime. There are so many elements that are required as the will of God enfolds in each of lives. But over my own discernment over the last 17 months, I come to a point to conclude that Patience & Trust is by far the major elements that I've come to not just learn & understand but also cultivate in my life. In the midst of cultivating these 2 elements into my life, there has been an immense magnitude of intense pain deep within my heart that I've experienced, where joy is very much short-lived. Though this doesn't give us a good reason to actually allow God's will to be lived out in us, there lays a much greater reason to actually live out God's will for each of us. The magnitude of the intense pain we feel within our hearts in the process of discovering & executing the will of God should never ever be compared to the immense joy & peace we will feel within our hearts when the will of God is done unto us! The magnitude of Joy & Peace we will experience is just too huge for us to even consider comparing.
But even before we reach that point of Joy & Peace within our hearts, there is an immense amount of suffering & pain that is required of us to experience. Over the last 17 months, I have come to experience so much pain and in many ways, my heart has been torn apart so many times, till it reaches a point where I become immune to suffering & pain deep within my heart. But although this may sound really sad that our Lord would allow such a thing to happen, there have been experiences of great sufferings that I would never ever regret. These sufferings have also brought much growth and I have been challenged to stick by the side of God, even when it didn't make any sense to do so.
But its really in the midst of intense sufferings where our faithfulness to God will truly be tested. It becomes easy to stick with God in the joyful & happy times but our true desire to belong to god is tested to a much larger extent in the midst of sufferings. But there also comes this immense satisfaction too of the very knowing that you had stuck with God in the midst of sufferings. For me, its those times of sticking with God, in the midst of sufferings where i really find this amazing grace to do God's will in my life. And sometimes, I, myself wonder how I have made it this far. But its really only because God's strength & grace was working within me, not my own strength. If it was my strength, I am absolutely sure that I would even last a day of suffering.
But what does the will of God do for us then? To me, I feel the will of God is the path of Life where God is absolutely sure that you will be the most happy in the long run. Many times, we struggle so much with the will of God, only because we just simply can't see it yet. But God, who has already planned it all, surely has the wisdom to see it. He knows that you will be so happy with that path of life. Over time, I have come to comprehend that God wants us to be loved & happy. That is his desire for every one of us, where or not we realise & believe in it. God wants the absolute best for each of us! We are just too precious to God, for him to give us 2nd best. God only wants the best for us. And this is what the will of God is for each of us!
Over the past few weeks, I have been in that state of intense pain & suffering deep within my heart. But yet again, I am challenged to have faith, trust & patience with the will of God for me. I am also comforted by the very fact that there will come that day when I will have that immense peace & joy in my heart when the will of God unfolds in my life. And I guess at this moment of sadness, I focus my mind, heart & soul on this fact.
But may we too draw closer to the heart of Jesus in the midst of discovering the will of God for each of us. And in all moments of intense pain & suffering within our hearts, may we just fix our hearts & eyes on that one day where we will experience that immense joy & peace within our hearts!
Lord Jesus, walk with us as we discover & execute God's will for us. Help us stick with God like you did on your road to Calvary.
For me, the discovery & execution of the will of God is the most painful process that any Child of God has to endure in this lifetime. There are so many elements that are required as the will of God enfolds in each of lives. But over my own discernment over the last 17 months, I come to a point to conclude that Patience & Trust is by far the major elements that I've come to not just learn & understand but also cultivate in my life. In the midst of cultivating these 2 elements into my life, there has been an immense magnitude of intense pain deep within my heart that I've experienced, where joy is very much short-lived. Though this doesn't give us a good reason to actually allow God's will to be lived out in us, there lays a much greater reason to actually live out God's will for each of us. The magnitude of the intense pain we feel within our hearts in the process of discovering & executing the will of God should never ever be compared to the immense joy & peace we will feel within our hearts when the will of God is done unto us! The magnitude of Joy & Peace we will experience is just too huge for us to even consider comparing.
