The search for something more

Of late there’s been this sense of desire for my search of something that can’t really be put in words. I think that part of this is because, there is the constant yearning for something that is more holy, godly & extraordinary. Its really something so hard to describe.

But the past 2 months have really been the toughest for me, in the aspect where there have been many challenges from God. And many of these challenges have been about being more consistent in my prayer life. I think I’m also reaching a point in my spirituality where my life belongs to God. In the past, its about following but not really submitting totally to his plan for me. But of late, its really about surrendering my life to God and living out the plan he has for me.

Many of my close friends would have realized that there’s been a sense of dryness within me in the aspect of my outward joy. Yet at this point of time, I still am not able to explain why this has happened. But over this phase in my walk with God, I’ve come to trust more in God and be more dependent on God. Its been so tough still because many would know that I love being joyful but in this time, its really about trusting that God must have a reason for this. But its not been no joy at all. There has been joy, but in really short spell of joys. But still I praise God that despite the dryness in joy, I’ve still been growing and trusting God more with my life.

And I guess in many ways, this joy is what I’ve been yearning for and I am sure in God’s own time he will release this heavenly joy unto me. I await for this heavenly joy which my heart longs for day and night. And a deeper yearning in my heart is to live my life for God in a way where its never ordinary. Praise God!

The ongoing stint of extreme struggle

For those who have been in touch with me, you'll would know the many struggles I've had to go through of late. In all my life, I've never been faced with so much struggles at once. Its really been a time of a test of my faith in God and his plan for me. Praise God for at having time to think about all these thoughts & struggles I'm encountering in a phase of my life where there seems to be so much pain.

Basically of late, the struggles I've been facing are the problems with working with people and in that state of struggle, I've also been facing the struggle of whether the decisions I make constantly is part of the will of God. I keep asking myself and in quite a big way doubt myself of my abilities. Another struggle is accepting the will of God with a particular situation that God set for me as part of his plan for me in my life. This has been the main struggle and its been 3 weeks already. Another struggle has been the passing of the closest uncle to me 2 weeks ago. It was such a devastating moment for me as it seemed like I kept being pounced with struggle after struggle and nothing at all seem to come my way with any positives. On top of all this, there's been some difficulties at school with understanding my modules for this semester. I have no idea why all of this have come at once but I still believe there is a great reason for this stint of extreme struggle.

But in all my struggles, I still praise God so much for all of this. Despite the struggles, the marvelous thing about all this is that I've been able to really draw more closer to God and more importantly, really cling with all my life onto God and Jesus' Cross! It has really been through this process where God has revealed to me how much he loves me and how much he cares for me. This has been an experience & a testimony where I've been able to experience the fruits of my relationship with God.

So although the struggles still mount, my desire is to cling to God with all I have and I know his grace will be sufficient for me. I am aware that this phase isn't ending soon but I trust in God's plan for me. So to all those awaiting my joyful morning messages, keep me in your prayers. I miss the joyful Mark Sebastian Abraham too but I guess with every joy, comes suffering. So Praise God for my struggles and a new & ongoing experience. Amen!

Message for World Mission Sunday

As World Mission Sunday passed, I have had some time to think about the message Christ has given us. And for me, I can’t help but think how some many things just channel us to message of Mission. It’s like the perfect timing for all these to have happen.

I am quite sure you must be thinking what I’m referring to. Well I am referring to the timing of how the economy has been torn down & the timing of World Mission Sunday is both happening at the same time. When I read the papers about how so many people are wondering how much they’ve lost because of such a downfall in the economy, I start ponder on how sad these people are. But when I go for mass, I still see how happy our Priests are. This would truly be a question then of where does our treasure lie?

At almost every mass, the priests are never forgetting to pose this statement to us, “The economy downfall is a true testimony of how something like money is determined as strong by the world can just shatter so fast. This is a true lesson from Jesus, asking us who or what we are dependant on?”

This links so much with World Mission Sunday, as we are questioned on what is our mission here on earth. Even for myself, God questions us, whether our goal is to earn as much money as we can?

But as Friar Joseph said on Sunday, are we proclaiming to the world about this Gold of Jesus to the world? This Gold who will never ever be shattered! And in many ways, we are called to reflect on whether we are proclaiming to this shattered world about this ever-sustaining Gold!

So as Disciples of the Lord, may we as a Church proclaim to the world about the Gold in Jesus! And may our Lives reflect the reason why we should claim the Gold!

The Return

After going through something of which I would call a true physical struggle in finding time for God. In my time of working at OCBC Bank, I am truly thankful to God for the great and simple life he has given me. In my 6 weeks of working, it was truly a difficulty to find strength to spend time in prayer. Its was not just because of work but also because the many commitments I had at nights like tuitions, church meetings or planning for some church event or session. There was absolutely no time at all for rest of mind or prayer. It was like there was not enough time for anything at all. And I think it’s been the first time in my life when I’ve had to really plan out my day to the very hour. It was a mixture of both excitement & stress on my mind, but more on the stress.

But I am so happy with my vocation as a student. It has truly been a chance to appreciate people & time. And the even better news for me is that my school schedule is quite slack and also for the first time, it’s a 4-day week school schedule. Praise God! What a difference I must say in terms of free time.

But I will accept that the past 6 weeks have not been a waste of time but I have learnt how much less I want money and how much more I want God.

And there’s been so many times when I have asked myself this question,

“Mark, would you give up all that money that you’ve earned?”

And every single time, without hesitation, I am always answering a full YES! I guess maybe God has brought me through this experience to spread to the world that God is the only way to having a fulfilling life.

So to all hearts who feel like there’s no reason to hold, let go of whatever it is that you are holding onto and come to Jesus! Praise God!

PS: The joyful & happy Mark Sebastian Abraham is back. Thanks Lord Jesus!

Desire for Ministry to be alive everyday

From the time I answered the invitation to return to God last year, I made a promise and also request to God. This promise was sort of a stipulation I had placed before God as I return to doing the work of God again.

I told God,
“Lord Jesus, if I return to you to serve you in your vineyard, I have 1 request to ask of you. Lord, may the work I do for you in wherever you call me to serve ever become a job and so mundane that it becomes so ordinary and boring. But Lord, may you enlighten me always and make my journey & ministry become extraordinary, exciting & enjoyable.”

But lately, this has been the main struggle for me. Ever since I’ve started working in OCBC bank as my holiday job, I have been finding it so difficult to manage my time and also keep up in my spiritual life. Its been a real bothering thought for weeks as enter into somewhat a state that I have always disliked. It’s a state when ministry become so normal and also something I experienced some years back but whenever I talked to people about it the common answer I received was that it was all part of ministry. But as in many of the posts I’ve written, I have always diminished the thought of living a mundane life.

But despite this struggle, God has never once left me alone. It was always God who directed me especially in times of struggle and desperation for something special to happen. But I truly praise God for this realization of my life becoming too mundane. It has also been in this process of realization when God has shown me the difference in the power of God and the power of humans. As there’s been many times in the previous weeks where I have missed out on my prayer time, in those times, I have been facing the struggle of going beyond human limitations to reach somewhere I have been in the past. But this is a true testimony of how we can never be in the presence of God without the grace & strength given from God. And it is truly through our efforts of prayer where we receive this strength & grace.

But today God reminds me to come to the throne of grace to receive him as I am with all my struggles & limitations placed at the foot of the cross. And this is also a true fact that all the dreams & desire to more like Jesus and to never make life mundane is all from God as all these desires leads me closer to God! So Lord Jesus, I praise you for this important realization and I prayed that my spiritual walk with you will always be alive & active just like the Word of God!

Depending on God's Strength

Wow life has really been on the fast lane. These days, it feels like I am living life on a F1 race. But I’ve been receiving the grace to accept it and embrace it. And if you’re wondering why I haven’t been blogging, well its been my lack of time and there’s been so many things I’ve been desiring to blog on. So I am going to put in more effort.

