Finally the New Year's Resolution

The New Year is like just a few days away and I've been wondering what my new year resolution is. I know for sure that its something about god. I think one of my main struggles this year has been, that whenever I wasn't praying much and not being close to god, I would a person who'd be very frustrated easily, cranky and impatient alot. Although I'll be conscious about this, I can't control it and at the end of the day, I'd be really angry and upset with myself for being so un-catholic. That's when people would be getting the worse from me, which isn't something I like to show people. People always know me as a person who's understanding, sensitive to others' feelings and caring. But not being close to god not only affects be emotionally but it also affects me spiritually. For those who know me, would know that I always like to be strong in my walk with the lord but when I'm not close to god, I get very very weak spritually and easily fall into sin and many times this happens especially when I least expect it, like after all camps and retreats.



So my New Year's resolution is to be more devoted to god, to rise to a higher level of prayer, to be more close to god and to be more loving, caring, sensitive to others' feelings, understanding & especially patient! I also want god to slowly reveal more of his gifts and revelations to me as I grow on this walk with the lord as a little child of god! Amen!

The surprising Xmas

This Christmas has really been one where I've been blown away by god and his lovely people. Firstly this Christmas, I didn't really prepare much both spiritually and physically and I only really felt the Christmas spirit on 23rd December so ya, I know its abit late but better late than never.

Anyway this year, I didn't write much cards. Well normally in past years, when I wrote for other people, the thought of whether the person I was writing to would ever write one for me would always come to my mind. But this year as I was writing the cards for the people, the thought didn't come to my mind. I made this realization only after receiving so many gifts and cards from other people after the Xmas midnight mass which I totally didn't expect to receive. Even to the fact of that my pockets of my blazer were so full and fortunately, I managed to get a bag to put all the stuff. I really wanna praise god for this cause it really took me by surprise to receive so much. Actually, I wasn't expecting to receive anything at all from anyone. Ya so its really amazing how God has transformed me into a different person this year.

And for this Xmas, I just asked god for 1 thing which was to have a good time at whichever parties I was going to. And I had a blast of a time at both parties, where the 1st party was my communities' party and the next was the amplify party at Iggy's house. And I just enjoyed everyone's company this time which was sufficient for me to have an awesome Xmas this year!

And I want to testify to fact that when we put ourselves last and ensure that everyone before us is happy and doing well, God will ensure that you receive back whatever you've given 100 times more. So to everyone out there, just give and give non-stop cause god will repay you back a 100 times more for all the effort you've put in! Amen!

The challenges to be faced for the great 2008 have been revealed!

Yes after all that has happened, an awesome YISS and the wonderful SFX youth camp. God had been so great and generous with his gifts and love, which made this past week more difficult to handle.

Well, what happened was that I experienced extreme spiritual dryness which started on Monday. I'm not really sure if it’s ended but it’s much better so ya that's the brighter side of things. This week was a real test of how much I really believe in this god. For the whole week, I kept trying and trying to seek him and find joy in him. I tried listening to worship songs and then praise songs, then tried going for mass and also tried the morning joy practice. But still it was the same. After trying and trying non-stop, I got very tired and just waited for my parish's penitential service for Christmas, even confessions didn't help much. At this state, it got really tiring, then I just asked god, "What is happening Lord?" and I just felt god telling me to wait on him and be patient and also felt that he'd reveal real soon.

This was extra tough on me because I've always felt that Spiritual dryness was something that I didn't really believe in and now it was happening to me and I guess god wanted me to experience it so that I could help those in this state in future. It’s always been the case for my experiences. God always lets me experience all the tough times so that I can help those who'll be experiencing this too. I guess this happens because god made me in such a way that I've gotta be strong and just trust. That's part of his master plan for me i guess.

Anyway, Friday came and I was really looking forward to my first Amplify Ministries Friday session. So ya despite all the struggles, god instilled this excitement within my heart. And when I reached CSC, I was greeted with such comfort from the Amplify people. So ya it was nice. As we started the session, P&W was good as usual. During P&W, god revealed quite abit to me. God revealed that the battles I was facing, were going to be the kind of battles I would be facing in 2008. God also said that "YES, next year will be a big year for us but that doesn't mean that the battles would just disappear." God also revealed that the spiritual dryness would be some of the battles I would face again in 2008! God went on to say that "He has already built his house in my heart and its a strong & firm house! That from now on, I need not fear if God is really there and that I need not doubt whether its really the voice of God talking to me, and especially in times of struggle, to just talk to him and trust in him" So this helped me feel much better and I felt joy again!

Then after P&W, we had a time of testimony for all that god had done for us in 2007! And yes I testified of how great god has been to me and I also shared the new mission god set for me, also not forgetting the awesome gift of tongues! So ya I'm back to the good old joyful ways! And I'm finally feeling happy and excited about the coming of Jesus Christ, the awesome and wholesome King! So ya it looks really good! I also wanna thank all who were listening to the Joy and struggles I received throughout the year especially my awesome CELL! Praise God!