But even before we reach that point of Joy & Peace within our hearts, there is an immense amount of suffering & pain that is required of us to experience. Over the last 17 months, I have come to experience so much pain and in many ways, my heart has been torn apart so many times, till it reaches a point where I become immune to suffering & pain deep within my heart. But although this may sound really sad that our Lord would allow such a thing to happen, there have been experiences of great sufferings that I would never ever regret. These sufferings have also brought much growth and I have been challenged to stick by the side of God, even when it didn't make any sense to do so.
But its really in the midst of intense sufferings where our faithfulness to God will truly be tested. It becomes easy to stick with God in the joyful & happy times but our true desire to belong to god is tested to a much larger extent in the midst of sufferings. But there also comes this immense satisfaction too of the very knowing that you had stuck with God in the midst of sufferings. For me, its those times of sticking with God, in the midst of sufferings where i really find this amazing grace to do God's will in my life. And sometimes, I, myself wonder how I have made it this far. But its really only because God's strength & grace was working within me, not my own strength. If it was my strength, I am absolutely sure that I would even last a day of suffering.
But what does the will of God do for us then? To me, I feel the will of God is the path of Life where God is absolutely sure that you will be the most happy in the long run. Many times, we struggle so much with the will of God, only because we just simply can't see it yet. But God, who has already planned it all, surely has the wisdom to see it. He knows that you will be so happy with that path of life. Over time, I have come to comprehend that God wants us to be loved & happy. That is his desire for every one of us, where or not we realise & believe in it. God wants the absolute best for each of us! We are just too precious to God, for him to give us 2nd best. God only wants the best for us. And this is what the will of God is for each of us!
Over the past few weeks, I have been in that state of intense pain & suffering deep within my heart. But yet again, I am challenged to have faith, trust & patience with the will of God for me. I am also comforted by the very fact that there will come that day when I will have that immense peace & joy in my heart when the will of God unfolds in my life. And I guess at this moment of sadness, I focus my mind, heart & soul on this fact.
But may we too draw closer to the heart of Jesus in the midst of discovering the will of God for each of us. And in all moments of intense pain & suffering within our hearts, may we just fix our hearts & eyes on that one day where we will experience that immense joy & peace within our hearts!
Lord Jesus, walk with us as we discover & execute God's will for us. Help us stick with God like you did on your road to Calvary.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
My biggest trial yet
Since the 3rd of January 2010, which was the same day as the Feast of the Epiphany of our Lord, I started this discernment of which appeared unto me in the form of a dream. It was a direction that really caught me off guard. It was a dream that God invited me to interpret but I kept procrastinating as I had so many fears deep within my heart.
But as I immersed myself in prayer, God spoke out unto me with these very comforting words.
"My Son, this is my heart's desire for you!"
And God soon gave me very strict & very practical instructions of what I was to do. And over the last 2 months, God has constantly been convincing me of this Plan that he has for me. And over the past few weeks, I spent alot of time reflecting about what I truly felt about this beautiful plan. Although this plan would require a great deal of pain to embrace within my heart, it was a plan that was absolutely perfect. It was a plan that was just so much of a revelation! It was a plan of God! It was a plan that I was in love with!
But over the past month, I've just been struggling so so much and also experiencing so much pain within my heart! And in many ways, the new dream come true book, 'Come be my light', has really helped me embrace each day of pain that God has blest me with. In the midst of this extreme struggle, God has spent much of his efforts on convincing me of why he desires this for me! And with each excuse I give unto him, God answers me with a much great reason to continue in spite of the immense pain that dwells deep within my heart! Also, God has also spent alot of time revealing how this plan will unfold, as well as the beautiful outcome of this plan. God has really been revealing so so much unto me! In many ways, God trusts me with his plan too. And the fruits of the Spirit have been my evidence too that this is of God!
For those who have been close to me over 2009, you would know what I have been discerning ever since Nov'08, but this is my biggest trial yet. This trial of this direction is really one of being totally immersed in the pain & sorrow of our Lord Jesus Christ! In many moments, I have cried out unto God that this path is totally beyond my capabilities. But in all those moments, God has assured me that it will be perfect and that his presence & grace will see me through every moment. I am taking this time to really discern this direction and being absolutely convinced that this is a plan of God and not mine!
