Well at first glance; this may be quite a immense shocker for many who read the title of this post! But yes it is true that I'm doing a post of CHIJ-Toa Payoh. For those who don't know, of which I really highly doubt, CHIJ-Toa Payoh Primary & Secondary is a Catholic School in Singapore, founded by Blessed Nicholas Barre. The school's name may seem to be quite normal but this school is in no way at all normal, of course I mean this in a very positive way. It may even seem so extremely shocking for a guy to even write a post on an all-girls school. Hahaha! But I really am.
Over the past 3 weeks, I've been at CHIJ-Toa Payoh doing school missions for the Sec 2s & Sec3s. Actually, I've been doing these CHIJ-Toa Payoh school missions since last year. And I've also had the opportunity to be able to do School Missions with CHIJ St. Nicholas Secondary & Holy Innocents' Secondary. Basically, School Missions is a half-day program where sessions are conducted for the teens to help bond them together and also help instill a sense of awareness of the needs & problems of the modern world we live in. And alot of these sessions are centered around God. But God is known to be the one common God we all believe, so there are times when we ask the teens to actually pray in their own way to the God that they worship. So this is basically what is done at the School Missions.
But when I go to CHIJ-Toa Payoh, there is this immense spirit that is never felt when I go for school missions to other schools. And its a spirit that is definitely bonded by God. You know, there is just this amazing feeling that you feel as you enter the school and be with the students. Its a feeling that is rooted in genuine love. Even when the school missions are done, there are students of different races & religions that are bonded in the Love of God! And even we as a Mission Team, feel so excited when we go to CHIJ-Toa Payoh to do the School Missions. I would go even as far to say that, "To be in the compound of CHIJ-Toa Payoh, is to be in the presence of the unified God!"
Other than the awesome God-filled Spirit of this school, the students just amaze you with this awesome welcome that they so amazingly do. The students are able to really put on that love of Christ that our Catholic Church teaches us to do in our own everyday lives. I am not driving the point that the students of CHIJ-Toa Payoh are perfect. But what this school does the most is to drive the point that Love is the Most Important Thing in life, not just our studies.
As I reflect deeper into this point, I see how I would have absolutely loved to be a school like CHIJ-Toa Payoh. In my teen days, the essence of Love was missed ever so much. And being in an all-boys school, there was this immense absence of God. I don't think I would have even considered spending time in prayer during my recess or even waking up extra early to attend the morning prayer in the Chapel. But in this school, there are a handful of teachers that are the source of encouragement to the students to live out a God-centered life. And its these same handful of teachers that helps the students get through each day with the essence of God in their hearts. These handful of teachers are the 'Jesus' to each student, cheering them on both in their studies & their walk with God. Our modern world today is just in a great need for love to be expressed more. And the girls from CHIJ-Toa Payoh will be that model of God to this very cruel world! I mean its just so saddening to see how the women of today are being treated as such subjects in our world today. And its really schools like CHIJ-Toa Payoh that really helps these girls to keep their dignity!
I'm not saying that this is absolutely missing in the others school, But rather I'm saying that the presence of God is greater felt at CHIJ-Toa Payoh. Even the ones,who have graduated from this school, continue to possess the very values that this school teaches, its values of Compassion, Empathy & Love. And you just know when you meet a girl from this school, their personality will be their greatest evidence. But one thing to take note of is that the girls from this school can get quite crazy, but even their craziness could be quite a blessing unto you. These girls just know how to enjoy life in the way of heaven, but also know how to work hard in life.
And since I am called to the Vocation of Marriage, I not only hope, but I desire for my daughter/s to be in this school. At least in future, I know that even if I have failed as a Dad, I will be rest assured that my daughter/s will have another place to receive that immense Love of God! But surely that's not the only reason, because this school is really a gift from heaven! I will know that my future daughter/s will be in a safe place rooted in the Love of God!
May we learn something special from this school, it is really a gift from heaven unto us. How apt that today is the school's Founder's Day! Praise God for CHIJ-Toa Payoh and their constant efforts to promote love & unity in the midst of attaining an education!
PS: I wrote this post on my own accord. There was no one who asked or forced me to write this post. I really do feel so inspiried by what CHIJ-Toa Payoh has done & continues to strongly do.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Pentecost Outpouring
Today has really be one of those really anointed days where the Sun seems to shine brighter than ever before and everyone around you seems to be angel sent from up above. As this Pentecost Sunday began, I absolutely no expectations from God. But within the very depths of my heart, there lay an immense knowing that God was really about to do something very very special, no just to me but also for YV. And true enough, this knowing became a reality.
The 9am mass was just so beautiful and so anointed. It really felt like the Spirit of God sweeping through the church as mass carried on. But it was at YV session where God just blew me away with his greatness. I was just so amazed at how God used each of the 5 worship songs to minister unto YV. Its really perfect when God plans it all out. And as I lead in worship, it really felt like the exact atmosphere more than 2000 years ago when the 1st Pentecost happened! After worship, we moved over to pray-over each other. I will really admit that there was just this immense power of the Holy Spirit. God had kept his promise to show up and to come in strength too. It was a session where even I too was ministered too, even as I was leading & playing for worship.
But the part that stood the most for me, was when I was prayed over by my community, led by Estelle. It was a moment where God had really just poured out his affirmations unto me. I was just so so humbled by what Estelle, Stephen, Clarice & the rest had to say. Its just one of those moments when all the affirmations came out at once. I personally felt very touched by what others thought of me and also how much people look up to me. Praise unto God.
I really praise for what this day has brought me. You made it possible! Can I call it a comeback? Well I will definitely call it that! Perfect Day for a comeback! I miss your sweet presence so much My Lord Jesus!
Affirmation that stood out: You are certainly a Man after God's own heart!
The 9am mass was just so beautiful and so anointed. It really felt like the Spirit of God sweeping through the church as mass carried on. But it was at YV session where God just blew me away with his greatness. I was just so amazed at how God used each of the 5 worship songs to minister unto YV. Its really perfect when God plans it all out. And as I lead in worship, it really felt like the exact atmosphere more than 2000 years ago when the 1st Pentecost happened! After worship, we moved over to pray-over each other. I will really admit that there was just this immense power of the Holy Spirit. God had kept his promise to show up and to come in strength too. It was a session where even I too was ministered too, even as I was leading & playing for worship.
But the part that stood the most for me, was when I was prayed over by my community, led by Estelle. It was a moment where God had really just poured out his affirmations unto me. I was just so so humbled by what Estelle, Stephen, Clarice & the rest had to say. Its just one of those moments when all the affirmations came out at once. I personally felt very touched by what others thought of me and also how much people look up to me. Praise unto God.
I really praise for what this day has brought me. You made it possible! Can I call it a comeback? Well I will definitely call it that! Perfect Day for a comeback! I miss your sweet presence so much My Lord Jesus!
Affirmation that stood out: You are certainly a Man after God's own heart!
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
The Absence
Its been a total of 49 days since my last blog post. The reason for this has been due to the lack & prayer & growth with God. In the past 49 days, I have been more free than ever to actually do many many blog posts. But every time I came close to blogging a post, I just couldn't come to express my current state of feelings into words. There just seemed to be so much regret, sadness & emptiness within me. This has been my current state over the last 49 days. For those who remember the post, "My Biggest Trial yet", well I am still in the midst of that trial. In my heart, it feels like a disease that seems incurable. Its like I am in a deep pit that I can't get out of.
As I compare & contrast between Lent & Easter, there seems to be an immense disappointment in me. I prayed everyday for the 40 days of Lent, but ever since Easter Sunday, I stopped praying every morning. It also feels like I've disappointed many many many people, as I could have been able to help them through many of their struggles, by leading them back to God or something. But in those moments, I couldn't even help myself to my feet, due to intensity of my struggles with my discernment. And the biggest regret is how much I've really disappointed God. I just come to the point where I've lost almost everything within my heart, especially the passion to be God's instrument.
There just seems like something has died within me. And that something is priceless and it can never be attained from this passing world. This something has everything to do with God and where he wants me to be. And to be very honest, I really don't know what God thinks of me at this moment, where I have not just fallen down but I've been such a disappointment to God. In my heart, there is just extreme emptiness and no love whatsoever. There just seems to be nothing good in my heart. There used to be so much love within me, but now there is just no love that exists within me. There are only memories of the good person that I used to be. There are only memories of how close I used to be with God!
It is only the faith that I still believe that tells me that God still loves me. But in my heart, I'm not sure if I still believe in that truth. Though this situation seems so devastating, the one good thing within my heart. My Desire to do the Will of God is even greater. Its greater like never before.
But as I reflect upon this good thing, I wonder if it is even a good thing, because if my life is in such shatters, doesn't it make sense that I'd want to do God's will? Lord I wish you would speak! I know you are here with me still. Although I know that I don't deserve to be in your presence! But I pray that you will speak!
Praise you O God still!
As I compare & contrast between Lent & Easter, there seems to be an immense disappointment in me. I prayed everyday for the 40 days of Lent, but ever since Easter Sunday, I stopped praying every morning. It also feels like I've disappointed many many many people, as I could have been able to help them through many of their struggles, by leading them back to God or something. But in those moments, I couldn't even help myself to my feet, due to intensity of my struggles with my discernment. And the biggest regret is how much I've really disappointed God. I just come to the point where I've lost almost everything within my heart, especially the passion to be God's instrument.
There just seems like something has died within me. And that something is priceless and it can never be attained from this passing world. This something has everything to do with God and where he wants me to be. And to be very honest, I really don't know what God thinks of me at this moment, where I have not just fallen down but I've been such a disappointment to God. In my heart, there is just extreme emptiness and no love whatsoever. There just seems to be nothing good in my heart. There used to be so much love within me, but now there is just no love that exists within me. There are only memories of the good person that I used to be. There are only memories of how close I used to be with God!
It is only the faith that I still believe that tells me that God still loves me. But in my heart, I'm not sure if I still believe in that truth. Though this situation seems so devastating, the one good thing within my heart. My Desire to do the Will of God is even greater. Its greater like never before.
But as I reflect upon this good thing, I wonder if it is even a good thing, because if my life is in such shatters, doesn't it make sense that I'd want to do God's will? Lord I wish you would speak! I know you are here with me still. Although I know that I don't deserve to be in your presence! But I pray that you will speak!
Praise you O God still!
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Absolute Surrender
Over the course of this week, there have been much intense reflections that I've been in. The underlining reasons for these reflections have been majorly centered around this new invitation that God had expressed unto me. This was God's invitation to me at the end of the YMC retreat. This invitation came the night after God ministered to me directly. It was at the worship session on Sunday morning when God spoke out unto me,
"I want absolute surrender from you! I want everything of you! I want your life completely in my hands!"
I was actually quite shocked when I received this invitation from God. I had actually thought that I had already surrendered my life unto the safe hands of our Lord. Nevertheless, in that very moment of intimacy with God, I responded unto God's invitation,
"I am yours my Lord! I belong to me alone. Do unto me what you have planned! I give you my absolute surrender!"
In that very moment of my response, an immense union of God entered my heart. In that very moment, I knew that what lay ahead for me would be alot more intense & difficult. I just knew that within me, there would be a great deal of suffering and sacrifice that awaited me. As I embraced what lay ahead, as well as this absolute surrender, God's joy at my response just flowed like a river deep within my heart. This joy wasn't mine, but it was rather the Joy of God!
As worship was still on, the song 'Forever' was played and that's when the Joy of God was made aware unto everyone. I started to dance in the presence of God as this song was played. I had never ever seen myself worship God in this way. I was dancing & jumping in absolute joy! It was one of those experiences where you know it isn't you, but it was the Spirit of the Lord within me. So those who did see me, that was only a fraction of God's joy!! Hahaha!!!
Moving on, I had spent Sunday night reflecting upon this invitation of 'Absolute Surrender'. Initially, I thought that God was talking about my vocation of Marriage, but he wasn't. He was actually talking about my life after being married. He really wanted to stretch me so much more in marriage. Its the kind of Invitation that was extremely serious. But it was an invitation to be Christ's Love to this world. Over these past few days, God has also given me small opportunities to see if i still really wanted to give 'Absolute Surrender' unto God.
Praise God that I have managed to respond to the promptings of the Holy Spirit. But it really hasn't been easy for me. Each day continues to become more & more difficult but there is one thing that has kept me going. There is still this immense union I have constantly experienced within me. Since this week has started, I have been having alot more promptings from the Holy Spirit and they have been getting to be more stronger.
As I conclude this post, I praise God for this invitation because I know that the crosses that I have faced, am facing and am about to face becomes the measure of my love for my Lord Jesus. As you continue to prepare yourself for the Death & Resurrection of our Lord Jesus, take every cross as God's gift unto you. He gives you this cross because he knows how much stronger & wiser you will become from this cross. There will surely be pain & suffering. But in all moments of suffering & pain, unite yourself with Christ on his road to Calvary. Then you too, will rise with Jesus at Easter!