The mission God has given me

God has spoken and said the mission that he's set for me. There's been many times that I've doubted this message from god but time and again, he's been confirmed it especially through some leaders at YISS and also the many experiences at the SFX youth camp!

"You shall lead those in darkness to show them how to get to the light where you have seen glimpses of my light! And those you shall lead will be the youths you shall see everyday, especially the youths in SFX!"

Well this is the mission that god has set for me and I'm not going wory cause I'm not the only one. God has so wonderfully sent Father Brian D'Souza to be my guide! Really friends how amazing is god! I truly believe that god always sustains his faithful, for if we remain in him, then he too remains in us!

"And I am made glorious in the sight of the Lord and my God is now my Strength."
Isaiah 49:5

I am just so happy that God has called me back despite my weaknesses and failures and more so to lead his people, is the best gift of all to be receiving! I just want to show all of you especially those in darkness or struggle that there is a brighter place from where you are! Really! I've only seen so little of it and there's so much joy and peace already! God is there with you! Just ask god for patience and grace to wait for him and let him enter your life and make him the centre of your life! Let him control your life and just leave it in his beautiful hands! AMEN!

The wonderful SFX Youth Camp

There's just been so many awesome stuff happening at YISS! God just being so real to me!

But on 13th June 2007, at the end of my community retreat, I asked god to grant me the wish of being the main IC of my next community camp. Then the idea of having a parish youth camp came about. I was telling god that it would be really hard to juggle everything and even if we have it, there wouldn't be much people responding to it. Then we started to plan and for 3 months, the youth council of SFX planned it and god blest us with a good response for the youth camp! And to my amazement, I was made main IC for the youth camp and my co main IC was my own community member! Throughout the past 3 months, I've had a really rush cause like got alot of stuff to remember but god has been the guide all the way, helping me to remember everything!

Jumping all the way to the week after YISS. This was the week where there was a real rush for everything because I had to study for my term tests and also i had to finish up whatever was necessary for the youth camp. Everyday from Monday to Thursday was quite a rush but I knew that god's hand was in all of this and also that the Holy Spirit was in me working. I tried very hard to squeeze in silent time but it was really very hard but I just took faith in the lord!

On the night before the camp, I had a dream that on the 2nd night of the camp which was the outpouring session, everything screwed up, where martin and his team weren't there and only sury was there. Then I woke up, feeling a little weird and then realized that I woke up late. So rushing everywhere, I took a cab to first pick up an amplifier from friend and when i reached church, I got off the cab with everything except the amplifier. Then I started to panic a little and after awhile, I just concluded that I'll work next year to pay off my friend. Really what drama on the first day of the camp for me! Then I went to pray in a quite room alone before everyone came and then concluded that all will be ok cause whatever happen to me, I know that what I have is my god and I know he'll never abandon me! Then I ended prayer and took all in faith!

As we started the camp, god gave me great joy and I just shared the joy with everyone at the camp! It was so awesome and exciting standing in front of everyone and just speak to them, it was like a dream come true man! Then about 2 hours later, my friend carried the amplifier into the session room during a time of P&W and then I just started to praise god. I feel like its cheating lah, how can like everything go my way! So awesome!

So as the youth camp went on, there was a desire in my heart which was for everyone in the youth camp to experience god. At that moment, I wanted so much for all the participants to experience god! I guess at that point I was really falling in love with all the participants which is rooted in the love of god! The feeling is just so amazing! And my sharing group was just so awesome man. I always thought why I kept reading the old testament of the bible this year and this time god showed me what the reason was, because my group asked like alot on the history books of the bible, like the time on how Moses saved the Israelites when he brought them out of Egypt. My sharing group was very curious about how god worked in the world from the very beginning of creation.

The youth camp gave me a chance to be a leader of Christ and also to practice the fruits of the Holy Spirit and really god has granted me my hearts desire to lead the youths of SFX to the light of Christ! To all youths, we shall all march on to seek the glory and light of god! AMEN!

The awesome YISS

What can I say about YISS? I went for YISS only looking for a tangible experience, I guess I didn't want to ask god for too much also. But at the back of my mind, I knew that one of my main fear was the outpouring session cause for this YISS outpouring session, it would be my 6th outpouring session and for every session, I'd ask god for the gift of tongues and every time, I wouldn't receive it. So I guess, I got tired and frustrated with god only in this aspect. For a very long time, I believed that god's saving power existed except for the Holy Spirit where for others are known as the most powerful area where god exists. I guess it's something, which I was too afraid of already at this state. So after awhile, I just concluded that god couldn't break through my defense of my inability to open up and also my too much thinking-mind. So as YISS started, all the participants received a very warm welcome for the service team. I guess that was a good start. The first day was good, quite normal, trying to be joyful about being here. But when the second day started, I felt a huge void in my heart and the worrying thing was that i didn't know why. So throughout the whole day, it was quite disturbing to be feeling this void. Then we had our silent time, but after trying to talk to god, I just gave up. After a while, I realized that it was my fear of not receiving god tangibly building up again. At that point, I just was very scared already. I ask god then, "Lord, what do you want me to feel now? Am I to be strong in this time of fear and struggle or do you just want me be weak and venerable in this time?”, then in my heart, I felt god telling me to just let go and talk to someone. Then I asked god, “Who lord, who will be able to help me? Nobody knows the fear I have? I been serving you for 4 years already in the youth ministry and its always about my faith and still I've not received you in a tangible way. So lord you tell me”. After that I saw Cassilda and I asked her if she was free to talk and then she said that she had to prepare for a session, so I just took it as the lord’s plan to be on my own now. Then after a few minutes, I saw Cassilda and Josey coming down the stairs as I was praying and talking to god at one of the silent time booths. As they walked down, I knew that they were coming to talk to me. As we talked, I just poured out everything about my fears of not receiving him tangibly. I was just telling them all the bad experiences I had for all my other 5 outpouring sessions.

