The new and true Mission

As an experience of grieving the loss of a child of God and also experiencing my Faith being shaken, it got me thinking as I was on my way home for the wake of Yuan Xiang. I started to think on, “How cruel this world can be?” As I recalled Chanel telling me that there was a few times when her sister who has passed on, complained about how she hated going to school because of how her classmates in school were talking behind each other’s back and just making fun of each other.

But I think that many people around the world are facing this problem of loneliness and being outcast and made fun of. And in many ways, I have been a victim of in the past during my school days. As many people in the world always pick on people in many areas like their race, colour, appearance, background, religion and ect.

And its really cruel as I reflect on this struggle of many others in the world as many people enjoy their time together at the expense of someone else. And being a follower of Jesus makes this all the more important to help the ones affected by these struggles. And so in the bus, on the way home, I felt that a new mission has arose for me and in many ways, I’d like to dedicate this to Kio Yuan Xiang.

Well the new mission is, “To protect, befriend and love the ones who are rejected by society, the ones who are being picked on so that others may enjoy their time better and the ones who feel like the better thing to do is to die as the world is just too cruel to them.” This is the new mission based on glorifying the name of Jesus! And this is my cry to all who feel that the world is too cruel to them, to allow Jesus to use me to help you because Jesus Loves You and I want to also! You can feel the joy of being truly loved in Jesus name!

So if you feel alone, then post a comment in this post so that we can feel loved together in Jesus name because life is short and we should feel loved! Amen!

The experience of grieving the loss of a Child of God

After such an enjoyable and exciting weekend, my week started a little bad with some unforeseen circumstances happening. All was good with the worship workshop by SACCRE at CAYC last weekend. I received many pointers on how to lead worship better and I was really humbled too by God’s anointing upon everyone. So ya, all went well.

But as I was getting ready for school on Monday morning around 11am, I received call from my classmate, Huda that our other classmate, Chanel, got into an accident in front of their HDB BLK at Tampines. I was in quite of a shock but luckily, I was ready to leave and caught a cab and went to school straight as the ambulance left the scene already. On my way there, Huda called me and told me that it was actually Chanel’s sister, Yuan Xiang who got into the accident as they both looked a lot alike. It brought a little relief but still it was totally horrible as she was only 17.

Soon after, I went for classes and met with Chanel and Huda. Chanel was in tears and then halfway through the day, she left for the hospital as the situation of her sister, got worse. After school around 4pm, Huda and myself left school for the hospital. The whole family was totally in great grief. As I visited her sister, I kept praying for God’s will to be done. When I left the hospital, I was really in a extremely solemn state as I was just thinking about everything that had happened.

The next day, I went for classes and went to the hospital. The strange thing was that when I was with Chanel, God kept me strong as I needed to be. But when I wasn’t at the hospital, there was a sense of great sadness within me. This feeling continued all the way. Then on Wednesday morning around 1.30am, Chanel messaged me and told me that her sister, Kio Yuan Xiang had passed on. That was tough to handle as I kept wondering how fast we can lose our life and also how young we can loose it. I was totally sad and upset at this news. It was so difficult to see God in all this.

And this was even harder to take as my Faith in God was shaken to the foundations. I just felt so worthless at that point because I was just in so much joy in the past week. It was just immensely difficult dealing with this. Another strange thing was that the girl that had passed on, was someone that I never met in my entire life, yet I was such a state of sadness. But I guess there was a reason for such a bonding.

So today as I went for mass for the feast of the Ascension of our Lord, I just lifted up all my sadness, my struggles and especially the people who were grieving for her loss and placed at the feet of Jesus. After mass, I just felt lifted and free.

I guess in many ways, this experience has taught me a lot. It’s made me realize that death is something real and true which we all have to face 1 day. But 1 of the major struggles I was facing was, “Whether I would be worthy to enter heaven when I pass from this world?” But I feel that God will take us up when God feels we are ready, which calls us to trust in God’s plan for us. This experience has also made me realize that my Faith was really shaken to its foundations and its called me to really seek more of Jesus! It showed me that I need to build my faith more on the rock of Jesus instead of building my faith on the sand of the world! May we all experience our hurdles to really come to realize how much we need Jesus, our Saviour!

PS: Please pray for the Soul of Kio Yuan Xiang to return to the Father in Heaven. Also pray for her family!

God uses St. Mark the Evangelist to give joy to me!

Well yesterday (Friday), I was so happy the whole day and its was happy than the usual happiness, it was much more. So in the morning I presumed that God was extra happy maybe! But what I didn’t was it was it was my feast day, where I was reminded by Sury, Kenny & Corrine. Praise God for these people who were used as God’s instruments to tell me this message of super great joy for me!

The whole day was good and all! Before mass, I really had an excellent 30 mins of silent time with God in the adoration room. Then I went for mass and really experienced the Eucharist in a really deep level with God! And as I received Jesus, there was a huge smile on my face which I just couldn’t remove. I have experienced this before but this time, it was extra special. But do remember that we all have a God who is full of surprises!

So after the choir sang the thanksgiving hymn, Father Anthony Ho stood and just said a few words as usual. And then I thought he was going to congratulate the choir for singing so beautifully, but then he said, “Everyone in the congregation looks very happy. But there is one person who is the happiest person here, and he is Mark Abraham! For today is his feast day!” After he said this, I felt so honored and also so much in awe of God!

This brought great joy for me and then the smile on my face just became bigger! I was just incredibly happy and joyful but most importantly, in awe of God! Father Brian then asked me why I kept smiling. This got me thinking and I came to a conclusion that its because I am in awe and in love with Jesus!

Praise you O God for St. Mark and the beautiful & joyful day yesterday! I just wanna ask all followers of this man, Jesus, to put on the face of Christ and smile more cause I’ve realized that through your smile, others will see Christ in you and they too will be able to experience the joy that Christ Gives!

SMILE everyone! Christ will surely smile! Amen!

Being in the Grace of God

Life is really sensational just living in the Grace of God and at times it’s really so hard to believe whether life can be this good! It’s really been something that I’ve been experiencing this week, despite this week being one of my busiest weeks ever. But I guess all credit goes to the Risen lord who has just granted me every grace I needed to grow deeper with him.

About 3 weeks ago, I felt the Lord calling me to go deeper into prayer with him. It was a called to start going into deeper prayer with him like the Lectio Divina and just more silent prayer. And my reply to him was, “Lord, you I am not the type of meditative type and all. But if this is what you want to do, then please grant me the graces cause without it I know for sure that I will never be able to do this.” So in the past 3 weeks, I been spending much more time in the adoration room and all I have to say is that the Lord provides yet again. It’s just been an amazing journey because I’ve been really enjoying my silent time with the Lord!

But some of you may ask, how does all this help in our growth of our spiritual journeys with the Lord! Well all this gives us spiritual energy and joy to serve better in our ministries and also all this gives us stamina to run the race. If we don’t have this, we find ourselves at times really weak to carry on this race! I will certainly testify to this, because there’s been so many times when I felt like giving up and falling into sin or the easier way out which is to be unlike Christ! But it’s been like the Sprit of God got stronger within me and always kept me restrained from giving up. It’s something that’s really hard to explain and I guess in many ways that this is sort of living in the grace of God. But despite all this, I still do make mistakes and fall again and again. But everytime and I fail once; I try to do better the next day. Yet again this is part of living in the grace of God!

Anyway this week, I started school again as I just started my 2nd year in Temasek Poly and yes, I am enjoying life in poly but its getting a lot tougher. It all falls in place cause before this semester started, I made a decision to study much harder compared to the previous year in poly. So I guess there was a reason for God to instill the idea to study harder this semester. I struggled quite a bit this week but I have just submitted to God all the struggles I’ll be facing! I just am so sure that God’s going to be there with me all the way. And I know that God will grant me the grace still to manage to ensure everything is well with my studies and my church work! So I have nothing to fear! How awesome is that!

And I am totally in awe of all this! I testify yet again that God’s plan for us is the BEST! But we must have an open-mind at all times! May you experience the joy I experience everyday! Seek it and you’ll find it! Amen!

