2009 Recollection

This would probably be the first time I'll be doing a personal recollection on my blog, of the way my life has progressed in a year! Most of the time, we all lean towards the very traditional & effective way of coming up with a 'New year's resolution'! But as I was reflecting in the ever-so-present adoration room, I decided to just reflect on how I have grown with God through the numerous experiences that God has blest me with this 2009, whether positive or negative, good or bad!

For me, this year has been the toughest year for me especially with the many feelings that lay within my heart that I've had to embrace over the course of this year! It really starts to make so much sense when its dawns upon me that this was the year when I lived as a 21-year-old man! For many years, I awaited to turn 21 as I always had this picture of how much fun I'd have when I turned 21! But this year has been fun in terms of journeying with the Almighty Father! Its been a year where my love & faithfulness has truely been put to the test! And in many ways, I praise God for granting me the grace to stick with him! I can now acclaim that a true follower of Christ is one that sticks with Christ when all goes sour in his/her life! But this person sticks because he/she really loves God! He/she knows that God is in control!

And I'd say that my 2009 started in November 2008. That's when a whole load of extreme painful struggle came by! That's also when I started my discernment on something that God invited me to think about. That is also the same time when my most beloved uncle passed on! That is also the time when God brought me through a 3 month spell (Nov-Jan) of dryness in the desert where God seemed to be so absent in my heart & soul! And in that time, I too had never seen myself struggle till that extent. But quite incredibly, in a moment when I needed to help, there was no one by my side to guide me! From what I remember, I know there was only a knowledge that God loved me and that God was in control. But my heart didn't believe in this as my heart felt so lost in the desert!

But that's when God invitation to depend and trust in him came! At that moment, my life was in shatters! At that point, I didn't feel the need to carry on in this life! I never felt more lost & confused ever! And the best part, was that I felt so helpless and in the end, there was nobody to help me through this! But this had to happen! But somehow, surely the grace of God led me to give my life to God!

And throughout the year of 2009, everything has been about God first! All my decisions were based on whether God himself approves of what is to be done, no matter how small the decision is! Sometimes, its as small as changing 1 worship song! But at the end of it, I know that the Will of God was Done! The will of God has been a priority for me and will continue to be!

And what stands out for me in 2009? There can only and will always be 1 thing! Its none other than 'My Aussie trip'! This trip became the 1st time I decided to invest in something/someone! But this investment was a huge financial risk for me! And for many people, this trip seemed to be something small or just a holiday! But in my heart, I am so aware that it was alot more than a break from everything, or a holiday, or a chance to be alone! This trip was all about God! This trip was to allow myself to be that Joyful person in God! To ensure that no one could ever stand in the way of the person God desired myself to be! And this was due to the many people who kept telling me to not be so joyful and be a good example to the youths! But in aussie, I never felt so free in my life! And I know that the main reason for this, was just because that I made this trip not foe myself but it was rather a trip to make God even more part of my life!

The aussie trip costs about 2.5k and I spent 5 weeks in Perth, Australia! And its a trip I'll always hold so close to my heart and will never ever forget! So Lord Jesus, I praise you for making this trip possible! And we had so much fun dancing in the beauty of your nature! Praise God!

After this trip, the rest of the year started to be one where more and more struggles started to unfold in my life! But alot of the struggles were the immense pain I constantly felt in my heart! I felt like I had to battle & suffer in my heart for the sake of my love to Christ! But this serves to be true! That as we decide to make that bold decision to walk with Christ, we must be aware that we will suffer both in this world as well as in the depths of our hearts! I feel that the pain within the heart of Jesus was much more immense that the physical pain he experienced on his road to Calvary! And it serves to be the same for us! If have yet to suffer in our heart for the love we have for Christ, which may be in the form of dryness, then I don't think we can honestly say that we are in love with Christ!

But as the final quarter of the year unfolded for me, I started to see what God has been working in me over the rest of the year! At that point, all the suffering started to make so much sense for me! It was truely God proving to me that I loved God more than I thought! And this is a great revelation on its own! So many times, we think we have to prove something to God. But actually, its God trying to prove to us why we do what we do! We all don't realise how great we have become because of Christ, although we never did anything to deserve this! But God has to prove this greatness that lies within us time and time again! And so for 3/4 of this 2009, God was proving to me about the love & faithfulness had in God, because I was so aware of the Love that God had for me!

But rounding up the whole year, I am so glad that I didn't run away from all the struggles! I praise god for granting me courage, strength & perseverance to face & embrace every struggle! If there was a time to suffer, I am thankful that I suffered! If there was a time to be joyful, I am thankful that I was Joyful! If there was a time to analysis & reflect, I am thankful that I made time for it! I praise God for teaching me to embrace all fears & struggles!

This has truely been a year of great testing and also been one where I've been to extreme end of joy as well as suffering! But the greatest fact is that it was all with the God I love, adore, worship & delight in!

Lord Jesus, this year has been so tough for me! But your grace has seen me through and it will continue to see me through! I pray for all suffering in their hearts for you! I pray that they believe that God is in total control! I praise you, O lord in the heavens for 2009! I praise you for moulding me to be alot more closer to your heart as well as alot stronger through the extreme sufferings of pain! I will never regret any experience that you've brought me through!

And at the end of everything that is tough, we will experience the fruits of the patience & trust we've placed in God! As we've experienced the magnitude of pain in our hearts, we will experience the magnitude of joy in our hearts too! Invest in Jesus!

For you, O God always think in the best interest of your beloved children that you created in the likeness of your own image!

And last but surely not the least, I praise God for the 2 new people that he's blest me with and has entrust unto my care! I am so unworthy to be with them and have done nothing to deserve such a gift. But as always Lord Jesus, you are so generous in the love within your heart! I pray that I will grow with them as I have done in you! And may I bring them to greater heights to be with you! So that the 3 of us can dance in your presence! May you bless us in your purity & love! Praise you O Lord in the heaven for these 2 people I love so so much! Thanks God!

Christmas 2009

This Christmas becomes of great joy for me! And as well my joy starts from the immense joy within my heart! This joy is one that truely does come from within my heart! But its a joy not just of Christmas, but rather its one that speaks about the whole of 2009 for me!

Christmas preparations were yet another one of intensive baking of my cookies! Other than that, it was one where my shopping was devoted to 2 people whom I'd say I hold the closest to my heart now! And I am sure they know who they are! And its for them to be aware of the immense love I have for them! And its not a love like the love from this world! Its a love that's from heaven!

Last year, I did alot of baking also but it was quite spread out as I gave 3 cookies each to about 40-50 people. But this year, I listened to my heart again! My heart desired to go all out for these 2 people that I loved ever so much! I loved them not just because of what they did, but it was more of how uniquely my heart loved them so much. It was how my heart just kept feeling for them and thinking about them ever so much! And also the way, God instilled in me this desire to love them more & more each day! And God always told me to never give up on them. And I love them both so much! And in many ways, my love for them is like the love that God has for me! It was an every second thing where my heart kept going out to them. And in such feelings, that's when I started to sacrifice more of myself and the things I have. This Christmas, due to the way my heart was feeling for these 2 people, I decided to splurge out for these 2 people!

Hence, I baked a total of 80 cookies each for these 2 people that I loved so much! And also bought them each a present! It became very exciting for me as my heart kept thumping from how I was attending to the desires of my heart! But in the midst of this great joy i was feeling within my heart, I never did expect anything from them in return, not even a Christmas card! And I think that becomes a true amazement when we love & give from our hearts! We give without any expectations and never expecting any recognition for the love we show! And for me, this was my gift to Jesus this Christmas, the response to the love I had in my heart! This is what made christmas for me! But of course it doesn't end there for me!