After talking to them, I was feeling a little better, but my fears were still there. That night session was reconciliation and I didn't know how to prepare for it. After going for confession and all, there was a healing session where the service team would be praying over us. When they praying over me, I felt this huge and immense weight on my left calf and ankle & I felt god telling me that this was the weight that you are carrying and that's the weight of your burden. God asked me,” Will you let me bear it for you?" I just decided to sleep and end the day on a quite note.

As day 3 began, I started my day with an awesome bathe and went to a place where the sun was shining brightly and the trees were as green as ever. There I just talked to god and lifted up my whole day. As the day started, the Holy Spirit was the main focus, then yet again, the fear came back again and to make things worst, I felt god kept telling me that I'd receive the Gift of Tongues today. Although this was good news but my fear just kept growing. It was yet another disturbing day filled with fear. I went to talk to Cassilda and Josey where I like told them earlier in the day already so that there'd be no rush for things. I just kept telling them about how different I was throughout my life especially in the way that everyone receives the Gift of Tongues very fast but it's just been so long already for me. After about an hour plus had passed, both of them said that I'd receive the gift of tongues and they just kept saying that but I just couldn't believe them cause the mindset had built up that I was never going to receive the gift already.

Then I was silent for awhile, I had this picture, it was Jesus in the boat in a lake. I was on the shore and Jesus was a little far away from me. Then Jesus said, "Mark, will your take my hand?". But I told Jesus "No" cause I was just too fearful. Jesus kept asking me non-stop to take his hand and after 5 minutes, Cassilda told me,” Mark, what do you have to loose?", then after another 5 minutes, I said to Jesus I'll take his hand! After that both Cassilda and Josey said that I'll be receiving the gift of tongues NOW and they asked me if I wanted it? At that point, I was a little unsure. So we decided to flap our hands to relax and then pray. As I was praying, I felt a different experience. After praying, they told me that I received the gift and still I said that it can't be. So they decided to pray again but this they asked me to do the same thing I did previous which was actually praying in tongues. After praying, I finally believed that I had received THE GIFT OF TONGUES! The joy just kept overflowing after that! We then prayed again and then ended. All this happen before the outpouring session which made this even more awesome! So during the outpouring session, I was just praying in TONGUES and as I was prayed over, those praying over me kept saying that "The Joy of the lord that you have in your heart shall be your strength". I guess it was really confirming the joy and feeling I was having over the past few months and also confirming that it was the lord's hand in all of it.

So summing up everything, YISS was receiving the gift and also alot of affirmations of how I was living my life and god was telling me to continue desiring for him even more! Amen to that!



This is Josie(left) and Cassilda(right), the awesome leaders and followers of Jesus I met and are also the people whom god has blest me with as guided me through YISS. We actually met at the hospital while visiting Pris Tan. Really how wonderful is god!

Pre-YISS confusions

So finally I'm gonna post the awesome events that happened over this month!

Many of my close friends would really know that YISS has been something that I've been really waiting and preparing for all very long time even though I was going as a participant. I guess its because of the fact that there's been many people I've met, who has had really awesome and tangible experiences of the holy spirit. So ya, that was something I was especially looking forward to, cause for many years its just been faith that has lead me on as a followeer of Jesus.

And as YISS drew even more closer, I started to ask god whether I was disobeying him by going for the YISS cause my term test was the day after YISS ended and like I had 4 term test which took place over 4 consecutive days. Then after I'd have the SFX youth camp. And before YISS, I was at a stage where I'd place my life in every aspect in the hands of the lord and felt very guilty when I disobeyed god. So I felt this huge amount guilt too cause there was so much to settle with regards to the SFX youth camp and also there was so much to study still. But on the other hand, maybe god was trying to tell me to let go and leave it in his hands. So I was in this state of confustion until the day before YISS and I shared with a few people about this and received different views about this. I started to have many different thoughts about this and I wasn't able to spend silent time with god to really discern about this.

Then finally on wednesday night, I just offered it up at mass and after mass I decided to just go with an open heart and not to worry about anything else.