I'm in love

Yes I'm in love! I bet the first thought that came to your mind was, "Hmmm, now who has stolen Mark's heart that's he's in love! Must be someone really special" Haha! No I haven't fallen for any girl or something! I’m so deeply in love with my Jesus!

It may seem so weird but its really true my friends! I'm in love with Jesus! Best part is that the love is not from this world but its given from above in the heavens by our loving Father!

This has happen because Jesus has created me anew and transformed me into a person for God! I am just so happy of recent because of Jesus! I praise god for giving me life and its really fulfilling when we are given life from up above!

And in this fulfilling life, God gives us really simple stuff. In this life, its not about money, appearance, how worthy we are but its just about being loved and comforted everyday! And God says this to us so many times in the Bible, that when we go to him, he will give us life! I finally believe it to be so so true! I am just so happy and in love with Jesus as he continues to amaze me! One of the really positive stuff about this, is that I'm really enjoying my prayer time and slowing spend more and more time in prayer!

Life seems to be getting better and better with Jesus in it! Anyway, I had cell on Saturday at SMU and I realized something at the stall Mr. Tea, the drinks there are really nice and also really cheap! There was this drink called "Chocolate Heaven" and its like really awesome and its only $1.80 and I always thought that its was like $3 plus and that was why I never bought it! Haha! But finally I bought after cell sharing. I shall start getting that more often if cell happens to be there next time! Anyway that wasn't the highlight of cell! Kinda amazing! I was so happy to see Pris Tan come back after such a long time! But nevertheless, there were a few of us only but what can I say! Boy the sharings were amazing! So I'm really glad and happy! I felt honored too that people were looking up to me in terms of closeness with God and all! So that felt really good!

I guess I am in a world of my own with god! Now to forget Sunday which is today. I gave my first talk ever and felt really good about it. I was so happy that the Holy Spirit was guiding me all the way man! So happy about that too!

I am happy all the way as long god is beside me and strengthening me! I'm so happy I suffered during Lent! I guess it proved to be really worth it! So I urge you to believe me when I say that God will give Life to you! Here's an invitation that Jesus is giving to us! And answer this call so that you too may join me delighting everyday! Amen to the Life that Jesus gives!

A revelation for the LOST

This is more of a revelation from God! So ya its to benefit others and will surely come in well for me when I drift from God! This will surely renew my desire for God!

Well I guess for those who are in the state of being distant from god, you must be wondering what god will do to be if I face him? I mean, I might have been faithful to him in the past which will make my confrontation with god extra difficult! Its like you were so close to your best friend (GOD) and the you betrayed him by running away from although he didn’t do anything wrong. All he did was love and care for you! And now I want to return and reconcile with this really good friend of mine who loves me!

Now if we look at this as the way the world will look at it, I’m quite sure that probably, this friend will ignore us and also talk behind our backs or something!

But here’s the good news that our Risen Jesus bring us! When Jesus came into this world, he didn’t just come to save us from our sins, more importantly, he came to show us what kind of god we have and also what kind of love he has for us! I would think, that it was because everyone saw god as ‘a fierce god’! What better way to resolve this by just sending my son!

So when you face your best friend (GOD), he is going to run to you and embrace you, kiss you, hug you and tell you that “There no need to explain anything because I don’t care what happened in the past. All I care is about is that you came back and that I love you so so much!”

And really, this is what God is going to do to you when you return to god! And if the thought of what people will think when you return, well you really don't have to worry about that because, even that your best friend, the Almighty God has taken care of!

So to end of this revelation from god, if you are lost and distant from god, fear no more because the first thing you're going to receive from God when you come to him is LOVE! You will receive LOVE! How amazing is that! Is there anyone else like our GOD?

After receiving the love of god, you will have life in JESUS CHRIST!

AMEN to that!

All is renewed with Christ's rising!

The joyful Mark Sebastian Abraham is back and renewed with greater strength given by the Risen Jesus! Yes all suffering is over and now is the time the be joyful and rejoice. It has truely been an amazing journey so far! Although Lent was really tough for me, I really appreciated as it took me through a time of true suffering with Christ Jesus. Not listening to P&W songs and being with Jesus in his sufferings were the experiences I had to go through!

But in the midst going through all these, he promised me something,

"Mark as you continue to walk this journey with me to Calvary, persevere in it. But when I am raised by the Almighty One, you will rise too from all your struggles and be free once again! I promise you this!"

Well all I have to say is that God kept his promise of course! Holy Week was really difficult especially my fasting. But I fell in my fasting. Well I started fasting from 9pm on Holy Thursday all the way until 12.30am on Holy Saturday. Then ate some fruits and bread and then continued to fast from 1am on Holy Saturday all the way to 11.30pm on Holy Saturday! I was actually to fast all the way like last year but sadly, I was a little sick and thus weak. But the fasting really took a toll on me but when I was at the Easter Vigil mass on Holy Saturday, it just felt that as Jesus was rising, he was taking me too with him. It was just so amazing and magical! The mass was just awesome and I could really feel God's presence overflowing throughout the whole mass!
I guess in many ways that this is exactly what I wanted, which was to really go through the whole experience of Lent and the death & resurrection of Christ Jesus! This was my heart's desire before Lent and I am totally in awe of God for granting me this experience! So we'll see what else will happen next Lent! Haha!

And for the many people that kept questioning me about the reason for the suffering that I wanted to go through, well this is the reason my dear brothers & sisters. This is the reason for all that! For God says this in the bible many times that there's a time for everything and before you enter into glory with god, you must enter into suffering first! And I guess in many ways, it'll make the time for the joy to be even greater!

I felt that this was also needed because of the grace and joy that god has so wonderfully given to me! All the continuous joy every time and Lent was the time to calm down and suffer!

But all that is done and now the Joy, Serving & Prayer all the way for me! God has truly renewed me through this long process! Now God has built an even more firm foundation of my Faith in the Almighty One!

For the ones who don't feel the stuff I'm feeling, I really urge you to ask god will all confidence for whatever you want and have faith & patience! I'll pray for you too! Just believe because if God has decided to me, a King of Failure, then I am sure he'll answer you with a Big "YES"!
Amen to that!

Suffering with Christ Jesus

“Lord if you would, allow me to suffer with you through the rest of lent until you rise from the dead!"


Well this is what I asked god on the 5th Sunday of lent! I don't know exactly why I asked god this but I guess I felt that I had failed god in the time of lent and I just wanted this lent to really be memorable for me. It was a desire in my heart actually to suffer with Christ through the last part of lent.

I mean there had been alot of joy throughout the latter part of 2007! But I don't know why but in many ways that 2008 hasn't really kicked off yet for me in terms of the everlasting joy part! I'm not denying at all the many joys I received through the Birthday celebrations, the SJS rally, the awesome revival within my ministry through our much improved sessions, god's hand working within me as I studied and good results of course. But there's always been this void within my heart and I guess in the time of lent, it was made really clear and the void became bigger and bigger as the days of 2008 progressed.

I guess the main reason was the lack of everlasting joy in my life. I'm not saying that there was no joy, because there was but it just kept decreasing and decreasing. It also didn't help that Lent came earlier this time in 2008. As joy kept decreasing, so did grace and likewise for my patience with people although some may say that its total rubbish that my patience for people decreased but it’s true. Last year, it was a complete joy for me to help blind people and also those people within our groups whom we always try to avoid talking to. But last year without fail, the first thing I would do was to be with the ones whom everyone makes an outcast but this year, I just haven't got the patience to listen to these people. Many times this year when I talk to people that are just going on and on about what people keep telling me to do, I would just get so frustrated and impatient with them. I don't even take the time to listen to them. Its part of the grace which has been missing this year, which is also part of the reason why I feel that I've failed to serve god this lent!

But I guess this happened for a reason. Nevertheless, I told god about how unworthy I am to be a servant of god! So I guess that’s the reason for me to desire to suffer with Christ Jesus for the rest of lent!

And suffering has been so difficult so far after only 1 week! But god came to rescue me yet again, through my wonderfully awesome cell who were there for me on Saturday when we had cell group sharing! And it was the simplest stuff of just listening to me being there for me. For me that meant so much! That has now given me the strength to go deeper into this time of suffering and spend more time in prayer to be with the lord especially for this holy week. As this week will be a very solemn week for me.