Anyway, firstly, I wanna really praise God for really good results. Its really been a blessing I must confess as God has really just shown me the way and guided me all the way through. I got 3 Bs, 2 B+ and just 1 C. And for the C that I got, I actually had failed this module before the exam but due to really doing well for my main exam, I managed to get a C. It was the one module which I was struggling so much with until to a point of devastation. But God guided me and together with the prayers of the many lovely people from my cell & parish, God saved me. The is a really good lesson for me to continue believing that God will show his mighty power in the ones who are weak and are dependant on his grace & strength.

My present busy schedule has been caused by my acceptance to take a job for the holidays. I am currently working at OCBC Bank as a Telemarketer. Its also been sort of a dream to work in a bank. But I think, of late, my job has been so routine that I think I’ve really missed out the many positive graces I can receive from working at the Bank. But as all of you should know, that working in a bank comes with targets to be met. This has been the main struggle over these past 3-4 weeks. But yet again God reminds me to trust in his perfect plan for me. He reminds me that as I struggle to meet these targets, to really draw strength from God and he surely will provide. The example was shown today. Everyday, we have a target of 3 applications to be submitted. So yesterday, I only had 1 application and then I started to question God about his plan for me. But God kept reminding me to trust in his plan for me. And so I just trusted in him. The most amazing thing happened today then, I got 6 applications. This yet again illustrates how God works in those who think they are lousy and the worst. God just proves his power!



So I really praise God so much for using me to illustrate his power. Thank you Lord Jesus for using me! May all the Glory belong to you, Lord! Amen!

PS: Stay tuned for much more exciting & inspirational post! There are so many more posts in my heart waiting to exalt my Lord.

Lay Apostolate Sunday message

The message of Lay Apostolate Sunday, over the weekend that's just past has really been extremely amazing! There’s been so many times when we as humans jump to conclusions on interpreting the message of, “The harvest is plentiful but laborers are few.” So many have been culprits to jumping to conclusions especially myself about our priests giving a message that we should be answer the call to the priesthood & religious life. But this Sunday, the priests have brought out the message of the laity being called to serve in Church!

Well this Sunday, I had the chance to attend 2 masses, one of which was on Saturday at OLPS and the other of course, at my parish of SFX. Both priests gave the excellent but real message that there are numerous people out there in the world searching for a God and for love in their life. All of them are searching for something extra special that the world doesn’t provide and something that money can’t buy.

For those whom I’ve shared with, would know that I’m extremely happy and excited of the news of our new parish priest at SFX. Father John Bosco who arrived at my parish at the start of this month, has been really awesome so far. So you can see that I’m another fan of him. It’s really something I can’t put into words but I know that there’s something really special about him. Anyway, he gave the message of people needing something extra special in their own lives. But the focus wasn’t just on the need for the people who aren’t in ministry to start being part of one. That was only half of the message.

I would think that the encouragement God gives us in his word of how we are called everyday to spread the news of the Gospel in whatever situations we are in. The message that there is a need to come out of our comfort zones to spread the news about this amazing God that we have and also always draw strength from the source-giver, God himself through prayer! I was really struck by this message and it really affirmed & encourages me to do more to spread the love, peace & joy of Jesus Christ!

And I guess there’s been so many times when I myself have been afraid to go out of my way to be more evangelical to spread the news of God but I know that it is in God himself where I find the grace, courage & strength to be a disciple of Christ Jesus!

So with this in mind, may we always inspire everyone to be more loving & welcome to more & more people whoever they may be or wherever they may come from. Let us continue to seek this God and always be a beacon of Light for this world! Let us be this example of Love for Christ Jesus! Praise God!

God gives me a gift

God truly knows me so well. In actual fact, he knows me more than myself. He is really so sweet when he gives gifts. It really touched my heart so much. I knew that God & I have really great times during prayer when he moulds me and teaches me his ways, but never would I expect such a gift. I am so thankful to Aunty Corinne for being used by God and being extremely sweet to think of me and give me a gift.

Well I’m sure you’ll must be thinking, “Mark, isn’t about time you told us what the gift is?”

And Yes I'll tell you. After desiring so much to get a World Youth Day shirt for the longest time, Aunty Corinne & my Godpa & especially God has given me a WYD’08 shirt. When Aunty Corinne passed me the shirt this morning after mass, I was totally shocked and I wished I had taken the expression on my face because I was extremely happy! I really could remember the joy I had in my heart. I am still in quite a state joy of receiving the gift!

This gift is so simple but yet, it means the world to me that I received this gift. It’s been a desire that’s been in my heart for the longest time. After checking out the prices of the WYD’08 shirts online, I was totally in utter dismay of the prices of the shirts but then Sarah who’s in aussie studying had then offered to like get the shirt for me and would then pass it to me in a few months. But I never at all expected anyone to actually get me a gift of such. I am extremely happy and encouraged to seek God even more after receiving the WYD’08 shirt. I hope you can really feel the joy I feel. It’s so amazing.

And I guess why I’m so happy about this shirt is because I really wanted a piece something so special to the heart of God, The World Youth Day! During the WYD’08 when everyone else was there, I felt so sad that I wasn’t able to be there but I knew that God was preparing me so something more or maybe the next WYD in 2011 in Madrid. But even then God provides for me as the EWTN website had live coverage of the WYD’08. I guess another reason is that I’m a huge fan of the Pope. Actually I’m a fan of all Popes! So I really love to hear the sermons and messages the pope gives to the Universal Catholic Church. So thankfully, God provided a way for me to catch the finale mass of WYD’08 live.

Hope you can see my Joy! Haha!

Looks quite good on me or rather it makes me look good!

The shirt looks so very awesome!

I love it!

So Lord Jesus Christ, I give the utmost glory & praise for this gift and also for the gift of Aunty Corinne who’s more of a Godma to me & also to my Godpa. May you bless them always with your blessings and graces! Praise the name of Jesus!

The studying weekend

Well this weekend was really tough as God told me to obediently head to my books to study. When god told me this, I felt so sad and was totally not looking forward to the weekend. But as I realized how much I was struggling with my toughest module, Dynamics, I knew I really had to start studying.

So this weekend, from Friday evening onwards, it was really intense studying guided & comforted by god! The only sort of chilling out was, firstly, on Friday when I went for evening mass & later adoration. Secondly, was when I had supper with Jerome & Freeman for about 2 hours. And lastly, was Sunday, when I went for mass and then had the usual YV session.

But though it may seem like complaining, it’s actually not as I’m getting to the interesting part. As I was studying the stuff in the module started to get easier and the more I started to redo my tutorial questions, the more I started to understand. Another interesting point to note is that before this weekend started, I felt that I would be really bored to death studying and not being able to go out to enjoy with friends especially with my cell jave a great time at east coast. But actually, as I studied, God helped replaced that void with his presence. With the presence of God overflowing in my room, I started to enjoy it and especially my celebrations when I solved together with God the really tough problems.

So this weekend was one where I needed to actually listen to God and do what he told me to do obediently. It was something God wanted me to learn. It was really tough to just block off my whole weekend and just devote it to studying but it ended out to be a good decision! Before this weekend, I knew nothing about this module but now I know quite a bit. All thanks to the amazing God I have! Thank you Lord! You always plan my life so beautifully! Amen!

PS: I'm so happy that my cell has an awesome time at east coast on saturday. Thanks so much to Sury for calling and checking up to see how I was doing! Totally appreciate it. Thnaks also to all who were praying for me! Your prayers really sustained me!

Faith in Jesus

Well lately, this has been my new desire, FAITH! Over the week, I’ve has asking our Almighty God to increase my faith in him. I’ve really wanted to be able to have true faith in the Almighty God!