Claim the Lord as your God

Well today as I was having silent time in ado. I was reflecting on the love of god! Cause unfortunately, I fell into sin yet again. I wasn't feeling so good but as I thinking of the many aspects of the love of god, I started to ask god,"Lord, How can you count us worthy of your love when we have so many times turned our back you through sin? I mean we are always accepted by you and your love. Don't you get upset or angry when we fall into and turn against you? It all seems too good to be true lord." Then after reflecting for abit, I received an answer which was that our god doesn't think like us humans. He doesn't get angry or upset like us and he doesn't love us like humans do. His love for us will somehow never end.
I guess I've been feeling this way cause I'm so afraid to face god when I sin. I mean he's god you know! So as I continued to talk to god, he revealed that when Jesus was sent into this world, God showed the world what kind of god he really and also what kind of love he gives to us abundantly. But after my silent time, I still was feeling that the little void in my heart was there but then god just said to claim in faith and that in time to come he will reveal why this keeps happening, this repeated phase of falling into sin and then try to come back to god. I claim in faith that there is true reason for this to happen. So I will just have to cling onto my saving God in faith! So hang in there for those in the darkness, for the light is extremely near! Just claim in faith in Jesus name!

The great month of December

It’s that time of the year again! A lot of Leaders have said that this year would be a great year for all followers of Jesus. A lot of us all are preparing. And as I was typing out this post, I was thinking “What are we preparing for? Not sure, but we’ll all just prepare!” We all must be ready when the Lord call us, so maybe it’s the Lord’s coming? Not sure myself!

But December is just awaiting to unfold. There’s just so much excitement.

6-9 December The most awesome and wonderful YISS (Only 10 days left)

14-16 December The wonderful SFX Youth Camp 2007

25 December This tops everything with the Birth of Our precious and awesome Lord Jesus Christ

Friends, there is just so much to be happy about!

Happy! Joy! Happy! Joy! Happy! Joy!

Praise God! Praise God! Praise God!

How to carry on living happy with God?

Well such a great weekend, yet again I'm in that place where I so happy and I just want to be with god. And so today asked God,” Lord, I'm feeling very happy now but Lord I always struggle on how to continue especially with school and all. Also now that I've to study more. So how Lord?" God then said "My child, what's most important that you will show them this light to the ones who are in darkness. For now you have to bring Jesus to everyone else you meet in your days. As you preserve in all this, stay faithful in prayer everyday. For I the Lord your god will sustain you!"

Well I think alot of us struggle in this but I think this may be an answer for alot of us as God's servants. We all need to continuously try our best to be faithful to god in prayer and to let there be a god who exist in us 24 hours a day, 7 days a week and 365 days a year. Not just having him in us when we are on a spiritual highness. For its all these camps and retreats which will set us on fire but we need to keep this fire hot and burning in us with prayer. So let's all encourage each other on this walk with our gracious Lord! Also let's try yet again to show this man Jesus to everyone we meet. Praise God!

God turns the worst weekend into the best weekend

The god is really awesome! Well it all started on Saturday when I had cell. I was very excited for cell but in my 1 hour wait in junction 8, there were alot of stuff which came up. Like all of a sudden, someone called and told me that my youth group were doing canteen on Sunday. Then I was thinking. "What is God trying to pull on me now?". Cause we actually will take at least 2 weeks to plan for our canteen duty. Now I had only a few hours to plan for one. So started to panic quite a bit cause we already were having a spiritual preparation for the Youth Camp and I was leading in worship. Then after thinking, I remember that another youth group were going to have a bake sale on Sunday. So after calling their representative, they agreed to have their bake sale in the canteen. I just am so sure that god was had this all wonderfully planned already. But at that moment, I was so tired already, still walking around aimlessly in Junction 8 with my guitar on my back. So I finally found Gavin, we headed off to Sury's house for Cell. Even when we reached there, I wasn't much in the mood to continue for cell but i just said a prayer and told god that I know all this has happened for a reason.

So we started with me playing the guitar for a short P&W session before our sharing started. We had a good P&W and surprisingly I had a good rhythm for all the songs which is definitely by god grace. Then I was so so touched by the cell when they all applauded me for some nice music. Although I appreciated alot, I was really in a state of exhaustion and tiredness. So as we carried on with our sharing, Paul gave his long a inspiring sharing, who I was seeing for the first time. He's actually is taking his degree in Australia. So for everyone, it was a real happy sight to have him back. Anyway he was sharing alot of stuff which had alot of relation to my thoughts over the past few weeks which I will reveal in future posts. So after everyone else shared, I shared the last. And I left Cell feel very very tired and disappointed cause normally after Cell I would be feeling very recharged.

Anyway it was Sunday and I was in church and feeling very uneasy still about my thoughts. So then I went for mass with becks and a few of the YISS people. And I just lifted up all my feelings and I just took in faith that god will revive me through the Eucharistic celebration which always happens. During mass, I was thinking what to prepare for the session later and God told to just specially talk about the wonders of god. And after mass, I was feeling much much better and happier. Well there still were more hiccups, cause the slides of the songs and all weren't in my thumb drive but somehow we just typed out and also we didn't have the promotion slide of the YISS and we needed it cause the YISS people were coming to publicize the YISS. Yet again god provided with Becks thumb drive. Then all of a sudden, the projector in the room wasn't working but yet again god provided with a backup. Then I was thinking that you know, the devil has been trying to destroy this whole weekend but I could really see that "God always wins". And we had a really good worship session and I could really feel the presence of God from the very start of the session. From then on it just got from good to awesome. After the YISS people talked about YISS and amplify, Becks gave a true testimony of the saving power of our great Lord! And I guess this weekend has taught me to always CLAIM the lord our king and saviour in faith! Praise God!

