There just lies this huge amount of pressure upon me throughout this whole process of studying for my final exams! And in many ways, its being the exams for my last semester really just adds onto the pressure of doing much better this time. I am fully aware that the pressure isn't the same compared to previous poly exams.
And it enters this state of confusion when I start to think about who is placing this pressure upon me! I am most certain that it isn't God at all! And I guess I have been placing too much pressure on myself to perform even better as its the very last set of exams in poly! And as weird as it is, its funny how its reached this point. Its so seldom that I place pressure on myself to perform but I guess its something that has happened!
Its really not been a walk in the park this time. I constantly find myself getting angry & frustrated with myself for not being able to remember the content that I need to remember! And one of the toughest parts of this experience is not being convinced that I've done enough! Its that feeling where you know you have studied everything but you aren't convinced yourself! And I guess this has been a reason for the many frustrations! With the 1st of the 2 exams starting tomorrow, an increased amount of nervousness sets in!
Another load of nervousness entered today when a very late realisation was made this afternoon. All the while, I had the idea that my Instrumentation exam was on Tuesday and my Automation exam on Wednesday! But when I doubled-checked it this afternoon, it was the opposite. And I started to freak out! And after studying and studying, I knew that God would be essential in the midst of a total mess!
As I entered church, feelings of whether I would mess up my exams started to really overwhelm me and more nervousness entered my heart! But as mass began, I just surrender everything into the trustworthy hands of Jesus! And throughout the mass, I just felt very strongly about this message, "My Son, embrace your nervousness! And make it part of you" And as soon as I started to try to embrace it, I felt this great grace of God flowing in my heart! Its like the confidence of heaven came down upon you!
And God said, "Just do your best, my son! You know that I'm always with you! Let me work my wonders! Just have faith as always!"
And so I'm just going to have a real go at it whether my heart feels ready or not because my God is ready to do wonders for me over the next 2 days of exams! And he grants me a faith that will move mountains!
Lead me, Lord Jesus! You are always my Rock, both in the good & bad times!
PS: Please please do keep me in prayer! My exams are on the 23rd Feb @ 9.30am & 24th Feb @ 2.30pm!
Monday, February 22, 2010
Friday, February 19, 2010
40-day Lent Journey in the Desert
This is the journey that I've decided upon this Lent. It was an idea that I had over the last few weeks leading up to the start of Lent! The idea actually came from how Jesus himself spent 40 days/nights in the desert praying and fasting. And as I asked God about the idea, he approved of it as it was a way for God to take me to the unknown and more importantly, Refine me!
This 40-day Journey with God in the desert, is really one where my heart is taken into a depth of great intensity with God! And as I reflect upon what lies ahead for me over this lent, a great deal of excitement burst out in my heart. But God has made it very clear that entering the desert with him isn't going to be easy at all, and in fact its going to be one of dryness and suffering too. But its really so awesome to see how God continues to mould me into the one he desires me to become! In many ways, its also an investment in God yet again. Last year, it was sweet sweet aussie for lent!
But this journey is really one of intense silent prayer mostly, where each day starts with an hour of prayer in the morning! And over the last 3 days, I'd say its been tough but really good. As God has said that the 1st week is about settling into the spirit of the desert! So its surely going to be a blessed experience!
But I am really excited over what God is going to show me in the desert over these 40 days! So instead of doing something dull, make a commitment and grow deeper with God this lent!
And on the side of my sacrifice for Lent, I have decided to give my Ipod to Stephen for lent! So I don't cheat on my sacrifice for lent!
Take this Lent not as one of suffering, but rather allow God to take you to a place where you've never been! Maybe allow Jesus to be a more real person to you! Jesus desires that we receive him. Allow Jesus to reveal himself to you this Lent! He has great plans for you! All he needs is for you to be available and open!!!
Praise the Blessed Cross of Jesus!
PS: Please do keep me in prayer on the 23/24 Feb! It is my final exams in Poly! And its not easy at all! Thanks!
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Familiarity breeds Contempt
This was a statement made during his sermon at the evening mass at SFX by our parish priest, Fr John Bosco. It was based on the Gospel of yesterday, Mark 1:1-6. It was a passage that spoke about how the people of the town from where Jesus was, just couldn't accept that Jesus was so wise and could do such amazing miracles. And Fr John Bosco spoke about how his own friends found it so difficult to accept his desire to become a priest when he spoke to them about it before entering the Seminary. And he shared about how so many of his friends laughed at him, as they knew the bad sides of him.