You know there have been so many stories & parables from Jesus, himself speaking about Faith. And there’s been so many times when the priests would give homilies on how much we lack faith in god and how when a storm comes by, we lose faith in god by the after struggle so much. After God comes into the situation to show us how real he is, we receive the revelation of the reality of the presence of God in earth as well as in our lives! This message would bring back to me many memories where I have both stuck with god & had faith in him as well as many times where I foolishly trust in the world rather than the Almighty God.

The most recent time I recall when I totally lost faith in God was when my classmate’s sister had passed after a car accident. Although, I still had faith in god to reaffirm & guide her, as she was in a state of shear desperation of something special revelation from God. But in throughout this experience, I kept think of death so much and I was just in a state where I was so down and out without any joy in God at all. My faith had really been shaken to its weak foundation I had. Suddenly, I started to think whether God was really real. It really took awhile for me get out such a state. But I think that it was then when God literally carried me on his back and really made sure I was able to carry on in ministry, school and life itself. I can’t actually remember how I managed to remove myself from such a state of negativity. I am sure God just carried me out of it.

Now on the lighter side, the most recent time I recalled when I had placed my faith in God fully, was during the confirmation camp ’08. I blogged about it too. It was when everyone in the service team was so afraid whether the confirmants were going to be touched by God. I was afraid too, but through the grace of god, I placed my faith & trust in God and was instructed by God to spread he faith to the service team. After the confirmants had all been touched by God, it was a sense of great joy for me and I praise for giving me the faith to trust in him. The feeling was so great and awesome to have trusted in God in a time of doubt.

Faith! It does wonders for us! It guides us especially in times of deep doubt & struggle. It is the foundation of our religion. It’s something that is given by God and also something that the world will disagree. It helps bring out the hope to see the best in people. And having faith in God also helps us have faith in people. I have realized that when I trust more in God, I start to have greater faith in people. There is a deep need for us to have faith in people because its gives others to shine as the children of God. And there’s been so many times when people serving in ministry are so critical. It was first Christ who had faith in us and we too must try to imitate Christ. There have been so many experiences I’ve had when I get a chance to see the joy in someone's face when the little chance is given. It’s just something so unreal yet unbelievable.

And so after praying and desiring so much for Faith this week, I have realized & discovered that God had granted my request, He really had instilled in me more faith in him. But I hope I will be able to put my full trust & faith in God. I will continue to seek faith as I grow deeper with God. May we desire for faith in God and also start to have faith in people and imitate Christ’s grace, faith and love more and more each day.

Praise you Almighty God! Amen!

You're Smart, Mark

For years, I would hope for the day when someone would compliment with the words of ‘Mark, you’re smart!” After such a long time, someone actually complimented me by those kind words. I was kind of shocked too especially considering who it came. But nevertheless, it made my day into such a joyful one on Friday.

I guess this goes a few years back into the history of my life. As those whom I’ve shared before, I used to be in a state of not being able to forgive myself for entering into ITE. This continued even after I entered Temasek Poly. I couldn’t come to terms to forgiving myself as it really brought me down to a level where I felt that I was really so stupid. And there were so many times when I complained to God on why I was like this. And I just used to hate myself for entering ITE. To make things worse, the people I met everyday in Church were people who were so intelligent and smart studying in JCs or Polys. I guess after awhile it got a little bit intimidating. But these thoughts weren’t like everyday & every second kind of stuff. These were just thoughts that I chose to leave at the back of my mind so that it wouldn’t be such a struggle in ministry. But it was one of those struggles which will come back to haunt you time and again until you actually choose to deal with the issue or struggle. So throughout my time in poly during my 1st year, I would really struggle at times with this.

But then it was last year when the whole load of struggles I was trying to carry on my back by myself became too heavy for me that God needed to do special to get my attention and be curious.

Well, I was in the adoration room around last year June. Then God did something to make me really curious to find out what happened. So I met up with Sury, Becks & later Pris Tan came by too. And as I talked with them, they felt that it were huge burdens I were carry. And then they went on to pray for me and told me to place all of it at the feet of Jesus. And as they were praying, God reminded me deep within my heart of how I had not forgiven myself for entering ITE. And then I shared that when them, together with God and them, I started to realize how my entry into ITE was part of the plan of God for me in my life. After the deep realization, I forgave myself and started to love the person I was and also to start allowing God to mould me into the person he wants me to be!

A year later which is now, I reflect and wonder how precious that night was to me as I forgave myself and allowed God to come in. And just last night, I was reflecting on how I got smarter as the year had progressed and I came to only 1 conclusion, “I have only god to thank for this as I didn’t do anything to become smarter except drawing close to Jesus!”

And to actually explain how God has made me smarter would be a total mystery even for me. Its one of those instances where it’s explainable but I only can praise God for this!

May you be able to draw close to God and experience the joy of being in his presence and allowing him to mould you into the person he wants you to be. His 1st plan for you is really amazing and so unreal!

So I praise you O God from the heavens for making me smart! I am in total awe of your grace & goodness! Thanks you Lord! Amen!

Clinging onto the Cross

What does it mean to cling onto the cross of Jesus? Does it just mean to leave all our struggles and worries at the foot of the Cross or do we have to literally cling onto the cross of Jesus in times of struggle?

As Jesus himself says it in the bible, “If you remain in me, then I will remain in you.”





Since my recent increasing desire for prayer, I have been facing quite a few fears and struggles. Firstly, the fears I’ve been facing have been like fears of whether I will be able to constantly be in the state of prayer and still have conviction in God. The main fear has basically been whether my faith will be alive. I was so afraid of being the ordinary catholic praying fervently and not being alive & joyful in faith. But every time, I talk to God about this fear, he always reassures me that he knows what I need to be sustained in my prayer life and ensured that he’ll provide for me. Another fear has been whether I’ll be able to leave everything and start this new life of prayer. I guess it’s the title of ‘living a life of prayer’ which really started to scare me quite a bit, then God just kept reminding me about how simple he has put praying to him is for me and that I should start making my own way of this life of prayer and not try to forced into this life of prayer.

Now, in terms of struggles, I’ve been really struggling through these past 2 days of trials that I’ve been facing. I guess, I’m not used to going through trials for a whole and what more 2 whole days. It kind of shows how dependent I am on the grace of God to get me through these trials and tribulations. As I continued to think about this, I realized how much conviction I had in God but not much faith & trust in God when it came to facing trials in my spiritual journey. Maybe this is the result of living very comfortably in the presence of God. I guess I keep forgetting that you will still face trial & tribulations despite your answer to the Call of God. In some sense, I’m just very used to being happy everyday and when suddenly I face some difficult situation especially in my journey with God, I start t lose faith & trust in God and start to doubt whether God is really there.

But in all of this, after spending quiet time with God in the adoration room earlier, God revealed to me that it was a transition period into another level of my spiritual journey for me. As he revealed that to me, I started to see how God was still active in my life even as I started to doubt his presence. For those who have got the latest August issue of the ‘Word among us’, the theme for this issue was about faith. It talks about how much faith we have in God and then what faith does for us. So actually God was working still in me but I was blinded by my worries about his absence. Its kind of funny also when you think about it. Haha!

Anyway, I have truly learnt what it means to cling onto the Cross of Jesus. It means that although at that point in time, it may seem as the most ridiculous thing to be trusting in God but when we speak to God, we will be feeling a sense of growth in ourselves that we still trusted in God despite the evil one trying to mess with and disrupt our close & loving relationship with God! So praise God for the gift of faith as it allows us to grow in Christ!

Awesome Sunday & Powerful homily by Pope Benedict XVI

My Sunday really started early around 6 am when I got up to make it for Sunday morning 7am mass as a few youths were screening the finale mass of the World Youth Day ’08 live from Sydney! I had slept for about 5 hours only and was extremely tired as I woke up but I kept the thought of listening to the homily of Pope Benedict XVI in mind and basically that was my source of motivation.