Lord Jesus, I give you Absolute Surrender! I am yours!
"I want absolute surrender from you! I want everything of you! I want your life completely in my hands!"
I was actually quite shocked when I received this invitation from God. I had actually thought that I had already surrendered my life unto the safe hands of our Lord. Nevertheless, in that very moment of intimacy with God, I responded unto God's invitation,
"I am yours my Lord! I belong to me alone. Do unto me what you have planned! I give you my absolute surrender!"
In that very moment of my response, an immense union of God entered my heart. In that very moment, I knew that what lay ahead for me would be alot more intense & difficult. I just knew that within me, there would be a great deal of suffering and sacrifice that awaited me. As I embraced what lay ahead, as well as this absolute surrender, God's joy at my response just flowed like a river deep within my heart. This joy wasn't mine, but it was rather the Joy of God!
As worship was still on, the song 'Forever' was played and that's when the Joy of God was made aware unto everyone. I started to dance in the presence of God as this song was played. I had never ever seen myself worship God in this way. I was dancing & jumping in absolute joy! It was one of those experiences where you know it isn't you, but it was the Spirit of the Lord within me. So those who did see me, that was only a fraction of God's joy!! Hahaha!!!
Moving on, I had spent Sunday night reflecting upon this invitation of 'Absolute Surrender'. Initially, I thought that God was talking about my vocation of Marriage, but he wasn't. He was actually talking about my life after being married. He really wanted to stretch me so much more in marriage. Its the kind of Invitation that was extremely serious. But it was an invitation to be Christ's Love to this world. Over these past few days, God has also given me small opportunities to see if i still really wanted to give 'Absolute Surrender' unto God.
Praise God that I have managed to respond to the promptings of the Holy Spirit. But it really hasn't been easy for me. Each day continues to become more & more difficult but there is one thing that has kept me going. There is still this immense union I have constantly experienced within me. Since this week has started, I have been having alot more promptings from the Holy Spirit and they have been getting to be more stronger.
As I conclude this post, I praise God for this invitation because I know that the crosses that I have faced, am facing and am about to face becomes the measure of my love for my Lord Jesus. As you continue to prepare yourself for the Death & Resurrection of our Lord Jesus, take every cross as God's gift unto you. He gives you this cross because he knows how much stronger & wiser you will become from this cross. There will surely be pain & suffering. But in all moments of suffering & pain, unite yourself with Christ on his road to Calvary. Then you too, will rise with Jesus at Easter!
Lord Jesus, I give you Absolute Surrender! I am yours!
Monday, March 29, 2010
YMC Retreat
This retreat becomes one of those retreats when God reveals his underlining purpose unto me for the past weeks' struggles and also explains himself not allowing these struggles to happen. It has been a retreat that I would have to admit that it has been the best SFX retreat I have ever attended. This has been the best SFX retreat in terms of receiving God and not in terms of serving God. It was a retreat where I really dreaded going for, but I went in obedience. This is a fact within the depths of my heart that no one knew of. And in many ways, I have given everyone a reason to believe that I was looking forward to this YMC retreat.
Throughout the whole process of the build-up to this retreat, I knew that God had just wanted me to get the youths excited because God promised that he would show up at the retreat and would grant the desires that lay within the hearts of the youths attending the retreat. Hence, I decided to do my part to facilitate an expectation to well up within the hearts of the youths. I really thank God for using me in this area before the start of the retreat.
But at the very start of the retreat, I just felt so extremely exhausted in my heart. It felt like there was nothing within my heart and also a cry to receive God lay deep within me too. Then I just told God a few moments before mass, "Lord, I'm tired". Thankfully, as the retreat started with evening mass, I just surrendered my physical & emotional tiredness unto God and asked God to use me as he pleased, as well as a request to be even more selfless to all those God would want me to minister to. After mass, I just felt a little bit better and I guess I just chose to neglect all forms of tiredness within my heart & body.
Throughout the whole retreat, there was this immense desire among the SFX youths to receive the Love of God and really experience a new level of intimacy with Jesus! The Holy Spirit just got stronger and stronger as the retreat progress. The worship was really so heavenly and in there was only 1 worship leader in all the worship sessions, 'The Holy Spirit'. At the second worship session, which was on Saturday morning, God revealed what was happening in the middle of that worship session. God revealed that hearts were rising up to the heavens towards God. And at that moment, I just knew that God had something special planned for all of these SFX youths. This was going to happen because they gave God the openness of their hearts and that was all God needed.
The night session was simply amazing. The Spirit was so strong and the river of God's unconditional Love was just waiting to be released unto these youths. The session was filled with hearts being touched & healed by the Love of God. As I was in a prayer team doing the praying-over, I too received God through the very witnessing of the conversion of the hearts I was praying over. And from each one, God captivated each heart with his love. Praise God.
And when my prayer team has finished with our last youth to be prayed-over, I thought that was how this night would end. But God had this amazing plan to minister to me. God had been waiting for this moment for 5 months. God knew the weight of the struggles that I was bearing. God knew that I had been doing many many things in the obedience of the Will of God. And as soon as my prayer team prayed-over the last youth, I went to a station where it was about the word 'Given'. As the rest of the youths were in the middle of worship, I just sat down at that station and about a min, I started to weep and cry. But I cuddled myself in a position where I lay head on my left knees. Hence, this made it difficult to see that I was weeping and crying.
In this moment, I explained to God about the immense pain I felt within my heart, as well as the difficulty of doing his will. I sat in that position for about 30 minutes. And for the 1st time in my life, God ministered to me directly. In this moment, there was no one else involved. It was a moment where God just embraced me in his arms and ministered to me. In many ways, the struggles had caused a need for my heart to be healed. And that was what God did for me in that moment, God healed me. This was a really intimate moment but I wouldn't say that it was a happy & joyful one. God just filled & healed me with his love again.
After this moment, I spent the next 40 minutes alone, walking in the silence of the night. I talked to God about everything and how I felt so unworthy of his plan for me. I also felt so weak. But God explained everything to me, accompanied with practical steps of what I would need to do. That moment when God ministered to me, God filled me with his love, of which would be sufficient to take me through all struggles. But God didn't take away the struggles. God made this fact very clear unto me during my walk with him. He said that he ministered to me because he knew that I needed to be ministered to, but he wasn't taking away the struggles, because those struggles are what I have to bear as the will of God unfolds unto my life. After all the alone time, I had a extremely long but beautiful conversation with Stephen until 4am. We had alot of fun with each other as we laughed and also shared about our experiences.
In conclusion, this retreat was one where it started of with my surrender unto God in obedience. But it ended with God ministering to me directly. Praise God for he has given me his love & strength to weather the upcoming storms. This retreat really just shows that God knows all that we are going through and he takes special notice of the things we do in obedience to his will. But in his time, he will feed us with his love & strength. We just got to have faith & trust that God knows what he is doing.
I will end of with a message that God has been reminding me of over the last 3 months,
"If I do my part and you do your part, then only will my plan for you reach its perfection!"
I Love you, my Jesus!!
Throughout the whole process of the build-up to this retreat, I knew that God had just wanted me to get the youths excited because God promised that he would show up at the retreat and would grant the desires that lay within the hearts of the youths attending the retreat. Hence, I decided to do my part to facilitate an expectation to well up within the hearts of the youths. I really thank God for using me in this area before the start of the retreat.
But at the very start of the retreat, I just felt so extremely exhausted in my heart. It felt like there was nothing within my heart and also a cry to receive God lay deep within me too. Then I just told God a few moments before mass, "Lord, I'm tired". Thankfully, as the retreat started with evening mass, I just surrendered my physical & emotional tiredness unto God and asked God to use me as he pleased, as well as a request to be even more selfless to all those God would want me to minister to. After mass, I just felt a little bit better and I guess I just chose to neglect all forms of tiredness within my heart & body.
Throughout the whole retreat, there was this immense desire among the SFX youths to receive the Love of God and really experience a new level of intimacy with Jesus! The Holy Spirit just got stronger and stronger as the retreat progress. The worship was really so heavenly and in there was only 1 worship leader in all the worship sessions, 'The Holy Spirit'. At the second worship session, which was on Saturday morning, God revealed what was happening in the middle of that worship session. God revealed that hearts were rising up to the heavens towards God. And at that moment, I just knew that God had something special planned for all of these SFX youths. This was going to happen because they gave God the openness of their hearts and that was all God needed.
The night session was simply amazing. The Spirit was so strong and the river of God's unconditional Love was just waiting to be released unto these youths. The session was filled with hearts being touched & healed by the Love of God. As I was in a prayer team doing the praying-over, I too received God through the very witnessing of the conversion of the hearts I was praying over. And from each one, God captivated each heart with his love. Praise God.
And when my prayer team has finished with our last youth to be prayed-over, I thought that was how this night would end. But God had this amazing plan to minister to me. God had been waiting for this moment for 5 months. God knew the weight of the struggles that I was bearing. God knew that I had been doing many many things in the obedience of the Will of God. And as soon as my prayer team prayed-over the last youth, I went to a station where it was about the word 'Given'. As the rest of the youths were in the middle of worship, I just sat down at that station and about a min, I started to weep and cry. But I cuddled myself in a position where I lay head on my left knees. Hence, this made it difficult to see that I was weeping and crying.
In this moment, I explained to God about the immense pain I felt within my heart, as well as the difficulty of doing his will. I sat in that position for about 30 minutes. And for the 1st time in my life, God ministered to me directly. In this moment, there was no one else involved. It was a moment where God just embraced me in his arms and ministered to me. In many ways, the struggles had caused a need for my heart to be healed. And that was what God did for me in that moment, God healed me. This was a really intimate moment but I wouldn't say that it was a happy & joyful one. God just filled & healed me with his love again.
After this moment, I spent the next 40 minutes alone, walking in the silence of the night. I talked to God about everything and how I felt so unworthy of his plan for me. I also felt so weak. But God explained everything to me, accompanied with practical steps of what I would need to do. That moment when God ministered to me, God filled me with his love, of which would be sufficient to take me through all struggles. But God didn't take away the struggles. God made this fact very clear unto me during my walk with him. He said that he ministered to me because he knew that I needed to be ministered to, but he wasn't taking away the struggles, because those struggles are what I have to bear as the will of God unfolds unto my life. After all the alone time, I had a extremely long but beautiful conversation with Stephen until 4am. We had alot of fun with each other as we laughed and also shared about our experiences.
In conclusion, this retreat was one where it started of with my surrender unto God in obedience. But it ended with God ministering to me directly. Praise God for he has given me his love & strength to weather the upcoming storms. This retreat really just shows that God knows all that we are going through and he takes special notice of the things we do in obedience to his will. But in his time, he will feed us with his love & strength. We just got to have faith & trust that God knows what he is doing.
I will end of with a message that God has been reminding me of over the last 3 months,
"If I do my part and you do your part, then only will my plan for you reach its perfection!"
I Love you, my Jesus!!
Monday, March 22, 2010
The Will of God
The Will of God has been one of the major reflections for me over the past 17 months. Its become a very real part of who I've become at the same time. But what is the will of God really? IS it something that is good? Is it something that brings joy into our hearts? Does the will of God for each of us really benefit us? Is the will of God good for each of us individually? What is the will of God?
For me, the discovery & execution of the will of God is the most painful process that any Child of God has to endure in this lifetime. There are so many elements that are required as the will of God enfolds in each of lives. But over my own discernment over the last 17 months, I come to a point to conclude that Patience & Trust is by far the major elements that I've come to not just learn & understand but also cultivate in my life. In the midst of cultivating these 2 elements into my life, there has been an immense magnitude of intense pain deep within my heart that I've experienced, where joy is very much short-lived. Though this doesn't give us a good reason to actually allow God's will to be lived out in us, there lays a much greater reason to actually live out God's will for each of us. The magnitude of the intense pain we feel within our hearts in the process of discovering & executing the will of God should never ever be compared to the immense joy & peace we will feel within our hearts when the will of God is done unto us! The magnitude of Joy & Peace we will experience is just too huge for us to even consider comparing.
But even before we reach that point of Joy & Peace within our hearts, there is an immense amount of suffering & pain that is required of us to experience. Over the last 17 months, I have come to experience so much pain and in many ways, my heart has been torn apart so many times, till it reaches a point where I become immune to suffering & pain deep within my heart. But although this may sound really sad that our Lord would allow such a thing to happen, there have been experiences of great sufferings that I would never ever regret. These sufferings have also brought much growth and I have been challenged to stick by the side of God, even when it didn't make any sense to do so.