Although many may not understand why I need to go through but I request that you keep me in your prayers,

“For this week, my deepest heart’s desire is to suffer with Christ Jesus!”

Amen!

PS: Thanks so much to my cell for everything! Every single one of you has helped me so much!

Hang in there, Child

Its just been really extremingly tough in this lent. Although there have been some really joyful times like the rally! But on a personal note, Its just been so difficult.

Before lent came, I asked god to allow me to really experience Lent well and I guess in many ways to experience the journey Jesus had to go through. My gosh, did God answer my prayers or what. I have had to experience a journey where I've been pushing and fighting for god although I have fallen so many times. Its been even more difficult because of the lack of joy and happiness. It is only now that I realise how much I miss myself being joyful and happy. And many times in the past, I have asked myself if the joy is from god or from just me wanting to be happy always.

The answer is that its is 110% from god! I have experimented on this cause there've been morning where I have pushed to have joy by waking up early to pray and enjoy the sun (Please take note that its my holidays). But ultimately, I just haven't been able to feel the joy I experienced in the past especially on fridays. So sorry to the lovely people who haven't received any friday morning cheers for so long. There've been many times when I've wanted to sms joy msgs but there was no joy to share. And I miss sms-ing all of you so much. I really can't describe how much struggles and pain I've been through in the time of Lent! Futhermore, I have missed my cell people so much. But I guess that this is part of my journey of lent!

I'm also very dissapointed with myself for venting out my frustrations and anger at god for all the struggles, pains and voids left in my heart. There's been so many times when I got angry with god. And now thinking about it, its really unfair to god.

But I just have been assured by god that there is a need to go through this struggles in order to move onto the next stage of my journey with Jesus! With that, I am encouraged to hang in there and draw closer to god though there are many voids of happiness to be filled. Hang in there is the message!

With this message, I am sure that come Easter, there will be a big blast of celebrations and joy! I pray that we all hang in there and draw closer to god! Amen!

The Holy Spirit moves at SJS rally

Amazing and awesome are the words to describe the success of the SJS rally! I mean really, it was just so amazing especially the P&W! The Holy Spirit moved and never stopped as the youths at the rally opened up more and more as the rally progressed! God's hand was at work!

For me, it was the 1st time to lead a group of youths in such great numbers! I was just so nervous about how to start things off! Never did such a big crowd before! But god was my strength all the way! God said to me many many times before the rally, “Mark, I’ll be behind you all the way. Do not fear, but trust in me!” And basically this was what I’ve been cling onto all the way, I just went in faith without fear as I knew god was there!

As the time came for the rally to start, all the youths were really noisy and all, then I was thinking how would I be able to calm everyone down. Yes, god saved me again when he sent Father Brian to do it for me. Once he calmed everyone down, he gave me the microphone. Here was a 20 year old servant of God standing in front so many youths in the church. There were just so many youths and then, God said, “Mark, its time! Let’s go!”

So I started and all with my short sharing and prayer. Throughout the whole worship, I saw the expressions of so many youths forms of worshipping god change. At first, they were just singing, next some started to sing with real emotion and desire. Soon some even started to raise their hands as their worshipped god! That was when I knew that the Holy Spirit was moving within this amazing group of youths.

I really thought that I’d never see this day but, here I was leading youths in worship and they were all actually worshipping god! That itself was a testimony! But that’s not the end! The musicians were really awesome as they too moved in the spirit of worship! The musicians told me after the P&W that they too were touched by the spirit as they too were able to worship god through the music they played! And as worship continued, I really felt god touch the hearts of many of the youths out there especially when we sang the final song, “How great is our God”.

And you know in worship, if you feel the presence of god throughout the worship, after the worship ends, you just want to hug god and say thanks for being here with us. Well that was the exact feeling within the church among the youths when the worship ended. I could see and feel that we were all able to worship god and not just have a rally of singing P&W songs!

And this was the risk; I took when I was planning for the rally’s P&W. You know how in other rallies, worship leaders normally try and try to allow everyone to encounter entering worship. Well this was the aim from god given to me, and of course God succeeded! I just truly believe that everyone was touched by the Holy spirit at the rally!

Anyway moving on, after the P&W, the talk was given by Father Mike & Father JJ on “Being a catholic youth”. It all connected really well. After the talk, we had adoration where I lead everyone in preparation for the adoration done by Father Brian! It was amazing yet again I must say!

Finally we concluded the rally with 3 praise songs where the youths were just wildly praise god wholeheartedly! Everyone was so so happy!

After the end and all, I received many affirmations from many youths! It was so amazing and I just feel so blessed by god!

Thanks to everyone for your support and prayers! Amen!

PS: Pics from the rally will be updated later! Haven’t received it yet!

Revelation on Sexual Sin

This is a really awesome revelation despite the busy schedule where all credit is due to the Almighty One! It’s a revelation which is fitted so rightfully in this time of lent! It’s a revelation on the "Desire of Sexual sin". Well this comes from someone trying for numerous attempts of being pure! This revelation might be more for the guys but I hope it relates to the girls too! Well you how so many of us struggle with sexual sin.

For most of us:

• It’s the sin which prevents us from being in touch with god and also prevents us from being used by god as his instrument to the fullest potential!
• It’s the first sin we think about which makes us think about when the word "Unworthiness" is brought to our minds!
• It’s the sin which weighs our hearts down the most and also the sin which destroys our lovely souls the most.
• It’s the sin which many of us would blame for corrupting our minds.
• It’s the sin many of us would blame god for.
• It’s the sin where many of us would blame god for creating that part of our body used to commit that sin!
• It’s the sin where many of us would blame the computer for.
• It’s the sin which makes us cry so much deep within our hearts and which practically kills us sometimes!
• It’s the sin that many of us don't want to deal with and also the sin which we call undefeatable!

And time and again, we go to confession to confess the same sin and many a time we'd tend to think whether the same priest we go to for confession would judge us especially if we're leading a group or something. Many of us search for books to help educate and gives us revelations about our bodies to keep us free from this sin! We are all constantly searching and searching for way to defeat this sin! We are also constantly coming out with plans and strategies to defeat this sin! But almost every time we fail and we fail not-stop! And as we continue failing in this, we just give up after awhile and stop trying until the sin becomes a part of whom we are! After we just conclude that, "God, I love you and all but this sin is undefeatable. Sorry to tell you that, but god that’s the fact about it, but its true. I've tried and tried but I can't win and now I'm going to give up and accept it!" Many of us might be in this place and many of us might still be battling with this as we just try and try to draw close to god. Can this sin be defeated?

Well God is here to save you from wherever you are and from whatever state you are in! He is going to take you and free you and strengthen you! God calls us to be holy & pure and blameless before him! Now this is a fact and it’s true! It’s said in "1 Thessalonians 4:3-5". And we all know that closeness we all have with god when we remain free from this sin, we all know that it feels like heaven!

God has called us to go deeper into why we even commit and fall into this sexual sin. Why do we even fall into the trap of Satan of this sin? The word is desire! Many of us desire to have that sexual pleasure for that short period of time! And it’s the evil one who brings us into this trap! The answer to all this is, "TO LET GO". Yes this is what god calls us to do, we need to let go of this area of our life. You know how we all desire so much to see the face of God; well this is the same thing. We all desire for this sin and we don't want to let go of the short time of sexual pleasures we get from this sin. We just need to let go. That's all!

And for many us may be struggling to let go of this. But what do we desire more, GOD or Sexual sin? If we don't have strength for this, not to worry cause god is here yet again to help us through this! We all pray that god will take away this desire for sexual sin and increase our desire for god! Amen!

PS: As I was typing this, I was really shivering but I am so happy that god has revealed this. I feel so honored that god has revealed it to me! I really hope we benefit from this. Girls please pray for us guys and we too shall pray for you! Thanks! Praise be to god!