God will take care of Me!

Hello once again! Well over the past few weeks, one of my biggest worries has been my studies for this semester in poly. Although many times I've told people that poly is not so difficult. Well I've been really worried cause I was struggling in almost every module but I am to be blame for all this. Before I started school this semester, I was thinking to myself that maybe I should be even more slack in school and maybe concentrate more on church work. So from the start of the semester, I've been missing quite a few lectures but after doing this for 4 weeks, I really got worried. So this week I actually studied on a weeknight during a period where the exams are still far away. This may seem usual for many of you but not for me. Then I had this weird thought, "Would Jesus miss any Lectures?". I knew for a fact that he would never slack at all in school, no matter how busy he was healing people or spreading the word & love of god.

So this week, I've been studying more and also praying too. And while typing out this post, I could really feel the presence of god dwelling upon me. Its a feeling of reaffirming that it is the Lord who is here and confirming all this. So as this week of school has just ended, I am on a much better level of understanding for all my modules. But God has really given me grace to take courage to admit that I'm struggling in school and also to ask for help. Yet again, all this are from the works of God. I can never ever be smart but its really the Lord who make me smart! I am sure that this experience was a reminder that it has been God who's been helping in every aspect of my life especially my studies! Praise God!

God remembers his faithful

Well I fell into sin yet again and then the thoughts of whether I really want to follow this man, jesus and all his works. I started to think, "After all this, would God really want me back to continue building his kingdom?". Like there are so many more people who are more faithful than me. But on saturday at mass, I ask Jesus to guide me and i just offered up this intenion for mass. Then last sunday's gospel gives alot of encouragement to god's faithful, then to top things off, the sermon was even more excellent cause Father Gererd was talking about this movie that will come out soon. The name of the movie is "The Golden Compass". Its a movie about how there is no god and that all his people like the priest are fake and all. Then I thought that this is like so much more worst than the Da vinci code. I mean its so unreal cause if God isn't real than how can anyone explain how jesus who died on the cross and 3 days later rise from the dead! We catholics should show the world how real our god really is! Anyway Father continued to link it with the gospel because the gospel was about "Being ready for the Lord's coming!" and he also continued to say that no matter what God always Wins. After hearing those words, I was thinking that there was no clearer message from God to me and that He wants me to come back and to continue to desire for this living god!

But I really feel that this fall into sin has really strengthen me cause I want to serve Jesus even more this time. So I guess that this experience has really taught me to be open to what god has set before us especially temptation. But if we fall, we are always called to fall back on our saving God! For God has created the strong for a reason which always to strengthen the weak. So to all those who are weak at this moment, find grace,humility and openess to ask the people around you for strength! And please trust me, God is Real! Cause the posts in this blog are all fromour Almighty and ever living God! Praise god! God Bless!

We have a never-changing God

Well this revealation is really exciting! You know how as the years pass by things change,people change and basically everything changes! We as humans are very concern about what others think of us. Like we change things in ourselves because its the way this world would accept us. For example, many guys find that their not good looking enough to attract a certain girl so they change their appearance so as to gain some attention. Basically we care so much on how we'll be able to suit this world and not the other way around.

Well god has been talking to me about this. I've been asking god, "Lord, why has the world & its people change so much?" The god just said, "Child, the world always changes but the only one that doesn't change is me, your god. It is I, the same god who created Earth, who lead Moses and the Isralities out of egypt, who sent his son into earth to die on the cross for our sins, the same lord who called Peter & Paul to preach fearlessly about the god who saves!" We always try to ask god to suit our needs but when do we actually try to listen to god? I guess it was god way of telling me that he's always here for me and that his love will never alter as I take this step forward in faith!

Also in the past weeks I've been asking god to change me into the person he wants me to be. Well my cell would know that I'm sort of in a formation period in my walk with god. Well I've been asking for humility. Especially in this week, god has given me the grace to be really open to his teaching and also to his will. Like this morning as it was raining, I only had a bright pink umbrella, then I thought to myself, "What would everyone think when they see me with a pink umbrella?". Then God reminded me that it doesn't matter what anyone thinks of you but what is important is that you keep yourself dry. Although many of us would see this situation as something stupid or funny, it is actually in all these small things where we should change first before we can move on to change the more serious problems about myself. Praise God!

Fighting for our Faith

In the past week, there's this nun whose been staying with my family. She's actually been very close to my family for many years. She and my mum are the best of friends. And in the weeks before she came, I've been doubting god and his works quite alot. Time and again god reveals to me that its him who is here. It was just the perfect timing that the nun was here cause the doubts were all cleared and I think it was god's way of instilling conviction in my faith as I continue to grow with god. But this wasn't the end of our wonderful god and his suprises.