But its really in the midst of intense sufferings where our faithfulness to God will truly be tested. It becomes easy to stick with God in the joyful & happy times but our true desire to belong to god is tested to a much larger extent in the midst of sufferings. But there also comes this immense satisfaction too of the very knowing that you had stuck with God in the midst of sufferings. For me, its those times of sticking with God, in the midst of sufferings where i really find this amazing grace to do God's will in my life. And sometimes, I, myself wonder how I have made it this far. But its really only because God's strength & grace was working within me, not my own strength. If it was my strength, I am absolutely sure that I would even last a day of suffering.
But what does the will of God do for us then? To me, I feel the will of God is the path of Life where God is absolutely sure that you will be the most happy in the long run. Many times, we struggle so much with the will of God, only because we just simply can't see it yet. But God, who has already planned it all, surely has the wisdom to see it. He knows that you will be so happy with that path of life. Over time, I have come to comprehend that God wants us to be loved & happy. That is his desire for every one of us, where or not we realise & believe in it. God wants the absolute best for each of us! We are just too precious to God, for him to give us 2nd best. God only wants the best for us. And this is what the will of God is for each of us!
Over the past few weeks, I have been in that state of intense pain & suffering deep within my heart. But yet again, I am challenged to have faith, trust & patience with the will of God for me. I am also comforted by the very fact that there will come that day when I will have that immense peace & joy in my heart when the will of God unfolds in my life. And I guess at this moment of sadness, I focus my mind, heart & soul on this fact.
But may we too draw closer to the heart of Jesus in the midst of discovering the will of God for each of us. And in all moments of intense pain & suffering within our hearts, may we just fix our hearts & eyes on that one day where we will experience that immense joy & peace within our hearts!
Lord Jesus, walk with us as we discover & execute God's will for us. Help us stick with God like you did on your road to Calvary.
For me, the discovery & execution of the will of God is the most painful process that any Child of God has to endure in this lifetime. There are so many elements that are required as the will of God enfolds in each of lives. But over my own discernment over the last 17 months, I come to a point to conclude that Patience & Trust is by far the major elements that I've come to not just learn & understand but also cultivate in my life. In the midst of cultivating these 2 elements into my life, there has been an immense magnitude of intense pain deep within my heart that I've experienced, where joy is very much short-lived. Though this doesn't give us a good reason to actually allow God's will to be lived out in us, there lays a much greater reason to actually live out God's will for each of us. The magnitude of the intense pain we feel within our hearts in the process of discovering & executing the will of God should never ever be compared to the immense joy & peace we will feel within our hearts when the will of God is done unto us! The magnitude of Joy & Peace we will experience is just too huge for us to even consider comparing.
But even before we reach that point of Joy & Peace within our hearts, there is an immense amount of suffering & pain that is required of us to experience. Over the last 17 months, I have come to experience so much pain and in many ways, my heart has been torn apart so many times, till it reaches a point where I become immune to suffering & pain deep within my heart. But although this may sound really sad that our Lord would allow such a thing to happen, there have been experiences of great sufferings that I would never ever regret. These sufferings have also brought much growth and I have been challenged to stick by the side of God, even when it didn't make any sense to do so.
But its really in the midst of intense sufferings where our faithfulness to God will truly be tested. It becomes easy to stick with God in the joyful & happy times but our true desire to belong to god is tested to a much larger extent in the midst of sufferings. But there also comes this immense satisfaction too of the very knowing that you had stuck with God in the midst of sufferings. For me, its those times of sticking with God, in the midst of sufferings where i really find this amazing grace to do God's will in my life. And sometimes, I, myself wonder how I have made it this far. But its really only because God's strength & grace was working within me, not my own strength. If it was my strength, I am absolutely sure that I would even last a day of suffering.
But what does the will of God do for us then? To me, I feel the will of God is the path of Life where God is absolutely sure that you will be the most happy in the long run. Many times, we struggle so much with the will of God, only because we just simply can't see it yet. But God, who has already planned it all, surely has the wisdom to see it. He knows that you will be so happy with that path of life. Over time, I have come to comprehend that God wants us to be loved & happy. That is his desire for every one of us, where or not we realise & believe in it. God wants the absolute best for each of us! We are just too precious to God, for him to give us 2nd best. God only wants the best for us. And this is what the will of God is for each of us!
Over the past few weeks, I have been in that state of intense pain & suffering deep within my heart. But yet again, I am challenged to have faith, trust & patience with the will of God for me. I am also comforted by the very fact that there will come that day when I will have that immense peace & joy in my heart when the will of God unfolds in my life. And I guess at this moment of sadness, I focus my mind, heart & soul on this fact.
But may we too draw closer to the heart of Jesus in the midst of discovering the will of God for each of us. And in all moments of intense pain & suffering within our hearts, may we just fix our hearts & eyes on that one day where we will experience that immense joy & peace within our hearts!
Lord Jesus, walk with us as we discover & execute God's will for us. Help us stick with God like you did on your road to Calvary.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
My biggest trial yet
Since the 3rd of January 2010, which was the same day as the Feast of the Epiphany of our Lord, I started this discernment of which appeared unto me in the form of a dream. It was a direction that really caught me off guard. It was a dream that God invited me to interpret but I kept procrastinating as I had so many fears deep within my heart.
But as I immersed myself in prayer, God spoke out unto me with these very comforting words.
"My Son, this is my heart's desire for you!"
And God soon gave me very strict & very practical instructions of what I was to do. And over the last 2 months, God has constantly been convincing me of this Plan that he has for me. And over the past few weeks, I spent alot of time reflecting about what I truly felt about this beautiful plan. Although this plan would require a great deal of pain to embrace within my heart, it was a plan that was absolutely perfect. It was a plan that was just so much of a revelation! It was a plan of God! It was a plan that I was in love with!
But over the past month, I've just been struggling so so much and also experiencing so much pain within my heart! And in many ways, the new dream come true book, 'Come be my light', has really helped me embrace each day of pain that God has blest me with. In the midst of this extreme struggle, God has spent much of his efforts on convincing me of why he desires this for me! And with each excuse I give unto him, God answers me with a much great reason to continue in spite of the immense pain that dwells deep within my heart! Also, God has also spent alot of time revealing how this plan will unfold, as well as the beautiful outcome of this plan. God has really been revealing so so much unto me! In many ways, God trusts me with his plan too. And the fruits of the Spirit have been my evidence too that this is of God!
For those who have been close to me over 2009, you would know what I have been discerning ever since Nov'08, but this is my biggest trial yet. This trial of this direction is really one of being totally immersed in the pain & sorrow of our Lord Jesus Christ! In many moments, I have cried out unto God that this path is totally beyond my capabilities. But in all those moments, God has assured me that it will be perfect and that his presence & grace will see me through every moment. I am taking this time to really discern this direction and being absolutely convinced that this is a plan of God and not mine!
As I take this direction, led by the Holy Spirit, I know my faith in God will be intensified like never before, just as it is said in St. Peter's letters. But I know this is God's desire for me! I know that this is my biggest trial yet but I am determined to surpass this trial with God as my strength & guide! I know that ultimately, God's desire is my true desire too!
Lord Jesus, be my guide to walk beside me! This plan of yours is perfect! Grant me a Spirit of Patience & a Spirit of absolute submissive faith in you! Praise you O Jesus in the heavens!
PS: Do keep me in prayer!
But as I immersed myself in prayer, God spoke out unto me with these very comforting words.
"My Son, this is my heart's desire for you!"
And God soon gave me very strict & very practical instructions of what I was to do. And over the last 2 months, God has constantly been convincing me of this Plan that he has for me. And over the past few weeks, I spent alot of time reflecting about what I truly felt about this beautiful plan. Although this plan would require a great deal of pain to embrace within my heart, it was a plan that was absolutely perfect. It was a plan that was just so much of a revelation! It was a plan of God! It was a plan that I was in love with!
But over the past month, I've just been struggling so so much and also experiencing so much pain within my heart! And in many ways, the new dream come true book, 'Come be my light', has really helped me embrace each day of pain that God has blest me with. In the midst of this extreme struggle, God has spent much of his efforts on convincing me of why he desires this for me! And with each excuse I give unto him, God answers me with a much great reason to continue in spite of the immense pain that dwells deep within my heart! Also, God has also spent alot of time revealing how this plan will unfold, as well as the beautiful outcome of this plan. God has really been revealing so so much unto me! In many ways, God trusts me with his plan too. And the fruits of the Spirit have been my evidence too that this is of God!
For those who have been close to me over 2009, you would know what I have been discerning ever since Nov'08, but this is my biggest trial yet. This trial of this direction is really one of being totally immersed in the pain & sorrow of our Lord Jesus Christ! In many moments, I have cried out unto God that this path is totally beyond my capabilities. But in all those moments, God has assured me that it will be perfect and that his presence & grace will see me through every moment. I am taking this time to really discern this direction and being absolutely convinced that this is a plan of God and not mine!
As I take this direction, led by the Holy Spirit, I know my faith in God will be intensified like never before, just as it is said in St. Peter's letters. But I know this is God's desire for me! I know that this is my biggest trial yet but I am determined to surpass this trial with God as my strength & guide! I know that ultimately, God's desire is my true desire too!
Lord Jesus, be my guide to walk beside me! This plan of yours is perfect! Grant me a Spirit of Patience & a Spirit of absolute submissive faith in you! Praise you O Jesus in the heavens!
PS: Do keep me in prayer!
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Sec 1 camp
This is a really emotional & sentimental post for me. And for those who have known me for more than a year, you'll know where I was exactly a year ago. It was when I was having my holiday with God in sweet Perth, Australia. And over this month of March, God has really made full use of me, as well as my free time. It is really the best way to spend lent!
For every weekend in March, I'll be involved in a camp. the 1st weekend, I was at the SFX Core leaders' retreat, the 2nd weekend, I was involved in the Sec 1 camp, the 3rd weekend, I'll be involved as a worship leader for my friend's community retreat, the 4th weekend, I'm involved in the SFX youth ministry youth retreat. Then comes holy week, of which my community, the Youth Vineyard is leading. And finally, in the 2nd weekend of April, its Camp Daniel where I'm help the CAYC team to do sessions and whatever else that God calls me to do at the camp.
As I spent a few moments to reflect upon these camps that God has called to use me as his instrument, I am very much humbled of whom god has made me into. I am humbled that God has even considered using me to work in his Vineyard! There is just this constant joy in my heart of how God has blest me in his gifts unto me!
Over the past 2 months, I've been in this constant struggle of where God was leading me, especially in the area of my vocation. It has been this constant struggle day after day. But I praise God that his grace has seen me through all moments and especially the grace to be selfless with my time. There have been many many moments where I've ended up in this state of constant confusion. I'm sure we have all have many moments of confusion. But for me, I have been given the opportunity to really deal with these confusions.
But over this weekend, I've had the chance to spend alot of time being immersed in God's love through the simple worship done at the Sec 1 camp. And in each moment of prayer, God was constantly affirming me of the direction that I was taking in my walk with him. There was never ever a moment, in the midst of prayer, where there was an ounce of doubt that my discernment of the direction that God was leading me in wasn't the path of God! There just was this constant convincing that God was working within the very depths of my heart.
And this was the very words that God spoke to me during Mass at the Sec 1 camp.
"My Son, will you be a fool for me?"
This invitation from God speaks directly to the doubts I had been feeling over the past 2 months. And yet again, it is a moment when God comes to my aid! But surely that wasn't all of what God had planned for me over this weekend!
I was really touched by the Sec1s too. For me, the very defining fact that touched me was the sheer innocence & child-like faith of these young ones. And I just felt so priviledged to be their Facilitator and personally enjoyed being their Facilitator too. And the one learning point I experienced, was how its the very little acts of Love & Kindness that we do in the secret that really means the most to the children of God! And yes, I was totally surprised and affirmed by how the Sec 1s in my group felt so touched. For me, it was just the simplicity of the Sec 1 camp that touched my heart so much!
As I conclude this post, I see that it really such a blessing to be serving in the Lord's Vineyard! And I have really experienced so much more than what I thought. Its been only 2 camps out of 5 camps. But there just is an immense grace that God has been blessing me with. And there is joy and a different level to trust in God's plan for me, despite the many confusing thoughts & struggles. This time, I choose to look even more at the graces instead of the confusion & struggles, but not ignoring it! I'm just spending more of my time to reflect upon the graces instead of the struggles! I think it makes our journey a whole lot easier!
Try delighting in the simple gifts of God unto us, instead of you complaining about the weight of your struggles! Praise you O Jesus!
For every weekend in March, I'll be involved in a camp. the 1st weekend, I was at the SFX Core leaders' retreat, the 2nd weekend, I was involved in the Sec 1 camp, the 3rd weekend, I'll be involved as a worship leader for my friend's community retreat, the 4th weekend, I'm involved in the SFX youth ministry youth retreat. Then comes holy week, of which my community, the Youth Vineyard is leading. And finally, in the 2nd weekend of April, its Camp Daniel where I'm help the CAYC team to do sessions and whatever else that God calls me to do at the camp.