Amazing Grace

Amazing grace was what I've been experiencing over the past 2 weeks. Its been a really jammed packed 2 weeks with exams and all. But I must say that in these 2 weeks was the time when god was ever so present. Before the 2 weeks started, I talked to the Lord and was discussing with him what I need to do the most due to the busy schedule! After much talking and analysis, I concluded that the preparations for exams & the SJS rally I'm leading worship in. These were the 2 most important stuff at that point. I really haven't had much time to chill out and all but to really focus on this stuff. I think during this 2 weeks was really a test in include god in all of it and also make him control everything!

The preparations for the rally have been really good. We are all set for Saturday night at SVDP church. And spiritual preparations have been good but tough too. I've been struggling too with sin but god has been reminding me not that, "Mark, I've got your back!"

The exams side of stuff, I have got to say and testify that God works even as you're studying so hard. Some of you might think that it’s impossible, that god's work only comes in when you're done with the exams and just leaving god to do the rest, but it’s been different man! Throughout my studying for whatever module, there's been numerous times when I just got so angry and frustrated on not being able to find the answers of some really tough questions. At this point, I would be cursing and swearing at times. God would just say, "Calm down Mark, Take a breather & try again." I felt that throughout this process of studying, god was present so many times in so many areas. Like all the prayers that were said for me, was the reason which gave me the strength to study so hard. The perseverance that god provided for me lead me to get all my answers right. And lastly, my faithfulness to prayer, lead me to being close to god despite the business which was the most important!

There was 1 incident where I was studying for my final paper which was my 2nd toughest paper of all. I was studying for that after my Tuesday morning paper and I could do everything but I could do 3 things. So I went for mass and told god that I needed his help for these 3 things. So that night when I was studying, I still couldn't find the answer. After struggling and struggling, I just gave up and went to sleep! Then the next day in the afternoon, as I was studying, I still was struggling. Then god said to me, "Look closer into that chapter." I was thinking and telling god, "The page is almost in my face", but I listened to god. The problem was that I was studying on something called, "Moment of inertia", and there's a formula for this and it was something divide by 64. But In some other pages of the book, it would divide by 32, and I couldn't understand when to apply which one. But as god told me to look closer, I found out that to find "moment of inertia", you have to divide by 64 but for "polar moment of inertia"; you need to divide by 32. He lead me to realising the difference which was a hugh factor in doing well for this module!

And after this incident, I just knew that god was absolutely with me all the way! I praise god for everything especially for this amazing grace that he has when he does his wonder! Thanks to all the wonderfully awesome people praying for me throughout my exams. It helped sustain me! Amen!

Lent for me

Well things have been quite a rush as the exams approach as well as the SJS rally. Alot of good time management has been the key for everything to work out. As the aim has been to please everyone as much as possible also. But Lent is here!

Been thinking about lent quite abit and also what I want to do about it and also what to do. Everyone's giving up something to experience lent in a better way. I was reflecting about how unjoyous i have been always but during lent, because of my sacrifice of not listening to praise & worship songs for the time of lent, its been really hard to be joyful and all. And I guess in many ways that what god want me to do is to grow more joyful through him as in through prayer! So this lent is basically really growing much more deeper through prayer.

But knowing me, that normally isn't the only experience to go through during lent. Lent has also called for me to take a 2nd look at what I'm doing and also whether all my actions and words are reflecting who Jesus Christ really is. Although perfection can never be acheived, I'm also determined to improve the areas where I haven't given to Christ!

But besides all this reflective thoughts, things with ministry has been looking good and prospective. YV (Youth Vineyard) has been having much better sessions and also that our core team is becoming closer and plus, we are looking more and more of a ministry than a group. I really see god's hands working in all this. Its really been all his works. And of course he's moulding me still. God is really making me more understand and sensitive towards others feelings.

Finally really unknown exciting news. Well I just am so sure that in this time of lent, god is preparing a real big blasting thing as i prepare in this time of lent. I'm really clueless about this but its seems like something worth preparing for. Maybe its the SJS rally!

PS:Prayer request for my exams starting next friday,22nd February!

Set the Spirit of God ablaze!

This was the sight at the "Hearts on Fire" rally. During worship and basically throughout the whole time of the rally, the spirit of god was set ablaze throughout. And it was really a wonderful sight to see everyone really praising & worshipping this everlasting god! And it just felt like people from different ministries just coming together as a body of Christ to worship god!This links to what god said to me at the new year midnight mass after I received in communion,

"All ministries & communities shall come together to worship and praise me, your god! Especially in this year!"

This year is really looking very very bright filled with love and especially the holy spirit!

But the fun and joy didn't start at the rally, yes there was more joy before this! On saturday, cell group sharing and worship was simply excellent! After practicing the song "Everlasting God" for so long, God & myself have worked together to get it right, plus we had a ball of fun playing it for cell! Well becks lead in worship and I played the guitar. The other songs were ok but when the final song "Everlasting God" came, I just knew that god had sent the holy spirit in me to help me for the ending. And it was really amazing man, suddenly everything sounded so pleasing and all. I was just in total awe of god. At the ending of the song, God just said to me in great joy,"Yes man, we did it together!".

After all the wonderful saturday, I was just wondering what was installed for me on sunday. So my ministry session started with myself leading in worship and it was really wonderful yet again as the spirit of god was so present throughout and we all had a really good time of worship yet again! Then, Paul so kindly gave a talk on "Discovering ourselves" but yet again the holy spirit worked so wonderfully through him by diverting the talk to first discovering who our creator is first. It was all too good man! After that, we had 2 individual ministering and yes the holy spirit did wonders yet again. Amen to the holy spirit!

After all that, Paul and myself met sury, angele, van & becks for lunch, after which we went to CJC. We were all part of the ministering team for the rally. We had mass and all. When we entered the auditorium for the start of the rally, it was so special man with so many youths gathered! I just knew it would be a special night in the name of God! It was so special for all who came!

Finally to end of this post, "Friends now that we are set ablaze through the holy spirit, let's not live ordinary lives anymore but let's live for god and prove to the world that Jesus is alive in us and that He is the Lord of our life!" Pray for me too that I will be able to be a light of christ for everyone too! Amen Amen Amen in Lord Jesus name!

Back and renewed

Back & renewed is what is going through my mind through the Leadership Formation Module by SACCRE! It was simply amazing, but it might not be appealing to everyone. Its was something that I was really yearning for and so wonderfully did god's servant, Charles Whitehead who gave so many wonderful teachings for all the leaders who came! Its yet again a process of being renewed!

Actually when Sury invited me to go, I was really excited about all of it but at the same time, I wondering who Charles Whitehead was and like whether it was worth to go for this and also that I needed to fast abit to come out with the $15 registration fee. So I was there on Saturday at the start of the whole programme, I ask myself this, "Why am I here man? Like what can I possibly learn from this?" Then I spoke to god for a bit and then concluded that there's a reason that god brought me here, so I'll receive with an open heart and I'm sure god had a reason for instilling in me a heart of excitement when I heard this was organized. So ya from there, I just listened and received whatever god wanted to say through Charles Whitehead.

As the talks got on, the topics were what the Catholic Charismatic Renewal (CCR) was all about. And from there I was able to really learn more and more about the CCR. Then during a time of worship, I was just reminded by god on how the timing for myself to be receiving the gift of tongues was just all so perfect. The timing to receive it has been really so perfect! It was a also a reminder that god might be calling me to this area too and maybe in future to lead in this area too. I really learnt so much stuff and how real the Holy Spirit was in this world today and not only in the Catholic Church but also in the other churches in the world like the Anglican, Methodist & evangelical churches too! And slowly god was drawing me closer and more interested in this area too.

On Sunday, the talks were even more amazing as the topics were more on a deeper level of leadership and the part which I loved most was how the pope has been supporting the CCR and also how the CCR has proved to everyone that this is the new move of god working the universal church! And all this wasn't something entirely new as through the past few weeks, god has been preparing me for this although I didn't realize it at all! And as I listened more and more, I just felt that this was the mission god has set for me. He really wants everyone to be more filled and refilled with the Holy Spirit!

It all links with one of my main visions for the followers of JESUS which is that there is be a day when "Every knee will bow and every tongue confesses that Jesus is lord. Also that everyone will really worship god in their daily lives!" I'll have to blog on all the other stuff I learned during this amazing weekend! But for now let's work to towards this!

