The tough start to the new year

Its been a very tough start to the new year as I've been experiencing spiritual dryness which has been happening for about 2 weeks already. And throughout the whole weekend, I had stuff planned and it was really difficult to enjoy the company of everyone but I just hung onto Jesus with all my strength and through his beautiful grace, I was able to manage to have a good time with my cell yesterday. So while enjoying the company of everyone, I managed to talk to Pris Tan, Becks & Sury at different times for a short while about my struggles and all the battles & confusions faced through this period of spiritual dryness, so I guess it help a little bit.

But as yesterday drew to a close, I felt that the battle would come around when I was alone and it would be really tough! And so when I was on my way home last night, I was really in a state of struggle and I just talked to god on how I can move on from this state, and I felt god just saying that I had to go through this experience to carry on in ministry and I guess in alot of ways, its a transition stage of growth from me. But last night was so difficult and painful as I went through the period of struggle. I kept talking to god but after awhile it was just too painful to bear and then I went to sleep.

In the morning as I was at mass, I lifted up the feelings I was feeling. But you see the whole difficulty about this ongoing experience was that I didn't know what was blocking. So i just lifting up whatever I thought would be a blockage for me, and I remembered that as I was talking to Pris tan last night, she said to learn to breathe more. And as I was thinking about that, I thought that maybe its all the coming hectic schedule and huge number of responsibilities that was the block and as I lifted that up at the Eucharistic celebration, I was complaining to god about who I'd be able to pass the burdens of these responsibilities cause nobody would take this load for me, then god just replied me and said, "Ok then give me this load, I'll take it for you. You just relax!". And throughout the whole of today, god just said for me to plan whatever for my new cell, the youth vineyard and also whatever i had to plan but at the end of it all, he told me not to worry about the outcome, which made me realise that I needed to entrust more to god! This helped a bit throughout the day as god lavished his grace upon me throughout the day, so that I could be able to have a good Sunday with my session and also the youth council meeting in the afternoon.

But as usual, when the day came to a close, I realized that there's still this battle of spiritual dryness that I was facing. Even to this point of typing out this post, I am still cling on to god as I'm struggling in this very difficult time. But I just know that I need to get through this. But I just don't know how long it'll be before I can feel the awesome joy again which is something that I'm really desiring for.

So please bear with me everyone as I struggle and also to those struggling, just cling onto god and talk to your close friends cause we need help and support during this tough time. Just thrown away the pride of what others would think of you. My dear friends, please pray for me as this week, there's alot happening like my first new cell meeting, district meetings yet again and also the beautiful birthday on Friday when I turn 20. I really wanna pray that I'll be able to enjoy my birthday at least so pray for me! Thanks so much!