As I spent a few moments to reflect upon these camps that God has called to use me as his instrument, I am very much humbled of whom god has made me into. I am humbled that God has even considered using me to work in his Vineyard! There is just this constant joy in my heart of how God has blest me in his gifts unto me!
Over the past 2 months, I've been in this constant struggle of where God was leading me, especially in the area of my vocation. It has been this constant struggle day after day. But I praise God that his grace has seen me through all moments and especially the grace to be selfless with my time. There have been many many moments where I've ended up in this state of constant confusion. I'm sure we have all have many moments of confusion. But for me, I have been given the opportunity to really deal with these confusions.
But over this weekend, I've had the chance to spend alot of time being immersed in God's love through the simple worship done at the Sec 1 camp. And in each moment of prayer, God was constantly affirming me of the direction that I was taking in my walk with him. There was never ever a moment, in the midst of prayer, where there was an ounce of doubt that my discernment of the direction that God was leading me in wasn't the path of God! There just was this constant convincing that God was working within the very depths of my heart.
And this was the very words that God spoke to me during Mass at the Sec 1 camp.
"My Son, will you be a fool for me?"
This invitation from God speaks directly to the doubts I had been feeling over the past 2 months. And yet again, it is a moment when God comes to my aid! But surely that wasn't all of what God had planned for me over this weekend!
I was really touched by the Sec1s too. For me, the very defining fact that touched me was the sheer innocence & child-like faith of these young ones. And I just felt so priviledged to be their Facilitator and personally enjoyed being their Facilitator too. And the one learning point I experienced, was how its the very little acts of Love & Kindness that we do in the secret that really means the most to the children of God! And yes, I was totally surprised and affirmed by how the Sec 1s in my group felt so touched. For me, it was just the simplicity of the Sec 1 camp that touched my heart so much!
As I conclude this post, I see that it really such a blessing to be serving in the Lord's Vineyard! And I have really experienced so much more than what I thought. Its been only 2 camps out of 5 camps. But there just is an immense grace that God has been blessing me with. And there is joy and a different level to trust in God's plan for me, despite the many confusing thoughts & struggles. This time, I choose to look even more at the graces instead of the confusion & struggles, but not ignoring it! I'm just spending more of my time to reflect upon the graces instead of the struggles! I think it makes our journey a whole lot easier!
Try delighting in the simple gifts of God unto us, instead of you complaining about the weight of your struggles! Praise you O Jesus!
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Why stifle the Youth?
This has been a post that's long overdue. But its a reflection that's laid in the very depths of my heart ever since Nov'09, which was just after the Confirmation retreat had finished. And its something that our Church Leaders have grown to become so so guilty of. As I enter into reasoning for this, I see that it becomes part of our culture in the very world we live. And this is a culture where we limit the capabilities of the very ones that God has placed under our care!
For me, as I reflect upon this, this is a culture of the world where we underestimate the very strength of our wonderful Lord! This could very well be one where we become so afraid of mistakes to occur. It becomes a very sad truth that we, who have been called by name by our Lord Jesus, becomes the very people that limit the power of the one who has called us. But I think for us, as children of God who have been called to serve in the Vineyard of God may have come to a point where we become guilty of misusing the authority given unto his by the one who has the highest honour, Jesus Christ! We may have come to a point where we have felt inferior and even jealous to a particular youth or even a group of youth! Hence, we use our authority & influence to limit these youth due to the humanness within us that makes us feel jealous & inferior towards them. In this statement, I don't condone our humanness to have these feelings but I condone that we, after years of serving God, would choose to act upon these feelings, when instead, we should rather be seeking help from God to humble us and take away our pride. And for me, I think this has become a culture that has been spread to our church leaders, which has spread onto the people in Church we associate ourselves with.
We live in a culture where we become so guilty of limiting God and the wonder he can do in his people. In other words, we become God where we plan how & when & who will his power be manifested in! And time & again, our Lord Jesus constantly proves that He is the Lord of wonder & He is the source of grace! And the 1st thought of how God constantly amazes us, is at our camp, more specifically, at the night sessions! In these sessions, I can't help but just become amazed & in awe of our God! It is in those moments when God makes his power so evident. And the spirit of God becomes evident. For me, in those moments, I just delight because I am absolutely certain that Jesus will get the credit & praise of all that is good that happened, no matter what I was doing at that session, whether playing music, interceding or laying hands to pray over a child of God. Basically, the reality of God is made known!
But for so many of us, this very physical sign of the reality of God isn't enough for us, as leaders. We just tend to forget these moments so fast. Doesn't this seem just like in the times of Jesus, where the Pharisees & Scribes would always ask for signs & wonders from Jesus to prove that he is God! But even after Jesus had done those signs & wonders to prove himself to be the Son of God, they still doubted and didn't believe! For so many of us, we fail to live out our call to be the very vibrant & radiant light of christ. And hence, we limit our youth to be better than we could ever be!
For me, I have had the absolute pleasure & honour of both guiding and learning from 2 youths that God called me to be close to! In the midst of journeying with them, I have many times, been called to be like Jesus. I have been called to give myself completely, to be of complete service to them! In the midst of this giving, I found myself receiving so much more, especially when I gave of my heart instead of my mind! In the very end, I have witnessed 1st-hand, before my very eyes, someone rising to be greater than me! And I knew that this greatness came not from me, but from the very source of all genuine greatness, Our Lord Jesus! And time & again, I have seen how they have proven unto all those that have tried to limit them! And I have come to conclude that we can be either one that limits God or one that allows God to be more & more real in one's life!
But make no mistake, all praise is only due to the God that I love, my Lord Jesus! He provided the grace to be more powerful than my humanness! He even provided the grace to be his instrument to allow Jesus to more & more real in these 2 youth's lives! Praise be unto the Holy Name of Jesus! Youths are what we, as leaders need each day to inject that vibrant flavour into our lives! We need them as much as they need us! If you fail to embrace this fact, then its time you analyze your motive & reason for serving in the Lord's Vineyard!
May we not stifle the spiritualities & desires that our youth have in their hearts! May they be allowed to make mistakes and learn to pick themselves up! Our call as a follower of Christ, is to have the humility of Jesus, to be there to help pick them up and not make them feel smaller than us! Let us be like Jesus, always trying to maximize the capabilities of each of God's precious children, young or old!
Believe that God can work in anyone, not just in you! If Jesus could change you to be who you are today, then he could very well do that in someone else! So be an instrument of Jesus to make someone great in the name of Jesus, instead of stifling their desire for God! You would surely learn so much along the way too! And if you find yourself having too much pride, go to the source of humility, Jesus Christ!
Let us work together to stop limiting the power of God in this world and also stop stifling our YOUTH in our Church! Be guiders and not limiters in their desire for God!
Praise you, O Jesus!
For me, as I reflect upon this, this is a culture of the world where we underestimate the very strength of our wonderful Lord! This could very well be one where we become so afraid of mistakes to occur. It becomes a very sad truth that we, who have been called by name by our Lord Jesus, becomes the very people that limit the power of the one who has called us. But I think for us, as children of God who have been called to serve in the Vineyard of God may have come to a point where we become guilty of misusing the authority given unto his by the one who has the highest honour, Jesus Christ! We may have come to a point where we have felt inferior and even jealous to a particular youth or even a group of youth! Hence, we use our authority & influence to limit these youth due to the humanness within us that makes us feel jealous & inferior towards them. In this statement, I don't condone our humanness to have these feelings but I condone that we, after years of serving God, would choose to act upon these feelings, when instead, we should rather be seeking help from God to humble us and take away our pride. And for me, I think this has become a culture that has been spread to our church leaders, which has spread onto the people in Church we associate ourselves with.
We live in a culture where we become so guilty of limiting God and the wonder he can do in his people. In other words, we become God where we plan how & when & who will his power be manifested in! And time & again, our Lord Jesus constantly proves that He is the Lord of wonder & He is the source of grace! And the 1st thought of how God constantly amazes us, is at our camp, more specifically, at the night sessions! In these sessions, I can't help but just become amazed & in awe of our God! It is in those moments when God makes his power so evident. And the spirit of God becomes evident. For me, in those moments, I just delight because I am absolutely certain that Jesus will get the credit & praise of all that is good that happened, no matter what I was doing at that session, whether playing music, interceding or laying hands to pray over a child of God. Basically, the reality of God is made known!
But for so many of us, this very physical sign of the reality of God isn't enough for us, as leaders. We just tend to forget these moments so fast. Doesn't this seem just like in the times of Jesus, where the Pharisees & Scribes would always ask for signs & wonders from Jesus to prove that he is God! But even after Jesus had done those signs & wonders to prove himself to be the Son of God, they still doubted and didn't believe! For so many of us, we fail to live out our call to be the very vibrant & radiant light of christ. And hence, we limit our youth to be better than we could ever be!
For me, I have had the absolute pleasure & honour of both guiding and learning from 2 youths that God called me to be close to! In the midst of journeying with them, I have many times, been called to be like Jesus. I have been called to give myself completely, to be of complete service to them! In the midst of this giving, I found myself receiving so much more, especially when I gave of my heart instead of my mind! In the very end, I have witnessed 1st-hand, before my very eyes, someone rising to be greater than me! And I knew that this greatness came not from me, but from the very source of all genuine greatness, Our Lord Jesus! And time & again, I have seen how they have proven unto all those that have tried to limit them! And I have come to conclude that we can be either one that limits God or one that allows God to be more & more real in one's life!
But make no mistake, all praise is only due to the God that I love, my Lord Jesus! He provided the grace to be more powerful than my humanness! He even provided the grace to be his instrument to allow Jesus to more & more real in these 2 youth's lives! Praise be unto the Holy Name of Jesus! Youths are what we, as leaders need each day to inject that vibrant flavour into our lives! We need them as much as they need us! If you fail to embrace this fact, then its time you analyze your motive & reason for serving in the Lord's Vineyard!
May we not stifle the spiritualities & desires that our youth have in their hearts! May they be allowed to make mistakes and learn to pick themselves up! Our call as a follower of Christ, is to have the humility of Jesus, to be there to help pick them up and not make them feel smaller than us! Let us be like Jesus, always trying to maximize the capabilities of each of God's precious children, young or old!
Believe that God can work in anyone, not just in you! If Jesus could change you to be who you are today, then he could very well do that in someone else! So be an instrument of Jesus to make someone great in the name of Jesus, instead of stifling their desire for God! You would surely learn so much along the way too! And if you find yourself having too much pride, go to the source of humility, Jesus Christ!
Let us work together to stop limiting the power of God in this world and also stop stifling our YOUTH in our Church! Be guiders and not limiters in their desire for God!
Praise you, O Jesus!
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Apart from me, you will bear no fruit
Over the last couple of weeks, this has been a really evident message from God unto me! And its exactly been this very message that's been keeping me going in the midst a great deal of struggle. And it becomes a surprising fact that I can still remember exactly when God had revealed unto me this truth as a means to be a guidance whenever I was in doubt if I was on the right track towards God.
It was at during my uncle's 1 month anniversary mass, on the 13th of Jan'10 at the Church of our Lady Star of the Sea. And on that very evening, I was in a constant state of extreme confusion and I saw myself at the very feet of our Lord, pleading for his guidance. There had been a series of events that had lead to this confusion and in many ways the confusion wasn't within my control. But that evening, my heart longed to be in the presence of the Lord Jesus, desiring to just hear the voice of my Saviour or to even receive a sign that the direction I was heading towards was one of the Lord's path for me.
But this was the exact reply of our Lord to my plea,
"Apart from me, you will bear no fruit! This is your guide to know if you are on the path that I have set before you, my Son. Evaluate if the fruits of my Holy Spirit are presently evident in you! Use this as your guide, my Son!"
And in the many moments of confusion, since then, I have been using this guide to determine if I was on the right track and in the direction to fulfill God's plan & will for me in my walk with him. And I feel deep down in my heart, this is one guide that each one of us can use to gauge if we are on the right track with God!
And its really especially so helpful in times where we have so many questions left wandering in our hearts & minds. God will for us to be happy and at peace! So take this guide. But 1 important point that is so so essential in the usage of this guide is to be perfectly honest with yourself as you evaluate if the Fruits of the Holy Spirit are evident within you.
Let us stop allowing the evil one to lead us into constant moments of confusions that brings away from receiving the Love of Christ in its full form!
PS: The Fruits of the Holy Spirit are Love, Joy, Peace, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, Self-Control & Long-suffering!
It was at during my uncle's 1 month anniversary mass, on the 13th of Jan'10 at the Church of our Lady Star of the Sea. And on that very evening, I was in a constant state of extreme confusion and I saw myself at the very feet of our Lord, pleading for his guidance. There had been a series of events that had lead to this confusion and in many ways the confusion wasn't within my control. But that evening, my heart longed to be in the presence of the Lord Jesus, desiring to just hear the voice of my Saviour or to even receive a sign that the direction I was heading towards was one of the Lord's path for me.