Christmas day midnight mass @ SFX was so amazing for me! My entire preparations and the mass reflections were focused on the Joyful victory of the battles of this 2009 year! This whole year was the most difficult & painful year for me! It was a year where the will of God became more & ore harder as each day of this year passed on before me! God really brought me through the most painful times this year! But in all of those times, there was 1 thing that never left me, and that was God being by my side! God never left me no matter what I was going through. And many of those painful experiences was to do with the will of God for my life and the majority of the pain took place within my heart! And that was difficult for me as I questioned god so many times, "Why is there so much pain when I didn't do anything wrong?" But in all of it, God allowed his presence to weather each storm he sent me! This proved to be a year of whether my love for God was really true & faithful!

And at the midnight mass, there was this immense feeling of victory in my heart! And from then on, there was a radiance on my face that showed it all! It was a joy that came directly from heaven! And I knew there was great rejoice & dancing in Heaven too! And this was what I needed after what this 2009 year has brought for me! I also recall how I had to put on fake smiles at the 2008 Christmas & New year celebrations, due to the immense pain I felt in my heart! But after my joy experiences at this year's Christmas midnight mass, I knew that everything was all worth it!

It like what I believe to be always true.

"The magnitude of the pain we experience, will be the same magnitude of great joy we will experience when its over!"

Christmas celebrations were so amazing with YV. As we went to a 24hr Carl's Jr place to eat, after which we headed to the ever beautiful Marina Barrage to just walk, take photos and enjoy the beauty of God! And for me, it spoke about the things i love the most about this year, its the simple things that have always been there that makes life so beautiful!

Christmas day was made perfect as I was out with my family the whole day, although I was sleepy the whole day as I reached home on Christmas morning at 7.30am after the beautiful time at Marina barrage with YV! I slept until 12noon and then headed to visit my relatives for the whole day. And the highlight of Christmas day was how happy my uncle was when my family came to see him on Christmas Day! He is someone suffering with liver cancer and we all knew that he didn't have much time to live his life here on earth and that this might be his last Chrismas with us! And that joy on his face just made me so touched and really felt like Jesus is always being made the most present in the simple things we choose to do from the love we have in our hearts!

And this Christmas really serves to be one of great joy! And I think the magnitude of suffering & pain I felt this 2009, will be equal to the magnitude of great Joy that will unfold for me at this Christmas! If we can take joy from God, then surely we can take suffering too!

I also do ask for your prayers on the 30th of december as I go for my heart check-up on that day with my cardiologist! And it looks like I'll be hospitalised for the new year! But I hope that in this time, I'll bring the joy I have in God, be spread to those that God sends me in the new year time!

To all faithful vistors of My Journey with Jesus blog, I praise God for each of you and may you have great joy this Christmas! This is my prayer for you from my heart! In the new year of 2010 ahead, I pray that you will follow your heart as you walk with Jesus on your journey! But may you also embrace the feelings within your heart, whether its a time of painful suffering or great joy! Embrace these moments with God! And for 2010, may you believe this phrase that has captivated me so much!

"There is no blemish at all in God's Plan for you if you are always earnestly seeking to do the will of God from your hearts!"

Always follow your heart! Your heart will lead you to God! It has for me thus far!

There is no blemish in God's Plan

This has been a phrase that's been in my mind & heart for quite awhile now. Its been a message from God that been repeatedly being proclaimed to me at mass as well as my times of silent prayer in the adoration room of late. But just recently, this phrase has been made perfect with the addition with a few more words by our Awesome God!

"There is no blemish at all in God's plan for us if we are always earnestly seeking to do the will of God from our hearts!"

Of late, so much has been happening in my life and I'd say that many of those events & experiences have been really painful ones within my heart. Due to these experiences, I've been on a search to connect the dots of these experiences and make sense out of each experience. After which, I hope to be able to see the direction that my God is taking me! But maybe after our search for answers & explanations, we still are left in no man's land! Maybe God is trying to tell us something in that search! Maybe he's telling us to have the patience to wait upon him and have faith that it'll all make sense one day but in his time.

At that point, it becomes so difficult to understand and accept that there is no blemish in God's plan for us! We start to ask ourselves then, "Haven't we been spending so much time in prayer with God to seek to do the will of God?" But maybe we are on the right track! All we need is to continue to spend time in prayer to seek to do the will of God! And that the present experience you are struggling with, is just something that MUST happen for you to enter into a better place with God which probably what we really desire & want in our hearts!

For the ones that seek God always, there is 1 fact that remains true.

"There is no blemish in God's plan for you if you are always earnestly seeking to do the will of God in your life!"

Some experiences and events must happen! And the more we try to suppress or escape from it, the more we are telling God we don't want to do his will in our lives! For us, we (including myself) always forget that God doesn't look at the world or its events & experiences the way humans and the world looks at it. God knows what the final outcome would be like. Hence, God wouldn't panic because God himself knows that he is in control of everything! In moments like these, where no matter how much we fight, we are called to just let go and have faith that God is in control.

And no matter how young or old, inexperienced or experienced, spiritual or not-so-spiritual, we will still go through such experiences where we must faith to believe that, "There is no blemish in God's plan for you if you are always earnestly seeking to do God's will from your hearts!"

For those in really confused or devastating situation, both in your life and/or spiritual journey with God, pray for faith & patience! I've been through such moments and I'm still going through such moments where there doesn't seem to be the light of Jesus in your tunnel of darkness! But there is! Its just that you can't see it yet! But just cling onto the cross of jesus and unite your struggles & sufferings with Jesus!

Its gets better when we claim in the faith we have in Jesus that,

"There is no blemish in God's plan for you if you are always earnestly seeking to do the will of God in your life!"

Unconditional Love

What is the true meaning of Unconditional Love? We constantly read in the Word of God of how Jesus always talks about the unconditional love that our Father in Heaven lavishes out unto us. Jesus not only talks about this love but he proclaims it and really lives it out in the way he shows his love to the outcast of the world. Jesus comforted people that the world provoked. They were the prostitutes, leapers, beggars, the poor & so many more people. There were so many instances when he went out of his way to show his love for them.

But we also bear in mind that Jesus too had a reputation to upkeep. He went around the villages to heal many people. Surely the world would expect him to keep to the norms of society. And we all know that back then, people connected with God lived by the law. But Jesus came to change everything about how the world was functioning. Jesus came because of Love and because he wanted everyone to live in love.

But as I reflect on the way the world is today, Love is so absent in this world today. The very defining fact is how we'd rather choose to use our minds more than our hearts. Even in places where God should be most present, mainly in Church, I see & witness this to be so evident. It becomes an extremely sad truth. And we can see the very heart & love of Jesus when we decided who would be the Rock of His Church! He chose someone that I'd say was the closest human being to him in his life here on earth. But even this person, Simon Peter, failed him when he denied Jesus at a point when Jesus needed Peter the most. We also recall Peter promising Jesus that He loved him 3 times. And we also recall Peter denying Jesus 3 times. But Jesus forgave in love and chose Peter as his chosen one to start his Church in Love.

Isn't this unconditional love? We can learn so much from our Saviour, Jesus Christ, where we look past the faults of every child of God and love them in spite of their faults. Recently, I've been struggling with the amount of Politics that happens in our Church today. And as I reflect upon this, it becomes more and more evident that the true Love of Christ is missing so much! The unconditional Love that we receive from Christ as his gift to us can be so rarely found in so many of us.

But for me, where does this all lead to. It leads to call of Christ to bring forth unconditional love in Church for starters. We are called to go back into the very time when Peter built the Church of Jesus! We called to seriously question how much of the true Love of Jesus is within us, within our very hearts! Do we even realise how much Jesus loves us? And how are we being that love of Christ to others? Or has the ways of this judgmental world taken place in us? If this judgmental world has taken root in us rather than the Unconditional Love of Christ, then I think shouldn't deserve to call ourselves Servants for Christ!