As I take this direction, led by the Holy Spirit, I know my faith in God will be intensified like never before, just as it is said in St. Peter's letters. But I know this is God's desire for me! I know that this is my biggest trial yet but I am determined to surpass this trial with God as my strength & guide! I know that ultimately, God's desire is my true desire too!
Lord Jesus, be my guide to walk beside me! This plan of yours is perfect! Grant me a Spirit of Patience & a Spirit of absolute submissive faith in you! Praise you O Jesus in the heavens!
PS: Do keep me in prayer!
But as I immersed myself in prayer, God spoke out unto me with these very comforting words.
"My Son, this is my heart's desire for you!"
And God soon gave me very strict & very practical instructions of what I was to do. And over the last 2 months, God has constantly been convincing me of this Plan that he has for me. And over the past few weeks, I spent alot of time reflecting about what I truly felt about this beautiful plan. Although this plan would require a great deal of pain to embrace within my heart, it was a plan that was absolutely perfect. It was a plan that was just so much of a revelation! It was a plan of God! It was a plan that I was in love with!
But over the past month, I've just been struggling so so much and also experiencing so much pain within my heart! And in many ways, the new dream come true book, 'Come be my light', has really helped me embrace each day of pain that God has blest me with. In the midst of this extreme struggle, God has spent much of his efforts on convincing me of why he desires this for me! And with each excuse I give unto him, God answers me with a much great reason to continue in spite of the immense pain that dwells deep within my heart! Also, God has also spent alot of time revealing how this plan will unfold, as well as the beautiful outcome of this plan. God has really been revealing so so much unto me! In many ways, God trusts me with his plan too. And the fruits of the Spirit have been my evidence too that this is of God!
For those who have been close to me over 2009, you would know what I have been discerning ever since Nov'08, but this is my biggest trial yet. This trial of this direction is really one of being totally immersed in the pain & sorrow of our Lord Jesus Christ! In many moments, I have cried out unto God that this path is totally beyond my capabilities. But in all those moments, God has assured me that it will be perfect and that his presence & grace will see me through every moment. I am taking this time to really discern this direction and being absolutely convinced that this is a plan of God and not mine!
As I take this direction, led by the Holy Spirit, I know my faith in God will be intensified like never before, just as it is said in St. Peter's letters. But I know this is God's desire for me! I know that this is my biggest trial yet but I am determined to surpass this trial with God as my strength & guide! I know that ultimately, God's desire is my true desire too!
Lord Jesus, be my guide to walk beside me! This plan of yours is perfect! Grant me a Spirit of Patience & a Spirit of absolute submissive faith in you! Praise you O Jesus in the heavens!
PS: Do keep me in prayer!
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Sec 1 camp
This is a really emotional & sentimental post for me. And for those who have known me for more than a year, you'll know where I was exactly a year ago. It was when I was having my holiday with God in sweet Perth, Australia. And over this month of March, God has really made full use of me, as well as my free time. It is really the best way to spend lent!
For every weekend in March, I'll be involved in a camp. the 1st weekend, I was at the SFX Core leaders' retreat, the 2nd weekend, I was involved in the Sec 1 camp, the 3rd weekend, I'll be involved as a worship leader for my friend's community retreat, the 4th weekend, I'm involved in the SFX youth ministry youth retreat. Then comes holy week, of which my community, the Youth Vineyard is leading. And finally, in the 2nd weekend of April, its Camp Daniel where I'm help the CAYC team to do sessions and whatever else that God calls me to do at the camp.
As I spent a few moments to reflect upon these camps that God has called to use me as his instrument, I am very much humbled of whom god has made me into. I am humbled that God has even considered using me to work in his Vineyard! There is just this constant joy in my heart of how God has blest me in his gifts unto me!
Over the past 2 months, I've been in this constant struggle of where God was leading me, especially in the area of my vocation. It has been this constant struggle day after day. But I praise God that his grace has seen me through all moments and especially the grace to be selfless with my time. There have been many many moments where I've ended up in this state of constant confusion. I'm sure we have all have many moments of confusion. But for me, I have been given the opportunity to really deal with these confusions.