But this was the exact reply of our Lord to my plea,
"Apart from me, you will bear no fruit! This is your guide to know if you are on the path that I have set before you, my Son. Evaluate if the fruits of my Holy Spirit are presently evident in you! Use this as your guide, my Son!"
And in the many moments of confusion, since then, I have been using this guide to determine if I was on the right track and in the direction to fulfill God's plan & will for me in my walk with him. And I feel deep down in my heart, this is one guide that each one of us can use to gauge if we are on the right track with God!
And its really especially so helpful in times where we have so many questions left wandering in our hearts & minds. God will for us to be happy and at peace! So take this guide. But 1 important point that is so so essential in the usage of this guide is to be perfectly honest with yourself as you evaluate if the Fruits of the Holy Spirit are evident within you.
Let us stop allowing the evil one to lead us into constant moments of confusions that brings away from receiving the Love of Christ in its full form!
PS: The Fruits of the Holy Spirit are Love, Joy, Peace, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, Self-Control & Long-suffering!
Monday, March 1, 2010
Intensity of the Desert begins
The intensity of this journey in the desert has entered the very depths of my heart during this weekend that's just passed. It becomes a moment where I am lost in the very desert of my soul that I have chosen to embark upon this lent. Even as i type this post, there lies in me, this intense fear that has the power to overcome me if I choose to allow it to. But there also lies this strength & faith in me that is rooted from the very heart of Jesus. And I am left stranded in this desert to choose to abide to these 2 forces that lie within me.
Before I made a decision to embark upon my lent journey in the desert, Jesus warned and explained to me of the intensities that I would experience in the desert, where faith is a major essential as it will be my faith rooted in Jesus which will lead me through the desert. And knowing this in its full extent, I chose to take this journey, with the knowledge that God will be with me.
And over the 1st 10 days, I have been filled with the grace of God. Those 10 days served to be the time that I took to settle in the desert. It was really one of simple joy where everything has been straight-forward and simple. But this is when the real intensity begins. It started on the evening of Saturday, where a great amount of pain within my heart became evident. It wasn't the 1st time that this has happened.
But on Saturday, at Mass, I asked Jesus,
"Let me bear your sufferings this Lent. I want to do this for you because my heart belongs to you! You have blessed me with so much but now I want to suffer for you and with you!"
And as I reflect upon this, I realised that God knew I was going to do this all along. He knew that I was aware of the fact that for me to enter into the joy of the next phase of my walk with him, I needed to experience the magnitude of sufferings that was equal to the magnitude of joy I'd experience in time to come. And its become much more intense ever since Saturday.
Over this time, I've struggled to embrace this intense pain within my heart. But Prayer has been so instrumental towards embracing this pain. I wasn't really able to sleep much last night, due to the intensity of this pain. And in many of those moments, I was left in tears, alone in my bed. But it is a moment where there's no turning back and I have embraced & accepted it! And I think what had really sustained me, is the knowledge of the fact that God is in total control. In this moment, to give you a better idea of what I am saying, is that I feel lost in the desert of my soul! And I only have my faith in Jesus to give me a direction to find my way back.
This has been God's message unto me,
"This is not beyond your capacity! Just trust me, my Son!"
I request you to keep me in your prayers!
Lord Jesus, I am lost in the very desert that you embarked upon! But Lord, I place my life in the palm of your safe hands. Take me to the unknown! For if I have you, my God, I will want for nothing. For you alone suffice.
Before I made a decision to embark upon my lent journey in the desert, Jesus warned and explained to me of the intensities that I would experience in the desert, where faith is a major essential as it will be my faith rooted in Jesus which will lead me through the desert. And knowing this in its full extent, I chose to take this journey, with the knowledge that God will be with me.
And over the 1st 10 days, I have been filled with the grace of God. Those 10 days served to be the time that I took to settle in the desert. It was really one of simple joy where everything has been straight-forward and simple. But this is when the real intensity begins. It started on the evening of Saturday, where a great amount of pain within my heart became evident. It wasn't the 1st time that this has happened.
But on Saturday, at Mass, I asked Jesus,
"Let me bear your sufferings this Lent. I want to do this for you because my heart belongs to you! You have blessed me with so much but now I want to suffer for you and with you!"
And as I reflect upon this, I realised that God knew I was going to do this all along. He knew that I was aware of the fact that for me to enter into the joy of the next phase of my walk with him, I needed to experience the magnitude of sufferings that was equal to the magnitude of joy I'd experience in time to come. And its become much more intense ever since Saturday.
Over this time, I've struggled to embrace this intense pain within my heart. But Prayer has been so instrumental towards embracing this pain. I wasn't really able to sleep much last night, due to the intensity of this pain. And in many of those moments, I was left in tears, alone in my bed. But it is a moment where there's no turning back and I have embraced & accepted it! And I think what had really sustained me, is the knowledge of the fact that God is in total control. In this moment, to give you a better idea of what I am saying, is that I feel lost in the desert of my soul! And I only have my faith in Jesus to give me a direction to find my way back.
This has been God's message unto me,
"This is not beyond your capacity! Just trust me, my Son!"
I request you to keep me in your prayers!
Lord Jesus, I am lost in the very desert that you embarked upon! But Lord, I place my life in the palm of your safe hands. Take me to the unknown! For if I have you, my God, I will want for nothing. For you alone suffice.
Monday, February 22, 2010
Embrace your Nervousness
There just lies this huge amount of pressure upon me throughout this whole process of studying for my final exams! And in many ways, its being the exams for my last semester really just adds onto the pressure of doing much better this time. I am fully aware that the pressure isn't the same compared to previous poly exams.
And it enters this state of confusion when I start to think about who is placing this pressure upon me! I am most certain that it isn't God at all! And I guess I have been placing too much pressure on myself to perform even better as its the very last set of exams in poly! And as weird as it is, its funny how its reached this point. Its so seldom that I place pressure on myself to perform but I guess its something that has happened!
Its really not been a walk in the park this time. I constantly find myself getting angry & frustrated with myself for not being able to remember the content that I need to remember! And one of the toughest parts of this experience is not being convinced that I've done enough! Its that feeling where you know you have studied everything but you aren't convinced yourself! And I guess this has been a reason for the many frustrations! With the 1st of the 2 exams starting tomorrow, an increased amount of nervousness sets in!
Another load of nervousness entered today when a very late realisation was made this afternoon. All the while, I had the idea that my Instrumentation exam was on Tuesday and my Automation exam on Wednesday! But when I doubled-checked it this afternoon, it was the opposite. And I started to freak out! And after studying and studying, I knew that God would be essential in the midst of a total mess!
As I entered church, feelings of whether I would mess up my exams started to really overwhelm me and more nervousness entered my heart! But as mass began, I just surrender everything into the trustworthy hands of Jesus! And throughout the mass, I just felt very strongly about this message, "My Son, embrace your nervousness! And make it part of you" And as soon as I started to try to embrace it, I felt this great grace of God flowing in my heart! Its like the confidence of heaven came down upon you!
And God said, "Just do your best, my son! You know that I'm always with you! Let me work my wonders! Just have faith as always!"
And so I'm just going to have a real go at it whether my heart feels ready or not because my God is ready to do wonders for me over the next 2 days of exams! And he grants me a faith that will move mountains!
Lead me, Lord Jesus! You are always my Rock, both in the good & bad times!
PS: Please please do keep me in prayer! My exams are on the 23rd Feb @ 9.30am & 24th Feb @ 2.30pm!
And it enters this state of confusion when I start to think about who is placing this pressure upon me! I am most certain that it isn't God at all! And I guess I have been placing too much pressure on myself to perform even better as its the very last set of exams in poly! And as weird as it is, its funny how its reached this point. Its so seldom that I place pressure on myself to perform but I guess its something that has happened!
Its really not been a walk in the park this time. I constantly find myself getting angry & frustrated with myself for not being able to remember the content that I need to remember! And one of the toughest parts of this experience is not being convinced that I've done enough! Its that feeling where you know you have studied everything but you aren't convinced yourself! And I guess this has been a reason for the many frustrations! With the 1st of the 2 exams starting tomorrow, an increased amount of nervousness sets in!
Another load of nervousness entered today when a very late realisation was made this afternoon. All the while, I had the idea that my Instrumentation exam was on Tuesday and my Automation exam on Wednesday! But when I doubled-checked it this afternoon, it was the opposite. And I started to freak out! And after studying and studying, I knew that God would be essential in the midst of a total mess!
As I entered church, feelings of whether I would mess up my exams started to really overwhelm me and more nervousness entered my heart! But as mass began, I just surrender everything into the trustworthy hands of Jesus! And throughout the mass, I just felt very strongly about this message, "My Son, embrace your nervousness! And make it part of you" And as soon as I started to try to embrace it, I felt this great grace of God flowing in my heart! Its like the confidence of heaven came down upon you!
And God said, "Just do your best, my son! You know that I'm always with you! Let me work my wonders! Just have faith as always!"
And so I'm just going to have a real go at it whether my heart feels ready or not because my God is ready to do wonders for me over the next 2 days of exams! And he grants me a faith that will move mountains!
Lead me, Lord Jesus! You are always my Rock, both in the good & bad times!
PS: Please please do keep me in prayer! My exams are on the 23rd Feb @ 9.30am & 24th Feb @ 2.30pm!
Friday, February 19, 2010
40-day Lent Journey in the Desert
This is the journey that I've decided upon this Lent. It was an idea that I had over the last few weeks leading up to the start of Lent! The idea actually came from how Jesus himself spent 40 days/nights in the desert praying and fasting. And as I asked God about the idea, he approved of it as it was a way for God to take me to the unknown and more importantly, Refine me!
This 40-day Journey with God in the desert, is really one where my heart is taken into a depth of great intensity with God! And as I reflect upon what lies ahead for me over this lent, a great deal of excitement burst out in my heart. But God has made it very clear that entering the desert with him isn't going to be easy at all, and in fact its going to be one of dryness and suffering too. But its really so awesome to see how God continues to mould me into the one he desires me to become! In many ways, its also an investment in God yet again. Last year, it was sweet sweet aussie for lent!
But this journey is really one of intense silent prayer mostly, where each day starts with an hour of prayer in the morning! And over the last 3 days, I'd say its been tough but really good. As God has said that the 1st week is about settling into the spirit of the desert! So its surely going to be a blessed experience!
But I am really excited over what God is going to show me in the desert over these 40 days! So instead of doing something dull, make a commitment and grow deeper with God this lent!
And on the side of my sacrifice for Lent, I have decided to give my Ipod to Stephen for lent! So I don't cheat on my sacrifice for lent!
Take this Lent not as one of suffering, but rather allow God to take you to a place where you've never been! Maybe allow Jesus to be a more real person to you! Jesus desires that we receive him. Allow Jesus to reveal himself to you this Lent! He has great plans for you! All he needs is for you to be available and open!!!
Praise the Blessed Cross of Jesus!
PS: Please do keep me in prayer on the 23/24 Feb! It is my final exams in Poly! And its not easy at all! Thanks!
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Familiarity breeds Contempt
This was a statement made during his sermon at the evening mass at SFX by our parish priest, Fr John Bosco. It was based on the Gospel of yesterday, Mark 1:1-6. It was a passage that spoke about how the people of the town from where Jesus was, just couldn't accept that Jesus was so wise and could do such amazing miracles. And Fr John Bosco spoke about how his own friends found it so difficult to accept his desire to become a priest when he spoke to them about it before entering the Seminary. And he shared about how so many of his friends laughed at him, as they knew the bad sides of him.
But as I too reflect on the passage, there are a few testimonies that Faith becomes the key to everything that is from God. In verse 5 of the passage, it says that Jesus could not do any miracles in his hometown and that he could only lay hands on a few sick people and healed them. But for me, this verse speaks volumes about how important faith is when it comes to miracles. For so many of us, we stifle our minds to see people working miracles as the great ones and neglect the actual reasons for these people to be able to do such wonders. Simply, we fail to see the Sources of miracles, God!
And as I reflect on the statement made by Fr John Bosco, there seems to be such an extreme truth in this statement. Familiarity breeds Contempt in ways that we ourselves underestimate to a very large extent. And of late, I was listening to a friend who've been struggling with peers who aren't able to accept the more Christ-centered person my friend is becoming. And in the midst of these struggles, feelings of jealousy arose in the hearts of the peers. It becomes an extremely sad truth of the kind of world we live in. But in many ways this is exactly what happened in time of Jesus!
And as I go deeper into this reflect, I see that there are a few choices we have as we take the place of the peers. We have the choice of allowing our hearts to embrace the person that we see in front of us and get jealous of who this person is becoming. But to these choices, many would head forward to ask, "Aren't we all human to feel this way?" And the next point would help us realise that it isn't the feelings that make us become someone not of Christ, but rather, its our response towards these feelings. Temptation isn't a sin! But when we choose to act upon the temptation & conform to what the evil one wants, then that leads us into sin.