A leader and servant for Christ

This is want I want to do for this year! To be a leader and especially a servant for Christ! And I must say that the fruits of the plans of god are really surfacing already. Starting with my ministry in YV, we had our AGM last Saturday and it was by far the best one we've had in our 3 years of existence! I chaired the meeting and it was really awesome. I could really feel the desire in everyone to do something about their relationship with god and there were so many points brought up about deepening and growing in the walk with god. And I just am so sure that God has said this year to go out more to spread his love and word. He is continuously telling me that this year, we evangelize like never before and to not be afraid to proclaim of god's glory!

Its just something that has been the message for me, "This year, people are desiring for god more and so talk about me, your lord. For it'll be easier this year to bring more people closer to god!" And so I guess in many ways, it's also the perfect time for me to serve the people of god. In the past, I guess god has been forming me deep within and changing my character but I always thought that its all useless cause like nobody actually notices and affirms me but this year, its just been overflowing, with all the affirms and joy. Its just been great as long as I remain in God, which proves the verse from the bible, "Remain in me and I will remain in you!".

And before the year started, during my cell group, we had a time praying for each other and also asking god for a word for our partner. There was once when Gavin said that the last time I lead in worship for an event was REACH which was a small Praise & Worship mini rally thing where only 30+ people came and I was a tiny little disappointed about that. But now Gavin saw a vision that I was worship leading again but this time, there were much more people out there and they were all worshipping god in such a deep way. And yes this vision will come true on the 1st of March, when I worship lead at the Shine Jesus Shine rally at St. Vincent de Paul church at 7.30pm. And its something that I only realized recently. You know when Gavin told me that vision, I was thinking, "Oh man, there's going to be alot of planning and all!, but then I never realized that it would be at a district level cause I had the mindset that it would be just parish level!" So ya its really amazing and exciting although my poly exams are during the week before the Saturday when the rally will happen.

But here's the best part, I'm really not worried at all! In the past, I would be really scared and all of exams but ever since I entered poly, God has changed my mindset in the way that, "I'll just do my best and god will take care of the rest as long as I remain in him!" I will testify that this is really true cause last semester, I barely even studied and I did well. Another occasion was in December for my term tests when I was the busiest with all the planning for the youth camp as main IC and all. Even for this one I barely even studied and still god so wonderfully gave me good results! But at the same time, this doesn't mean that I don't have to study, but god always makes sure that I know what happening for all my modules but its really all god!

And so I truly want to be a leader and servant for Christ and my aim is to bring glory to his name and to bring people to him and be able to experience him intimately EVERYDAY! And its possible cause I experience him everyday intimately! Although many would say it’s impossible, the awesome thing about god is that for him nothing is impossible! So let's love more and give glory to god more!

So all of you must come for the rally!

Shine Jesus Shine Serangoon district rally

Date: 1st March, Saturday
Time: 7.30pm
Place: St. Vincent de Paul Church
Theme: Trust

The extremely blessed 20th birthday

God has been so generous and awesome throughout my birthday! I mean really awesome! When the new year started, I was wondering and talking to god on how my 20th birthday would be like. And i guess I thought to go into it with an open mind and not to expect anything at all. I just felt that it would be the best way to go into it as then there would be less dissapointment.

Throughout last week, my birthday celebrations started on tuesday with a dinner at "New York New York". Then on wednesday, it was with josie with a nice chat and pleasant suprise. This was more simplicity, so it was extra special. I guess the talking took alot of the highlights. Anyway when friday came, I was so suprise when my mum and sister came beside me and sat by my bedside to wake me up at 6.30am. Then they didn't say anything by just tapped me and showed me the bible I've been wanting to get for the longest time. Although it felt like a dream! I was so happy and what a way to start my 20th birthday! And then as usual, throughout the day I received SMSs from various people not forgetting lovely elaine's call right on time at 12 midnight which was such a suprise and it was a really sweet thing to do. Anyway the day went by with school and in the afternoon, I had to do a electronics project at home. What a time to be doing a project, which took about 3 hours. Anyway then I went for Amplify session at CSC. At that time, I was feeling a little stangnant due to the stress of the project caused earlier. So I boldly asked god to give me joy on my special day because I really wanted to be happy although I was feeling unworthy to ask him but nevertheless, god gave me grace to ask him boldly and yes of course, he gave me joy and happiness as soon as I reached CSC. And as soon as I saw Becks at CSC, she wished me and wonderfully told everyone its my birthday and yes they all sang a birthday song. Thanks becks, really appreciate it! The session by Dom on Worship was really good too. We had a good supper too after that to end 11 January!

On saturday, Jeanette treated me to a really awesome birthday lunch at Billy Bombers. The burgers were simply awesome! Then at YAM session in the evening, Angele & Elaine planned the whole suprise of the cake and all. Also take into consideration of the fact that I haven't been coming for YAM sessions recently too. So ya it was all really awesome from all the suprises everyone gave me. I was totally blown away so much. I really appreaciate them all so so much! Thank you daddy god for such beautiful suprises and experiences I received as I turned 20! Thanks to YV, Becks, Pris, YAM, my lovely family, all who messaged and wished me and especially Elaine and Angele! Love all of it loads!

The exciting 20th birthday

Well the big 20th birthday is just an hour away! Can't believe that it's just an hour to 11 January! And plus my birthday's on a friday! And I don’t know why but I just so excited to turn 20, really not sure why but just very excited and happy to turn 20! I also don’t know why but for the past few days, I just have been forgetting my birthday so much! It‘s like, I’ll plan my whole week and then ask myself, “Hey then what about Friday, what should I study on or like what time should I go to church? Then I’ll like tell myself, “Mark, It’s your Birthday man! Like did you forget?” And this has been happening for a few times man!

I guess it’s also because people have been celebrating my birthday for the past 3 days, like on Tuesday night, it was YV and then last night, it was Josie but don’t think for a second that I’m complaining cause I’m just so happy that I’m so loved and that people care for me and also remember my birthday! And all thanks to my lovely god! Thanks god!

Have a heart for my ministry!

Just yesterday, I had a meeting with Father Brian to discuss about the SFX youth ministry but it was more about my group, “The Youth Vineyard”. After all the issues and all, he kept saying that I should try to detach myself from my other stuff like my outside cell and maybe go less for the Amplify sessions, or maybe to go less for my outside cell and not detach all the way. After hearing this, I got a little upset and all because it was part of being faithful and obedient to my main ministry which was SFX! But I still knew that it was something that I need to do, although its really hard cause I guess to some extent, I love the people from my outside cell and Amplify more than the people from SFX! I feel that the reason is also cause you know I’m able to really share deep stuff with them but for SFX, it is more of try to understand their situation first and then advise them and also maybe cause I get less unpleasant remarks with the people from Amplify & my outside cell! So after all that Father Brian said, you know I just felt that I should be obedient and listen!

But as I was alone for a short while before I met Josie, I just talked to god and asked him whether this was what he really wanted me do or did I misinterpret his message for me? And I just continued to pray and then god replied and said,

“Mark, my message for you today wasn’t about obedience. Instead I want to have a heart for your ministry in St. Francis Xavier Church. Many leaders make the mistake of just doing their ministry and not having a heart of love for their ministry and people in it. But for you, I want to love everyone whom I send you to minister or serve. I know it’ll be hard but with my grace, you can do it! I don’t want you to just do and do but to actually first have a heart for all of them especially your main ministry, “The Youth Vineyard”. Love them the way you love your other brothers & sisters in Christ from Amplify & your outside cell. Once you do this continuously, all the rest will fall in place because you will put your main ministry above anything else!”

And after hearing this, I felt so good because god gave me a really good message it was really lovingly and gently put to me! And that is what so amazing for me! After all this awesome stuff, I met Josie at Bishan Coffee Bean where we met to talk. Yet again god another surprise when Josie decided to get a slice of cake since my Birthday was Friday! And we had such an awesome time just talk about all that had happened over the last few days and I just felt the Holy Spirit guiding our every word of conversation! Its all so awesome!

The true saving power of God!