But over this weekend, I've had the chance to spend alot of time being immersed in God's love through the simple worship done at the Sec 1 camp. And in each moment of prayer, God was constantly affirming me of the direction that I was taking in my walk with him. There was never ever a moment, in the midst of prayer, where there was an ounce of doubt that my discernment of the direction that God was leading me in wasn't the path of God! There just was this constant convincing that God was working within the very depths of my heart.
And this was the very words that God spoke to me during Mass at the Sec 1 camp.
"My Son, will you be a fool for me?"
This invitation from God speaks directly to the doubts I had been feeling over the past 2 months. And yet again, it is a moment when God comes to my aid! But surely that wasn't all of what God had planned for me over this weekend!
I was really touched by the Sec1s too. For me, the very defining fact that touched me was the sheer innocence & child-like faith of these young ones. And I just felt so priviledged to be their Facilitator and personally enjoyed being their Facilitator too. And the one learning point I experienced, was how its the very little acts of Love & Kindness that we do in the secret that really means the most to the children of God! And yes, I was totally surprised and affirmed by how the Sec 1s in my group felt so touched. For me, it was just the simplicity of the Sec 1 camp that touched my heart so much!
As I conclude this post, I see that it really such a blessing to be serving in the Lord's Vineyard! And I have really experienced so much more than what I thought. Its been only 2 camps out of 5 camps. But there just is an immense grace that God has been blessing me with. And there is joy and a different level to trust in God's plan for me, despite the many confusing thoughts & struggles. This time, I choose to look even more at the graces instead of the confusion & struggles, but not ignoring it! I'm just spending more of my time to reflect upon the graces instead of the struggles! I think it makes our journey a whole lot easier!
Try delighting in the simple gifts of God unto us, instead of you complaining about the weight of your struggles! Praise you O Jesus!
For every weekend in March, I'll be involved in a camp. the 1st weekend, I was at the SFX Core leaders' retreat, the 2nd weekend, I was involved in the Sec 1 camp, the 3rd weekend, I'll be involved as a worship leader for my friend's community retreat, the 4th weekend, I'm involved in the SFX youth ministry youth retreat. Then comes holy week, of which my community, the Youth Vineyard is leading. And finally, in the 2nd weekend of April, its Camp Daniel where I'm help the CAYC team to do sessions and whatever else that God calls me to do at the camp.
As I spent a few moments to reflect upon these camps that God has called to use me as his instrument, I am very much humbled of whom god has made me into. I am humbled that God has even considered using me to work in his Vineyard! There is just this constant joy in my heart of how God has blest me in his gifts unto me!
Over the past 2 months, I've been in this constant struggle of where God was leading me, especially in the area of my vocation. It has been this constant struggle day after day. But I praise God that his grace has seen me through all moments and especially the grace to be selfless with my time. There have been many many moments where I've ended up in this state of constant confusion. I'm sure we have all have many moments of confusion. But for me, I have been given the opportunity to really deal with these confusions.
But over this weekend, I've had the chance to spend alot of time being immersed in God's love through the simple worship done at the Sec 1 camp. And in each moment of prayer, God was constantly affirming me of the direction that I was taking in my walk with him. There was never ever a moment, in the midst of prayer, where there was an ounce of doubt that my discernment of the direction that God was leading me in wasn't the path of God! There just was this constant convincing that God was working within the very depths of my heart.
And this was the very words that God spoke to me during Mass at the Sec 1 camp.
"My Son, will you be a fool for me?"
This invitation from God speaks directly to the doubts I had been feeling over the past 2 months. And yet again, it is a moment when God comes to my aid! But surely that wasn't all of what God had planned for me over this weekend!
I was really touched by the Sec1s too. For me, the very defining fact that touched me was the sheer innocence & child-like faith of these young ones. And I just felt so priviledged to be their Facilitator and personally enjoyed being their Facilitator too. And the one learning point I experienced, was how its the very little acts of Love & Kindness that we do in the secret that really means the most to the children of God! And yes, I was totally surprised and affirmed by how the Sec 1s in my group felt so touched. For me, it was just the simplicity of the Sec 1 camp that touched my heart so much!