At mass, although I was quite sleepy, I was really able to feel the grace of God at mass as Rev. Father Anthony Ho gave his homily on how forgiving & loving our God is and that he loves us all so much. He mentioned also how we were created for heaven and also that heaven is first looked at as the immense love God has for us and only secondly, heaven is looked at a place where we’ll be in paradise with Jesus! But the highlight of the mass wasn’t just the message of the Gospel, rather, it was how God brought me to break down and actually cry.

Well over recent weeks, I’ve really drifted away from God mainly because of sin. And yesterday I realized how far I drifted away from my God. As I was listening to how someone felt so close to God, I was reminded of how much I miss God and its not like he isn’t there but that I have been in a state of sin and running away from God. I felt so sad to have lost that connection and closeness with God though not totally lost. But the thought just brought me to sadness. So during mass today, as I was preparing for communion, I was feeling so sad about drifting away and also so sorrowful for my sins. But as I received Jesus in communion, God poured out his love upon me in true abundance. And as I knelt and listened to God, I was brought to a state of totally wonder and awe of how amazing, loving & forgiving God was to me. I was so touched to the depths of my heart of how God never judged me but actually just totally poured out his love upon me. That brought me to tears and I was just in a state of being totally loved by my Saviour!

But there was more planned by God! I was so excited to hear the homily of Pope Benedict XVI from the finale mass at World Youth day live from Sydney! I am a huge admirer of the all the Popes! I see the pope as some really called and chosen by God himself to be a Shepherd to the whole world! I just find all popes so wise and their messages are truly revelations from God! And their messages are just so inspiring and encouraging!

So in his homily, he said about powerful the youths of this day are and how the Holy Spirit is so powerful within the Church today. And as said last year from somewhere, the Pope mentioned about the “Upper Room”, on how we are called to gather up at the upper room and pray for a special outpouring of the Holy Spirit! He especially mentioned how we are called to be fearless when saying a ‘Yes’ to Christ! It was just so inspiring! It really made me so happy to seek God and bring the knowledge of the Love of God to more people both within the Church and outside of it!

So Lord I truly praise you for such and amazing Sunday! Praise you O God for Pope Benedict XVI! Amen!

Desire for Prayer (Part II)

I have many times entered into the thought of finding the actual reasons for 'Prayer', I kept coming to a state where I've found not much reason for prayer maybe because of myself being someone that doesn't like being forced into doing something. In this post, I'll be sharing about my experience of prayer and what it does for me.

So what really is prayer for you? I think that our own personal definition of prayer is just so important and hopefully our definition has some similarities with Catholic Church. The worst thing would be for us to heading in separate direction from Catholic Church and then claiming that we know God. For a sure fact, we know that it was Jesus himself who decided to build Church and hence, it is so essential to be in line with the Church and her teachings.

For me, my definition is prayer is speaking to God and being in God’s presence. And as years have passed, I’ve come to realize how difficult it can be to pray faithful without truly knowing the true person of God! But as I drew closer to God, I’ve come to really enjoy prayer, the Eucharist, silent time and set prayers like the divine office & other kinds of prayers.

But what prayer truly does for me, is making me more humble and graceful. From what I perceived prayer as initially, you could say that God has really brought revelation to me for me to understand prayer. For this I praise God specially! And just being in the presence of God without speaking at all is so rewarding as it is. Everyday, as I pray in the morning, I really find it so important for me as I start as it starts my day with being filled with the grace & joy of the Lord! And I guess in many ways, its my source of joy in the Lord!

As I was think about this post, I think and feel that we as youths of the Church need to pray like how Jesus prayed where he’d take time off from all ministry to go up to the mountain to sit and pray. But of course our mountain can be in the adoration room or our own rooms or even anywhere away from all distractions. As I was just reflecting on the modern day youths who have chosen to say ‘Yes’ to Jesus, I came to the conclusion, that we can make so much time to ministry work but sometimes we miss out on the true crucial element of spending time with God in prayer.

And I have always been a person not liking prayer much but really, God has taught me what a gift prayer really is! It really is an avenue to receive grace and humility! And finally, prayer is where we will really be able to seek to do the true will of our Father in Heaven.

So this is my prayer for all of us especially the youths & young adults serving in Church. I pray that we youths will be a praying & discerning people filling the conviction & vibrancy of the Holy Spirit. I especially pray for all those who find prayer such a burden and a chore, I pray that they may experience God tangibly in their daily lives and find prayer a grace! Amen!

Desire for Prayer (Part I)

Well yes this has been my latest desire which came from God, "Prayer". In the past, I kinda disliked prayer so much because it was so quiet and so boring especially when I had to pray the rosary. But over recent weeks, I had the chance to come to know God much better, Prayer has been more of a chance to be in the presence of God and especially receiving grace & humility.

As I've been immersing myself as much as possible in prayer, I really have been able to received alot of strength to get through my days much better. And prayer has particularly been really helpful at times where I have been made fun of. In these times, I've been able to be more receptive to the promptings of the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit has really been guiding me so much especially in times when I feel like returning negetive comments at the people who make fun of me or those who keep irritating me. But what the Holy Spirit has done has really been amazing, where he has guided me to love them instead of hating them.

Now through the guidance of the Holy Spirit and praying the rosary, I have been able to not only to love the ones who keep disturbing me but also to very importantly pray for their well-being & safety. Its been quite weird I must say that, when I lift them up during my prayers but I affirmed at how praying for them makes me love them more and as well as learn to accept them for who they are. But though accepting them for who they are, God has guided me not to conform to their ways but to actually accept them and ensure to continuously live a life of holiness.

Although this will continue to remain to be a struggle, I am feeling much better these days and trying to get back to a Joyful Mark whom i miss dearly. But I praise God for giving me the desire for prayer as I seek him more and more each day! May you be able to experience the true grace and humility of Prayer!

Why can't we all love?

This has been one of our main struggles throughout the years serving in ministry! And there's been so many times that I've question God about this but I always come to a point of just accepting that its just meant to be that way. But I just always so troubled by the fact that there are so many people out there in search for that unconditional love.

So why can't we love unconditionally?

I guess this may appear as a plea as well. But I guess the first step is to get myself out of the self-denial period. Well, I do get quite affected when people make those racist remarks at me. And sometimes I just question God if there'd been anything I'd done to deserve such treatment. And there's been so many times when people have said that the ones being joked at don't get affected by the remarks we make. But if that were to be yourself in that position, wouldn't you be affected after a series of remarks. But as always I come back to the point that I should love them for who they are and not what they say.

But I guess I still just throw this question to everyone out there. How are people who are searching for God and his love, going to find it if we ourselves aren't instruments of that love? How are these poor people going to experience that love if we ourselves don't experience that within our brothers and sisters in Christ?

As I post this, my prayer is going out to both the guilty ones and the victims of this. I guess we may all be part of both groups at different times.

And this is my plea to everyone: LOVE! The world lacks so much love where there are people constantly dying without experiencing love throughout their whole life. So many times, we pray that for those who are so sick suffering from so many illnesses but the biggest illnesses we all have is the inability to love. So let this be our prayer! That there'll be more and more love being experienced everyday especially for those searching for love!

And may our lovely catholic church be the main source of love. And maybe this is the reason why youths are running away from our catholic church, as they don't find a sense of community and being loved. So let us love more and stop allowing people to joke and make fun of others at the expense of others. And let's so stop presuming that the ones we make fun of aren't affected by the remarks we make because at some point they surely will as we all have a heart and they'll feel hurt at some point!

LET US LOVE LIKE CHRIST DID! AMEN!

The Truth of it all

Well this is something that many people don't know. Some may know a part of it but I'm very thing nobody knows the whole truth and my feelings behind this except God of Course! Well its actually directly related with my relationship my girlfriend. First things first, we've broken up after 3 weeks of being together. I just really need to get that out before I start.