It becomes an extremely sad truth that we are serving Jesus without having the very essence of Jesus in us, having the very essence of Jesus' Unconditional Love in us! For me, I too realise that I make mistakes, but I think the Love of Christ becomes ever so radiant when we are able to pick ourselves up and admit that we are weak and have fallen. Simply, we radiate the Love of Christ the most when we ourselves become vulnerable to this world. Christ becomes so visible in us when we are humble enough to ask for help for the people of God.

And this is something I've learnt over the past 2 months. And i'm so glad that my pride hasn't been big enough to stop me from asking for help for help from 2 people in my life that I love so much and hold extremely close to my heart, Estelle & Stephen. And I really praise God for this grace. God tore down every essence of strength He built in me over this year and the purpose of this, was how He wanted to test how big my pride was.

And this is why I still am so in love with this awesome Jesus! He never ever bores me out as I walk with him. And I think this past 2 months, serves to be a testimony for me that God is ever so much in control of my life. He is totally in control of my joys, pains & strength because he is the very source of it!

Unconditional Love can only happen when we go beyond ourselves & beyond our ability to love. Let's work together to stop the ways of the world to take root in our Lives and in the Bride of Christ, his church. Love will conquer everything especially the ways of the world!

Praise god for Unconditional Love! Let it reign in our hearts & this world!

What has God done in me!

I ask myself this question and there just seems to be this disbelief of the person that God has formed me to be! And in my heart, my answer is one that just becomes an impulse to give the ultimate glory & praise to the king of kings without an ounce of hesitation!

And it has been the Confirmation badge of 2009 that just reinstates the great wonder of "What has God done in me!" And for me, the great revelation of who I used to be 6 years will never ever grow old in my heart! Everyday, I am constantly amazed at what God has done and what God is constantly doing in my life.

I will recall being a extremely outcast & lonely 15-year-old boy. Back then, life just seemed to be the cruelest & excruciating experience anyone could ever go through! And to quite a large extent, I felt like living in hell would be much better than allowing this extremely painful experience on earth continues. For me, the world became so cruel. I constantly felt like God made me with 1 purpose in life, "To be the ultimate failure"! And there were even times when I felt that it would be better for me to be a refugee than to deal with the pain in my heart and going through it alone felt so much more worst! And after awhile, I just became immune to such feelings of loneliness, failure & intense pain in my heart, which just lead to give up on Mark Abraham due to the fact that "Mark Abraham was a hopeless case and just wasn't the effort. He was doomed to fail all his life!" But please don't think for a second that I'm over-exaggerating.

But on the 1st of November 2003, I now become aware of this question that God posed to me on the day of my Sacrament of Confirmation,

"Will you give me a chance, my Son? Let me make you new! Let me make the new 'Mark Sebastian Abraham! You shall be a New Creation in the Name of Jesus Christ!"

And when I was sealed with Holy Spirit using Holy Chrism by Archbishop Nicholas Chia on the 1st of November 2003, I was saying my 'YES' to this question from God!

And step by step, God moulded me into someone he had always planned for this world to experience. And God knew that the one thing I still struggled with as a teenager was 'My Studies'. And slowly, God instill in me a strength to never give up in my studies as I went from being in Normal Technical at St. Gabriel's Secondary, to taking my 'N' Levels, to doing very well at ITE in Precision Engineering (Aerospace) but not without struggle, to taking my dream of 'O' Levels for English, E-Maths & Pure Physics in Year 2 of my ITE studies, to my Diploma studies in Mechatronics at Temasek Polytechnic (which ends in 4 months). And constantly, I see how God uses me in this world to prove the fact that "God is one that makes the Impossible become so Real & Possible!"

I do not boast of myself but I boast of the one living in me, that is Christ Jesus! God has transformed me in a way that I would have never ever imagined! This journey with Jesus has become one where God is so available & tangible for us to delight in! God is infinite in every way possible but he chooses to give so much of his Love & himself to the most finite of his creation that is we, his dearest children!

And its been 2 years of existence for this blog already! And over this time, many have come to aid from my reflections, my intense pain, my Joys & Delight in God and My Journey with Jesus! If we decide that everyday, we really desire for God in our hearts and constantly being open to what God wills for us. Then we will see God face-to-face in our hearts. We will experience a transformation of our lives that we would never ever imagine. This is something that is really PRICELESS! Its something no amount of money we can ever buy!

All we need is to really use our hearts to walk with Jesus! I've been reading about how many of us wish to go much deeper with Jesus! But as I reflect of the way my life turned out to be and continue to unfold, all we need is "Fall in Love with this great man of Jesus Christ" and also never stop and think that you have reached a limit of falling in love with Jesus! But always allow your feelings within your heart for Jesus be expressed on your face, body and actions! If you think for a second that God will stop surprising you, then just take it from me that God loves you so so much and he continues to surprise you everyday but you must learn to not conform to the ways & pressures of this world!

Always believe with your heart! I've got this far only because I kept believing in this heart within me. This heart that will fight against this cruel world for the Love that God lavishes on us! This heart will keep fighting no matter what struggle comes my way! That's how you go deeper!

Praise you God for who you've moulded & continue to mould me to be in this world! My prayer for all in this world is to keep following their hearts and allow God to fill whatever the many voids they may be feeling!

Lord, use me in this world to prove how real you are in this world! May I, your very unworthy servant of the Lord, be your Living Testimony! I am just so much in Love with You, Christ Jesus!

The Perfect Decision

The 7th of November 2009 has been a day I've been awaiting for the whole year. It was a day where throughout the course of this year, I soon found that I had 3 equally important major events happening on that very night. And its one of those times times there lies a clear distinction between what God wants for you to do and what you'd want to do.

These were the 3 events that happened on the 7th of November 2009:

• Gavin & Jane's Beautiful Wedding (Wedding Mass @9am & Wedding Dinner @7pm)
• My Parish's Sacrament Confirmation Mass @ 6pm
• My Uncle's 1st year Death Anniversary Mass & Dinner @ 6pm

And this realisation came to mind only around July. There was no event that was more important than the other for me. And in the depths of my heart, I only wanted to go for all 3 events, if it was possible. I just felt like duplicating myself into 3 and then making it possible to make it for all 3 events.

Starting off with Gavin & Jane's wedding, they are just so extremely important to me. I was blest to even have the chance to hear about how Gav proposed to Jane. And that is a truely classic of what kind of love they have for each other. Impressively, they had a disagreement before he proposed but our Lord's ways will never be our ways. And his ways are always the best for us whether we can see it or not. Gavin & Jane will be people I hold so so close to my heart. They, together with my cell, taught me what Love really is and that the perfect love of God is possible to be manifested amongst us humans! And when I came to know about the date of their wedding and also how that there are 2 other events happening that same night, I was totally shocked and this is what I said to God, "You've gotta be kidding me, God!"

And next was my dearest Uncle Simon's 1st year death anniversary mass & dinner. This uncle of mine was the dearest & closest uncle to me. And it was so devastating for me when he passed on last year. And I will never forget that many people couldn't understand the purpose & reason for my trip to Perth but he understood without me even explaining it to him. And he was an uncle that stood out for me. As in all families, there lies alot of politics. But this uncle of mine never ran away from it but he embraced it and dealt with it rooted in the Love of God. And in many ways, he unconsciously taught me how to deal with difficult people in life especially in Church. He taught me how to deal with something so real in the Church, The Politics of the Church! And he always inspired me to believe that anything is possible in the name of Jesus!

Finally, we have my parish's Sacrament of Confirmation mass. I'd say that this year's confirmation badge really stands out for me after serving for 6 years at the camps & retreats! This badge seems to be more God-seeking people. They remind me so much about how I struggled so much when I was a teenager, trying to find meaning in life and finding God in my life. There seemed to be so much desire in their hearts to get to God! And I guess this badge is one I hold really close to my heart as I am able to relate to so many of them in the way they wanna believe in the reality of God in their lives as well as in this cruel world of lies! And as they search for God, God tells me to show them the path I have taken and surely found God and his amazing Love he has lavished on us. And when I mentioned to a few of them about how I had to make a decision on this, and that I would not be able to make it for their confirmation, I saw their eyes just filled with disappointment. And I could tell that my presence with them on their really special day was so important to them. And it made sense as I was journeying with alot of them and I too felt really special in their presence and that made me really want to be there with them.