As I conclude this post, I see that it really such a blessing to be serving in the Lord's Vineyard! And I have really experienced so much more than what I thought. Its been only 2 camps out of 5 camps. But there just is an immense grace that God has been blessing me with. And there is joy and a different level to trust in God's plan for me, despite the many confusing thoughts & struggles. This time, I choose to look even more at the graces instead of the confusion & struggles, but not ignoring it! I'm just spending more of my time to reflect upon the graces instead of the struggles! I think it makes our journey a whole lot easier!
Try delighting in the simple gifts of God unto us, instead of you complaining about the weight of your struggles! Praise you O Jesus!
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Why stifle the Youth?
This has been a post that's long overdue. But its a reflection that's laid in the very depths of my heart ever since Nov'09, which was just after the Confirmation retreat had finished. And its something that our Church Leaders have grown to become so so guilty of. As I enter into reasoning for this, I see that it becomes part of our culture in the very world we live. And this is a culture where we limit the capabilities of the very ones that God has placed under our care!
For me, as I reflect upon this, this is a culture of the world where we underestimate the very strength of our wonderful Lord! This could very well be one where we become so afraid of mistakes to occur. It becomes a very sad truth that we, who have been called by name by our Lord Jesus, becomes the very people that limit the power of the one who has called us. But I think for us, as children of God who have been called to serve in the Vineyard of God may have come to a point where we become guilty of misusing the authority given unto his by the one who has the highest honour, Jesus Christ! We may have come to a point where we have felt inferior and even jealous to a particular youth or even a group of youth! Hence, we use our authority & influence to limit these youth due to the humanness within us that makes us feel jealous & inferior towards them. In this statement, I don't condone our humanness to have these feelings but I condone that we, after years of serving God, would choose to act upon these feelings, when instead, we should rather be seeking help from God to humble us and take away our pride. And for me, I think this has become a culture that has been spread to our church leaders, which has spread onto the people in Church we associate ourselves with.
We live in a culture where we become so guilty of limiting God and the wonder he can do in his people. In other words, we become God where we plan how & when & who will his power be manifested in! And time & again, our Lord Jesus constantly proves that He is the Lord of wonder & He is the source of grace! And the 1st thought of how God constantly amazes us, is at our camp, more specifically, at the night sessions! In these sessions, I can't help but just become amazed & in awe of our God! It is in those moments when God makes his power so evident. And the spirit of God becomes evident. For me, in those moments, I just delight because I am absolutely certain that Jesus will get the credit & praise of all that is good that happened, no matter what I was doing at that session, whether playing music, interceding or laying hands to pray over a child of God. Basically, the reality of God is made known!
But for so many of us, this very physical sign of the reality of God isn't enough for us, as leaders. We just tend to forget these moments so fast. Doesn't this seem just like in the times of Jesus, where the Pharisees & Scribes would always ask for signs & wonders from Jesus to prove that he is God! But even after Jesus had done those signs & wonders to prove himself to be the Son of God, they still doubted and didn't believe! For so many of us, we fail to live out our call to be the very vibrant & radiant light of christ. And hence, we limit our youth to be better than we could ever be!
For me, I have had the absolute pleasure & honour of both guiding and learning from 2 youths that God called me to be close to! In the midst of journeying with them, I have many times, been called to be like Jesus. I have been called to give myself completely, to be of complete service to them! In the midst of this giving, I found myself receiving so much more, especially when I gave of my heart instead of my mind! In the very end, I have witnessed 1st-hand, before my very eyes, someone rising to be greater than me! And I knew that this greatness came not from me, but from the very source of all genuine greatness, Our Lord Jesus! And time & again, I have seen how they have proven unto all those that have tried to limit them! And I have come to conclude that we can be either one that limits God or one that allows God to be more & more real in one's life!
But make no mistake, all praise is only due to the God that I love, my Lord Jesus! He provided the grace to be more powerful than my humanness! He even provided the grace to be his instrument to allow Jesus to more & more real in these 2 youth's lives! Praise be unto the Holy Name of Jesus! Youths are what we, as leaders need each day to inject that vibrant flavour into our lives! We need them as much as they need us! If you fail to embrace this fact, then its time you analyze your motive & reason for serving in the Lord's Vineyard!