And as I reflect upon the way friendships are based in today's world. I realise that it is possible to choose that first option to allow our hearts to embrace the person that God is forming in front of us! I am so blessed that God has granted me such a friendship where I am able to not only embrace, but also affirm and praise the person that is reaching greatness founded in Jesus Christ! And I am thankful that they can do the same for me! But the real reason for this wonder is that this friendship is rooted in the very Unconditional Love of Jesus & Prayer! And if we actually take this guide to build our friendships on the Unconditional Love of Jesus & Prayer, after awhile, it becomes an impulse & something so natural for all of us to embrace the greatness within our friends! And soon feelings of jealousy will be minimized to such a large extent! Even if feelings that aren't from God are present, we have the perfect solution! Start praying for the grace to embrace instead of being jealous!
And as I enter my last point of reflection, I look to the ever so famous St. Paul for the perfect example as the one that rose so high and became so great! But the best part is that he knew that his greatness was founded in Christ Jesus and we all know how he never stopped praising the name of Jesus! And if you find yourself being ridiculed for who our Lord Jesus is forming you to become, look to St. Paul for inspiration! Don't allow this world or your peers or anyone stifle the person Jesus DESIRES you to become! Greater things are still to be done in you!
Lastly, the best way to define if one's greatness is founded in Christ Jesus, start by paying very close attention to how much praise this person gives to Jesus Christ and whether he/she claims any credit for himself/herself! If this person gives all praise unto God and never takes anything for himself/herself, embrace this greatness you see in this person! You may also see the weaknesses in this person, but just wait because God will turn those weaknesses into strengths!
May we start embracing the beautiful people God blesses us with and also starting humbling ourselves to learn from this people! These are the ones that have been chosen by God to be set apart for his glory and for this world to learn from! I'm sure there are many many St. Pauls (male & female) amongst us and it could be one of our friends!
Let's allow, "Familiarity to breed Admiration & Love" instead!
Praise God!
But as I too reflect on the passage, there are a few testimonies that Faith becomes the key to everything that is from God. In verse 5 of the passage, it says that Jesus could not do any miracles in his hometown and that he could only lay hands on a few sick people and healed them. But for me, this verse speaks volumes about how important faith is when it comes to miracles. For so many of us, we stifle our minds to see people working miracles as the great ones and neglect the actual reasons for these people to be able to do such wonders. Simply, we fail to see the Sources of miracles, God!
And as I reflect on the statement made by Fr John Bosco, there seems to be such an extreme truth in this statement. Familiarity breeds Contempt in ways that we ourselves underestimate to a very large extent. And of late, I was listening to a friend who've been struggling with peers who aren't able to accept the more Christ-centered person my friend is becoming. And in the midst of these struggles, feelings of jealousy arose in the hearts of the peers. It becomes an extremely sad truth of the kind of world we live in. But in many ways this is exactly what happened in time of Jesus!
And as I go deeper into this reflect, I see that there are a few choices we have as we take the place of the peers. We have the choice of allowing our hearts to embrace the person that we see in front of us and get jealous of who this person is becoming. But to these choices, many would head forward to ask, "Aren't we all human to feel this way?" And the next point would help us realise that it isn't the feelings that make us become someone not of Christ, but rather, its our response towards these feelings. Temptation isn't a sin! But when we choose to act upon the temptation & conform to what the evil one wants, then that leads us into sin.
And as I reflect upon the way friendships are based in today's world. I realise that it is possible to choose that first option to allow our hearts to embrace the person that God is forming in front of us! I am so blessed that God has granted me such a friendship where I am able to not only embrace, but also affirm and praise the person that is reaching greatness founded in Jesus Christ! And I am thankful that they can do the same for me! But the real reason for this wonder is that this friendship is rooted in the very Unconditional Love of Jesus & Prayer! And if we actually take this guide to build our friendships on the Unconditional Love of Jesus & Prayer, after awhile, it becomes an impulse & something so natural for all of us to embrace the greatness within our friends! And soon feelings of jealousy will be minimized to such a large extent! Even if feelings that aren't from God are present, we have the perfect solution! Start praying for the grace to embrace instead of being jealous!
And as I enter my last point of reflection, I look to the ever so famous St. Paul for the perfect example as the one that rose so high and became so great! But the best part is that he knew that his greatness was founded in Christ Jesus and we all know how he never stopped praising the name of Jesus! And if you find yourself being ridiculed for who our Lord Jesus is forming you to become, look to St. Paul for inspiration! Don't allow this world or your peers or anyone stifle the person Jesus DESIRES you to become! Greater things are still to be done in you!
Lastly, the best way to define if one's greatness is founded in Christ Jesus, start by paying very close attention to how much praise this person gives to Jesus Christ and whether he/she claims any credit for himself/herself! If this person gives all praise unto God and never takes anything for himself/herself, embrace this greatness you see in this person! You may also see the weaknesses in this person, but just wait because God will turn those weaknesses into strengths!
May we start embracing the beautiful people God blesses us with and also starting humbling ourselves to learn from this people! These are the ones that have been chosen by God to be set apart for his glory and for this world to learn from! I'm sure there are many many St. Pauls (male & female) amongst us and it could be one of our friends!
Let's allow, "Familiarity to breed Admiration & Love" instead!
Praise God!
Monday, February 1, 2010
A dream come true
For 7 years, this has been a dream for me - to be an owner of the book, "Come be my light", which talks about Blessed Mother Theresa's 40 years spiritual darkness. And for the past 7 years, the closest I came to, was to only dream about having this book. This was because, everytime I had the finances to purchase this, I'd forget to but the book. And everytime, my heart longed for this beautiful book, it would be a moment where there was too much stuff that my finances to had to proceed to. But as I reflect deeper into this, I realise that it wasn't about the price of the book. But rather it was the longing of my heart & soul that just laid as a secret and to a very large extent, God only knew about this longing. Its something that wasn't even aware to me.
But this realisation was made so aware when I received this absolutely PRICELESS gift from an angel whom I'd say knows my heart the most. And in a very worldly sense, it may seem like a very normal & simple gift. But this becomes a moment where my heart just bursts out into rejoicing being so blessed & humbled to receive this gift. Its a feeling that I, myself find so difficult to express in words. But its such a heavenly feeling!
Well it all started after 9am mass when this angel passed me my birthday present which I was totally taken aback by, because this angel had already given me a birthday present. But this was only the start of how beautiful this sunday morning would turn out to be! And thank God that this angel told me to open the present before session started. And as I read this angel's birthday card to me, my heart was filled with very humbling love resting within me! And as I read it even more, I felt so humbled & in awe of what this angel thought of me! But then I headed to the lift area at the 2nd floor of the parish centre, where I was alone.
And as I opened the present, I couldn't believe what was in my hands. It was a book that I could only dream about and the closest I came, was to actually hold the book at read what was on the covers! It really meant the world for me to hold this beautiful book in my hands! And it really was a moment where my heart felt so touched & in awe of God and this angel! And it really just means so much to me! And I'd say that this gift is the greatest & best gift I've ever received in my 22 years of life! And i mean it from the very depths of my heart! Its a gift that speaks so much of my heart and soul!
And its really makes my heart get to a great level of excitement when I read it. You can surely expect some post on this book I've started reading today!
Praise be unto God who knows me so well. I pray that this angel will receive the Love of God and also be so aware of how proud Jesus is of this angel! I pray that God grants you the desires of your heart and that he will lead you to perfect peace as you search to discover and do his will for you in your life!
Friday, January 29, 2010
YV Retreat 2010
This becomes one of those moments where you just become so in awe of God and just how perfect his plan is for us as his children! The YV retreat is one that I'll always hold so close to my heart and its not just the retreat but the Youth Vineyard community in particular. But with everything that we hold close to our hearts, there lies a history and behind that history, there lies a LOVE!
Just 2 and a 1/2 years ago, in June 2007, YV had our very 1st retreat and it was in a time when I came back to church after being MIA (missing in action) for 6 months. But it was at that very retreat when God himself called me back into his loving arms. And I will hold that retreat and YV extremely close to my heart because God used them & the retreat to pave the way for me to come back. And I remember everything about the retreat. I especially remember the very first time that I felt so incredibly wholesome when the Love of God entered my heart. And as I tell everyone, that was the defining moment that changed my life!
But this time, at our YV retreat in 2010, its so funny how God makes his plan so perfect, although we think we have screwed up his plan with our mistakes. I am still in awe and humbled by the very fact that I was part of the planning team for this YV retreat. And as promised, I knew that this retreat would be one of great intensity. For me, as I planned the retreat together with the core, my aim was to really intensify our journey with God. I felt that the one element we all lacked the most, was having intimacy with God. And so this YV retreat was aimed to facilitate that process. And as the retreat drew near, God placed an real excitement in my heart! It felt so awesome as it was like something huge was going to happen!
And of course, God kept his promise! At the retreat, there was the really immense desire for God that was within the hearts of all the YV memebers that were at the retreat! And then I just said to God, "Oh boy, they are in for a surprise if they desire for God this much!"
Throughout the retreat, I have a real beautiful opportunity to really see teh fruits of God's promise to me 2 years ago. For the 1st time, YV was a God-desiring community! In my heart, I just rejoiced and delighted in this fact! And my sharing group of Justin, Julia, Oliver & Estelle were so inspiring. Each one of them just amazed me so much. And it wasn't just what they shared that really amazed me, but it was rather, the genuinity of their hearts that was so evident in their sharing. And it was just so God-centered!
As the retreat progress towards its climax, at the night session, where my beloved YAM so generously came to do the session for us. And we shall not forget that they travelled from the east to the west to reach the retreat place. They are just so selfless, just like Jesus! But the night session was really amazing for me! And sury also mentioned to me about the hunger & desire for God that he felt among everyone. But I believe that those who were really open to what God had planned for them that night, had a real surprise from God and the immense Love of God too!
For me, as Sury & Eugene prayed over me, God's message to me was,
"None of the trials which have come upon you is more than a human being can stand. You can trust that God will not let you be put to the test beyond your strength, but with any trial will also provide a way out by enabling you to put up with it."
1 Corinthians 10:13
And this passage was just exactly what I needed to hear because I went into the retreat needing an assurance that I was on the right track with God! And when I received it, I felt very much at peace and I guess it was the simplicity of the message that made it so amazing! And after that, came a very defining moment for me as I took the courage to wash the feet of Estelle. And that for me was so important, after all that had happened between us. But it was a really special moment and there was this real anointing that was so evidently present. And that night really defined how perfect God's plan is for us.
And when I though it ended, my group had yet another amazing sharing and after the sharing, God prompted me to enter into a time of prayer to pray for each other. And my oh my, we spent a whole hour in prayer and it was just so amazing and beautiful. After which, we spent time to pray for healing for a person in our group. And it was so wonderful for that person too. The person was really healed of all the person had gone through in the past. And night ended with our group just having a crazy supper by ourselves!
The next day started with morning mass @ St. Mary of the Angels Church. After which, I started to get very nervous about leading in worship. But the worship was so so beautiful. The intensity of worship was really brought to another level for YV. Especially in the song of which I'd say is the most anointed P&W song for me ever, 'How great is our God'! At that song, the whole community raised our hands in worship and it was a sight that would surely bring dancing in the heavens!After our lunch, Estelle & I planned to pray with Stephen and yet again it was such a beautiful time of prayer. And finally the retreat ended with a very touching time of community sharing and not forgetting the community praying for one another.
For me, this retreat was one where God brought this community to another level of intimacy with him! But this happened because we had that desire for God! And what I learnt the most at this retreat is the real power of calling upon God & his Holy Spirit in prayer. At this retreat, I really learnt the power of prayer yet again and the authority we have when we come in the Name of Jesus! At this retreat, I really saw many crying like never before and many broken & wounded hearts being healed. But the outstanding revelation in truth was God bring the Youth Vineyard Community to another level and in many ways, this underlines how this community will enter the next 5 years as we celebrate our 5th year anniversary!
Praise be unto God alone and no one else!
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
The Great Testing
"The more you draw closer to God, the more the devil will attack you!"
This fact has served to be so true for me over the last 3 weeks. And throughout the process over this time, I just couldn't understand what God was trying to do. And in this time, I never became so angry with God. But in time, God revealed everything unto me. God explained every essence of suffering!
For my whole life, the 11th of January is one day in the year that I always look forward to and its a day that I probably hold the closest to my heart! Its a day my heart desires to really rejoice for this is the day that our great God breathed life into me! And it serves to be a day that I see as special for me and will continue to remain as special to me! And maybe to a certain extent, I'd say that its sacred to me! But as the years progressed on for me, God played a much bigger role for me in the events that happened throughout this very day! As the years progressed, my heart desired simplicity on this day! I desired to delight in the very simple things, like a meal & conversation with people I love! For me, I seemed to desire these things more than those fancy & extravagant meals!
