“Lord if you would, allow me to suffer with you through the rest of lent until you rise from the dead!"
Well this is what I asked god on the 5th Sunday of lent! I don't know exactly why I asked god this but I guess I felt that I had failed god in the time of lent and I just wanted this lent to really be memorable for me. It was a desire in my heart actually to suffer with Christ through the last part of lent.
I mean there had been alot of joy throughout the latter part of 2007! But I don't know why but in many ways that 2008 hasn't really kicked off yet for me in terms of the everlasting joy part! I'm not denying at all the many joys I received through the Birthday celebrations, the SJS rally, the awesome revival within my ministry through our much improved sessions, god's hand working within me as I studied and good results of course. But there's always been this void within my heart and I guess in the time of lent, it was made really clear and the void became bigger and bigger as the days of 2008 progressed.
I guess the main reason was the lack of everlasting joy in my life. I'm not saying that there was no joy, because there was but it just kept decreasing and decreasing. It also didn't help that Lent came earlier this time in 2008. As joy kept decreasing, so did grace and likewise for my patience with people although some may say that its total rubbish that my patience for people decreased but it’s true. Last year, it was a complete joy for me to help blind people and also those people within our groups whom we always try to avoid talking to. But last year without fail, the first thing I would do was to be with the ones whom everyone makes an outcast but this year, I just haven't got the patience to listen to these people. Many times this year when I talk to people that are just going on and on about what people keep telling me to do, I would just get so frustrated and impatient with them. I don't even take the time to listen to them. Its part of the grace which has been missing this year, which is also part of the reason why I feel that I've failed to serve god this lent!
But I guess this happened for a reason. Nevertheless, I told god about how unworthy I am to be a servant of god! So I guess that’s the reason for me to desire to suffer with Christ Jesus for the rest of lent!
And suffering has been so difficult so far after only 1 week! But god came to rescue me yet again, through my wonderfully awesome cell who were there for me on Saturday when we had cell group sharing! And it was the simplest stuff of just listening to me being there for me. For me that meant so much! That has now given me the strength to go deeper into this time of suffering and spend more time in prayer to be with the lord especially for this holy week. As this week will be a very solemn week for me.
Although many may not understand why I need to go through but I request that you keep me in your prayers,
“For this week, my deepest heart’s desire is to suffer with Christ Jesus!”
PS: Thanks so much to my cell for everything! Every single one of you has helped me so much!
No comments:
Post a Comment