The nun actually brought this up. You know how alot of us are actually think about what people would think of ourselves by the things we do or say or even the things we believe in. Well the nun said, "Why do alot of Catholics fear making the sign of the cross so visibilly before we eat? or "why do so many Catholics fear having more conversations abt god and their walk with god?" And so after all these questions, I started to think to myself that actually I'm also very concern about what others think of me. But over the past week, the main msg has been about standing up in faith. Standing up for what we believe in and most of our teachings are in the bible. Actually this morning, while walking to the bus-stop, I was talking to god and then I was so happy with god that I started in some sense continue to reaffirm myself that it is god who is here. I guess alot of it was about not just praise god but doing it with real conviction! I personally believe conviction is so important in our journey cause it sustains us especially when we're down. Ultimately, today is about Standing up in faith and also guarding it! Praise god!

Simple Sunday

Sunday is the day when god said that it shall be day of rest! Ever since i've been in ministry, Sunday has been a day of going for mass and then going for session with my community. And for me since then, it was a day just devoted plainly to god alone. I don't know about everyone else but even if I was blind, I'd know when sunday comes around. It's just that feeling that the day of Lord is here. And when I go to church and see all my community people, its just a feeling of warmth that just goes through my heart!

So today, there was a birthday celebration so there wasn't any session as it was i suprise kinda thing. At first, I was a little upset but then my saving god came to save the day for me. God said " Child, Today shall be a day of simplicity!" So this sunday was really taking delight in the simple things especially mass and also the simple fellowship with my community as well as a simple sibling bonding as we had lunch together without the parents. So yup the message for the weekend has been about having a simple faith! Keep it simple god says! Praise god! There will be more posts in the week! So check it out!

The true voice of God

The start of this week has just been a really difficult day for me. For me, it felt like I was in a huge pit hole which is just too tall for me to even attempt to get out of this. It was so difficult to even hold myself together in school. I really had no idea at that point what has lead up to that mess.For the whole of monday, I'd been thinking about what I was even feeling at that moment. And at the end of it all, I couldn't even answer myself. The closest answer I got to maybe was then I'm too weak for such a spiritual formation. And I'm quite sure what his main message has been and its be patient. I guess its just taken a toll on me. But another thing that I had experienced was a not so good weekend cause the weekend has been one where I had to go to the cemetary so I missed my precious sunday. But then Throughout the whole week, I decided to not think too much about it. Not to forget about this mess but only to place very little thought about this.

So after thinking for awhile, I felt very confused about god. It was like I didn't know when he was talking to me. I experience extreme confusion on whether the devil was trying to tempting me to conclude that it wasn't god or was it god talking to me! It was a really tough time but then I took courage on tuesday to go for morning mass. But in the morning as I was saying my morning prayer, the message was "My Child, you know me & my works! So just take faith in that!". So when I went for mass, I just lifted up in prayer with faith the message, my feelings & my whole being. Then the gospel as well as the sermon all confirmed everything I lifted up at mass. After mass, I just felt so much at peace. But one of the amazing things was that this was the first time in like 2 years that I went for morning mass! And throughout the whole day, the message of "My Child, you know me & my works! So just take faith in that!"

And so there was a reason for me to fall so badly until this. The saying of "From every failure, comes success!" is just ever so true. But really god has given strength do be able to come out of this positively. For god is making himself more and more real in my life! Praise god!

Pick yourself up, my Child

In the evening when I went for mass, I was feeling really low and down. There was a huge lead up to all this actually cause throughout today I've been really frustrated that I didn't study and also not doing anything productive. Then as I went for mass, I started to lose my patience with everything starting from the state of mind I was in. Then throughout the whole mass god kept telling me to be patient and wait on him. Then I started to lose my patience with god as well and was starting to wonder why this was happening to me today. Then after complaining and complaining to god about this and that, he said to me very sternly, "Stop and listen! Now that you've fallen down, don't waste time complaining about the past but pick yourself up and try again not to make the same mistake". Then I felt so scared but was reaffirmed by his message and reminded myself that its all part of my formation cause my times I'll turn my friends, the environment or songs when I'm down but the one i should turn to first is god actually.

So I guess that today was a learning experience for me again. It also boils down to being humble and to accept that I've made mistake and not be silent about it and put on a front for everyone cause it does nothing good. Although god knows about our mistakes,he still wants us to admit that we've fallen. But ya its been a good experience today although many would say that it's too harsh but our god knows what he needs to do to make us come back. And I know for a fact that nobody has ever provided such perfect love like our god provides!

How much do we really trust God?

Well this thought came to my mind on Saturday. But how much of our precious lives, do we really trust god with? You know how when ever we struggling and our friends tell us that we should just trust in god. But I think we start to question ourselves and ask "How do we trust god?"