May we not stifle the spiritualities & desires that our youth have in their hearts! May they be allowed to make mistakes and learn to pick themselves up! Our call as a follower of Christ, is to have the humility of Jesus, to be there to help pick them up and not make them feel smaller than us! Let us be like Jesus, always trying to maximize the capabilities of each of God's precious children, young or old!
Believe that God can work in anyone, not just in you! If Jesus could change you to be who you are today, then he could very well do that in someone else! So be an instrument of Jesus to make someone great in the name of Jesus, instead of stifling their desire for God! You would surely learn so much along the way too! And if you find yourself having too much pride, go to the source of humility, Jesus Christ!
Let us work together to stop limiting the power of God in this world and also stop stifling our YOUTH in our Church! Be guiders and not limiters in their desire for God!
Praise you, O Jesus!
For me, as I reflect upon this, this is a culture of the world where we underestimate the very strength of our wonderful Lord! This could very well be one where we become so afraid of mistakes to occur. It becomes a very sad truth that we, who have been called by name by our Lord Jesus, becomes the very people that limit the power of the one who has called us. But I think for us, as children of God who have been called to serve in the Vineyard of God may have come to a point where we become guilty of misusing the authority given unto his by the one who has the highest honour, Jesus Christ! We may have come to a point where we have felt inferior and even jealous to a particular youth or even a group of youth! Hence, we use our authority & influence to limit these youth due to the humanness within us that makes us feel jealous & inferior towards them. In this statement, I don't condone our humanness to have these feelings but I condone that we, after years of serving God, would choose to act upon these feelings, when instead, we should rather be seeking help from God to humble us and take away our pride. And for me, I think this has become a culture that has been spread to our church leaders, which has spread onto the people in Church we associate ourselves with.
We live in a culture where we become so guilty of limiting God and the wonder he can do in his people. In other words, we become God where we plan how & when & who will his power be manifested in! And time & again, our Lord Jesus constantly proves that He is the Lord of wonder & He is the source of grace! And the 1st thought of how God constantly amazes us, is at our camp, more specifically, at the night sessions! In these sessions, I can't help but just become amazed & in awe of our God! It is in those moments when God makes his power so evident. And the spirit of God becomes evident. For me, in those moments, I just delight because I am absolutely certain that Jesus will get the credit & praise of all that is good that happened, no matter what I was doing at that session, whether playing music, interceding or laying hands to pray over a child of God. Basically, the reality of God is made known!
But for so many of us, this very physical sign of the reality of God isn't enough for us, as leaders. We just tend to forget these moments so fast. Doesn't this seem just like in the times of Jesus, where the Pharisees & Scribes would always ask for signs & wonders from Jesus to prove that he is God! But even after Jesus had done those signs & wonders to prove himself to be the Son of God, they still doubted and didn't believe! For so many of us, we fail to live out our call to be the very vibrant & radiant light of christ. And hence, we limit our youth to be better than we could ever be!
For me, I have had the absolute pleasure & honour of both guiding and learning from 2 youths that God called me to be close to! In the midst of journeying with them, I have many times, been called to be like Jesus. I have been called to give myself completely, to be of complete service to them! In the midst of this giving, I found myself receiving so much more, especially when I gave of my heart instead of my mind! In the very end, I have witnessed 1st-hand, before my very eyes, someone rising to be greater than me! And I knew that this greatness came not from me, but from the very source of all genuine greatness, Our Lord Jesus! And time & again, I have seen how they have proven unto all those that have tried to limit them! And I have come to conclude that we can be either one that limits God or one that allows God to be more & more real in one's life!
But make no mistake, all praise is only due to the God that I love, my Lord Jesus! He provided the grace to be more powerful than my humanness! He even provided the grace to be his instrument to allow Jesus to more & more real in these 2 youth's lives! Praise be unto the Holy Name of Jesus! Youths are what we, as leaders need each day to inject that vibrant flavour into our lives! We need them as much as they need us! If you fail to embrace this fact, then its time you analyze your motive & reason for serving in the Lord's Vineyard!
May we not stifle the spiritualities & desires that our youth have in their hearts! May they be allowed to make mistakes and learn to pick themselves up! Our call as a follower of Christ, is to have the humility of Jesus, to be there to help pick them up and not make them feel smaller than us! Let us be like Jesus, always trying to maximize the capabilities of each of God's precious children, young or old!