Even before I got attached, I knew that God didn't want me to get attached with this girl. He told me about 2 weeks before we got attached. Basically what happened was that, I asked God whether this relationship was part of his #1 plan for me. I was at mass on a Sunday at that time when I asked him. And after a few minutes, God answered me and said that it wasn't part of his #1 plan for me. And then I got so confused and kept questioning myself whether this really was from God. But the more I questioned, the more God affirmed me that it was the Lord God Almighty. So I concluded that it was God and then started to ask him why it couldn’t be part of his #1 plan for me. I continued to tell him that all the physical signs pointed to fact that I should get attached. But after awhile, I knew that I needed to come to a conclusion. And after weighing all options, I concluded that I needed to go with God's #2 plan for me. And as I told God that, I knew in my heart that I would still be blessed with the love of God but I wouldn't be able to really fell that eternal happiness with God here on earth.

And as soon as I got attached, I began to feel the greater challenge to seek God and found it tougher. But I was still able to feel the presence & love of God but the void was the joy & delight that I had in God, especially the joy expressed through my Friday morning messages. That was something I missed so much during my 3 weeks of being attached. But things got a bit more confusing from there, as the word about me being attached spread so fast through my cell group and my parish. All thanks to Facebook. Haha! But the main issue was that so many of them were extremely happy for me. Everyone was telling me how happy they were for me. BUT only the person himself, who was receiving it, wasn't entirely happy. I was happy but also unhappy not being able to achieve that eternal joy with God! But don't get me wrong. I was happy to get attached but it was just that void of fulfillment which was left half full.

And so, I started to pray to God that he'll help me in this situation. I prayed that I'll be happy with whatever solution he had in mind. And all the time, God was still with me, telling me not to keep looking back on the choosing his #2 plan for me. But God kept reassuring me of his plan for me and kept reminding me to just look forward and stop looking back.

And then as 2 weeks into the relationship passed, I asked God once more, "Lord what do I do now? How Lord?" Then just kept telling me to wait and pray for the relationship and especially for her well being. And that was what I kept doing basically!

Then on Thursday night (26/6/2008), my girlfriend messaged me that she thought that it would be better to remain as good friends. Now at this point, I didn't know what to feel. I asked myself whether I should be sad or happy? I really didn't know because I was happy that God helped me but also sad cause I've been trying to adjust to this sort of life. But of course I was a little more happy than sad. Anyway the next day, I was quite joyful as I could feel that joy and fulfillment in God again. Anyway, we talked about it and now we are going to be good friends once again.

But it took awhile for me to really digest everything but now I am in total joy of God allowing me to come back to his #1 plan for me. And Boy am I lovin it! All praise be to God!

But I have learnt alot from this relationship. I realised how much I loved God and desired to live out his #1 for me. I also learnt to trust God more and more and of course to listen to God when tells me that it isn't part of his plan and not try to think that I know better cause I don't!

So my lovely people, I'm single once again and I wanna remain in this state unless getting attached is part of God's #1 plan for me! Praise God!

God keeps his promise

You know how we sometimes like to doubt to god a little bit at times and think at that point that we might know better. Well that was what the service at SFX confirmation camp was thinking and we were pretty much doubting God.

The confirmation camp 2008 program was extremely different from the previous con camps we've had. It was a program which was vey much commented with lots of negative comments. Maybe its the culture of youths serving in God's kingdom who have very high expectations and also not being able to adapt to different situations. Even I found it really difficult to adapt the the new program but I am just so thankful to God for granting me te grace to being able to accept his plan for us all.

I felt really blessed throughout the camp as I was really feeling the graces of God poured out upon me and upon everyone . The graces I needed to wake up in the morning and be fresh & cheerful, the grace to be a light for Christ to the confirmants, the grace to believe that God will move within the confirmants and especially the grace to have faith.

And I'm just so affirmed by the way God touched the lives of the confirmants. For God knew the confirmants way better then us and he knew what would be the best way to touch their hearts. And so rightfully God did during the Parents night where the confirmants will read the letter from their parents and then moments later, meet them and reconcile with them. Though almost all of us predicted that it won't really touch the confirmants, God proved us to be so wrong when it happened. It was so touching that even the facilitators were in tears at such a sight of Love!

And for me, as all these moments of love were happening, I just looked at the cross where Jesus was and I thanked him and just smiled at him. It was just a moment of pure joy & delight to have put my faith in God! It was really beautiful Love!

And futhermore, I have never seen the Holy Spirit move like how it did during this con camp. Seriously! It was really amazing how the Holy Spirit was guiding every speaker, facilitator, musician, worship leader, priests and confirmant! It was so amazing! And of course the Holy spirit left Mark Sebastian Abraham in total wonder & awe of God as I was guided to initiate the unplanned morning service team prayers.

Thats another thing I learnt at this con camp. I learnt how powerful prayer can be, especially communal prayer. I received the gift of prayer! It was so amazing and so unplanned!

And basically this is what happened for SFX during the same weekend of YISS, St. Joseph Con Camp, OLPS youth retreat and many other camps held concurrently. I'm sure the Holy spirit moved so strongly in the other camps too!

Prasie be to GOD!

PS: Sorry for being so lazy to update my Blog! Will be trying to update it more now! Hehe!

New stuff thats happened

Hello everyone!

Wow its really been a long time since I last posted anything. But a lot has been happening me, both in terms of relationship with God, school and some new stuff.

Well the first thing is that I’m attached with a girl. But I must praise god for this. I’m not just praising God for getting attached but more on the process of the whole thing. God was like my love guru (actually he is). He was guiding me all the way and it all ended up well because of him only. He was there for me in times of desperation, joy and sadness.

The funny thing about all this was that, throughout the whole process of the planning and all, it was only when I was seeking the Kingdom of God first, that things with her went extremely well. But when I wanted to be with her more than with God, things went bad. And I guess, I knew that this relationship with her was purely a gift from God to his Child.

There were so many times when questioned God on why I deserved such a gift but it always ended with God just giving me the grace to rejoice, delight and accept the gift. This was something that I always wanted actually, which was to have a pure and god-centered relationship with someone. So now, just delight that God’s plan for me is this good. And I always thought that when I was to enter into a relationship with someone, that I would drift away from God but how can this happen when the relationship comes from God. Its actually the opposite, where I draw closer to God.

And I am just so amazed that throughout this process, I’ve experienced drawing closer and closer to God each day. But God has really been granting the graces for me and I can only delight in my creator, GOD!

And the other stuff which has been happening is that my term tests have just finished but I have about 4 projects to finish throughout these 2 weeks of holidays. And of course, my relationship with God has been become better and better each days. But I am still sinful in my own ways, so continue to keep me in your prayers.

I want to thanks all the many people who are happy and excited for me. A really special thanks to my magnificent cell group! You’ll know who you are! And I guess it shows how wonderful the plan God has for us. So let’s trust in this plan! Amen!

The new and true Mission

As an experience of grieving the loss of a child of God and also experiencing my Faith being shaken, it got me thinking as I was on my way home for the wake of Yuan Xiang. I started to think on, “How cruel this world can be?” As I recalled Chanel telling me that there was a few times when her sister who has passed on, complained about how she hated going to school because of how her classmates in school were talking behind each other’s back and just making fun of each other.

But I think that many people around the world are facing this problem of loneliness and being outcast and made fun of. And in many ways, I have been a victim of in the past during my school days. As many people in the world always pick on people in many areas like their race, colour, appearance, background, religion and ect.

And its really cruel as I reflect on this struggle of many others in the world as many people enjoy their time together at the expense of someone else. And being a follower of Jesus makes this all the more important to help the ones affected by these struggles. And so in the bus, on the way home, I felt that a new mission has arose for me and in many ways, I’d like to dedicate this to Kio Yuan Xiang.