But as I too reflect on the passage, there are a few testimonies that Faith becomes the key to everything that is from God. In verse 5 of the passage, it says that Jesus could not do any miracles in his hometown and that he could only lay hands on a few sick people and healed them. But for me, this verse speaks volumes about how important faith is when it comes to miracles. For so many of us, we stifle our minds to see people working miracles as the great ones and neglect the actual reasons for these people to be able to do such wonders. Simply, we fail to see the Sources of miracles, God!
And as I reflect on the statement made by Fr John Bosco, there seems to be such an extreme truth in this statement. Familiarity breeds Contempt in ways that we ourselves underestimate to a very large extent. And of late, I was listening to a friend who've been struggling with peers who aren't able to accept the more Christ-centered person my friend is becoming. And in the midst of these struggles, feelings of jealousy arose in the hearts of the peers. It becomes an extremely sad truth of the kind of world we live in. But in many ways this is exactly what happened in time of Jesus!
And as I go deeper into this reflect, I see that there are a few choices we have as we take the place of the peers. We have the choice of allowing our hearts to embrace the person that we see in front of us and get jealous of who this person is becoming. But to these choices, many would head forward to ask, "Aren't we all human to feel this way?" And the next point would help us realise that it isn't the feelings that make us become someone not of Christ, but rather, its our response towards these feelings. Temptation isn't a sin! But when we choose to act upon the temptation & conform to what the evil one wants, then that leads us into sin.
And as I reflect upon the way friendships are based in today's world. I realise that it is possible to choose that first option to allow our hearts to embrace the person that God is forming in front of us! I am so blessed that God has granted me such a friendship where I am able to not only embrace, but also affirm and praise the person that is reaching greatness founded in Jesus Christ! And I am thankful that they can do the same for me! But the real reason for this wonder is that this friendship is rooted in the very Unconditional Love of Jesus & Prayer! And if we actually take this guide to build our friendships on the Unconditional Love of Jesus & Prayer, after awhile, it becomes an impulse & something so natural for all of us to embrace the greatness within our friends! And soon feelings of jealousy will be minimized to such a large extent! Even if feelings that aren't from God are present, we have the perfect solution! Start praying for the grace to embrace instead of being jealous!
And as I enter my last point of reflection, I look to the ever so famous St. Paul for the perfect example as the one that rose so high and became so great! But the best part is that he knew that his greatness was founded in Christ Jesus and we all know how he never stopped praising the name of Jesus! And if you find yourself being ridiculed for who our Lord Jesus is forming you to become, look to St. Paul for inspiration! Don't allow this world or your peers or anyone stifle the person Jesus DESIRES you to become! Greater things are still to be done in you!
Lastly, the best way to define if one's greatness is founded in Christ Jesus, start by paying very close attention to how much praise this person gives to Jesus Christ and whether he/she claims any credit for himself/herself! If this person gives all praise unto God and never takes anything for himself/herself, embrace this greatness you see in this person! You may also see the weaknesses in this person, but just wait because God will turn those weaknesses into strengths!
May we start embracing the beautiful people God blesses us with and also starting humbling ourselves to learn from this people! These are the ones that have been chosen by God to be set apart for his glory and for this world to learn from! I'm sure there are many many St. Pauls (male & female) amongst us and it could be one of our friends!
Let's allow, "Familiarity to breed Admiration & Love" instead!
Praise God!
But as I too reflect on the passage, there are a few testimonies that Faith becomes the key to everything that is from God. In verse 5 of the passage, it says that Jesus could not do any miracles in his hometown and that he could only lay hands on a few sick people and healed them. But for me, this verse speaks volumes about how important faith is when it comes to miracles. For so many of us, we stifle our minds to see people working miracles as the great ones and neglect the actual reasons for these people to be able to do such wonders. Simply, we fail to see the Sources of miracles, God!
And as I reflect on the statement made by Fr John Bosco, there seems to be such an extreme truth in this statement. Familiarity breeds Contempt in ways that we ourselves underestimate to a very large extent. And of late, I was listening to a friend who've been struggling with peers who aren't able to accept the more Christ-centered person my friend is becoming. And in the midst of these struggles, feelings of jealousy arose in the hearts of the peers. It becomes an extremely sad truth of the kind of world we live in. But in many ways this is exactly what happened in time of Jesus!