Believe that God can work in anyone, not just in you! If Jesus could change you to be who you are today, then he could very well do that in someone else! So be an instrument of Jesus to make someone great in the name of Jesus, instead of stifling their desire for God! You would surely learn so much along the way too! And if you find yourself having too much pride, go to the source of humility, Jesus Christ!
Let us work together to stop limiting the power of God in this world and also stop stifling our YOUTH in our Church! Be guiders and not limiters in their desire for God!
Praise you, O Jesus!
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Apart from me, you will bear no fruit
Over the last couple of weeks, this has been a really evident message from God unto me! And its exactly been this very message that's been keeping me going in the midst a great deal of struggle. And it becomes a surprising fact that I can still remember exactly when God had revealed unto me this truth as a means to be a guidance whenever I was in doubt if I was on the right track towards God.
It was at during my uncle's 1 month anniversary mass, on the 13th of Jan'10 at the Church of our Lady Star of the Sea. And on that very evening, I was in a constant state of extreme confusion and I saw myself at the very feet of our Lord, pleading for his guidance. There had been a series of events that had lead to this confusion and in many ways the confusion wasn't within my control. But that evening, my heart longed to be in the presence of the Lord Jesus, desiring to just hear the voice of my Saviour or to even receive a sign that the direction I was heading towards was one of the Lord's path for me.
But this was the exact reply of our Lord to my plea,
"Apart from me, you will bear no fruit! This is your guide to know if you are on the path that I have set before you, my Son. Evaluate if the fruits of my Holy Spirit are presently evident in you! Use this as your guide, my Son!"
And in the many moments of confusion, since then, I have been using this guide to determine if I was on the right track and in the direction to fulfill God's plan & will for me in my walk with him. And I feel deep down in my heart, this is one guide that each one of us can use to gauge if we are on the right track with God!
And its really especially so helpful in times where we have so many questions left wandering in our hearts & minds. God will for us to be happy and at peace! So take this guide. But 1 important point that is so so essential in the usage of this guide is to be perfectly honest with yourself as you evaluate if the Fruits of the Holy Spirit are evident within you.
Let us stop allowing the evil one to lead us into constant moments of confusions that brings away from receiving the Love of Christ in its full form!
PS: The Fruits of the Holy Spirit are Love, Joy, Peace, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, Self-Control & Long-suffering!
It was at during my uncle's 1 month anniversary mass, on the 13th of Jan'10 at the Church of our Lady Star of the Sea. And on that very evening, I was in a constant state of extreme confusion and I saw myself at the very feet of our Lord, pleading for his guidance. There had been a series of events that had lead to this confusion and in many ways the confusion wasn't within my control. But that evening, my heart longed to be in the presence of the Lord Jesus, desiring to just hear the voice of my Saviour or to even receive a sign that the direction I was heading towards was one of the Lord's path for me.
But this was the exact reply of our Lord to my plea,
"Apart from me, you will bear no fruit! This is your guide to know if you are on the path that I have set before you, my Son. Evaluate if the fruits of my Holy Spirit are presently evident in you! Use this as your guide, my Son!"
And in the many moments of confusion, since then, I have been using this guide to determine if I was on the right track and in the direction to fulfill God's plan & will for me in my walk with him. And I feel deep down in my heart, this is one guide that each one of us can use to gauge if we are on the right track with God!
And its really especially so helpful in times where we have so many questions left wandering in our hearts & minds. God will for us to be happy and at peace! So take this guide. But 1 important point that is so so essential in the usage of this guide is to be perfectly honest with yourself as you evaluate if the Fruits of the Holy Spirit are evident within you.
Let us stop allowing the evil one to lead us into constant moments of confusions that brings away from receiving the Love of Christ in its full form!
PS: The Fruits of the Holy Spirit are Love, Joy, Peace, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, Self-Control & Long-suffering!
