A new discernment

The word 'discernment' has been a word that has appeared in this blog many times. It's something that continues to remain a mystery for many people. It's also something that many people in this modern day aren't really accustomed to. There are many reasons for this issue on a lack of discerning people of god! In this modern world, we live in a very fast-paced life where we require our demands & wants to be received almost immediately or at the very least, in a very short span of time! This is credited to a certain extent to the very efficient way that our modern world works today! We live in a world where patience isn't very much present and I'm sure it's alright to say that patience isn't needed much because demands are expected to be delivered at an instant! Hence, it becomes alright to say that Discernment isn't very common in our modern world today. But I would very much disagree to this.

Recently, I've just finished reading a very famous book on discernment called, "Weeds among the Wheat". It's really been amazing book to read as I've come to realize the mistakes I've made in my own discernment! But I'd say that without those mistakes, I wouldn't have enjoyed reading this book as much. There has been so much that I've learnt about discernment! I've also come to a realization that discernment is a difficult practice in our present times due to the very evident fact that our world doesn't provide a very conducive climate for discernment. But this doesn't mean that discernment is impossible, rather it challenges us to a much deep dependence on God to be with us in our discernment! Another aspect of discernment that many of us are afraid of is the truth that there may be a chance that we would fall and make mistakes. The question we should be asking ourselves in this fear is, "Do you think you are so great that it would be so easy to ruin your life?" God surely is much more in control of our lives than we perceive him to be, especially if we grant him full control of our lives! In the first place, all he needed was our permission to take control of our lives! Then we may ask ourselves, then how could God allow mistakes to happen! God allows them because it would then challenge us to be humble and depend on God more!

Over the past 3 years, I've been on 2 discernments on 2 different people. Over the course of these discernments, I've come to embrace that I've made many mistakes. They're mistakes that also could have been avoided. But in process of making these mistakes, I've come to accept that I need to learn about something before I enter into it. I've also come to celebrate that God has saved me from the misery of my mistakes! This process hasn't been one bit easy. It's been a process where I've really had to humble myself and cry out to God to help me. But it's been a process that has led me to have a much deeper dependence & trust in God! God has definitely written straight on my crooked lines! I've definitely learnt from the mistakes I've made. In hope not to make those mistakes again, but if I do make those mistakes again, then it happens for a reason and I need to know God is with me all the way.

At this present moment, there are many desires that lies in my heart. But amidst those desires, there is 1 outstanding desire. This desire is to allow God's will to take place in my life. I've also come to a deeper understanding that God's will is for you to be happy according to his ways not ours. But when we come to embrace and see the goodness of his ways, our ways slowly comes closer to his ways! In my heart, there is much joy at the way my journey with God is headed towards! Ever since coming back from my Aussie trip, I've been discovering so much of myself. I am very sure that this is not only the beauty & joy of my relationship with God but it is also a time of preparation for what is to come for me. I feel very much filled with a hope rooted & founded in God alone!

Since the recent Aussie trip, I've come to a much deeper realization of the emotions within my heart, especially with regards to a deep desire in my heart to stay in Aussie! It's actually a desire that I chose to reject for the last 2 years. All this while, I had always assumed that God was never in favour of this desire. It's only been recently that I've opened my heart to this desire when a good friend of mine said something during a workshop he gave. He said, "If we don't have a choice in journey with God, then that isn't a love advocated by god! In God's love, there is always a choice." This led me to at least consider this desire. Once I opened my heart to this desire, the option to study in a university there became a much more possible option. Slowly, more doors to aid this option started to open! The most obvious door was when the worry of finances was put to rest for at least my first year of university studies. Since opening my heart to this option, this desire to be there has grown into a very concrete option as least. Now, I'm officially taking a 7-month discernment on whether to study in Aussie or Singapore. I feel much more at peace with the idea of Discernment now because I've learnt the ways of Catholic Discernment!

Lord Jesus, I praise & thank you for the many things happening in my life. I also thank you for guiding me to open this option of discerning where to study. I pray that you will guide me on my discernment. I pray that I be honest with my emotions and trust that you will speak your will into my heart! Fill me with your holy spirit as I make this discernment with you! I need you and depend on you, God!

Praise you, O God of heaven & earth!