Well god asked me many times, "Do you ever think I'll abandon you or give you less than what you want?". There are many times when we're in this situation, like there was once I liked someone but god told me that she's not the one for you but actually I've reserved for you someone else. There's been many times I've questioned god and said "Why lord, why? and when is the time lord?", then he just says to me "Be patient, my child. For I am molding you until you are ready for the one I've chosen for you". And throughout this whole week, I've been doubting god's message and every time I ask him for a sign, he's given me one and then I'll just smile and laugh at god! I guess its all part of being patient and trusting our complete lives with him. And its not just relationships but also like our financial matters and our dreams, for he alone knows whats best for you.

Another situation in which I'm totally marveled at is that every month, I need at least $200 to survive but for past month and as well at the next 2 months, I'll have to survive on $50. Many of my friends have told me, "Are you insane trying to survive on $50?" and I'll tell them that "god will provide" and many of my friends tell me that there's a time to trust God and there's a time to be realistic but I think that this is the kind of faith we need to have in him all the time. And so far I've survived! Haha! Well what god has done for me is that he's sustained me not just in feelings but also financially and it all shows that he'll ensure we'll be happy and well if we trust him with our lives! For those who always think that I'm in pain and so sad because of my financial situation, well actually I've been feeling the total opposite, friends!

And yet again the message is "Be patient and trust in me & also expect more from your god, my child!"

Be patient and have faith

This week has just been absolutely awesome! Just feeling so happy & joyful everyday especially on Wednesday. Its been about take delight in everything! Also prayer has been the main reason for the joy this week. Its also been really tough just sit and be still in ado too. But its something that god has said that its all part of my formation this year. So for this week it was all great and joy but on Friday, I was really great joy in the morning but then in the afternoon I was feeling a little empty. Then when I went ado in the evening, I was praying and god said that this journey you are on with me is not only about feeling joy but to also have faith and trust in me. For when someone starts to question my faith in the lord, I can firmly be on the ground and proclaim with real conviction that the lord is real and he is not only a god who'll give you joy but he'll give you faith too.

But I think that god's way of working within us is really amazing. Cause on Friday morning, I started really the book of acts from the bible and then, I felt once again so proud to be a follower of Jesus! For in acts, all the followers of Jesus were so strong in their faith and proclaiming of lord not because of the feelings they felt but it was actually that in their true faith in the lord.
For example, Peter and Paul were people who just went around the town fearlessly talking about the wonders of god. Then I started to break down in tear a little cause of the fact that I felt so unworthy to be called by god but then again I was reaffirmed by this message, "He has not called the qualified but he qualifies the called".

Then after that I just praised god for the reassurance that he really is here!

Stop and come with me

Well last Saturday as I was sharing with my cell, pris talked about her vision was when she was praying with me and the rest too. It was a gift box from god. And inside the box was a stopwatch. When I heard that I was abit curious about why I got a stopwatch. Well obviously the first thought I had was that I was rushing to much in my day. i thought it was abit weird cause the pass few days I've been really free and joyful praise the lord especially on my way to school, which has been absolutely great! So during my day for today, I started to think on why I received a stopwatch from god?

As I was wondering about this, I realized that many times as I walked to the bus-stop on the way to school, I will be feeling full of joy as I passed the sun although you can see it from wherever you are. But I felt that I was praising god while I was doing something else. But I felt that actually of just walking continuously, I should have just stopped and exalt in the lord as I gazed upon the bright and shining sun.

Anyway as I was on my way to school this morning, I started to plan what I'm going to do after school all the way until night. So i decided to go home after school and then go ado. But when I reached home, I was quite tired and started to doze off. Then I felt god telling to rest first and at night to come away with him. So I just slept and then went to ado for an hour. And you know whenever I go to ado, I always have to bring my journal so that if I get restless, I can start writing instead of being still and quiet to listen to the voice of god. But when I went to ado earliar, I just sat down and talked to god for awhile and then I just was still and started to stop all thoughts coming to my mind and just dwell in the presence of the lord. It was so peaceful although it was a little difficult in the beginning but after awhile, it just felt like god was sitting beside me anmd whispering into my ear what he needed to tell me. The feeling was just so incredible!

So ultimately I understood why I receive a stopwatch from god, it was actually because he qwanted me to always stop and come waay with him more often and not just when I troubled. The stopwatch was given to me to prove that I'm in charge of what I do everyday and I'm in control of my time and I can choose whether I should come away with him. For many times, we say that we haven't had time to spend time with the lord but actually its because we're in such a hurry in this life that we fail to just some for moment.

But the main message from my silent time with god earlier was "To be Patient" in all I do especially the things I ask in prayer to. But I'm really happy with what god is teaching me! Praise God!

Joyful Monday

Wow this monday morning was so awesome and great! I've always hated my monday because its like the start of the week. But as I was praying this morning, I asked god to grant me grace and strength to to rejoice on this monday morning!So as I was walking to the bus-stop, as always I'll talk to god. So I tried to recall what I enjoyed most about my morning walks to the bus-stop in my previous semester. Then I remembered that it was the bright and shining sun in the morning which made my days so enjoyable.