Then, when late August came around, I knew that this was a decision i had to make really soon. So I analyzed and came to a conclusion to go for the wedding mass in the morning, then go for my dearest uncle's 1st year death anniversary mass & dinner followed by Gavin & Jane's wedding dinner after. And as the decision settled in my heart, it didn't feel right. It felt that like God wanted me to change my decision and it felt like god wanted me to make it for the Confimation Mass. And so I started to lift it up and surrender that entire day's plans into God's hands and allowed my decision to be his desire for me.

This was the final decision:

• Go for Gavin & Jane's wedding in the morning @9am
• Go for the Confirmation Mass at my parish @6pm
• Head for my uncle's 1st year death anniversary dinner @8pm

When the day came to a close, I knew this was the perfect decision. This only happened because God made the decision for me! I was so happy that I made it for all 3 events. The highlight of the day was how God was involved in every moment of that day, from the celebration of Holy Matrimony to the celebration of the Sacrament of Confirmation and finally to the celebration of my uncle's life!

And at the end of that day, I said to God,

"What a day, God! I praise you O Lord for your ways are the best!"

The Holy Spirit sweeps through SFX youths

What an amazing weekend I will say! I will have to admit that this retreat has been by far the best ever camp/retreat I have ever been ever since I answered my 'YES' to the Lord! Its been 6 years serving in the youth ministry for me but this retreat really stood out for me. And what is so intensively amazing, was that it lasted for only 1 & 1/2 days! I have had many experiences of the way the Spirit of the Lord has moved at camps/retreats/rallies, but this made it so special for me as God made use of me as his instrument in every way!

It had all started from friday night, which was the Spiritual Preparation for the confirmants before their retreat started on Saturday. God really blest me to lead them into worship and God really brought us to a level of worship which was so intense and really immerse into the presence of God! I had so much fun leading them into worship. And I could see the power of God moving so incredibly as I saw hearts of stone entering worship but God transformed then into open hearts to receive the love of God! I thought that the worship was too intense and too spiritual for them as they hadn't even started the retreat and so much had happened in their hearts. But God assured me that much more lay ahead at the retreat! And God was so right!

The retreat started and alot of them were so hyper-active and I felt God constantly telling me within my heart, "My son, Mark, they are in for a surprise! Be ready to see hearts falling in love with the Redeemer!" And although there was so little time, the teens were ready to receive God's love but even they weren't aware of that readiness within them! And as we began the worship for the Night session, the teens kept opening their hearts to the Love of God.

And I remember the message that God revealed before the night session started, "Believe it that I am here in this place (parish hall)! I am here, my people! If you doubt, then call upon the name of the Holy Spirit to help you have faith to believe! So believe it that I am here!" And after the worship, we enter into the Praying-over and I constantly felt the Holy Spirit just sweeping through the Parish hall as we went around to pray-over the teens. There was just so much of healing taking place and God was just empowering his beloved children! There were so many people being rested in the Spirit of the Lord! And what was amazing was that the teens that started their retreat at the spiritual preparation on friday night, were really swept off their feet by the Holy Spirit! I was just so delighted in the Holy Spirit and soaked in his presence as God used me as his instrument of prayer!

And I won't mention their names, but there are these 2 teens with whom I have been journeying with really closely and guiding them as they seek to find to God in their lives! They had spent alot of time in prayer in the last 2 weeks and they were on a spiritual high even before the camp. And I know they entered the retreat feeling like what else the Lord could do for them, as they had already experienced so much already. And as I observed then at the retreat, they were really joyful and happy before the night and in so many ways, they were so spiritually high before the night session began. And as I observed them, I felt within the depths of my heart that God was constantly telling, "These 2 children of mine are going to be blown away by my love and be totally surprised!" But I just invited them to calm down a notch. For these are 2 children of God that have experienced a level of the love of God that is so intense and would natural think that it would be the highest God would grant them! And as promised, God swept them of their feet so much that it would leave a mark in their hearts that they would never ever under-estimate the love of God! And through their experience, I was reminded that God's love really has no limits or conditions or end! God used me so many ways as a musician, a facilitator, a messenger, a brother in Christ to his people and someone to comfort his people!

What has made this retreat so amazing, has been how God has truely blest me in a really God 2 week preparation for this retreat! And that its not about preparing for a retreat and to prepare every single day for the Lord & his people! For we will never know when God will decide to call us to our eternal home! Holiness is what I seek everyday in my life and God will use me as long as I give of myself to the people of God that struggle to find God in their own lives!

God will never ever abandon us but you have to trust that he knows best! If you do that, you shall be set free. God has set me free from the clutches of this world! For those who experienced nothing at the retreat, I was in the exact same position 6 years ago at my confirmation camp but God knows our personalities more than we do. And its not that God doesn't love you that he lett you experience what you felt. It is actually because he loves you so much that he let you experience what you felt! Just persevere and have faith! Because 6 years after serving God, I declare that I'm just so in Love with this man Jesus!


And if you still struggle to find God, pray this prayer that has helped me in so many ways. Then just have faith!

"Holy Spirit be in front of me to lead the way for me!

Holy Spirit be behind me to suppport me!

Holy Spirit be on my right & left to hold my hand as I walk with you!

Holy Spirit be in my heart to prompt me, comfort me and love me!"

The Mysterious Weekend (Part II)

The retreat experience was so prayfully amazing! On the 2nd & 3rd days of the retreat, we all had spent a total of 3 hours (an hour separately) of silent time each day. And the most awesome thing was how I never got tired of silent time with the Lord! I always had that desire to come back for more and more each time! And it was in that silence with the Lord where I just constantly felt so joyfully rejoicing in the presence of the Lord! I used to struggle so much to even be silent for 10 minutes!

But this retreat also taught me of the true power of the Holy Spirit. For so many of us, we take our prayers to the Holy Spirit so so lightly especially for me. And we pray it for the sake of praying it but never really believing that the Holy Spirit will come! We may have a little faith but even in that faith, we will think that it'll be a miracle for the Holy spirit to be with our presence! We hope that the Holy Spirit will be with us but never ever believe and claim in faith that the Holy Spirit WILL be with us! But I recall a moment of prayer where I forgot to call upon the name of the Holy Spirit and found it so so difficult to be silent and to wait upon the Lord. But as soon as I prayed & called upon the Holy Spirit to be with me, I felt it so easy to be Silent, Calm & to have patience to wait upon the Lord!

Throughout my prayer time using the Ignatian Contemplation, I found it so difficult to enter into the scene of the Gospel passages I was reading. But in those times, I had visions of other thing God was trying to tell me. But I struggled with the fact that I couldn't enter the scene. And as I was sharing with Novice Lance, he shared with me to trust God was in control of that time of contemplation. Even if I didn't enter into the scene, to not lose faith but know that God is totally in control! And in may of the visions I had, it was God always showing me alot of his creation, mainly trees, birds, the sky, the sun and his most valuable creation, his children. God explained to me of how God is in every single of his creation even the gangsters & prostitutes around the world! He lives in every single one of us, not forgetting the people we think are evil and that nothing good can come from their hearts! And this revelation was so appropriate for me as I've been struggling with the confusions in my mind to see God in everything! And yet again, in another vision, God reassured me to be his light for those who find it hard to find Jesus in their darkness!