Well just the other day, I was reflecting about the spiritual dryness that I just experienced. And then I was just asking myself this, “Like did you even experience the spiritual dryness because it was just too short to actually be considered one! Although it felt like one but still, it was really short and all. I mean there were other friends of mine who experienced it for a much longer period, something like 6 months.” After just questioning myself on that I just asked god, “God, was I even experiencing Spiritual dryness?”, although I didn’t hear him reply, but I felt him telling me that it was be cause I pleaded with him to save and despite not being able to feel him, I still pleaded in full faith and god knew this would happen so he gave me the grace, strength & perseverance to do it!

As I continued to reflect, I began to realize the true saving power of our awesome god. I was in such a state of awe when I soon discovered that god who is like the one who created this whole world, chose to actually listen to this small person and actually accept him plea to give me joy again. After just thinking about all of this, has just made me so so special & loved. And sometimes we might be really so dishearten by the stuff that people do to us or say to us but you there is one thing that we should know which is that our god loves us so much and that whatever situation you’re in, god will save you cause his saving power is real and powerful. It’s something that nobody can stand against especially the evil one! Amen!

The renewed desire for god

Well on this Monday morning, I started the week on a very troubling note with my heart troubled as I was still going through the period of spiritual dryness and it was causing alot of pain deep within my heart. But the funny thing about all of the struggles was that god still gave me the graces to ministry work on Sunday but the battle was really on Saturday and Sunday night and also during prayer when I really couldn't feel god's presence and because of that, I had been feeling huge amounts of pain in my heart. But last night, as I prayed, I pleaded with god to speak to me and also to allow me to come back to that heart of worship which was a place of joy & love and also the ability to feel god's presence all day! I also asked god to reveal his purpose for this spiritual dryness real soon. Lastly, I asked god to give me joy soon so I could enjoy my Birthday on Friday! After all these prayers, god just kept saying, "I am with you in your struggles." These have been the same words he's been telling over the weekend in all my struggles! Although these are really good assurances for me, I told god that this wasn't enough for me. And throughout this whole process, I wasn't alone as Pris Tan, Becks & Lydia were helping by talking and praying for me all the way!

Anyway this morning as I was struggling still especially on my way to school, I asked god to give the grace yet again to get through the day. But on the way to school, I felt that my spiritual dryness was decreasing really slowly but I didn't want conclude because this experience has really been fluctuating alot where sometimes it would be good but most of the times were times of struggle. Anyway I got through the day and had already planned to go the adoration room after school at about 8 to really just sit down and talk to god. At this point, I knew, I'd be much better after my silent time as that was sort of god's message throughout my day.

During my silent time, god reveal quite abit to me.

1) He said that I had to depend on him more and to just plan whatever and leave the outcome for god to take care.

2)Then he said that he wants me be to pave the way and to lead them to the path for him to work in the lives of those I meet everday, especially in my new cell and also in the Youth Vineyard & the youths in my parish. As he said this, he reminded me about my mission which "was to lead those in darkeness to light where the Light is Christ Jesus himself!"

3) He continued to reveal that its was only through this time of spiritual dryness that he was able to increase and renew my desire for the joy I felt throughout the latter part of 2007 and that he didn't want me to take for granted this joy in the lord & to continue to spread this joy to all whom I meet! He said that "The joy I find in the Lord shall be my strength everyday!"

4) Finally he said that he wants me to continue to come and spend silent time more often in a week. That this is the year when he moulds me to be rooted in prayer as I continue serving his people even more this year!

I'm not really sure if the time of spiritual dryness is over but I know that I just have to cling on to god and remain faithful in prayer. Through this experience, god has taught me to throw away my pride and to never be afraid to be weak and appear struggling cause its ok!

Lastly, I really wanna thank all those who were praying so hard for me especially Pris Tan, Becks, Lydia & everyone else who prayed for me! Thank you so so much! I appreciate you’ll loads! Love ya'll! Continue to pray for me and I pray for everyone of you'll too! Praise you O God Almighty! Amen!

The tough start to the new year

Its been a very tough start to the new year as I've been experiencing spiritual dryness which has been happening for about 2 weeks already. And throughout the whole weekend, I had stuff planned and it was really difficult to enjoy the company of everyone but I just hung onto Jesus with all my strength and through his beautiful grace, I was able to manage to have a good time with my cell yesterday. So while enjoying the company of everyone, I managed to talk to Pris Tan, Becks & Sury at different times for a short while about my struggles and all the battles & confusions faced through this period of spiritual dryness, so I guess it help a little bit.

But as yesterday drew to a close, I felt that the battle would come around when I was alone and it would be really tough! And so when I was on my way home last night, I was really in a state of struggle and I just talked to god on how I can move on from this state, and I felt god just saying that I had to go through this experience to carry on in ministry and I guess in alot of ways, its a transition stage of growth from me. But last night was so difficult and painful as I went through the period of struggle. I kept talking to god but after awhile it was just too painful to bear and then I went to sleep.

In the morning as I was at mass, I lifted up the feelings I was feeling. But you see the whole difficulty about this ongoing experience was that I didn't know what was blocking. So i just lifting up whatever I thought would be a blockage for me, and I remembered that as I was talking to Pris tan last night, she said to learn to breathe more. And as I was thinking about that, I thought that maybe its all the coming hectic schedule and huge number of responsibilities that was the block and as I lifted that up at the Eucharistic celebration, I was complaining to god about who I'd be able to pass the burdens of these responsibilities cause nobody would take this load for me, then god just replied me and said, "Ok then give me this load, I'll take it for you. You just relax!". And throughout the whole of today, god just said for me to plan whatever for my new cell, the youth vineyard and also whatever i had to plan but at the end of it all, he told me not to worry about the outcome, which made me realise that I needed to entrust more to god! This helped a bit throughout the day as god lavished his grace upon me throughout the day, so that I could be able to have a good Sunday with my session and also the youth council meeting in the afternoon.

But as usual, when the day came to a close, I realized that there's still this battle of spiritual dryness that I was facing. Even to this point of typing out this post, I am still cling on to god as I'm struggling in this very difficult time. But I just know that I need to get through this. But I just don't know how long it'll be before I can feel the awesome joy again which is something that I'm really desiring for.

So please bear with me everyone as I struggle and also to those struggling, just cling onto god and talk to your close friends cause we need help and support during this tough time. Just thrown away the pride of what others would think of you. My dear friends, please pray for me as this week, there's alot happening like my first new cell meeting, district meetings yet again and also the beautiful birthday on Friday when I turn 20. I really wanna pray that I'll be able to enjoy my birthday at least so pray for me! Thanks so much!

Be patience for this year of Harvesting!

Well today I was reflecting in ado for the first time this year! But before that I was talking to father Brian about all my ideas for 2008 and then all of a sudden, I felt that you know my ideas were very large scale for our parish and that all the ideas I had were more for the District level! I felt abit irritated after that cause like I was quite excited about all the ideas I had! It was like, I was so sure that SFX could lead the way but I guess god had other plans. Then I started to think about the talk about this year being a great year and all but like this wasn't the response I needed!

So well, I went to ado to reflect on all the ideas and also on all that happened! As I was reflecting, I felt god telling me to be patient and do the work of god according to God's time not mine! After hearing that, I just sat and was silent and still as I wait on god to speak. Although it was a little difficult to concentrate at first but after awhile I just kept picturing a clear white sight. After being silent for about 10 minutes, God said to be patient for this year is a year of harvesting and that means to be lead the way to build up leaders for the future and also to guide the people who are new in this walk with the Lord! Then god went on to say that "In practical terms, my focus should be on the new cell group that I'm setting up in SFX and also to focus on my community, the Youth Vineyard as they all need guidance and that does't all mean to be planning big and huge events!" After that I realized that I wanted to fulfill my plans and not god's plan but thankfully, god redirected me to the path he has set for me at least for now!

As I continued to reflect, god continued to speak to me and he revealed that this is the year for us to prepare as more Leaders will rise up and also that more will start to follow Christ and that God wants me to guide them especially when they fall! After all these plans that had been set by god for me, god confirmed it with a sign which I have many a time used to confirm the revelation god reveals to me! And its working really fast because my first new cell meeting will be next Thursday and I'm just so excited! This new year is really starting reveal this exciting but simple stuff and the best part is that its only the 2nd day of the new year! We still have 363 day of exciting stuff still! Amen to that!

