A call to Fall

This may actually be a call that may be sound so weird to many people. We very often talk about the call to rise above who we think we are into the person that God calls us to be! In times of temptation with sin, we struggle with whether or not we are actually able to believe in what God is trying to do within each of us in the long term. We struggle because we have a very strong human tendency to pave the way that we think would be better. This can become so strong and eventually become a temptation that can be too hard to turn away from. It can also develop into something that is so strong that we fail to even realise that we have such a problem. I think that this is because of pride. Our pride grows each time we fail to come before the very feet of Jesus to surrender our everything unto his hands!

For me, this is what had happened to me. The only question is to what extent it had become. I realise only now that over the course of December, there was a call for me to fall. It means that it was a process where God had to strip me off everything that I had considered mine, whether realised or unrealised. I was in a pit so deep that I couldn't even identify it. I had a pride so big that I became my biggest obstacle for Jesus to take full control of my life. But even in such a situation, God would never at all give up on me. To God, I was too precious to be allowed to just waste all that he has blest me with in my life. And that's why he sent me someone, after a very long wait to explain where I had gone wrong in my discernment!

In my discernment, my love for Jesus became divided. Although there was an immense amount of growth through the great increase in prayer, this was a fact that I was totally blinded from. It was a fact that my very love for Jesus became divided. It meant that in a very unconscious way, the evil one was able to slowly take me away from Jesus or at least ensure that my love for Jesus wasn't undivided! In this process, God allowed this to happen because he knew I would become so much stronger. But the price for such strength to be attained would be a very painful phase where I would fall into temptation.

It was also through this process where God wanted to strip me off everything I had, to purify me even further! This is exactly what happened. In the month of December, I fell so badly. But it was a process that God wanted me to go through because it would serve to be a period of healing from my many excruciating experiences & feelings that continued to linger deep within me even after my discernment had ended. It was a deep scar deep within my heart! And even though I know that I might be able to lead someone else who had the same problem as me, back to God, I knew that there was nothing within me that could help my cause. The only thing I could do was to wait upon God as he prepared for my healing!

God did that exactly! What a joy it was when God did it also! It became even better when God used one of his beloved sons to explain everything to me. At that very moment on Saturday, everything started to make sense! It was only after this call to fall so terribly when it made sense! The discernment served to be a process to make me learn from my mistakes and become even better, wiser and much closer to the person that God desires for me to become eventually!

Sometimes, we don't understand why we go through certain experiences with God in life, especially when we actually are seeking God! But God loves each of us more than anything else in the world and he knows what lies ahead for you! God wants to give each of us certain strengths that require us to go through certain excruciating experiences, so that we will become better! Hence it is our call to trust him and surrender, even when it doesn't make any sense at all! This is the only way to denounce ourselves to pick up our crosses! This is the only way to denounce our pride and be moulded by the humility of God!