But the final message for me from God was "Not to ever over-react in any circumstance but to stop and be still to hear the true voice of the Lord! Whenever I feel too deep in temptation, to just stop and find out why in that moment I feel tempted. Because as always we fall into sin, because we over-react in those times of temptation no matter what the sin may be! Even if its sexual sin, I should just stop and think why at that moment I feel tempted to commit that sin even before I commit sin"

The overall revelation was, "To look at the world through the most loving eyes of Jesus! Look at everything you feel is bad & wrong through Jesus' eyes!" And with regards to my Vocation, I rejoice in the Lord for giving me strength to take that step to discern. God has reminded me time and again vocation is based on both of God's will for me and also the God-given desires within the depths of our hearts!

Finally what I think what was so amazing after the retreat, was how after my semi-silent retreat, I suddenly lost my voice when I woke up on Monday morning! Its still healing slowly though! But I've had the experience of being someone who wants to tell the world about how happy & in love with Jesus I am but yet I am a mute for awhile! There have been times when I got really angry & frustrated & sad but I submit unto the plan of God for I am so sure that he always has my interest at heart. He will never stop loving you & me! We just gotta have a little faith that God knows what he is doing with his precious Children!

Praise you O Lord in the Heavens! You make all of us look good in this passing world! I delight in you, O my God!

May you use me as your signpost of love in the midst of anyone's darkness more & more each day!

The Mysterious Weekend (Part I)

It has been one of those weekends where you know you had a life-changing experience with this Awesome God! And I am so sure that in a couple of years, I'd look back at this weekend so proclaim from the heavens that started that deepening of 'My Journey with Jesus'.

Just because of the weekend that just passed, I had to tell so many white lies as I was just so fearful and wasn't ready to tell anyone where I was going. But after the retreat, God has really instilled in me the confidence that, "I should be afraid but to just have a little faith in God! For God always knows!" And so over this weekend, I was at the 'Jesuits Vocation Retreat'. And for many people, this may seem like something really simple or even easy to tell people. But for me, I just felt like I didn't want anyone to know about this. I just was so fearful of telling people about this!

But after the retreat, God made me feel so special and really gave me the confidence to go public with the fact that I will be taking the next 12 months to discern my Vocation!

The weekend was really amazing for me in so many ways. It was a time where God yet again introduced me to the Ignatian Contemplation where we would use our imagination to allow God to speak to us through the passage we will read before entering the time of imagination and silence! As I entered the retreat on Friday night, I was really so excited and I just was so aware that God would surprise in ways I could never imagine! God was about to really intensify my walk with him!

But even before I reached the retreat venue, there was intense excitement. I was on the way there on the bus. And ever since I came back from my aussie trip in Perth, I picked up a really lovely habit to always greet and thank the bus driver whenever I boarded/alighted the bus. And I really praise God for this grace he has blest me with! And as soon as I alighted the bus, I realised that I have left my mobile phone in the bus. And as I started to panic, God quickly prompted me to flag for a cab and chase the bus. Within seconds I boarded the cab and was on a chase for the 1st time in my life! Although I was so doubtful that I could still get my mobile phone back, the cab driver reassured not to worry! We got in front of the bus at a traffic light junction. And I started to wave to the Bus driver and praise God that he remembered me. I then got out of the cab and boarded the bus in the middle of a busy road. Thank God I found my phone. Then I dropped off at the next bus-stop and headed to the retreat place! What a experience even before the retreat begun!

Stay tuned for my intensified silent prayer experience in Part II!


Praise you O GOD!

The Holier, The Gentler

"God wants us to become active as flames of Love by which his Spirit transforms us!"

St John of the Cross

This post has actually been a really long delayed one as its been a reflection based on the September issue of Word Among Us. That issue was very much focused on the Life of St. John of the Cross. And for me, I never really read about the life of St. John of the Cross and had the idea that he was a man of God that really follow all the rules of the Catholic Faith and that his Spirituality was one that was really strict! So whenever his name came to mind, I'd many a time, just switch of because my spirituality wasn't one of following the rules and one that was really strict!

But when I receive that issue, I decided to give St. John of the Cross a chance and I was so happy and blest to have do that! And this saint's spirituality is simply so amazing and exciting! His spirituality was very much like St. Teresa of Avila and also that the both of them were really so close as friends! His spirituality was based on the numerous intimate experiences of God! And as you would already know by now, that my Spirituality is very much based on that too!

But as I was reading about him, what struck me the most was how gentle as a Man of God he was! As I continued to read, I was really amazed by his genuineness and how gentle he was! And in so many ways, he was so much Jesus. Even when he was thrown into solitary, he embraced that alone time with God. And I embrace every struggle without complaining.

And as I reflect, I find myself caught at the crossroad where I question my own gentleness. And I think that gentleness is really one of the trustworthy gauges to see if we really are becoming holier! So many times we acclaim to everyone that we are walking with God but so many of us miss out on this mark of the gentleness we have in our hearts and in the way we carry ourselves in the midst of people of God! We may seem like walking with God, but are our words & actions really showcasing the Love that Jesus gave to us or is it a love that we feel should be showcased! We would only be deceiving ourselves then!

And its so evident that this is what God is really calling me to at this moment in my walk with my Lord! I want be just like St. John of the Cross, to be gentle, meek & humble in every single thing I do whether for God or anyone else. I want to watchful of the words I speak and the action I do. I pray & earnestly desire to be alot more gentler in my ways everyone I meet each day especially the people I find hard be the person that my heart desires to be!

Lord Jesus, I desire to be holier and in turn much more gentle & humble! I pray that your Spirit will prompt me and hold my tongue when I'm about to make a comment that doesn't glorify your name or build someone up! I ask you Lord Jesus to purify my Heart! Guide me as I desire this to be more real in my life!

Praise God!

God knows

In the midst of the busy lives that we live, as people walking with God, we all have had our moments when we wonder if our God in the heavens actually knows what we're going through here on earth! These moments become even more intense when we hurt so much deep within our hearts! We would go to great lengths to stop the intense pain in our hearts!

Then we are left wondering, "Does God really care about me? God said that He'll never ever abandon me! But I feel so abandoned by God and so alone! Why wouldn't God help me?"

Whether we are a student or a working adult, I'm sure we've had our fair share of intense pain in our hearts. And as always, the thoughts of whether its really worth to walk this path with God! For some of us, the pain becomes so painful, that we even have thoughts of whether its worth to be alive. But is God really with us in those times? Does he even care?

And as I reflect abit more upon this, I am so sure that God is much much more sadder to see us feeling this way. God has done everything by always assuring us through his Word that he'll never abandon us! But in times of pain, we feel and sometimes conclude that God has abandoned us! In those times, I think God even cries to see us that way. I think God even wants to come right down from the heavens to wipe away the tears from our eyes and also take away the pain within our hearts! But God knows that when we get through the storms in our lives, we will be stronger in our faith! There will never be anyone walking with God that would declare that the storms in his/her life haven't made him/her stronger now! They would instead declare that, "It is because of the storm in his/her life that they are still walking with God!" They will declare 7 acclaim that they now see God so amazingly present in the midst of the storms! But God also know how much we can withstand in our storms and he knows what our limits are! When we reach our limits, God will never forget to send us people to help us along the way to find our feet again.

Even Jesus felt so abandoned on his road to Calvary. As he was carrying the cross, everyone insulted & spat on him. And when he fell from carry his cross, I'm sure he felt helpless, but then he saw his Mother, Mary. And just when Mary came to Jesus to wipe his face, jesus soon realised his purpose in suffering so that all may receive redemption from their sins! Through that and the many other people like Simon who carried Jesus' cross! For God knew Jesus limit too and came to his aid by sending people to remind him of God's presence!

God knows what we always go through in our lives. He knows all of intense moments of pain & hurts. He knows every time we cry and seek for help! He also knows what we need in those moments of pain. God always has our best interest at heart even when it doesn't seem like that at all. We are called to embrace those moments of intense pain and unite our sufferings with Jesus' wounds!

Romans 8:18

"I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us!"