Then I started to wonder why the sun made me so happy. I mean the sun make us so unhappy sometimes especially when we dress up so good looking and all and then this sun make us sweat. Sweat is something that alot of us hate especially the girls. Haha! Then after thinking for a while, the reason the sun makes me so happy is because it shows me how bright, radiant and how huge the love of god is! Then I guess I really just started to take delight and exault in the lord, our Creator! Then after that, in the bus, I was wondering whether I should sms my close friends on this great joy, then remembering what pris tan said about receiving more joyful morning messages from me. But then I said to myself, "With such great and awesome joy and delight like this, it'll be cruel to keep it to myself". So I just sms my close friends. From then on, my monday has been filled with joy and suprises from daddy god! But the real test will be on wednesday when I've school until 7pm! Haha!

Praise You O mighty God! Let's all yearn for the love of god!

Its ok to be Weak

Hello once again! Well you know how many of us like to put on a front to show that we're strong. Well this weekend has been a time to reflect on this mistake in which I'm a huge victim of.

Well it all started on Wednesday when I was so tired after a long day in school, then after going for meeting. After that I lost control of my calmness and just started bursting out in stress and anger. At that time luckily I was at Jalan Kayu having supper. But then after I went home, I ask god this question, "Lord is it ok for the strong to be weak sometimes?". At that point I was really hurting inside cause I was struggling so much with this.

So last night as I was sharing with some of my close friends, I realized that I had alot of stuff inside my heart which was covered with layers of putting on fronts of strength. Also I feel that many of us especially us guys are afraid to open up too. But I've gotta say that after i shared from my heart, I felt so happy and at peace.

Well I used to have this really stupid way of thinking that if I shared my deepest struggles, it'll seem that I'm weak. I guess it comes with my pride, but i feel that the moment i let jesus in and shared, my heart just felt so much lighter. But I really praise god for giving me grace and strength to admit my mistake. I really can never do it by my strength at all.

Then I realised that we are the little children of God & its ok to be weak sometimes! But now I'm really trying to be more humble and also to have grace to ask for help and guidance when I am struggling. So I think ultimately God's message for me this weekend is "To let more people into this Heart!"

Yup Praise You O God for this!

School again

Well I'm back to school. Actually I was so happy to hear when i first entered poly but this semester is such a put off. This week i started my semester 2 of my diploma course and I wan't really looking forward to start school again cause i finish school so late from monday to thursday. Also cause I've never been exposed to such a school schedule.

But then god told me told to actually take this semester as a challenge and also use the mid-day breaks as a time to study. So ya so ever since hearing that message, I've been really feeling the presence of god ever so strongly. You know its like so unbelievable. Many people always say that they don't feel the presence of god when they're down, but for me it was the total opposite, God's presence was even stronger this time.

But i think that it boils down to how we are to God cause the closer we are to god, the easier we can be sensitive to the promptings of the Holy Spirit. But its not easy though, it takes alot of effort!

What grace from god does

All my life I always wondered what the word Grace means? You know how we always feel so guilty whenever we are in prayer or P&W and we feel so unworthy to be a child of god. Well I am huge victim of that. Then like a couple of weeks ago, god taught me to take the effort to come back to him. He taught me to firstly, accept my mistake and secondly to try again to avoid sin again. So I tried it out and it was really amazing and magical. I could really feel the presence of god especially when I turn down the devil and decided to go with Jesus instaed. It really felt like all the angels in heaven were rejoicing and dancing for there was a child out there chose god instead of the Devil. And really its the feeling that everyone will get when they start to really live for God. As i started to really once again live out the day for god alone, i felt like i was just walking with Jesus along the beach and just chatting and hanging out with him! I guess that the reward. Its really the best feeling in the world.

You know how everyone says that there are seasons in our life, well I don't really believe in that cause i think we just need to have a little faith in god that he'll take care of us not just in good times but in bad times too. i guess we just need to put in a little effort on out part and god will do the rest. Its like, the door can only open if we decide to first walk up to the door and touch the knob of the door and god will give us the power to open the door. But at the same we need to constantly ask for strengh from god.

But I am really happy now cause I've fallen again to be madly in love with my daddy god yet again. Praise you oh mighty and lovely god!

My personal mission from God

The lord said that he'll reveal the most important to his little children. You know our parents tell us when we're young about how we should behave during mass & prayer. Well as we grow up, we learn to compromise with all of this, like instead of switching of our phones, messaging during mass or even talking during prayer and mass. For me, this was god message for me today. Its not about thinking to perfect the huge stuff in ministry but its actually about perfecting basic and most simple things in our faith. I think this really when God slowly reveals things to us. So from now on, I'm first gonna try to be a person to perfect the simple things in my faith and not attempting the perfection of the huge this in my faith! Praise God!

Welcome

Hello Everyone! Welcome to my blog. I am Mark Sebastian Abraham from St. Francis Xavier Church. I'm in the youth group there called Youth Vineyard. Anyway I'm currently studying in Temasek Poly. Actually over years, I didn't like the idea of a blog but after much thought, I feel that its important to share my personal revealations of my god! Hope you enjoy! God bless!