Monday, March 1, 2010
Intensity of the Desert begins
The intensity of this journey in the desert has entered the very depths of my heart during this weekend that's just passed. It becomes a moment where I am lost in the very desert of my soul that I have chosen to embark upon this lent. Even as i type this post, there lies in me, this intense fear that has the power to overcome me if I choose to allow it to. But there also lies this strength & faith in me that is rooted from the very heart of Jesus. And I am left stranded in this desert to choose to abide to these 2 forces that lie within me.
Before I made a decision to embark upon my lent journey in the desert, Jesus warned and explained to me of the intensities that I would experience in the desert, where faith is a major essential as it will be my faith rooted in Jesus which will lead me through the desert. And knowing this in its full extent, I chose to take this journey, with the knowledge that God will be with me.
And over the 1st 10 days, I have been filled with the grace of God. Those 10 days served to be the time that I took to settle in the desert. It was really one of simple joy where everything has been straight-forward and simple. But this is when the real intensity begins. It started on the evening of Saturday, where a great amount of pain within my heart became evident. It wasn't the 1st time that this has happened.
But on Saturday, at Mass, I asked Jesus,
"Let me bear your sufferings this Lent. I want to do this for you because my heart belongs to you! You have blessed me with so much but now I want to suffer for you and with you!"
And as I reflect upon this, I realised that God knew I was going to do this all along. He knew that I was aware of the fact that for me to enter into the joy of the next phase of my walk with him, I needed to experience the magnitude of sufferings that was equal to the magnitude of joy I'd experience in time to come. And its become much more intense ever since Saturday.
Over this time, I've struggled to embrace this intense pain within my heart. But Prayer has been so instrumental towards embracing this pain. I wasn't really able to sleep much last night, due to the intensity of this pain. And in many of those moments, I was left in tears, alone in my bed. But it is a moment where there's no turning back and I have embraced & accepted it! And I think what had really sustained me, is the knowledge of the fact that God is in total control. In this moment, to give you a better idea of what I am saying, is that I feel lost in the desert of my soul! And I only have my faith in Jesus to give me a direction to find my way back.
This has been God's message unto me,
"This is not beyond your capacity! Just trust me, my Son!"
I request you to keep me in your prayers!
Lord Jesus, I am lost in the very desert that you embarked upon! But Lord, I place my life in the palm of your safe hands. Take me to the unknown! For if I have you, my God, I will want for nothing. For you alone suffice.
Before I made a decision to embark upon my lent journey in the desert, Jesus warned and explained to me of the intensities that I would experience in the desert, where faith is a major essential as it will be my faith rooted in Jesus which will lead me through the desert. And knowing this in its full extent, I chose to take this journey, with the knowledge that God will be with me.
And over the 1st 10 days, I have been filled with the grace of God. Those 10 days served to be the time that I took to settle in the desert. It was really one of simple joy where everything has been straight-forward and simple. But this is when the real intensity begins. It started on the evening of Saturday, where a great amount of pain within my heart became evident. It wasn't the 1st time that this has happened.
But on Saturday, at Mass, I asked Jesus,
"Let me bear your sufferings this Lent. I want to do this for you because my heart belongs to you! You have blessed me with so much but now I want to suffer for you and with you!"
And as I reflect upon this, I realised that God knew I was going to do this all along. He knew that I was aware of the fact that for me to enter into the joy of the next phase of my walk with him, I needed to experience the magnitude of sufferings that was equal to the magnitude of joy I'd experience in time to come. And its become much more intense ever since Saturday.
Over this time, I've struggled to embrace this intense pain within my heart. But Prayer has been so instrumental towards embracing this pain. I wasn't really able to sleep much last night, due to the intensity of this pain. And in many of those moments, I was left in tears, alone in my bed. But it is a moment where there's no turning back and I have embraced & accepted it! And I think what had really sustained me, is the knowledge of the fact that God is in total control. In this moment, to give you a better idea of what I am saying, is that I feel lost in the desert of my soul! And I only have my faith in Jesus to give me a direction to find my way back.
This has been God's message unto me,
"This is not beyond your capacity! Just trust me, my Son!"
I request you to keep me in your prayers!
Lord Jesus, I am lost in the very desert that you embarked upon! But Lord, I place my life in the palm of your safe hands. Take me to the unknown! For if I have you, my God, I will want for nothing. For you alone suffice.
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