Well the new mission is, “To protect, befriend and love the ones who are rejected by society, the ones who are being picked on so that others may enjoy their time better and the ones who feel like the better thing to do is to die as the world is just too cruel to them.” This is the new mission based on glorifying the name of Jesus! And this is my cry to all who feel that the world is too cruel to them, to allow Jesus to use me to help you because Jesus Loves You and I want to also! You can feel the joy of being truly loved in Jesus name!

So if you feel alone, then post a comment in this post so that we can feel loved together in Jesus name because life is short and we should feel loved! Amen!

The experience of grieving the loss of a Child of God

After such an enjoyable and exciting weekend, my week started a little bad with some unforeseen circumstances happening. All was good with the worship workshop by SACCRE at CAYC last weekend. I received many pointers on how to lead worship better and I was really humbled too by God’s anointing upon everyone. So ya, all went well.

But as I was getting ready for school on Monday morning around 11am, I received call from my classmate, Huda that our other classmate, Chanel, got into an accident in front of their HDB BLK at Tampines. I was in quite of a shock but luckily, I was ready to leave and caught a cab and went to school straight as the ambulance left the scene already. On my way there, Huda called me and told me that it was actually Chanel’s sister, Yuan Xiang who got into the accident as they both looked a lot alike. It brought a little relief but still it was totally horrible as she was only 17.

Soon after, I went for classes and met with Chanel and Huda. Chanel was in tears and then halfway through the day, she left for the hospital as the situation of her sister, got worse. After school around 4pm, Huda and myself left school for the hospital. The whole family was totally in great grief. As I visited her sister, I kept praying for God’s will to be done. When I left the hospital, I was really in a extremely solemn state as I was just thinking about everything that had happened.

The next day, I went for classes and went to the hospital. The strange thing was that when I was with Chanel, God kept me strong as I needed to be. But when I wasn’t at the hospital, there was a sense of great sadness within me. This feeling continued all the way. Then on Wednesday morning around 1.30am, Chanel messaged me and told me that her sister, Kio Yuan Xiang had passed on. That was tough to handle as I kept wondering how fast we can lose our life and also how young we can loose it. I was totally sad and upset at this news. It was so difficult to see God in all this.

And this was even harder to take as my Faith in God was shaken to the foundations. I just felt so worthless at that point because I was just in so much joy in the past week. It was just immensely difficult dealing with this. Another strange thing was that the girl that had passed on, was someone that I never met in my entire life, yet I was such a state of sadness. But I guess there was a reason for such a bonding.

So today as I went for mass for the feast of the Ascension of our Lord, I just lifted up all my sadness, my struggles and especially the people who were grieving for her loss and placed at the feet of Jesus. After mass, I just felt lifted and free.

I guess in many ways, this experience has taught me a lot. It’s made me realize that death is something real and true which we all have to face 1 day. But 1 of the major struggles I was facing was, “Whether I would be worthy to enter heaven when I pass from this world?” But I feel that God will take us up when God feels we are ready, which calls us to trust in God’s plan for us. This experience has also made me realize that my Faith was really shaken to its foundations and its called me to really seek more of Jesus! It showed me that I need to build my faith more on the rock of Jesus instead of building my faith on the sand of the world! May we all experience our hurdles to really come to realize how much we need Jesus, our Saviour!

PS: Please pray for the Soul of Kio Yuan Xiang to return to the Father in Heaven. Also pray for her family!

God uses St. Mark the Evangelist to give joy to me!

Well yesterday (Friday), I was so happy the whole day and its was happy than the usual happiness, it was much more. So in the morning I presumed that God was extra happy maybe! But what I didn’t was it was it was my feast day, where I was reminded by Sury, Kenny & Corrine. Praise God for these people who were used as God’s instruments to tell me this message of super great joy for me!

The whole day was good and all! Before mass, I really had an excellent 30 mins of silent time with God in the adoration room. Then I went for mass and really experienced the Eucharist in a really deep level with God! And as I received Jesus, there was a huge smile on my face which I just couldn’t remove. I have experienced this before but this time, it was extra special. But do remember that we all have a God who is full of surprises!

So after the choir sang the thanksgiving hymn, Father Anthony Ho stood and just said a few words as usual. And then I thought he was going to congratulate the choir for singing so beautifully, but then he said, “Everyone in the congregation looks very happy. But there is one person who is the happiest person here, and he is Mark Abraham! For today is his feast day!” After he said this, I felt so honored and also so much in awe of God!

This brought great joy for me and then the smile on my face just became bigger! I was just incredibly happy and joyful but most importantly, in awe of God! Father Brian then asked me why I kept smiling. This got me thinking and I came to a conclusion that its because I am in awe and in love with Jesus!

Praise you O God for St. Mark and the beautiful & joyful day yesterday! I just wanna ask all followers of this man, Jesus, to put on the face of Christ and smile more cause I’ve realized that through your smile, others will see Christ in you and they too will be able to experience the joy that Christ Gives!

SMILE everyone! Christ will surely smile! Amen!

Being in the Grace of God

Life is really sensational just living in the Grace of God and at times it’s really so hard to believe whether life can be this good! It’s really been something that I’ve been experiencing this week, despite this week being one of my busiest weeks ever. But I guess all credit goes to the Risen lord who has just granted me every grace I needed to grow deeper with him.

About 3 weeks ago, I felt the Lord calling me to go deeper into prayer with him. It was a called to start going into deeper prayer with him like the Lectio Divina and just more silent prayer. And my reply to him was, “Lord, you I am not the type of meditative type and all. But if this is what you want to do, then please grant me the graces cause without it I know for sure that I will never be able to do this.” So in the past 3 weeks, I been spending much more time in the adoration room and all I have to say is that the Lord provides yet again. It’s just been an amazing journey because I’ve been really enjoying my silent time with the Lord!

But some of you may ask, how does all this help in our growth of our spiritual journeys with the Lord! Well all this gives us spiritual energy and joy to serve better in our ministries and also all this gives us stamina to run the race. If we don’t have this, we find ourselves at times really weak to carry on this race! I will certainly testify to this, because there’s been so many times when I felt like giving up and falling into sin or the easier way out which is to be unlike Christ! But it’s been like the Sprit of God got stronger within me and always kept me restrained from giving up. It’s something that’s really hard to explain and I guess in many ways that this is sort of living in the grace of God. But despite all this, I still do make mistakes and fall again and again. But everytime and I fail once; I try to do better the next day. Yet again this is part of living in the grace of God!

Anyway this week, I started school again as I just started my 2nd year in Temasek Poly and yes, I am enjoying life in poly but its getting a lot tougher. It all falls in place cause before this semester started, I made a decision to study much harder compared to the previous year in poly. So I guess there was a reason for God to instill the idea to study harder this semester. I struggled quite a bit this week but I have just submitted to God all the struggles I’ll be facing! I just am so sure that God’s going to be there with me all the way. And I know that God will grant me the grace still to manage to ensure everything is well with my studies and my church work! So I have nothing to fear! How awesome is that!

And I am totally in awe of all this! I testify yet again that God’s plan for us is the BEST! But we must have an open-mind at all times! May you experience the joy I experience everyday! Seek it and you’ll find it! Amen!

I'm in love

Yes I'm in love! I bet the first thought that came to your mind was, "Hmmm, now who has stolen Mark's heart that's he's in love! Must be someone really special" Haha! No I haven't fallen for any girl or something! I’m so deeply in love with my Jesus!

It may seem so weird but its really true my friends! I'm in love with Jesus! Best part is that the love is not from this world but its given from above in the heavens by our loving Father!

This has happen because Jesus has created me anew and transformed me into a person for God! I am just so happy of recent because of Jesus! I praise god for giving me life and its really fulfilling when we are given life from up above!