And as I go deeper into this reflect, I see that there are a few choices we have as we take the place of the peers. We have the choice of allowing our hearts to embrace the person that we see in front of us and get jealous of who this person is becoming. But to these choices, many would head forward to ask, "Aren't we all human to feel this way?" And the next point would help us realise that it isn't the feelings that make us become someone not of Christ, but rather, its our response towards these feelings. Temptation isn't a sin! But when we choose to act upon the temptation & conform to what the evil one wants, then that leads us into sin.
And as I reflect upon the way friendships are based in today's world. I realise that it is possible to choose that first option to allow our hearts to embrace the person that God is forming in front of us! I am so blessed that God has granted me such a friendship where I am able to not only embrace, but also affirm and praise the person that is reaching greatness founded in Jesus Christ! And I am thankful that they can do the same for me! But the real reason for this wonder is that this friendship is rooted in the very Unconditional Love of Jesus & Prayer! And if we actually take this guide to build our friendships on the Unconditional Love of Jesus & Prayer, after awhile, it becomes an impulse & something so natural for all of us to embrace the greatness within our friends! And soon feelings of jealousy will be minimized to such a large extent! Even if feelings that aren't from God are present, we have the perfect solution! Start praying for the grace to embrace instead of being jealous!
And as I enter my last point of reflection, I look to the ever so famous St. Paul for the perfect example as the one that rose so high and became so great! But the best part is that he knew that his greatness was founded in Christ Jesus and we all know how he never stopped praising the name of Jesus! And if you find yourself being ridiculed for who our Lord Jesus is forming you to become, look to St. Paul for inspiration! Don't allow this world or your peers or anyone stifle the person Jesus DESIRES you to become! Greater things are still to be done in you!
Lastly, the best way to define if one's greatness is founded in Christ Jesus, start by paying very close attention to how much praise this person gives to Jesus Christ and whether he/she claims any credit for himself/herself! If this person gives all praise unto God and never takes anything for himself/herself, embrace this greatness you see in this person! You may also see the weaknesses in this person, but just wait because God will turn those weaknesses into strengths!
May we start embracing the beautiful people God blesses us with and also starting humbling ourselves to learn from this people! These are the ones that have been chosen by God to be set apart for his glory and for this world to learn from! I'm sure there are many many St. Pauls (male & female) amongst us and it could be one of our friends!
Let's allow, "Familiarity to breed Admiration & Love" instead!
Praise God!
Monday, February 1, 2010
A dream come true
For 7 years, this has been a dream for me - to be an owner of the book, "Come be my light", which talks about Blessed Mother Theresa's 40 years spiritual darkness. And for the past 7 years, the closest I came to, was to only dream about having this book. This was because, everytime I had the finances to purchase this, I'd forget to but the book. And everytime, my heart longed for this beautiful book, it would be a moment where there was too much stuff that my finances to had to proceed to. But as I reflect deeper into this, I realise that it wasn't about the price of the book. But rather it was the longing of my heart & soul that just laid as a secret and to a very large extent, God only knew about this longing. Its something that wasn't even aware to me.
But this realisation was made so aware when I received this absolutely PRICELESS gift from an angel whom I'd say knows my heart the most. And in a very worldly sense, it may seem like a very normal & simple gift. But this becomes a moment where my heart just bursts out into rejoicing being so blessed & humbled to receive this gift. Its a feeling that I, myself find so difficult to express in words. But its such a heavenly feeling!
Well it all started after 9am mass when this angel passed me my birthday present which I was totally taken aback by, because this angel had already given me a birthday present. But this was only the start of how beautiful this sunday morning would turn out to be! And thank God that this angel told me to open the present before session started. And as I read this angel's birthday card to me, my heart was filled with very humbling love resting within me! And as I read it even more, I felt so humbled & in awe of what this angel thought of me! But then I headed to the lift area at the 2nd floor of the parish centre, where I was alone.
And as I opened the present, I couldn't believe what was in my hands. It was a book that I could only dream about and the closest I came, was to actually hold the book at read what was on the covers! It really meant the world for me to hold this beautiful book in my hands! And it really was a moment where my heart felt so touched & in awe of God and this angel! And it really just means so much to me! And I'd say that this gift is the greatest & best gift I've ever received in my 22 years of life! And i mean it from the very depths of my heart! Its a gift that speaks so much of my heart and soul!
And its really makes my heart get to a great level of excitement when I read it. You can surely expect some post on this book I've started reading today!
Praise be unto God who knows me so well. I pray that this angel will receive the Love of God and also be so aware of how proud Jesus is of this angel! I pray that God grants you the desires of your heart and that he will lead you to perfect peace as you search to discover and do his will for you in your life!
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