Its been a few months already that I've been in this state! I'm even not sure what this state is! Prayer life has been really mundane for me. I recall the Mark I used to be where I used to be a source of immense joy to all whom I meet in my daily life. Nowadays, life seems extremely mundane. And in a million ways, I feel so sad when I start to reflect on this. And I've been really try to not admit this for the past few weeks but as I was reading a friend's blog, I realised how exciting that person's spiritual life was so exciting and it just kept reminding of the person I used to be. The most frightening thought/reflection was that in so many ways I've stopping believing in & following my heart. And I'm not too sure about how or what has led me to this state of dismay & saddness. And even as I type this post, there is an immense saddness that overwhelms me.
As I start to reflect on this, I am sure that the work of ministry hasn't been the source of blame but I think it's more of the culture of ministry at my parish that has been a decent amount that has caused this. I recall how I keep trying to influence everyone to keep walking with God by following their hearts.
And I keep reflecting on my walk with Jesus too. Over the past few months, I haven't really felt that joy in the Lord. I also start to recall that instant joy I used to have every single day especially on friday mornings. In the midst of all this, I am very aware that Sin has also been the cause my conclusions on the state that I'm in now. These feelings are so difficult to express in words but there just seems to be this immense void in my heart!
Lord Jesus I just feel so lost and extremely far from the person that I love and look up to when your love formed me. And my identity was "The Man who followed his heart!" I pray from the depths of my heart for you to restore me! I miss that Mark Sebastian Abraham so so much! The man that is inspired by your Love!
