The experience of grieving the loss of a Child of God

After such an enjoyable and exciting weekend, my week started a little bad with some unforeseen circumstances happening. All was good with the worship workshop by SACCRE at CAYC last weekend. I received many pointers on how to lead worship better and I was really humbled too by God’s anointing upon everyone. So ya, all went well.

But as I was getting ready for school on Monday morning around 11am, I received call from my classmate, Huda that our other classmate, Chanel, got into an accident in front of their HDB BLK at Tampines. I was in quite of a shock but luckily, I was ready to leave and caught a cab and went to school straight as the ambulance left the scene already. On my way there, Huda called me and told me that it was actually Chanel’s sister, Yuan Xiang who got into the accident as they both looked a lot alike. It brought a little relief but still it was totally horrible as she was only 17.

Soon after, I went for classes and met with Chanel and Huda. Chanel was in tears and then halfway through the day, she left for the hospital as the situation of her sister, got worse. After school around 4pm, Huda and myself left school for the hospital. The whole family was totally in great grief. As I visited her sister, I kept praying for God’s will to be done. When I left the hospital, I was really in a extremely solemn state as I was just thinking about everything that had happened.

The next day, I went for classes and went to the hospital. The strange thing was that when I was with Chanel, God kept me strong as I needed to be. But when I wasn’t at the hospital, there was a sense of great sadness within me. This feeling continued all the way. Then on Wednesday morning around 1.30am, Chanel messaged me and told me that her sister, Kio Yuan Xiang had passed on. That was tough to handle as I kept wondering how fast we can lose our life and also how young we can loose it. I was totally sad and upset at this news. It was so difficult to see God in all this.

And this was even harder to take as my Faith in God was shaken to the foundations. I just felt so worthless at that point because I was just in so much joy in the past week. It was just immensely difficult dealing with this. Another strange thing was that the girl that had passed on, was someone that I never met in my entire life, yet I was such a state of sadness. But I guess there was a reason for such a bonding.

So today as I went for mass for the feast of the Ascension of our Lord, I just lifted up all my sadness, my struggles and especially the people who were grieving for her loss and placed at the feet of Jesus. After mass, I just felt lifted and free.

I guess in many ways, this experience has taught me a lot. It’s made me realize that death is something real and true which we all have to face 1 day. But 1 of the major struggles I was facing was, “Whether I would be worthy to enter heaven when I pass from this world?” But I feel that God will take us up when God feels we are ready, which calls us to trust in God’s plan for us. This experience has also made me realize that my Faith was really shaken to its foundations and its called me to really seek more of Jesus! It showed me that I need to build my faith more on the rock of Jesus instead of building my faith on the sand of the world! May we all experience our hurdles to really come to realize how much we need Jesus, our Saviour!

PS: Please pray for the Soul of Kio Yuan Xiang to return to the Father in Heaven. Also pray for her family!