But this 22nd birthday will serve to one immense pain for me! Its quite the story I'd say! For me, at a very human level, I'll conclude that it was a day which didn't meet my expectations except for 4 hours that God chose to bless with an angel I love! The angel knows who she is! As I reflect upon the happenings of that day, I'd say that it was filled with the very simple things with God always accompanying me. As I look deeper into the turning point for that day, I'd say that it was when I became selfish in my way, expecting too much! Everything turned so sour when I got angry over the ones I loved so much. And as I look back, I regret my selfish & inconsiderate actions so much. In those moments, I became someone that I too never what to become. But it was also a time that made me understand how much more awesome God's unconditional love is for us.
But the extremely brave angel of God never gave up on me. The angel did something no one on this would do. The angel took courage to bear and put up with all my crude comments, which I'd say was so much of the devil. And those moments, it was so evident that the devil was in me! But this angel sent by God alone, calmed me down after an hour of conversation. And just like Jesus, this angel became poor for my sake, so that I will be rich in grace & joy! For me, I conclude that on my 22nd Birthday, this angel saved my birthday and so much more.
But 6 days after this experience, my uncle had passed away after battling cancer for 5 years. Praise God that he finished the race to return to his home in heaven! But when this happened, it became to much for me to bear. At this point, I felt dead. My heart was dead for sure. It became an experience that I felt was just pushing me of the cliff! But it was so much the loss of my uncle that caused me to feel this way. It contributed to it though. I felt so much pain within my soul & heart over what was being placed before me!
At Justin's 21st birthday, when i heard the news about his passing in the midst of his party, I just went down alone. And in the middle of orchard road, I wept and cried so much as I found it too much to carry on! But after awhile, I just felt that I didn't want to spoil Justin's 21st birthday party celebrations. But throughout the party, I chose to be by myself as I really didn't want to tell anyone about the news so as to not spoil or dampen the moods.
The next day, Sunday was the final spiritual preparations for our YV retreat. During the 9am mass, I managed to hold myself together. But as soon as the mass ended and most of the people left the church, I cried like never before. It last for about 10 minutes and the pain just became too much for me. Soon after, I had to prepare for session. And yet another surprise happened. For the very first time in my life, during the YV session, I cried in front of people. And this really became the most sorrowful & painful experience for me! Praise God for Gabriel from YV who did the little things to assure me that I was not alone!
At this point, I didn't really know what to do, but somewhere in the very depths of my heart, I knew that God was in control and that as long as I don't try to run away from this, I will return to where God intends for me to be!
And over the next few day, I felt lost like never before. I felt like a infant. I felt so scared and afraid! But God instructed me to take very very small steps. All the wisdom that God blessed me with, became so absent. I couldn't help anyone because I couldn't even help myself. I really felt like a baby trying to walk again! But I really praise god still as a Spirit of Patience was bestowed upon me! And as the YV retreat drew nearer, I knew that God would explain in time!
The retreat was so amazing! It was the little things that made the difference! I would be doing another post on it! But it was during confessions that God explained everything for me!
God said this to me through the priest,
"The devil has attacked your relationship with God!"
This answered everything for me! And its so so true. The devil had been trying so hard to get to me! And before the last 3 weeks, everytime the devil tempted me, I'd so strongly say, "Be gone devil. You're not wanted here!" And then over the last 3 weeks, I am sure that the devil attacked the very source of who moulds me to be! The devil attacked my relationship with God! And then everything made so much sense! He knew that my birthday was the best way to begin this attack. The devil wanted to use the experiences from my birthday as well as my uncle's passing to blame it on the source of where my love exist! God! And it worked because I allowed it to work! But as I look back, I realise that those experiences have only made me stronger as I know that we should never underestimate the prowls of the devil!
But I ask myself this, where was God in all this? God was defending me, but it was I that chose the evil one! And Daddy God, I'm so sorry for doing such a thing! I praise you O God for forgiving me! And Lord Jesus, I thank you for really humbling me through these experiences to realise how I am nothing without you! Only you have made me into the person that people look up to! I am where I am because of you! I'm really nothing without you!
As I move forward in my journey with Jesus, I move into a step to be more immersed in consistent prayer!
As God said to me,
"I have allowed this to happen to you because I am now fine tuning you into a more loving son for this world to experience!
Thank you Estelle Marianne Bridgette Goh for being that brave angel of God to me! I really do admire the courage you have!
Job 2:10
If we take joy from God, can we not take suffering too?
Friday, January 1, 2010
The Fight
There lies in us a Greatness that we never really come to grasp and understand! But we never even come close to understand this if we aren't in that intimacy with God! That gift of the glorious relationship with God that will set us free! Over the year of 2009, I've seen & witnessed a great amount of youths that never really understand the meaning & value of the being in a intimate relationship with God! And over time, we conclude that the Walk with Christ Jesus, is one where it becomes too boring!
As i reflect on the reason for this, I start to see that many that walk with Jesus, fail to realise that as much and as powerful as the Holy Spirit is ever present in our hearts, we must also see that the Devil is lurking around, waiting to pounce on us like a roaring lion! We fail to see that when God created us, he created us not to be 'Robots' that just follow rules and walk with him as Zombies! We fail to realise that the closer we truely desire to be with God, the more devil would want to take us down with him!
I look to the ever-so-famous letters of St. Paul, where he talks about the fight for our faith in this world! St. Paul was one that found for him faith everyday! And its something that not many of us do! When we face struggles, time and again, I constantly witness how so many of us give in and allow the struggles to become much bigger than us! But of course we can't be bigger than the struggles with our strength! That's when, the mighty God comes in! All God asks is for you to the response to the desire he so beautifully placed in your heart! God's strength will be more than enough for you to become bigger than the struggles you are facing! But the great wonder of the ways of God is that, we are not called to kill the struggles! We are rather called to EMBRACE the struggles, just like how Jesus embraced and kissed his cross on his road to Calvary!
For me, I am certain that this is what causes so many of us to fall short of the Greatness that God intends for each and every one of us! There lies in us a great desire for each of us to fight for God! And i think that its not that God doesn't wish to grant us his grace and presence! I am sure that God only ask that we ask for it and fight for it! God asks of us to just put it that minimum effort to ask and surrender into the plans that God has for us!
And for me, in my own walk with Jesus, I see myself fighting everyday for God! This is my heart's desire!
As i reflect on the reason for this, I start to see that many that walk with Jesus, fail to realise that as much and as powerful as the Holy Spirit is ever present in our hearts, we must also see that the Devil is lurking around, waiting to pounce on us like a roaring lion! We fail to see that when God created us, he created us not to be 'Robots' that just follow rules and walk with him as Zombies! We fail to realise that the closer we truely desire to be with God, the more devil would want to take us down with him!
I look to the ever-so-famous letters of St. Paul, where he talks about the fight for our faith in this world! St. Paul was one that found for him faith everyday! And its something that not many of us do! When we face struggles, time and again, I constantly witness how so many of us give in and allow the struggles to become much bigger than us! But of course we can't be bigger than the struggles with our strength! That's when, the mighty God comes in! All God asks is for you to the response to the desire he so beautifully placed in your heart! God's strength will be more than enough for you to become bigger than the struggles you are facing! But the great wonder of the ways of God is that, we are not called to kill the struggles! We are rather called to EMBRACE the struggles, just like how Jesus embraced and kissed his cross on his road to Calvary!
For me, I am certain that this is what causes so many of us to fall short of the Greatness that God intends for each and every one of us! There lies in us a great desire for each of us to fight for God! And i think that its not that God doesn't wish to grant us his grace and presence! I am sure that God only ask that we ask for it and fight for it! God asks of us to just put it that minimum effort to ask and surrender into the plans that God has for us!
And for me, in my own walk with Jesus, I see myself fighting everyday for God! This is my heart's desire!
Like i always tell God,
"Lord I won't stop fighting for you unless You ask me to stop!"
And can you imagine the great joy that God has when he sees his own & most beloved creation, his Children, fighting for him! I'm sure he'll be so happy and proud of you when he sees how much you desire and fight for an intimacy with him! And do you think God will not release his grace, strength & love upon us when we desire so much for it and we constantly show it through our actions! And I believe that its the simple actions that makes the biggest difference, like when we spend time in the adoration room as we try to find comfort, solace & direction for him or when we take that courage to open our hearts and be vulnerable to someone that could easily be God's instrument to help us through that difficult moment!
May you start fighting for God in your journey with God! May you fight for god until God himself tells you to stop! Start asking questions to God about the reasons for the different struggles you're facing! God is already waiting at the door of your heart! May you open this door in this year of 2010!
And for me, I am fighting for someone to rise & reach God! I am so sure and certain that this darling of God will rise above the struggles! And I am nowhere near giving up on this person! This is what lies ahead for me in 2010! I'm not giving up on you to rise and reach God! And you know who you are! You will rise!
Praise God!
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
2009 Recollection
This would probably be the first time I'll be doing a personal recollection on my blog, of the way my life has progressed in a year! Most of the time, we all lean towards the very traditional & effective way of coming up with a 'New year's resolution'! But as I was reflecting in the ever-so-present adoration room, I decided to just reflect on how I have grown with God through the numerous experiences that God has blest me with this 2009, whether positive or negative, good or bad!
For me, this year has been the toughest year for me especially with the many feelings that lay within my heart that I've had to embrace over the course of this year! It really starts to make so much sense when its dawns upon me that this was the year when I lived as a 21-year-old man! For many years, I awaited to turn 21 as I always had this picture of how much fun I'd have when I turned 21! But this year has been fun in terms of journeying with the Almighty Father! Its been a year where my love & faithfulness has truely been put to the test! And in many ways, I praise God for granting me the grace to stick with him! I can now acclaim that a true follower of Christ is one that sticks with Christ when all goes sour in his/her life! But this person sticks because he/she really loves God! He/she knows that God is in control!
And I'd say that my 2009 started in November 2008. That's when a whole load of extreme painful struggle came by! That's also when I started my discernment on something that God invited me to think about. That is also the same time when my most beloved uncle passed on! That is also the time when God brought me through a 3 month spell (Nov-Jan) of dryness in the desert where God seemed to be so absent in my heart & soul! And in that time, I too had never seen myself struggle till that extent. But quite incredibly, in a moment when I needed to help, there was no one by my side to guide me! From what I remember, I know there was only a knowledge that God loved me and that God was in control. But my heart didn't believe in this as my heart felt so lost in the desert!
But that's when God invitation to depend and trust in him came! At that moment, my life was in shatters! At that point, I didn't feel the need to carry on in this life! I never felt more lost & confused ever! And the best part, was that I felt so helpless and in the end, there was nobody to help me through this! But this had to happen! But somehow, surely the grace of God led me to give my life to God!
And throughout the year of 2009, everything has been about God first! All my decisions were based on whether God himself approves of what is to be done, no matter how small the decision is! Sometimes, its as small as changing 1 worship song! But at the end of it, I know that the Will of God was Done! The will of God has been a priority for me and will continue to be!
And what stands out for me in 2009? There can only and will always be 1 thing! Its none other than 'My Aussie trip'! This trip became the 1st time I decided to invest in something/someone! But this investment was a huge financial risk for me! And for many people, this trip seemed to be something small or just a holiday! But in my heart, I am so aware that it was alot more than a break from everything, or a holiday, or a chance to be alone! This trip was all about God! This trip was to allow myself to be that Joyful person in God! To ensure that no one could ever stand in the way of the person God desired myself to be! And this was due to the many people who kept telling me to not be so joyful and be a good example to the youths! But in aussie, I never felt so free in my life! And I know that the main reason for this, was just because that I made this trip not foe myself but it was rather a trip to make God even more part of my life!
The aussie trip costs about 2.5k and I spent 5 weeks in Perth, Australia! And its a trip I'll always hold so close to my heart and will never ever forget! So Lord Jesus, I praise you for making this trip possible! And we had so much fun dancing in the beauty of your nature! Praise God!
After this trip, the rest of the year started to be one where more and more struggles started to unfold in my life! But alot of the struggles were the immense pain I constantly felt in my heart! I felt like I had to battle & suffer in my heart for the sake of my love to Christ! But this serves to be true! That as we decide to make that bold decision to walk with Christ, we must be aware that we will suffer both in this world as well as in the depths of our hearts! I feel that the pain within the heart of Jesus was much more immense that the physical pain he experienced on his road to Calvary! And it serves to be the same for us! If have yet to suffer in our heart for the love we have for Christ, which may be in the form of dryness, then I don't think we can honestly say that we are in love with Christ!
