The renewed desire for god

Well on this Monday morning, I started the week on a very troubling note with my heart troubled as I was still going through the period of spiritual dryness and it was causing alot of pain deep within my heart. But the funny thing about all of the struggles was that god still gave me the graces to ministry work on Sunday but the battle was really on Saturday and Sunday night and also during prayer when I really couldn't feel god's presence and because of that, I had been feeling huge amounts of pain in my heart. But last night, as I prayed, I pleaded with god to speak to me and also to allow me to come back to that heart of worship which was a place of joy & love and also the ability to feel god's presence all day! I also asked god to reveal his purpose for this spiritual dryness real soon. Lastly, I asked god to give me joy soon so I could enjoy my Birthday on Friday! After all these prayers, god just kept saying, "I am with you in your struggles." These have been the same words he's been telling over the weekend in all my struggles! Although these are really good assurances for me, I told god that this wasn't enough for me. And throughout this whole process, I wasn't alone as Pris Tan, Becks & Lydia were helping by talking and praying for me all the way!

Anyway this morning as I was struggling still especially on my way to school, I asked god to give the grace yet again to get through the day. But on the way to school, I felt that my spiritual dryness was decreasing really slowly but I didn't want conclude because this experience has really been fluctuating alot where sometimes it would be good but most of the times were times of struggle. Anyway I got through the day and had already planned to go the adoration room after school at about 8 to really just sit down and talk to god. At this point, I knew, I'd be much better after my silent time as that was sort of god's message throughout my day.

During my silent time, god reveal quite abit to me.

1) He said that I had to depend on him more and to just plan whatever and leave the outcome for god to take care.

2)Then he said that he wants me be to pave the way and to lead them to the path for him to work in the lives of those I meet everday, especially in my new cell and also in the Youth Vineyard & the youths in my parish. As he said this, he reminded me about my mission which "was to lead those in darkeness to light where the Light is Christ Jesus himself!"

3) He continued to reveal that its was only through this time of spiritual dryness that he was able to increase and renew my desire for the joy I felt throughout the latter part of 2007 and that he didn't want me to take for granted this joy in the lord & to continue to spread this joy to all whom I meet! He said that "The joy I find in the Lord shall be my strength everyday!"

4) Finally he said that he wants me to continue to come and spend silent time more often in a week. That this is the year when he moulds me to be rooted in prayer as I continue serving his people even more this year!

I'm not really sure if the time of spiritual dryness is over but I know that I just have to cling on to god and remain faithful in prayer. Through this experience, god has taught me to throw away my pride and to never be afraid to be weak and appear struggling cause its ok!

Lastly, I really wanna thank all those who were praying so hard for me especially Pris Tan, Becks, Lydia & everyone else who prayed for me! Thank you so so much! I appreciate you’ll loads! Love ya'll! Continue to pray for me and I pray for everyone of you'll too! Praise you O God Almighty! Amen!