How do I know what god reveals to me?

Well for many years, I've always wondered how people find out what god reveals to them! Like does god really speak to them aloud or something and like what is the sound of his voice? And throughout my 4 years of youth ministry, I always wondered if god would ever speak to me on a regular basis, because there were like once or twice when he told me the name of my youth group, but I always want god to talk to me everyday!

But for god to talk you, you need alot of stuff. Firstly, you need the desire to really want to know god and be more like him. We also need to pray and be rooted in prayer. Next, we need to practice talking to god regularly like every minute. We also need to be able to figure out what our heart is telling us and what our mind is telling us, where normally our mind tells us what we want hear but our heart is gentle and tells us the truth which is from god! I feel that the best thing that god has given us is our hearts, because that’s where god really speaks to us! But the sound of god's voice for everyone is different and he speaks to us all differently!

At first, I was really unsure of whether it was really god speaking to me and that brings me to the finally thing we need, which is a sharing group or a cell group where I've received alot of affirmation of the revelations and for this I wanna thank my cell cause every single one of them have played a part in all my revelations from god! So ya we need the support of fellow believers of Christ, cause its there we will get alot of strength to carry on striving for god and constantly changing ourselves in character to seek god better!

And when I'm unsure about something that god has revealed to me, I just claim in faith about the message from god as much as possible, I lift it up at the mass. And god always confirms the message through affirmations or messages from other but we must be really sensitive to the promptings of the Holy Spirit! Also patience is really important because god works in his time not ours! But even I have my failures and weaknesses as god is still molding me! Yup!

I hope this answers you petrina! Let me know! Thanks!

The awesome 2008 ahead!

Wow god is really awesome man! My New Year celebrations were quite good! I went to the SACCRE youth New Year party at IHM! It was so amazing meeting so many new people and also getting to know more people desiring to follow Jesus! I had the countdown with mass at IHM! I feel it really speaks about how my 2008 is gonna be like!

And even before i decided to go for the SACCRE youth New Year party, I was thinking like what purpose it'll be to go for the party. But throughout the party, a few of the Zion's joy people were like telling me that they were happy to see someone from SFX! Also they truly believed that there was hope for the youth ministry in SFX! Upon hearing that, suddenly I felt so honored to be a major part of god plans for SFX! Although i realized this a long time ago, it was only yesterday when I felt so honored and happy that god chose me among so many others to lead his people! So ya its awesome man!

As 2008 dawns on us, feel that this is the year when we need to go even further from where we are to bring Christ to others! So let's approach 2008 with lots of fire in our hearts! And Yes there'll be much more revelations from god to me, so keep checking out for more post! Amen!

Finally the New Year's Resolution

The New Year is like just a few days away and I've been wondering what my new year resolution is. I know for sure that its something about god. I think one of my main struggles this year has been, that whenever I wasn't praying much and not being close to god, I would a person who'd be very frustrated easily, cranky and impatient alot. Although I'll be conscious about this, I can't control it and at the end of the day, I'd be really angry and upset with myself for being so un-catholic. That's when people would be getting the worse from me, which isn't something I like to show people. People always know me as a person who's understanding, sensitive to others' feelings and caring. But not being close to god not only affects be emotionally but it also affects me spiritually. For those who know me, would know that I always like to be strong in my walk with the lord but when I'm not close to god, I get very very weak spritually and easily fall into sin and many times this happens especially when I least expect it, like after all camps and retreats.



So my New Year's resolution is to be more devoted to god, to rise to a higher level of prayer, to be more close to god and to be more loving, caring, sensitive to others' feelings, understanding & especially patient! I also want god to slowly reveal more of his gifts and revelations to me as I grow on this walk with the lord as a little child of god! Amen!

The surprising Xmas

This Christmas has really been one where I've been blown away by god and his lovely people. Firstly this Christmas, I didn't really prepare much both spiritually and physically and I only really felt the Christmas spirit on 23rd December so ya, I know its abit late but better late than never.

Anyway this year, I didn't write much cards. Well normally in past years, when I wrote for other people, the thought of whether the person I was writing to would ever write one for me would always come to my mind. But this year as I was writing the cards for the people, the thought didn't come to my mind. I made this realization only after receiving so many gifts and cards from other people after the Xmas midnight mass which I totally didn't expect to receive. Even to the fact of that my pockets of my blazer were so full and fortunately, I managed to get a bag to put all the stuff. I really wanna praise god for this cause it really took me by surprise to receive so much. Actually, I wasn't expecting to receive anything at all from anyone. Ya so its really amazing how God has transformed me into a different person this year.

And for this Xmas, I just asked god for 1 thing which was to have a good time at whichever parties I was going to. And I had a blast of a time at both parties, where the 1st party was my communities' party and the next was the amplify party at Iggy's house. And I just enjoyed everyone's company this time which was sufficient for me to have an awesome Xmas this year!

And I want to testify to fact that when we put ourselves last and ensure that everyone before us is happy and doing well, God will ensure that you receive back whatever you've given 100 times more. So to everyone out there, just give and give non-stop cause god will repay you back a 100 times more for all the effort you've put in! Amen!

The challenges to be faced for the great 2008 have been revealed!

Yes after all that has happened, an awesome YISS and the wonderful SFX youth camp. God had been so great and generous with his gifts and love, which made this past week more difficult to handle.

Well, what happened was that I experienced extreme spiritual dryness which started on Monday. I'm not really sure if it’s ended but it’s much better so ya that's the brighter side of things. This week was a real test of how much I really believe in this god. For the whole week, I kept trying and trying to seek him and find joy in him. I tried listening to worship songs and then praise songs, then tried going for mass and also tried the morning joy practice. But still it was the same. After trying and trying non-stop, I got very tired and just waited for my parish's penitential service for Christmas, even confessions didn't help much. At this state, it got really tiring, then I just asked god, "What is happening Lord?" and I just felt god telling me to wait on him and be patient and also felt that he'd reveal real soon.

This was extra tough on me because I've always felt that Spiritual dryness was something that I didn't really believe in and now it was happening to me and I guess god wanted me to experience it so that I could help those in this state in future. It’s always been the case for my experiences. God always lets me experience all the tough times so that I can help those who'll be experiencing this too. I guess this happens because god made me in such a way that I've gotta be strong and just trust. That's part of his master plan for me i guess.

Anyway, Friday came and I was really looking forward to my first Amplify Ministries Friday session. So ya despite all the struggles, god instilled this excitement within my heart. And when I reached CSC, I was greeted with such comfort from the Amplify people. So ya it was nice. As we started the session, P&W was good as usual. During P&W, god revealed quite abit to me. God revealed that the battles I was facing, were going to be the kind of battles I would be facing in 2008. God also said that "YES, next year will be a big year for us but that doesn't mean that the battles would just disappear." God also revealed that the spiritual dryness would be some of the battles I would face again in 2008! God went on to say that "He has already built his house in my heart and its a strong & firm house! That from now on, I need not fear if God is really there and that I need not doubt whether its really the voice of God talking to me, and especially in times of struggle, to just talk to him and trust in him" So this helped me feel much better and I felt joy again!

Then after P&W, we had a time of testimony for all that god had done for us in 2007! And yes I testified of how great god has been to me and I also shared the new mission god set for me, also not forgetting the awesome gift of tongues! So ya I'm back to the good old joyful ways! And I'm finally feeling happy and excited about the coming of Jesus Christ, the awesome and wholesome King! So ya it looks really good! I also wanna thank all who were listening to the Joy and struggles I received throughout the year especially my awesome CELL! Praise God!

The mission God has given me

God has spoken and said the mission that he's set for me. There's been many times that I've doubted this message from god but time and again, he's been confirmed it especially through some leaders at YISS and also the many experiences at the SFX youth camp!

"You shall lead those in darkness to show them how to get to the light where you have seen glimpses of my light! And those you shall lead will be the youths you shall see everyday, especially the youths in SFX!"