But as the final quarter of the year unfolded for me, I started to see what God has been working in me over the rest of the year! At that point, all the suffering started to make so much sense for me! It was truely God proving to me that I loved God more than I thought! And this is a great revelation on its own! So many times, we think we have to prove something to God. But actually, its God trying to prove to us why we do what we do! We all don't realise how great we have become because of Christ, although we never did anything to deserve this! But God has to prove this greatness that lies within us time and time again! And so for 3/4 of this 2009, God was proving to me about the love & faithfulness had in God, because I was so aware of the Love that God had for me!
But rounding up the whole year, I am so glad that I didn't run away from all the struggles! I praise god for granting me courage, strength & perseverance to face & embrace every struggle! If there was a time to suffer, I am thankful that I suffered! If there was a time to be joyful, I am thankful that I was Joyful! If there was a time to analysis & reflect, I am thankful that I made time for it! I praise God for teaching me to embrace all fears & struggles!
This has truely been a year of great testing and also been one where I've been to extreme end of joy as well as suffering! But the greatest fact is that it was all with the God I love, adore, worship & delight in!
Lord Jesus, this year has been so tough for me! But your grace has seen me through and it will continue to see me through! I pray for all suffering in their hearts for you! I pray that they believe that God is in total control! I praise you, O lord in the heavens for 2009! I praise you for moulding me to be alot more closer to your heart as well as alot stronger through the extreme sufferings of pain! I will never regret any experience that you've brought me through!
And at the end of everything that is tough, we will experience the fruits of the patience & trust we've placed in God! As we've experienced the magnitude of pain in our hearts, we will experience the magnitude of joy in our hearts too! Invest in Jesus!
And last but surely not the least, I praise God for the 2 new people that he's blest me with and has entrust unto my care! I am so unworthy to be with them and have done nothing to deserve such a gift. But as always Lord Jesus, you are so generous in the love within your heart! I pray that I will grow with them as I have done in you! And may I bring them to greater heights to be with you! So that the 3 of us can dance in your presence! May you bless us in your purity & love! Praise you O Lord in the heaven for these 2 people I love so so much! Thanks God!
For me, this year has been the toughest year for me especially with the many feelings that lay within my heart that I've had to embrace over the course of this year! It really starts to make so much sense when its dawns upon me that this was the year when I lived as a 21-year-old man! For many years, I awaited to turn 21 as I always had this picture of how much fun I'd have when I turned 21! But this year has been fun in terms of journeying with the Almighty Father! Its been a year where my love & faithfulness has truely been put to the test! And in many ways, I praise God for granting me the grace to stick with him! I can now acclaim that a true follower of Christ is one that sticks with Christ when all goes sour in his/her life! But this person sticks because he/she really loves God! He/she knows that God is in control!
And I'd say that my 2009 started in November 2008. That's when a whole load of extreme painful struggle came by! That's also when I started my discernment on something that God invited me to think about. That is also the same time when my most beloved uncle passed on! That is also the time when God brought me through a 3 month spell (Nov-Jan) of dryness in the desert where God seemed to be so absent in my heart & soul! And in that time, I too had never seen myself struggle till that extent. But quite incredibly, in a moment when I needed to help, there was no one by my side to guide me! From what I remember, I know there was only a knowledge that God loved me and that God was in control. But my heart didn't believe in this as my heart felt so lost in the desert!
But that's when God invitation to depend and trust in him came! At that moment, my life was in shatters! At that point, I didn't feel the need to carry on in this life! I never felt more lost & confused ever! And the best part, was that I felt so helpless and in the end, there was nobody to help me through this! But this had to happen! But somehow, surely the grace of God led me to give my life to God!
And throughout the year of 2009, everything has been about God first! All my decisions were based on whether God himself approves of what is to be done, no matter how small the decision is! Sometimes, its as small as changing 1 worship song! But at the end of it, I know that the Will of God was Done! The will of God has been a priority for me and will continue to be!
And what stands out for me in 2009? There can only and will always be 1 thing! Its none other than 'My Aussie trip'! This trip became the 1st time I decided to invest in something/someone! But this investment was a huge financial risk for me! And for many people, this trip seemed to be something small or just a holiday! But in my heart, I am so aware that it was alot more than a break from everything, or a holiday, or a chance to be alone! This trip was all about God! This trip was to allow myself to be that Joyful person in God! To ensure that no one could ever stand in the way of the person God desired myself to be! And this was due to the many people who kept telling me to not be so joyful and be a good example to the youths! But in aussie, I never felt so free in my life! And I know that the main reason for this, was just because that I made this trip not foe myself but it was rather a trip to make God even more part of my life!
The aussie trip costs about 2.5k and I spent 5 weeks in Perth, Australia! And its a trip I'll always hold so close to my heart and will never ever forget! So Lord Jesus, I praise you for making this trip possible! And we had so much fun dancing in the beauty of your nature! Praise God!
After this trip, the rest of the year started to be one where more and more struggles started to unfold in my life! But alot of the struggles were the immense pain I constantly felt in my heart! I felt like I had to battle & suffer in my heart for the sake of my love to Christ! But this serves to be true! That as we decide to make that bold decision to walk with Christ, we must be aware that we will suffer both in this world as well as in the depths of our hearts! I feel that the pain within the heart of Jesus was much more immense that the physical pain he experienced on his road to Calvary! And it serves to be the same for us! If have yet to suffer in our heart for the love we have for Christ, which may be in the form of dryness, then I don't think we can honestly say that we are in love with Christ!
But as the final quarter of the year unfolded for me, I started to see what God has been working in me over the rest of the year! At that point, all the suffering started to make so much sense for me! It was truely God proving to me that I loved God more than I thought! And this is a great revelation on its own! So many times, we think we have to prove something to God. But actually, its God trying to prove to us why we do what we do! We all don't realise how great we have become because of Christ, although we never did anything to deserve this! But God has to prove this greatness that lies within us time and time again! And so for 3/4 of this 2009, God was proving to me about the love & faithfulness had in God, because I was so aware of the Love that God had for me!
But rounding up the whole year, I am so glad that I didn't run away from all the struggles! I praise god for granting me courage, strength & perseverance to face & embrace every struggle! If there was a time to suffer, I am thankful that I suffered! If there was a time to be joyful, I am thankful that I was Joyful! If there was a time to analysis & reflect, I am thankful that I made time for it! I praise God for teaching me to embrace all fears & struggles!
This has truely been a year of great testing and also been one where I've been to extreme end of joy as well as suffering! But the greatest fact is that it was all with the God I love, adore, worship & delight in!
Lord Jesus, this year has been so tough for me! But your grace has seen me through and it will continue to see me through! I pray for all suffering in their hearts for you! I pray that they believe that God is in total control! I praise you, O lord in the heavens for 2009! I praise you for moulding me to be alot more closer to your heart as well as alot stronger through the extreme sufferings of pain! I will never regret any experience that you've brought me through!
And at the end of everything that is tough, we will experience the fruits of the patience & trust we've placed in God! As we've experienced the magnitude of pain in our hearts, we will experience the magnitude of joy in our hearts too! Invest in Jesus!
For you, O God always think in the best interest of your beloved children that you created in the likeness of your own image!
And last but surely not the least, I praise God for the 2 new people that he's blest me with and has entrust unto my care! I am so unworthy to be with them and have done nothing to deserve such a gift. But as always Lord Jesus, you are so generous in the love within your heart! I pray that I will grow with them as I have done in you! And may I bring them to greater heights to be with you! So that the 3 of us can dance in your presence! May you bless us in your purity & love! Praise you O Lord in the heaven for these 2 people I love so so much! Thanks God!
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Christmas 2009
This Christmas becomes of great joy for me! And as well my joy starts from the immense joy within my heart! This joy is one that truely does come from within my heart! But its a joy not just of Christmas, but rather its one that speaks about the whole of 2009 for me!
Christmas day was made perfect as I was out with my family the whole day, although I was sleepy the whole day as I reached home on Christmas morning at 7.30am after the beautiful time at Marina barrage with YV! I slept until 12noon and then headed to visit my relatives for the whole day. And the highlight of Christmas day was how happy my uncle was when my family came to see him on Christmas Day! He is someone suffering with liver cancer and we all knew that he didn't have much time to live his life here on earth and that this might be his last Chrismas with us! And that joy on his face just made me so touched and really felt like Jesus is always being made the most present in the simple things we choose to do from the love we have in our hearts!
Christmas preparations were yet another one of intensive baking of my cookies! Other than that, it was one where my shopping was devoted to 2 people whom I'd say I hold the closest to my heart now! And I am sure they know who they are! And its for them to be aware of the immense love I have for them! And its not a love like the love from this world! Its a love that's from heaven!
Last year, I did alot of baking also but it was quite spread out as I gave 3 cookies each to about 40-50 people. But this year, I listened to my heart again! My heart desired to go all out for these 2 people that I loved ever so much! I loved them not just because of what they did, but it was more of how uniquely my heart loved them so much. It was how my heart just kept feeling for them and thinking about them ever so much! And also the way, God instilled in me this desire to love them more & more each day! And God always told me to never give up on them. And I love them both so much! And in many ways, my love for them is like the love that God has for me! It was an every second thing where my heart kept going out to them. And in such feelings, that's when I started to sacrifice more of myself and the things I have. This Christmas, due to the way my heart was feeling for these 2 people, I decided to splurge out for these 2 people!
Hence, I baked a total of 80 cookies each for these 2 people that I loved so much! And also bought them each a present! It became very exciting for me as my heart kept thumping from how I was attending to the desires of my heart! But in the midst of this great joy i was feeling within my heart, I never did expect anything from them in return, not even a Christmas card! And I think that becomes a true amazement when we love & give from our hearts! We give without any expectations and never expecting any recognition for the love we show! And for me, this was my gift to Jesus this Christmas, the response to the love I had in my heart! This is what made christmas for me! But of course it doesn't end there for me!
Christmas day midnight mass @ SFX was so amazing for me! My entire preparations and the mass reflections were focused on the Joyful victory of the battles of this 2009 year! This whole year was the most difficult & painful year for me! It was a year where the will of God became more & ore harder as each day of this year passed on before me! God really brought me through the most painful times this year! But in all of those times, there was 1 thing that never left me, and that was God being by my side! God never left me no matter what I was going through. And many of those painful experiences was to do with the will of God for my life and the majority of the pain took place within my heart! And that was difficult for me as I questioned god so many times, "Why is there so much pain when I didn't do anything wrong?" But in all of it, God allowed his presence to weather each storm he sent me! This proved to be a year of whether my love for God was really true & faithful!
And at the midnight mass, there was this immense feeling of victory in my heart! And from then on, there was a radiance on my face that showed it all! It was a joy that came directly from heaven! And I knew there was great rejoice & dancing in Heaven too! And this was what I needed after what this 2009 year has brought for me! I also recall how I had to put on fake smiles at the 2008 Christmas & New year celebrations, due to the immense pain I felt in my heart! But after my joy experiences at this year's Christmas midnight mass, I knew that everything was all worth it!
It like what I believe to be always true.
"The magnitude of the pain we experience, will be the same magnitude of great joy we will experience when its over!"
Christmas celebrations were so amazing with YV. As we went to a 24hr Carl's Jr place to eat, after which we headed to the ever beautiful Marina Barrage to just walk, take photos and enjoy the beauty of God! And for me, it spoke about the things i love the most about this year, its the simple things that have always been there that makes life so beautiful!
Christmas day was made perfect as I was out with my family the whole day, although I was sleepy the whole day as I reached home on Christmas morning at 7.30am after the beautiful time at Marina barrage with YV! I slept until 12noon and then headed to visit my relatives for the whole day. And the highlight of Christmas day was how happy my uncle was when my family came to see him on Christmas Day! He is someone suffering with liver cancer and we all knew that he didn't have much time to live his life here on earth and that this might be his last Chrismas with us! And that joy on his face just made me so touched and really felt like Jesus is always being made the most present in the simple things we choose to do from the love we have in our hearts!And this Christmas really serves to be one of great joy! And I think the magnitude of suffering & pain I felt this 2009, will be equal to the magnitude of great Joy that will unfold for me at this Christmas! If we can take joy from God, then surely we can take suffering too!
I also do ask for your prayers on the 30th of december as I go for my heart check-up on that day with my cardiologist! And it looks like I'll be hospitalised for the new year! But I hope that in this time, I'll bring the joy I have in God, be spread to those that God sends me in the new year time!
To all faithful vistors of My Journey with Jesus blog, I praise God for each of you and may you have great joy this Christmas! This is my prayer for you from my heart! In the new year of 2010 ahead, I pray that you will follow your heart as you walk with Jesus on your journey! But may you also embrace the feelings within your heart, whether its a time of painful suffering or great joy! Embrace these moments with God! And for 2010, may you believe this phrase that has captivated me so much!
"There is no blemish at all in God's Plan for you if you are always earnestly seeking to do the will of God from your hearts!"
Always follow your heart! Your heart will lead you to God! It has for me thus far!
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