And in this fulfilling life, God gives us really simple stuff. In this life, its not about money, appearance, how worthy we are but its just about being loved and comforted everyday! And God says this to us so many times in the Bible, that when we go to him, he will give us life! I finally believe it to be so so true! I am just so happy and in love with Jesus as he continues to amaze me! One of the really positive stuff about this, is that I'm really enjoying my prayer time and slowing spend more and more time in prayer!

Life seems to be getting better and better with Jesus in it! Anyway, I had cell on Saturday at SMU and I realized something at the stall Mr. Tea, the drinks there are really nice and also really cheap! There was this drink called "Chocolate Heaven" and its like really awesome and its only $1.80 and I always thought that its was like $3 plus and that was why I never bought it! Haha! But finally I bought after cell sharing. I shall start getting that more often if cell happens to be there next time! Anyway that wasn't the highlight of cell! Kinda amazing! I was so happy to see Pris Tan come back after such a long time! But nevertheless, there were a few of us only but what can I say! Boy the sharings were amazing! So I'm really glad and happy! I felt honored too that people were looking up to me in terms of closeness with God and all! So that felt really good!

I guess I am in a world of my own with god! Now to forget Sunday which is today. I gave my first talk ever and felt really good about it. I was so happy that the Holy Spirit was guiding me all the way man! So happy about that too!

I am happy all the way as long god is beside me and strengthening me! I'm so happy I suffered during Lent! I guess it proved to be really worth it! So I urge you to believe me when I say that God will give Life to you! Here's an invitation that Jesus is giving to us! And answer this call so that you too may join me delighting everyday! Amen to the Life that Jesus gives!

A revelation for the LOST

This is more of a revelation from God! So ya its to benefit others and will surely come in well for me when I drift from God! This will surely renew my desire for God!

Well I guess for those who are in the state of being distant from god, you must be wondering what god will do to be if I face him? I mean, I might have been faithful to him in the past which will make my confrontation with god extra difficult! Its like you were so close to your best friend (GOD) and the you betrayed him by running away from although he didn’t do anything wrong. All he did was love and care for you! And now I want to return and reconcile with this really good friend of mine who loves me!

Now if we look at this as the way the world will look at it, I’m quite sure that probably, this friend will ignore us and also talk behind our backs or something!

But here’s the good news that our Risen Jesus bring us! When Jesus came into this world, he didn’t just come to save us from our sins, more importantly, he came to show us what kind of god we have and also what kind of love he has for us! I would think, that it was because everyone saw god as ‘a fierce god’! What better way to resolve this by just sending my son!

So when you face your best friend (GOD), he is going to run to you and embrace you, kiss you, hug you and tell you that “There no need to explain anything because I don’t care what happened in the past. All I care is about is that you came back and that I love you so so much!”

And really, this is what God is going to do to you when you return to god! And if the thought of what people will think when you return, well you really don't have to worry about that because, even that your best friend, the Almighty God has taken care of!

So to end of this revelation from god, if you are lost and distant from god, fear no more because the first thing you're going to receive from God when you come to him is LOVE! You will receive LOVE! How amazing is that! Is there anyone else like our GOD?

After receiving the love of god, you will have life in JESUS CHRIST!

AMEN to that!

All is renewed with Christ's rising!

The joyful Mark Sebastian Abraham is back and renewed with greater strength given by the Risen Jesus! Yes all suffering is over and now is the time the be joyful and rejoice. It has truely been an amazing journey so far! Although Lent was really tough for me, I really appreciated as it took me through a time of true suffering with Christ Jesus. Not listening to P&W songs and being with Jesus in his sufferings were the experiences I had to go through!

But in the midst going through all these, he promised me something,

"Mark as you continue to walk this journey with me to Calvary, persevere in it. But when I am raised by the Almighty One, you will rise too from all your struggles and be free once again! I promise you this!"

Well all I have to say is that God kept his promise of course! Holy Week was really difficult especially my fasting. But I fell in my fasting. Well I started fasting from 9pm on Holy Thursday all the way until 12.30am on Holy Saturday. Then ate some fruits and bread and then continued to fast from 1am on Holy Saturday all the way to 11.30pm on Holy Saturday! I was actually to fast all the way like last year but sadly, I was a little sick and thus weak. But the fasting really took a toll on me but when I was at the Easter Vigil mass on Holy Saturday, it just felt that as Jesus was rising, he was taking me too with him. It was just so amazing and magical! The mass was just awesome and I could really feel God's presence overflowing throughout the whole mass!
I guess in many ways that this is exactly what I wanted, which was to really go through the whole experience of Lent and the death & resurrection of Christ Jesus! This was my heart's desire before Lent and I am totally in awe of God for granting me this experience! So we'll see what else will happen next Lent! Haha!

And for the many people that kept questioning me about the reason for the suffering that I wanted to go through, well this is the reason my dear brothers & sisters. This is the reason for all that! For God says this in the bible many times that there's a time for everything and before you enter into glory with god, you must enter into suffering first! And I guess in many ways, it'll make the time for the joy to be even greater!

I felt that this was also needed because of the grace and joy that god has so wonderfully given to me! All the continuous joy every time and Lent was the time to calm down and suffer!

But all that is done and now the Joy, Serving & Prayer all the way for me! God has truly renewed me through this long process! Now God has built an even more firm foundation of my Faith in the Almighty One!

For the ones who don't feel the stuff I'm feeling, I really urge you to ask god will all confidence for whatever you want and have faith & patience! I'll pray for you too! Just believe because if God has decided to me, a King of Failure, then I am sure he'll answer you with a Big "YES"!
Amen to that!

Suffering with Christ Jesus

“Lord if you would, allow me to suffer with you through the rest of lent until you rise from the dead!"


Well this is what I asked god on the 5th Sunday of lent! I don't know exactly why I asked god this but I guess I felt that I had failed god in the time of lent and I just wanted this lent to really be memorable for me. It was a desire in my heart actually to suffer with Christ through the last part of lent.

I mean there had been alot of joy throughout the latter part of 2007! But I don't know why but in many ways that 2008 hasn't really kicked off yet for me in terms of the everlasting joy part! I'm not denying at all the many joys I received through the Birthday celebrations, the SJS rally, the awesome revival within my ministry through our much improved sessions, god's hand working within me as I studied and good results of course. But there's always been this void within my heart and I guess in the time of lent, it was made really clear and the void became bigger and bigger as the days of 2008 progressed.

I guess the main reason was the lack of everlasting joy in my life. I'm not saying that there was no joy, because there was but it just kept decreasing and decreasing. It also didn't help that Lent came earlier this time in 2008. As joy kept decreasing, so did grace and likewise for my patience with people although some may say that its total rubbish that my patience for people decreased but it’s true. Last year, it was a complete joy for me to help blind people and also those people within our groups whom we always try to avoid talking to. But last year without fail, the first thing I would do was to be with the ones whom everyone makes an outcast but this year, I just haven't got the patience to listen to these people. Many times this year when I talk to people that are just going on and on about what people keep telling me to do, I would just get so frustrated and impatient with them. I don't even take the time to listen to them. Its part of the grace which has been missing this year, which is also part of the reason why I feel that I've failed to serve god this lent!

But I guess this happened for a reason. Nevertheless, I told god about how unworthy I am to be a servant of god! So I guess that’s the reason for me to desire to suffer with Christ Jesus for the rest of lent!

And suffering has been so difficult so far after only 1 week! But god came to rescue me yet again, through my wonderfully awesome cell who were there for me on Saturday when we had cell group sharing! And it was the simplest stuff of just listening to me being there for me. For me that meant so much! That has now given me the strength to go deeper into this time of suffering and spend more time in prayer to be with the lord especially for this holy week. As this week will be a very solemn week for me.