Well this is the mission that god has set for me and I'm not going wory cause I'm not the only one. God has so wonderfully sent Father Brian D'Souza to be my guide! Really friends how amazing is god! I truly believe that god always sustains his faithful, for if we remain in him, then he too remains in us!

"And I am made glorious in the sight of the Lord and my God is now my Strength."
Isaiah 49:5

I am just so happy that God has called me back despite my weaknesses and failures and more so to lead his people, is the best gift of all to be receiving! I just want to show all of you especially those in darkness or struggle that there is a brighter place from where you are! Really! I've only seen so little of it and there's so much joy and peace already! God is there with you! Just ask god for patience and grace to wait for him and let him enter your life and make him the centre of your life! Let him control your life and just leave it in his beautiful hands! AMEN!

The wonderful SFX Youth Camp

There's just been so many awesome stuff happening at YISS! God just being so real to me!

But on 13th June 2007, at the end of my community retreat, I asked god to grant me the wish of being the main IC of my next community camp. Then the idea of having a parish youth camp came about. I was telling god that it would be really hard to juggle everything and even if we have it, there wouldn't be much people responding to it. Then we started to plan and for 3 months, the youth council of SFX planned it and god blest us with a good response for the youth camp! And to my amazement, I was made main IC for the youth camp and my co main IC was my own community member! Throughout the past 3 months, I've had a really rush cause like got alot of stuff to remember but god has been the guide all the way, helping me to remember everything!

Jumping all the way to the week after YISS. This was the week where there was a real rush for everything because I had to study for my term tests and also i had to finish up whatever was necessary for the youth camp. Everyday from Monday to Thursday was quite a rush but I knew that god's hand was in all of this and also that the Holy Spirit was in me working. I tried very hard to squeeze in silent time but it was really very hard but I just took faith in the lord!

On the night before the camp, I had a dream that on the 2nd night of the camp which was the outpouring session, everything screwed up, where martin and his team weren't there and only sury was there. Then I woke up, feeling a little weird and then realized that I woke up late. So rushing everywhere, I took a cab to first pick up an amplifier from friend and when i reached church, I got off the cab with everything except the amplifier. Then I started to panic a little and after awhile, I just concluded that I'll work next year to pay off my friend. Really what drama on the first day of the camp for me! Then I went to pray in a quite room alone before everyone came and then concluded that all will be ok cause whatever happen to me, I know that what I have is my god and I know he'll never abandon me! Then I ended prayer and took all in faith!

As we started the camp, god gave me great joy and I just shared the joy with everyone at the camp! It was so awesome and exciting standing in front of everyone and just speak to them, it was like a dream come true man! Then about 2 hours later, my friend carried the amplifier into the session room during a time of P&W and then I just started to praise god. I feel like its cheating lah, how can like everything go my way! So awesome!

So as the youth camp went on, there was a desire in my heart which was for everyone in the youth camp to experience god. At that moment, I wanted so much for all the participants to experience god! I guess at that point I was really falling in love with all the participants which is rooted in the love of god! The feeling is just so amazing! And my sharing group was just so awesome man. I always thought why I kept reading the old testament of the bible this year and this time god showed me what the reason was, because my group asked like alot on the history books of the bible, like the time on how Moses saved the Israelites when he brought them out of Egypt. My sharing group was very curious about how god worked in the world from the very beginning of creation.

The youth camp gave me a chance to be a leader of Christ and also to practice the fruits of the Holy Spirit and really god has granted me my hearts desire to lead the youths of SFX to the light of Christ! To all youths, we shall all march on to seek the glory and light of god! AMEN!

The awesome YISS

What can I say about YISS? I went for YISS only looking for a tangible experience, I guess I didn't want to ask god for too much also. But at the back of my mind, I knew that one of my main fear was the outpouring session cause for this YISS outpouring session, it would be my 6th outpouring session and for every session, I'd ask god for the gift of tongues and every time, I wouldn't receive it. So I guess, I got tired and frustrated with god only in this aspect. For a very long time, I believed that god's saving power existed except for the Holy Spirit where for others are known as the most powerful area where god exists. I guess it's something, which I was too afraid of already at this state. So after awhile, I just concluded that god couldn't break through my defense of my inability to open up and also my too much thinking-mind. So as YISS started, all the participants received a very warm welcome for the service team. I guess that was a good start. The first day was good, quite normal, trying to be joyful about being here. But when the second day started, I felt a huge void in my heart and the worrying thing was that i didn't know why. So throughout the whole day, it was quite disturbing to be feeling this void. Then we had our silent time, but after trying to talk to god, I just gave up. After a while, I realized that it was my fear of not receiving god tangibly building up again. At that point, I just was very scared already. I ask god then, "Lord, what do you want me to feel now? Am I to be strong in this time of fear and struggle or do you just want me be weak and venerable in this time?”, then in my heart, I felt god telling me to just let go and talk to someone. Then I asked god, “Who lord, who will be able to help me? Nobody knows the fear I have? I been serving you for 4 years already in the youth ministry and its always about my faith and still I've not received you in a tangible way. So lord you tell me”. After that I saw Cassilda and I asked her if she was free to talk and then she said that she had to prepare for a session, so I just took it as the lord’s plan to be on my own now. Then after a few minutes, I saw Cassilda and Josey coming down the stairs as I was praying and talking to god at one of the silent time booths. As they walked down, I knew that they were coming to talk to me. As we talked, I just poured out everything about my fears of not receiving him tangibly. I was just telling them all the bad experiences I had for all my other 5 outpouring sessions.

After talking to them, I was feeling a little better, but my fears were still there. That night session was reconciliation and I didn't know how to prepare for it. After going for confession and all, there was a healing session where the service team would be praying over us. When they praying over me, I felt this huge and immense weight on my left calf and ankle & I felt god telling me that this was the weight that you are carrying and that's the weight of your burden. God asked me,” Will you let me bear it for you?" I just decided to sleep and end the day on a quite note.

As day 3 began, I started my day with an awesome bathe and went to a place where the sun was shining brightly and the trees were as green as ever. There I just talked to god and lifted up my whole day. As the day started, the Holy Spirit was the main focus, then yet again, the fear came back again and to make things worst, I felt god kept telling me that I'd receive the Gift of Tongues today. Although this was good news but my fear just kept growing. It was yet another disturbing day filled with fear. I went to talk to Cassilda and Josey where I like told them earlier in the day already so that there'd be no rush for things. I just kept telling them about how different I was throughout my life especially in the way that everyone receives the Gift of Tongues very fast but it's just been so long already for me. After about an hour plus had passed, both of them said that I'd receive the gift of tongues and they just kept saying that but I just couldn't believe them cause the mindset had built up that I was never going to receive the gift already.

Then I was silent for awhile, I had this picture, it was Jesus in the boat in a lake. I was on the shore and Jesus was a little far away from me. Then Jesus said, "Mark, will your take my hand?". But I told Jesus "No" cause I was just too fearful. Jesus kept asking me non-stop to take his hand and after 5 minutes, Cassilda told me,” Mark, what do you have to loose?", then after another 5 minutes, I said to Jesus I'll take his hand! After that both Cassilda and Josey said that I'll be receiving the gift of tongues NOW and they asked me if I wanted it? At that point, I was a little unsure. So we decided to flap our hands to relax and then pray. As I was praying, I felt a different experience. After praying, they told me that I received the gift and still I said that it can't be. So they decided to pray again but this they asked me to do the same thing I did previous which was actually praying in tongues. After praying, I finally believed that I had received THE GIFT OF TONGUES! The joy just kept overflowing after that! We then prayed again and then ended. All this happen before the outpouring session which made this even more awesome! So during the outpouring session, I was just praying in TONGUES and as I was prayed over, those praying over me kept saying that "The Joy of the lord that you have in your heart shall be your strength". I guess it was really confirming the joy and feeling I was having over the past few months and also confirming that it was the lord's hand in all of it.

So summing up everything, YISS was receiving the gift and also alot of affirmations of how I was living my life and god was telling me to continue desiring for him even more! Amen to that!



This is Josie(left) and Cassilda(right), the awesome leaders and followers of Jesus I met and are also the people whom god has blest me with as guided me through YISS. We actually met at the hospital while visiting Pris Tan. Really how wonderful is god!