Learning from mistakes

Well over the last 2 posts, there's been alot of pain in the heart. As i read the post again and again, there just seems to be alot of thoughts of pain. And I've struggled to find where God's hand is in all of it! Time and again I wonder if this realizations have been part of God's plan because it seems to be hurting not only me the ones whom I struggle with.

Last night, I was feeling so frustrated and thankfully, God sent an angel (Estelle in this case) to bring my mind certain realizations of which she had made known to me. As I was chatting with her on MSN, i kept bring to the conversation the characteristics that I had developed over this of which I said I hated about myself at this present time. And in reply, she kept bringing to the conversation, the characteristics she saw in me. And after awhile I think it was God's way of telling me to really let go of the disappointments I was feeling about the person I had become. And Estelle just kept reminding me of who God formed me to be and to most importantly focus on that. And that really helped me calm down and allow all thoughts to just flow and let Jesus be in control.

But while spending some time in the adoration room earlier at night, I finally got a chance to sit down and take a look at everything that has been said and has happened. And the main conclusion, was that I felt really said that the things I used to love about myself haven't really been present over the course of this year. And in that sadness, I kept look at all the negatives of this year of which the Devil has always wanted but thankfully God sent me his angel. And as I reflected on the positives of this year, I realized that there was so much spiritual growth in me. And i maybe have yet to see the fruits of the spiritual growth from this year yet.

But the most captivating message from God during adoration was that it is a true fact that suffering is an ongoing process for us as we walk with Christ. Many a time, we need to be lost before we can find ourselves in God again. We need to be emptied before God can fill us again. If not what God has filled us with, wouldn't be purely from him, there would be a mixture of the good & bad. But its only when we empty ourselves where we will have 100% space for Jesus to fill us with his love & grace.

Looking ahead, God has invited me to try to bring the heavenly gifts I used to enjoy so much last year into the people I have been struggling with this year. This journey is always impossible but only my lovely God can make this possible.

Conclusion: Its always so easy for us to make mistakes but the heavenly call is the embrace the fact that we fell down and failed through our efforts. Then, we need to be humble enough to ask for guidance from God to teach us how to live again. And also recognise that it is only through God's strength that we can succeed.

Praise you God for this experience of learning from my mistakes! Teach me O Lord to live like you again!