Hebrews 4:16
"Let us then approach the Throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need"

My prayer at this moment for all suffering, is to recognize God in the midst of this difficult time of pain! Your call is to embrace this moment and have little faith that God knows what he is doing! Trust him for God Knows!

We are all broken people

Well during mass earlier today, this thought came to mind after a reflection on my recent experiences with God, "Are we all broken people living in this world?" And as mass when on, I went much deeper into this thought. And I think in many ways, my recent posts have brought upon this post. I guess that God always uses our various experiences to ultimately bring Glory to the name of Jesus!

And the recent experience of my struggles with accepting & loving the people I meet everyday, has also really brought me to think about my struggle of an invisible mask I wore at times without myself even realizing it. For me, as a Leader in my parish, this has been a real dilemma, I always have that mindset that although I am struggling in my own walk with God, I always am aware that, "At least I have had an experience with God. There are so many people that have yet to have that experience." And I guess in many ways that's the reason why I may have worn this invisible mask!

But as I continued to reflect upon this, the question of "What Jesus would do" came to mind! And if there was 1 thing Jesus wasn't at all, was being a proud man. And even when Jesus was struggling, He wouldn't deny his struggle and even embrace & accept his struggle. But most importantly, he would acclaim that it is by God's strength alone that will allow him to surpass this struggle. For me, that is what a humble man of God would do even when he has to carry a heavy struggle on his shoulders. And as my reflection continued, I felt that we must change the way we look at struggles.

For so many of us involved in ministry, we may see struggle as a weakness and also carry the perception that anyone struggling is either not close to God or something that is negative. And this is even worst for guys, simply because Guys have an image to upkeep. We always want to be seen as strong & mighty. At least this is the culture constantly being spread. So much so that when any teenage boy tears, another teenage boy will see it as extremely weird. I can relate in a way cause throughout my period of struggle, I felt scared to share with anyone my struggles due to my fear of being judged. I was so used to people seeing me as strong that I wouldn't know how they'd react when they saw/heard me struggling so much in my faith.

But after this experience of sharing my struggles with someone no one would expect I'd share with, I realize today at mass that, 'We are all broken people'! It doesn't matter at all how long you've been in ministry or even how long you've spent time in prayer! We are always broken in one way or another but we are always called to recognize, accept & embrace our brokenness and allow God to fix us all the time. But to also bear in mind that our prayer life makes the difference of how broken we are! And especially, as a guy, I fear telling others that I'm broken but today this revelation that 'We are all broken', speaks volumes of what kind of Men for God we are set out to be!

May we as people of God, never be afraid to embrace the brokenness in you! God will neverever want us to wear a mask to show people to show that we're alright when we are actually dying to seek for a listening ear and pour out our struggles in this demanding world!

Spread this culture of love & acceptance, People of God!

Praise God!

Learning from mistakes

Well over the last 2 posts, there's been alot of pain in the heart. As i read the post again and again, there just seems to be alot of thoughts of pain. And I've struggled to find where God's hand is in all of it! Time and again I wonder if this realizations have been part of God's plan because it seems to be hurting not only me the ones whom I struggle with.

Last night, I was feeling so frustrated and thankfully, God sent an angel (Estelle in this case) to bring my mind certain realizations of which she had made known to me. As I was chatting with her on MSN, i kept bring to the conversation the characteristics that I had developed over this of which I said I hated about myself at this present time. And in reply, she kept bringing to the conversation, the characteristics she saw in me. And after awhile I think it was God's way of telling me to really let go of the disappointments I was feeling about the person I had become. And Estelle just kept reminding me of who God formed me to be and to most importantly focus on that. And that really helped me calm down and allow all thoughts to just flow and let Jesus be in control.

But while spending some time in the adoration room earlier at night, I finally got a chance to sit down and take a look at everything that has been said and has happened. And the main conclusion, was that I felt really said that the things I used to love about myself haven't really been present over the course of this year. And in that sadness, I kept look at all the negatives of this year of which the Devil has always wanted but thankfully God sent me his angel. And as I reflected on the positives of this year, I realized that there was so much spiritual growth in me. And i maybe have yet to see the fruits of the spiritual growth from this year yet.

But the most captivating message from God during adoration was that it is a true fact that suffering is an ongoing process for us as we walk with Christ. Many a time, we need to be lost before we can find ourselves in God again. We need to be emptied before God can fill us again. If not what God has filled us with, wouldn't be purely from him, there would be a mixture of the good & bad. But its only when we empty ourselves where we will have 100% space for Jesus to fill us with his love & grace.

Looking ahead, God has invited me to try to bring the heavenly gifts I used to enjoy so much last year into the people I have been struggling with this year. This journey is always impossible but only my lovely God can make this possible.

Conclusion: Its always so easy for us to make mistakes but the heavenly call is the embrace the fact that we fell down and failed through our efforts. Then, we need to be humble enough to ask for guidance from God to teach us how to live again. And also recognise that it is only through God's strength that we can succeed.

Praise you God for this experience of learning from my mistakes! Teach me O Lord to live like you again!

Suffering for God's people

The weekend thats just passed has been one of intense pain in the heart. And as you would know from the previous post, "I'm losing my way", you would even wonder if things are getting better for me. In many ways, I'd say that things are getting harder to accept.

Yesterday, I had the opportunity to spend an hour in the Adoration Room before heading for evening mass at 5.30pm @ SFX. Actually I didn't plan for it at all. My initial plan was to go home after lunch with whomever and then head for mass from home. But God had other plans for me, although it may seems that we are in control of the way we live our lives. So lunch with Shaun, Estelle, Freeman & my God brother, Steven ended around 4pm. So since Estelle and myself intended to go for mass, we just ended up in church at 4.15pm and headed for an hour of silent time with God.

In the first 15 minutes in ado, I was just resting in the presence of God and not thinking too much, although there were a few instances when I almost dozed off. But after that I decided to start conversing with God without an agenda in mind. But as I conversed with God, a huge amount of sadness started to dawn upon me. This reflection took me even further and also started to become a really emotional time for me. I just started to feel extremely lost. Its constantly felt like I was on a Desert and I just had no clue where I was headed towards.

And soon my eyes started to filled with tears. I just keep thinking about the kind of person I used to be. I recalled the joy I had everytime I walked alone and for me that was a dance with the Lord. I knew that those were the times I really really treasured so much. And at this moment, I can't even recall the last time I felt that way. I also recalled how happy I was every single day of my life. In those times, I felt like I was already in Heaven with Christ Jesus, dancing and be ever joyful in God's presence. The most amazing character of the person I was, was how I had always followed my heart. And it was constantly, King David that I'd strive to be like, "A Man after God's own heart!" And as I continued to recall these moments, I just started to cry gently in the adoration room.

As I started to reflect on the person I was now, the sadness started to be too heavy for me to bear. And in the midst of this immense sadness, God kept gentle whispering in my ear & heart, "I know, my Child. I know." And I think it might have been quite surprising for Estelle (who is a 15-year-old confirmand) sitting beside me and witnessing my outward expressions of being lost. I was then reminded of how much support I had from my Cell, Amplify & YAM.

But as I started to settle down and allow God that chance to speak to me, He reminded me of How much joy I had last year when I wasn't "LOST". He showed me how easy it was to see him in the joys but then explained to me how difficult its was to see him in the struggles.

And then the revelation came by,

He said,

"You used to be rich in my joy, peace, love & grace but you knew that you're place to be of service to others would be with the youths of St. Francis Xavier church. So in this knowledge you became much poorer in my joy, peace, love & grace, so that the youths of St. Francis Xavier church could be rich in my joy, peace, love & grace. In summary, Mark Sebastian Abraham, my child, you gave of your richness in me to be poor so that others will become rich in me! You became lost so that others can find their way in me as their God"

And after this revelation from God, it started make sense for me. Although it still is so hard to accept. But I think the struggle is to be found in Jesus again so that I can dance in God's presence again. Thank you Jesus for this ongoing time of suffering. For I know I will surely growing in this time of suffering. But grant me the grace and strength to embrace my crosses just like you, Lord Jesus Christ.

