Intensity of the Desert begins

The intensity of this journey in the desert has entered the very depths of my heart during this weekend that's just passed. It becomes a moment where I am lost in the very desert of my soul that I have chosen to embark upon this lent. Even as i type this post, there lies in me, this intense fear that has the power to overcome me if I choose to allow it to. But there also lies this strength & faith in me that is rooted from the very heart of Jesus. And I am left stranded in this desert to choose to abide to these 2 forces that lie within me.

Before I made a decision to embark upon my lent journey in the desert, Jesus warned and explained to me of the intensities that I would experience in the desert, where faith is a major essential as it will be my faith rooted in Jesus which will lead me through the desert. And knowing this in its full extent, I chose to take this journey, with the knowledge that God will be with me.

And over the 1st 10 days, I have been filled with the grace of God. Those 10 days served to be the time that I took to settle in the desert. It was really one of simple joy where everything has been straight-forward and simple. But this is when the real intensity begins. It started on the evening of Saturday, where a great amount of pain within my heart became evident. It wasn't the 1st time that this has happened.

But on Saturday, at Mass, I asked Jesus,

"Let me bear your sufferings this Lent. I want to do this for you because my heart belongs to you! You have blessed me with so much but now I want to suffer for you and with you!"

And as I reflect upon this, I realised that God knew I was going to do this all along. He knew that I was aware of the fact that for me to enter into the joy of the next phase of my walk with him, I needed to experience the magnitude of sufferings that was equal to the magnitude of joy I'd experience in time to come. And its become much more intense ever since Saturday.

Over this time, I've struggled to embrace this intense pain within my heart. But Prayer has been so instrumental towards embracing this pain. I wasn't really able to sleep much last night, due to the intensity of this pain. And in many of those moments, I was left in tears, alone in my bed. But it is a moment where there's no turning back and I have embraced & accepted it! And I think what had really sustained me, is the knowledge of the fact that God is in total control. In this moment, to give you a better idea of what I am saying, is that I feel lost in the desert of my soul! And I only have my faith in Jesus to give me a direction to find my way back.

This has been God's message unto me,

"This is not beyond your capacity! Just trust me, my Son!"

I request you to keep me in your prayers!

Lord Jesus, I am lost in the very desert that you embarked upon! But Lord, I place my life in the palm of your safe hands. Take me to the unknown! For if I have you, my God, I will want for nothing. For you alone suffice.