My journey with Jesus: The Mysterious Weekend (Part II)

The retreat experience was so prayfully amazing! On the 2nd & 3rd days of the retreat, we all had spent a total of 3 hours (an hour separately) of silent time each day. And the most awesome thing was how I never got tired of silent time with the Lord! I always had that desire to come back for more and more each time! And it was in that silence with the Lord where I just constantly felt so joyfully rejoicing in the presence of the Lord! I used to struggle so much to even be silent for 10 minutes!

But this retreat also taught me of the true power of the Holy Spirit. For so many of us, we take our prayers to the Holy Spirit so so lightly especially for me. And we pray it for the sake of praying it but never really believing that the Holy Spirit will come! We may have a little faith but even in that faith, we will think that it'll be a miracle for the Holy spirit to be with our presence! We hope that the Holy Spirit will be with us but never ever believe and claim in faith that the Holy Spirit WILL be with us! But I recall a moment of prayer where I forgot to call upon the name of the Holy Spirit and found it so so difficult to be silent and to wait upon the Lord. But as soon as I prayed & called upon the Holy Spirit to be with me, I felt it so easy to be Silent, Calm & to have patience to wait upon the Lord!

Throughout my prayer time using the Ignatian Contemplation, I found it so difficult to enter into the scene of the Gospel passages I was reading. But in those times, I had visions of other thing God was trying to tell me. But I struggled with the fact that I couldn't enter the scene. And as I was sharing with Novice Lance, he shared with me to trust God was in control of that time of contemplation. Even if I didn't enter into the scene, to not lose faith but know that God is totally in control! And in may of the visions I had, it was God always showing me alot of his creation, mainly trees, birds, the sky, the sun and his most valuable creation, his children. God explained to me of how God is in every single of his creation even the gangsters & prostitutes around the world! He lives in every single one of us, not forgetting the people we think are evil and that nothing good can come from their hearts! And this revelation was so appropriate for me as I've been struggling with the confusions in my mind to see God in everything! And yet again, in another vision, God reassured me to be his light for those who find it hard to find Jesus in their darkness!

But the final message for me from God was "Not to ever over-react in any circumstance but to stop and be still to hear the true voice of the Lord! Whenever I feel too deep in temptation, to just stop and find out why in that moment I feel tempted. Because as always we fall into sin, because we over-react in those times of temptation no matter what the sin may be! Even if its sexual sin, I should just stop and think why at that moment I feel tempted to commit that sin even before I commit sin"

The overall revelation was, "To look at the world through the most loving eyes of Jesus! Look at everything you feel is bad & wrong through Jesus' eyes!" And with regards to my Vocation, I rejoice in the Lord for giving me strength to take that step to discern. God has reminded me time and again vocation is based on both of God's will for me and also the God-given desires within the depths of our hearts!

Finally what I think what was so amazing after the retreat, was how after my semi-silent retreat, I suddenly lost my voice when I woke up on Monday morning! Its still healing slowly though! But I've had the experience of being someone who wants to tell the world about how happy & in love with Jesus I am but yet I am a mute for awhile! There have been times when I got really angry & frustrated & sad but I submit unto the plan of God for I am so sure that he always has my interest at heart. He will never stop loving you & me! We just gotta have a little faith that God knows what he is doing with his precious Children!