Praise you, O Lord in the heavens for you make all things new!

I'm losing my way

Its been a few months already that I've been in this state! I'm even not sure what this state is! Prayer life has been really mundane for me. I recall the Mark I used to be where I used to be a source of immense joy to all whom I meet in my daily life. Nowadays, life seems extremely mundane. And in a million ways, I feel so sad when I start to reflect on this. And I've been really try to not admit this for the past few weeks but as I was reading a friend's blog, I realised how exciting that person's spiritual life was so exciting and it just kept reminding of the person I used to be. The most frightening thought/reflection was that in so many ways I've stopping believing in & following my heart. And I'm not too sure about how or what has led me to this state of dismay & saddness. And even as I type this post, there is an immense saddness that overwhelms me.

As I start to reflect on this, I am sure that the work of ministry hasn't been the source of blame but I think it's more of the culture of ministry at my parish that has been a decent amount that has caused this. I recall how I keep trying to influence everyone to keep walking with God by following their hearts.

And I keep reflecting on my walk with Jesus too. Over the past few months, I haven't really felt that joy in the Lord. I also start to recall that instant joy I used to have every single day especially on friday mornings. In the midst of all this, I am very aware that Sin has also been the cause my conclusions on the state that I'm in now. These feelings are so difficult to express in words but there just seems to be this immense void in my heart!

Lord Jesus I just feel so lost and extremely far from the person that I love and look up to when your love formed me. And my identity was "The Man who followed his heart!" I pray from the depths of my heart for you to restore me! I miss that Mark Sebastian Abraham so so much! The man that is inspired by your Love!

The Call of Greatness

In my life, I encounter so many people walking with Jesus from their hearts. And I'm talking about the people in this world who can really make a difference. These are the kind of people that serve & love our dearest God from their hearts. And when you get a chance to witness them serving in Ministry, you really do see the real person of Jesus in them. And if you get a chance to hear their sharings, you are just so sure that there is something so special about them. And you know that these are the kind of people that God has set out to achieve Greatness in this world because of our Lord Jesus! You know that it is solely because of Jesus that these people are set apart from everyone else to be great in this world. But nevertheless, these people go through the same kind of struggles as each and every one of us. They are surely not spared of the pains of walking with God!

But the question I think many of us might ask, "Does that mean we are not meant to be great in this world just ike them?" But I think we are always called to be great and God always gives us that opportunity to embrace that calling, but I guess as all of us still do belong to this world for now, we don't live up to that Calling of being great. But the 'Special Ones' answer & embraces that opportunity to be Great in this world.

An example would be how John the Baptist is set apart because he chose to make way for Jesus to take his role as the Saviour of the world. I could only imagine the amount of work John the Baptist had done before Jesus came in. But John the Baptist knew that his calling for Greatness had came to a close when Jesus came into the Picture!

But although I meet so many people of God who have that ability to be great, there are so few people that actually make it to the end. And as I was reflecting on this, I realised how sad God would be. He provides for all of us to be Great, but in the end so few of us make it to complete our Journey towards Greatness with God in this world. And the 2 names that come to my mind on the people that lasted through their Journey towards Greatness with God in this world is our Late Pope John Paul II as well as Blessed Mother Theresa. And it would probably make you a canonised Saint if you actually last that Journey to Greatness with God in this world!

May we look to them and our Lord Jesus to be Great in this world! Then others will know that We are Great because of Jesus! Jesus always makes us look Good!

Praise God!

Nature of our Hearts

How do we treat our hearts? Its a question that not many of us would want to think about, because in many ways it'll whole load of reflection and time. But have you ever wondered how your heart feels about the way you're living your life? Or have you reached a state where you always become resistant towards the feelings that come from our hearts due to the ways & influences of the world. The culture & people from this world always teaches us to always use your head more than the heart. But yet again, I'll say that I'm an extremely firm believer of the heart. For me, talking from experience, I believe that it is at your precious heart where the Most high, our Lord Jesus dwells in.

Just think about it, remember the time when you had your first crush, your heart went right out for that person. And if those feeling went any deeper, you'd find yourself falling in love with that person. And i strongly will confirm that it was your heart and not your mind that was falling in love. And even in Spirituality, remember that 1st time when you were at a worship session and was so immense touched by the love of God. It was surely your dearest heart which made the presence of God so strongly & deepely felt. And I'd say that it is true that the Word of God should penetrate your hearts not your minds right.

So the question is, What is the nature of your heart? What kind of state is your heart in? Or have we just given up on all hope that our hearts gives us the true answer in all our doubts with regards to the ministry we serve in, career decision, our vocation and even a girl/guy we have fallen for. The mind comes in to make awareness of the facts involved in that situation.

And Jesus would be such an excellant example for us when we recall the amount of Love he had for his people. Try remembering the number of times when it was said in the gospels when Jesus' heart went out to his people when he saw how much they were in need of a Shepherd. For me, an analysis of what my heart is feeling is a constant practice for me. The way I feel in my heart is so so important for me. It is always the case where my heart moves me to behave the way I do towards everyone. And what has always been refreshing, has been God's afirmation of the way my heart moves for him through his love. Another affirmtion for me, is how God always reminds me to constantly ground my heart in his Love.

God's love is always the foundation of my heart. And then all other kinds of love will follow and fit in its perfect place in my heart. May you allow yourself time to look at the nature your heart today? I'm sure by you reading this post,it may be God's invitation or reminder to look at the state of your heart! Don't let your heart become a heart of stone!

Ezekiel 36:26

I shall give you a new heart; and put a new spirit in you; I shall remove your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.

Trusting despite the unknowns

Trusting in God is a call that many of us are always called to do in our walks with the Lord! Its something we as children of God will eventually have to go through. Its also an experience which will bring out the best & worst in us. It brings out the worst in us cause it may lead us into a state of argument with God. It may also bring out the best in us cause we all know that God is right and always does everything that would be the best for us. But at the end of the day, we know that for us to move forward, we are surely called to trust in God's plan for us!

But is it easier to trust in God when we know what situation we are getting ourselves into? In many ways, I think this becomes so difficult for people who haven't really made that step to trust in God. But I think for those who have constantly made steps to place their life in God's hands, it would be a little bit easier as we have had the experience of reaping the benefits of trusting in God's plan for us in our lives.

But what happens when God invites you to trust him even when you are not even sure of what would or could happen? That's an invitation of trusting despite having so many unknowns in your mind & heart! Would we still trust in God with the same faith God has blest us with, being so aware of the many unknowns that accompany us? I think this would lead us into serious contemplation whether trusting in God is the right way to go! I sure that those who have walked the journey, would have surely encountered such experience with our precious Lord Jesus! But if you reflect a bit deeper on the word of God, we are affirmed by the many stories of how God called his servants to trust despite the awareness of the numerous unknowns.

I'd obviously start with the famous Abraham who was called to trust in God when God called him to sacrifice his first-born and only Son, Isaac. If we look at it, it would the most ridiculous thing to do. Just imagine, Abraham & his wife had been waiting for years & years to be bear a child and when God had finally blest them with a Son, God asked Abraham to kill their only Son. I'm sure Abraham was so confused about why God wanted this of him. But nevertheless, Abraham trusted in God but as we know the story, God stopped Abraham just before he was about to sacrifice his Son. And that was God test for Abraham.

And the next experience would be Jesus called out to Simon Peter from the boat to walk on water with him. This defies all logic, but nevertheless, Peter trusted in Jesus' call to him. But as we also know, he started to realise that he was defying human limitations and soon started to freak out and soon started to sink. But Jesus still saved him when he lacked faith!