Although many may not understand why I need to go through but I request that you keep me in your prayers,

“For this week, my deepest heart’s desire is to suffer with Christ Jesus!”

Amen!

PS: Thanks so much to my cell for everything! Every single one of you has helped me so much!

Hang in there, Child

Its just been really extremingly tough in this lent. Although there have been some really joyful times like the rally! But on a personal note, Its just been so difficult.

Before lent came, I asked god to allow me to really experience Lent well and I guess in many ways to experience the journey Jesus had to go through. My gosh, did God answer my prayers or what. I have had to experience a journey where I've been pushing and fighting for god although I have fallen so many times. Its been even more difficult because of the lack of joy and happiness. It is only now that I realise how much I miss myself being joyful and happy. And many times in the past, I have asked myself if the joy is from god or from just me wanting to be happy always.

The answer is that its is 110% from god! I have experimented on this cause there've been morning where I have pushed to have joy by waking up early to pray and enjoy the sun (Please take note that its my holidays). But ultimately, I just haven't been able to feel the joy I experienced in the past especially on fridays. So sorry to the lovely people who haven't received any friday morning cheers for so long. There've been many times when I've wanted to sms joy msgs but there was no joy to share. And I miss sms-ing all of you so much. I really can't describe how much struggles and pain I've been through in the time of Lent! Futhermore, I have missed my cell people so much. But I guess that this is part of my journey of lent!

I'm also very dissapointed with myself for venting out my frustrations and anger at god for all the struggles, pains and voids left in my heart. There's been so many times when I got angry with god. And now thinking about it, its really unfair to god.

But I just have been assured by god that there is a need to go through this struggles in order to move onto the next stage of my journey with Jesus! With that, I am encouraged to hang in there and draw closer to god though there are many voids of happiness to be filled. Hang in there is the message!

With this message, I am sure that come Easter, there will be a big blast of celebrations and joy! I pray that we all hang in there and draw closer to god! Amen!

The Holy Spirit moves at SJS rally

Amazing and awesome are the words to describe the success of the SJS rally! I mean really, it was just so amazing especially the P&W! The Holy Spirit moved and never stopped as the youths at the rally opened up more and more as the rally progressed! God's hand was at work!

For me, it was the 1st time to lead a group of youths in such great numbers! I was just so nervous about how to start things off! Never did such a big crowd before! But god was my strength all the way! God said to me many many times before the rally, “Mark, I’ll be behind you all the way. Do not fear, but trust in me!” And basically this was what I’ve been cling onto all the way, I just went in faith without fear as I knew god was there!

As the time came for the rally to start, all the youths were really noisy and all, then I was thinking how would I be able to calm everyone down. Yes, god saved me again when he sent Father Brian to do it for me. Once he calmed everyone down, he gave me the microphone. Here was a 20 year old servant of God standing in front so many youths in the church. There were just so many youths and then, God said, “Mark, its time! Let’s go!”

So I started and all with my short sharing and prayer. Throughout the whole worship, I saw the expressions of so many youths forms of worshipping god change. At first, they were just singing, next some started to sing with real emotion and desire. Soon some even started to raise their hands as their worshipped god! That was when I knew that the Holy Spirit was moving within this amazing group of youths.

I really thought that I’d never see this day but, here I was leading youths in worship and they were all actually worshipping god! That itself was a testimony! But that’s not the end! The musicians were really awesome as they too moved in the spirit of worship! The musicians told me after the P&W that they too were touched by the spirit as they too were able to worship god through the music they played! And as worship continued, I really felt god touch the hearts of many of the youths out there especially when we sang the final song, “How great is our God”.

And you know in worship, if you feel the presence of god throughout the worship, after the worship ends, you just want to hug god and say thanks for being here with us. Well that was the exact feeling within the church among the youths when the worship ended. I could see and feel that we were all able to worship god and not just have a rally of singing P&W songs!

And this was the risk; I took when I was planning for the rally’s P&W. You know how in other rallies, worship leaders normally try and try to allow everyone to encounter entering worship. Well this was the aim from god given to me, and of course God succeeded! I just truly believe that everyone was touched by the Holy spirit at the rally!

Anyway moving on, after the P&W, the talk was given by Father Mike & Father JJ on “Being a catholic youth”. It all connected really well. After the talk, we had adoration where I lead everyone in preparation for the adoration done by Father Brian! It was amazing yet again I must say!

Finally we concluded the rally with 3 praise songs where the youths were just wildly praise god wholeheartedly! Everyone was so so happy!

After the end and all, I received many affirmations from many youths! It was so amazing and I just feel so blessed by god!

Thanks to everyone for your support and prayers! Amen!

PS: Pics from the rally will be updated later! Haven’t received it yet!

Revelation on Sexual Sin

This is a really awesome revelation despite the busy schedule where all credit is due to the Almighty One! It’s a revelation which is fitted so rightfully in this time of lent! It’s a revelation on the "Desire of Sexual sin". Well this comes from someone trying for numerous attempts of being pure! This revelation might be more for the guys but I hope it relates to the girls too! Well you how so many of us struggle with sexual sin.

For most of us:

• It’s the sin which prevents us from being in touch with god and also prevents us from being used by god as his instrument to the fullest potential!
• It’s the first sin we think about which makes us think about when the word "Unworthiness" is brought to our minds!
• It’s the sin which weighs our hearts down the most and also the sin which destroys our lovely souls the most.
• It’s the sin which many of us would blame for corrupting our minds.
• It’s the sin many of us would blame god for.
• It’s the sin where many of us would blame god for creating that part of our body used to commit that sin!
• It’s the sin where many of us would blame the computer for.
• It’s the sin which makes us cry so much deep within our hearts and which practically kills us sometimes!
• It’s the sin that many of us don't want to deal with and also the sin which we call undefeatable!

And time and again, we go to confession to confess the same sin and many a time we'd tend to think whether the same priest we go to for confession would judge us especially if we're leading a group or something. Many of us search for books to help educate and gives us revelations about our bodies to keep us free from this sin! We are all constantly searching and searching for way to defeat this sin! We are also constantly coming out with plans and strategies to defeat this sin! But almost every time we fail and we fail not-stop! And as we continue failing in this, we just give up after awhile and stop trying until the sin becomes a part of whom we are! After we just conclude that, "God, I love you and all but this sin is undefeatable. Sorry to tell you that, but god that’s the fact about it, but its true. I've tried and tried but I can't win and now I'm going to give up and accept it!" Many of us might be in this place and many of us might still be battling with this as we just try and try to draw close to god. Can this sin be defeated?

Well God is here to save you from wherever you are and from whatever state you are in! He is going to take you and free you and strengthen you! God calls us to be holy & pure and blameless before him! Now this is a fact and it’s true! It’s said in "1 Thessalonians 4:3-5". And we all know that closeness we all have with god when we remain free from this sin, we all know that it feels like heaven!

God has called us to go deeper into why we even commit and fall into this sexual sin. Why do we even fall into the trap of Satan of this sin? The word is desire! Many of us desire to have that sexual pleasure for that short period of time! And it’s the evil one who brings us into this trap! The answer to all this is, "TO LET GO". Yes this is what god calls us to do, we need to let go of this area of our life. You know how we all desire so much to see the face of God; well this is the same thing. We all desire for this sin and we don't want to let go of the short time of sexual pleasures we get from this sin. We just need to let go. That's all!

And for many us may be struggling to let go of this. But what do we desire more, GOD or Sexual sin? If we don't have strength for this, not to worry cause god is here yet again to help us through this! We all pray that god will take away this desire for sexual sin and increase our desire for god! Amen!

PS: As I was typing this, I was really shivering but I am so happy that god has revealed this. I feel so honored that god has revealed it to me! I really hope we benefit from this. Girls please pray for us guys and we too shall pray for you! Thanks! Praise be to god!