My biggest trial yet

Since the 3rd of January 2010, which was the same day as the Feast of the Epiphany of our Lord, I started this discernment of which appeared unto me in the form of a dream. It was a direction that really caught me off guard. It was a dream that God invited me to interpret but I kept procrastinating as I had so many fears deep within my heart.

But as I immersed myself in prayer, God spoke out unto me with these very comforting words.

"My Son, this is my heart's desire for you!"

And God soon gave me very strict & very practical instructions of what I was to do. And over the last 2 months, God has constantly been convincing me of this Plan that he has for me. And over the past few weeks, I spent alot of time reflecting about what I truly felt about this beautiful plan. Although this plan would require a great deal of pain to embrace within my heart, it was a plan that was absolutely perfect. It was a plan that was just so much of a revelation! It was a plan of God! It was a plan that I was in love with!

But over the past month, I've just been struggling so so much and also experiencing so much pain within my heart! And in many ways, the new dream come true book, 'Come be my light', has really helped me embrace each day of pain that God has blest me with. In the midst of this extreme struggle, God has spent much of his efforts on convincing me of why he desires this for me! And with each excuse I give unto him, God answers me with a much great reason to continue in spite of the immense pain that dwells deep within my heart! Also, God has also spent alot of time revealing how this plan will unfold, as well as the beautiful outcome of this plan. God has really been revealing so so much unto me! In many ways, God trusts me with his plan too. And the fruits of the Spirit have been my evidence too that this is of God!

For those who have been close to me over 2009, you would know what I have been discerning ever since Nov'08, but this is my biggest trial yet. This trial of this direction is really one of being totally immersed in the pain & sorrow of our Lord Jesus Christ! In many moments, I have cried out unto God that this path is totally beyond my capabilities. But in all those moments, God has assured me that it will be perfect and that his presence & grace will see me through every moment. I am taking this time to really discern this direction and being absolutely convinced that this is a plan of God and not mine!

As I take this direction, led by the Holy Spirit, I know my faith in God will be intensified like never before, just as it is said in St. Peter's letters. But I know this is God's desire for me! I know that this is my biggest trial yet but I am determined to surpass this trial with God as my strength & guide! I know that ultimately, God's desire is my true desire too!

Lord Jesus, be my guide to walk beside me! This plan of yours is perfect! Grant me a Spirit of Patience & a Spirit of absolute submissive faith in you! Praise you O Jesus in the heavens!

PS: Do keep me in prayer!