From this, we can be convinced that even our lack of faith & trust in God's plan for us, we know that Jesus will be holding our hands as we make that leap of faith to trust in God even if there are huge amounts of doubts and unknowns in our minds & hearts.

The question is: Will you walk into the deep with God and trust him wholeheartedly even if it makes no logical sense at all?

Have a little faith! Make that leap of Faith!

Praise God! God Bless!

Confirmation Camp 2009

This is firstly one of God's most surprising presents from him to me.

At this year's confirmation camp'09 from 12-15 June'09, God gave me the role of being the Music IC at the camp. When I reflect upon this, I wonder every single time why God who had chosen me when he has blest so many others who are so much more talented than me in the area of Music!

And boy, was this role a challenge for me. But it was so amazing at the same time for me! God chose me and used me for his glory to bring others closer to him through the muscial talents he has blest me with. And till this very day, 20 months after learning to play the guitar, I still don't know how I got to this stage as a musician. I still see myself as a less than ordinary guitarist. And I think the whole experience of being the Music IC, has really humbled me as a musician. I felt like a different person during the camp! The music wasn't fantastic but it was good and there were so many times when I really couldn't believe that I was playing the guitar together with the team.

And for me, I had so much fun being a musician & a worship leader at the same time! I recall the worship session where I led & played the guitar, I could feel the immense presence & intimacy of God! It was truely like being in heaven with everyone! The feeling & experience was so intense & heavenly!



God truely uses his children and raises them to heights never imagined! I truely praise God for all that his has blessed me with and also the amazing music team he blessed me to work with!



Thank you my God! Thank you for your favour upon me!

The Gift of Prayer

Wow its has surely been amazingly long since my last post. But my life has really seen & lived out the truth of Jesus being my saviour! And keep a constant prayer life has been the foundations of the life in the Spirit for me!


About 2 weeks ago, I felt like the little distance I felt between God & me had been becoming bigger & bigger. And I knew God was making me realise this before my spiritual life enetered a stage where the distance would be too emotionally difficult for me to bear. But then, I started to reflect on why there was even a distance to start with. After much analysis & reflection, I realised that I am person that loves to live in the Spirit of God and sometimes allows my business to replace prayer but I still want that joyful life in the spirit of God! I guess it was something that was never a problem when I was in lovely Perth! But this time my business was due not to church but rather to my Final project in school where my hours in school is like working-life (9-5.30pm) everyday. So I guess I still hadn't adjust to the lifestyle of working hard to sustain my prayer life!


So once this realisation was brought to mind, I started placing the priority of my sleep behind the priority of prayer! And the wonders it has done for me, has truely been a blessing and at many times, Prayer makes me feel like I'm living "Heaven on Earth!"

For me, Prayer brings that the presence of my experience of the intimacy I have with my dearest God. It brings about that union Jesus had promised us before he died for us! One of the most awesome graces that Prayer also does for me is granting Wisdom & Humility unto me. And the more I pray, I've come to the realisation that I able to see the world & people through the eyes of Jesus! And I testify that I am who I am because of Prayer!


Its a heavenly gift that many of us don't really grasp and understand. But trust me when I say this Prayer is what brings you to an experience of 'Living Heaven on Earth'! And the adoration room & the Eucharist is the best place to start!


Praise God!

Post - Perth

Wow its been more 6 weeks since I came back from Perth and also since I last posted anything on my blog. Although many might have thought that Mark Sebastian's blog is dead, I'm here to try prove you wrong. Haha! Life has been so good ever since i came back from. And the awesome lies mostly in my spiritual life.

Here's an analogy of what my life has been like! You know when we make investments in something or someone we really believe in. And maybe months or years after the benefits of your investments in the person pays off in the end. You start to believe that it was truely the right decision in investing in that person! Well for me, its the same. Before I left for Perth, I felt that if I was to progress further in my Spiritual Life, I needed to invest in God! I needed to make Jesus the 100% rock in my own life. And for me, in my situation, it was a difficult thing to do, my finances weren't as good even before I left for Perth. But in the depths of my heart, I knew that it was the right decision to make.

And in the 6 weeks, I've witnessed the fruits of my investments in God. I've seen & experienced so many fruits from the time I've spent with God in Perth! Nowadays, Prayer has become a Joy and most importantly, its become a desire for me too. And I think through this time, I drawn so much closer to God.

And as God reminded me before I left Perth,

"Now that you have seen my Light again, I want you, Mark to be my Light in the Darkness for me and to also pave the way for the Lost!"

True enough, I've had the awesome opportunity of being a Light for Christ. I've also grown constantly with God as I continue to see situations & people through the loving eyes of Jesus! And may you also invest in God and allow him to bless you with fruit that will last!

The Departure of Perth

Tonight I'll be leaving fo Singapore. And yes I changed my flight to experience the holy week in SFX instead. And what an experience it has been here at perth for the last 5 weeks.

When I started my journey in Perth, my desire was to be with God in his presence and delight in it as much as possible. And boy, its been so refreshing and awesome. I feel like God has truely renewed me and allowed my mind to be opened to the revelations of the Almighty One! Its about viewing things and people through the eyes of our compassionate & loving Jesus!

And Perth has truely been really good to me. The views here have been really awesome & indescribable. It has taught me how to be really patient and calm all the time as well as learning to appreciate the little things we are blessed with in life like giving our appreciation to the people who serve us like the Bus drivers and customer service personnal. But what excites me the most is what God has in store for me as soon as I get back. I'm really sure that God has alot of ministry planned for me when I get back. But it may all be as simple as allowing my joyful self to bring joy and hope to everyone I meet throughout my days in my life!

So I await my return after an amazing experience here in Perth. Its an experience that is truely priceless! Praise God! Amen!

Following our Hearts

For those who are really close to me who know as someone who is in full support of trusting our hearts as we walk with our lovely Lord! For me, as I’ve said or blogged about many times, “The heart is the greatest gift that God has ever given because its only at our hearts where we feel the love that Go has poured out so amazingly upon us and its also at the heart where we truly are able to recognize and meet the love which Jesus himself poured out upon us through the death of his cross.

I guess its also why I always love walking upon God. Its just mainly because God embraces & respects that I need my heart whenever I walk with the Lord! Its only at our awesome hearts where God speaks to us and allows his grace to flow. And I am sure that its at our hearts where we feel the grace of God flowing in us, not even brilliant our minds are able to feel the grace & love of God. And of course using our hearts is something that this world of ours will never approve of.

As many guys would say that using our hearts is for girls but here comes a revelation from the heavens:

“It takes more courage to follow your heart that not to follow your heart because when you follow your heart, you will enter into a state where you will be left venerable and a feeling of unknowns of what would happen. It’ll lead you to a place where you could easily be abandoned but could also lead you to a place that's closest to heaven.”

It really does take true courage to follow your heart and the sad thing today is that even people in our parishes of our ministries don’t follow their hearts due to the influences of our seniors. But would following your heart lead to the evil one?

This is when the brilliant Spirit of God comes into place in our lives. If we are constantly indulging in things that are mastered by the evil one, then so too will our hearts be guided by the Spirit of the Evil one. This is what God himself did teach me whenever I followed my heart. For my heart to be seeking God, then it must be guided by the Spirit of God! But then I asked how? And that was when God revealed to me; ‘Prayer’ is the key for all of this to add up positively. Prayer is what keeps us constantly in the Spirit of God and allows our hearts to be molded by God & his Love.

So, following our hearts and always immersing ourselves in prayer is the key when we walk with God and know that along the way, God will always teach us the knowledge of God himself. Sin is what tries to separate us from God and steers our hearts towards the evil one. That’s when the true knowledge of God and his love is important. This knowledge would lead us back to God. And once we are the state of grace & love again, we will always be able to delight in God because our hearts always belong to him and he’ll be guiding us always.

Stay in tune with the Spirit of God and follow your hearts! Praise God!